To my Renvi,
How crazy it is of me that I have been writing random things for you again and you’re there, sleeping soundly, with a broken heart, because for the record, I’ve showed my intoxicating trait again — fighting with you without making sense.
Rev, you had just become my peace. I know for sure from myself that what we have right now is an amazing and soothing relationship that removes all our pain and stress away. And I believe that’s a good thing, because we’re supposed to be each other’s solitude, and that’s how we do it.
Rev, everything seems to be easy when I’m with you. I know we have just been dating for a while, but I can no longer imagine myself loving someone this huge. I dream about the future with you, how I wish it will really be you. You’ve made love be defined as easy, happy, and calm, just how I want it to be.
Rev, you were so far but you adjust for me. You were my complete opposite; you’re above and beyond. I am aware about my status in life and the way I look and how different our life is when compared. But you never made me feel that way. You showed me how love can be unbounded and that it doesn’t have any criteria that includes physical appearance and life status. And with that I am so grateful.
Rev, you always make me laugh. You make me laugh even with the least silly thing that you do. You make me laugh when I’m having a hard time. You’re turning bad days into good ones. You tranquilize the pain. How can I be able to find a person that can do those without exerting too much effort? See how unique you are.
Every memory that we had together has been cherished so much. I love it when you remember and you mention about the smallest of things, like how you remember what I said when we first met, how I reacted the first time I hopped in your car, or how peculiar my dialect sounds. It is just so amazing to find someone who keeps tiny details such as this. I feel valued.
Rev, I am sorry for all those times that I feel pain and pass them onto you. I am so sorry for being so afraid to lose you in the future, not realizing I was supposed to focus more on the present instead. Rev, I am sorry that I lack self-esteem that I push you away because of it; that I always assume about what will happen in the future without concrete basis. These things that have been bugging my mind affected me a lot, and I am sorry if I have hurt you. But it wasn’t my intention to. I never wanted to hurt the person that I love, because I’m supposed to exert all the love that I can while I still have the time.
Rev, I love you. I love you that I became too afraid that someone out there will be loving you and that you’ll love them back. I love you that it was so scary to imagine me being replaced. I love you that it frustrates me when I thought that you may leave. But I know that isn’t right and healthy. I must change.
Believe me when I tell you that I love you and I care for you because I really do. And with that I must learn to trust you more than my doubts and insecurities. I must focus more on what’s going on than the what ifs. Life will be very difficult for sure my love; life will throw everything at us until we get weak, but I know we won’t. Our love is way stronger than the rocks being thrown.
I love you and it keeps being stronger each day. Promise me you’ll be strong for me, I need you especially during my weakest state.