I am tired of being a human, i want to be cat now.
So mother who is the monster now?
Me, you or the circumstances?
Can we, for once, blame God
for being this selfish for a story.
It’s not just a bad night, it’s a bad life.
I thought our love was enough
to feed us both
but you came with an empty stomach
and hungry mouth
and with a tongue like razor
and with a body
that cuts through my bones
you hunt love
like a wolf devouring a deer.
Look, Mother! I can’t even fucking sleep now.
If you experienced trauma in childhood or had a rough childhood, dude listen to me. Offer yourself play. You were deprived of it.
Keep bubbles in the house, blow bubbles in the yard, blow them in your room, get a coloring book that doesn’t have to be an adult one with mandalas, watch cartoons, laugh at stupid things, dress up as a superhero for Halloween, wear a Santa hat on Christmas and big light up snowflake earrings, lay down on the floor, lay down in the grass, eat eggos for dinner sometimes. It’s not stupid. You’re not childish. You’re giving your inner child what they had taken from them. They deserve it.
This is called Reparenting if you are the sort of person who likes reading more about a techniques benefits (the type where a therapist fills the parent roll is super controversial for obvious reasons of crossing of boundaries between professional and personal but the self-reparenting seems to have much more general support)
Probably one the most helpful thing i read today
It’s a beautiful day to be depressed and stay in my bed.
So proud to announce that i am a failure.
Childhood? Which childhood?
The one that didn’t last?
The one in which you learned to be afraid …?
— Li-Young Lee, from “A Hymn to Childhood,” Ink Knows No Borders: Poems of the Immigrant and Refugee Experience
People like me don’t have a happy ending.
Me at 3 am: All my problem can be resolve if i just kill myself.
Me but with sarcasm: No shit Sherlock
- what’s wrong with you?
- Too much, too much is wrong with me.
Souvenir - Warsan Shire
and the hurt child will lose the fight
and it will go lurching off
into the suburbs, and it will cause
panic in drugstores and havoc
among the barbecues
and they will say Help help a monster
The Hurt Child - Margaret Atwood
Interviewer: What are your weaknesses?
Me: serotonin, dopamine.
Finally visit a psychiatrist and turns out that even medicine won’t cure my depression magically.