“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
Nice is meaningless. Is there merit? Is there humanity? Is there usefulness? Is there intellect? Is there responsibility, and thus consideration? Nice is worthless.
I was incredibly perceptive and ruthless as a kid. Understood that there were always lies and false info and terrible people out there in the world, and I must piece together the truth of reality while protecting my perceptions. Everything is an escalating cycle, I was careful about what to believe or to allow myself to validate about life. Not everything had access to me or was valid just because I encountered it.
I can learn and naturally do learn, and eventually perfect to mastery through intellect, all the best ways to live.
I can handle this.
I am perfectly good in my mind. I must simply allow myself to be without microanalyzing every phase of self like it negates all others. It’s not black and white or exclusive. It’s all me and natural. Stick to the present.
I like.thinking of the world as full of a bunch of people who don’t have any inherent power over you but will pretend they do, so you have to watch out for it, from anyone. Never let anyone fool you into believing they’ve got any say over you. And that means always being ready to defend your space and your autonomy, not in an overly violent or cynical way, just in an established shield that you are ready to slide in place and shove forward in the face of anyone who challenges you.
Just because your friend may be ignorant atm does not mean you get a pass to act less intelligent. You can still have and maintain your standards. You can still treat everyone, and make sure to treat them with Consemt and consideration of the power Dynamics, actively listening and trying to understand without judgement or assumptions. And offering a sympathetic ear to vent and release or asking if they want helpful, useful solutions to what they are upset over. Basically checking in with them, not being officious, not overexerting your presence od talking FOR them or over them, but allowing them to ask for and to make their own decisions for their OWN life. Keep that in mind. Respect their autonomy and their authority over their own lives.
• wear vanilla behind your ears and on your wrists
• light candles in the morning and let them burn throughout the day (don’t forget to blow them out if you leave or go to sleep!!)
• let yourself indulge in treats such as candy canes, marshmallows, and gingerbread
• take your time to brush through your hair
• play instrumentals from ballets such as the nutcracker or sleeping beauty
• apply lotion every night before you sleep
• watch the morning sunrise
• wear the softest clothing you have to keep warm
“Time for my favorite PSA repost 😁 There’s nothing wrong with liking hugs, just please ask first before going for it. And understand that it isn’t a personal rejection if someone is more comfortable with a fist bump or a wave. Bodily autonomy should always be respected. What’s your preferred method of greeting someone? Personally, I’m a high-five kinda gal…”
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
A question mark walks into a bar?
Two quotation marks “Walk into” a bar.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to drink.
The bar was walked into by a passive voice.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.
THANKS FOR TEACHING ME THINGS THAT ENGLISH CLASS HAS FAILED TO ACKNOWLEDGE
An Oxford comma walks into a bar. It orders a pint of beer, some snacks, and a shot.
A split infinitive used to often walk into a bar.
There is a bar which a preposition-ended sentence walked into.
An emphatic copula did walk into a bar.
A present subjunctive walked into a bar hoping that he be able to order a drink.
A typo walks into a bra
“Progress. Just make progress. It’s OK to have setbacks … It’s OK to draw a line in the sand and start over again - and again. Just make sure you’re moving the line forward … Take baby steps, but at least take steps that stop you from being stuck. Then change will come. And it will be good.”
— Lysa TerKeurst
I don’t have food stamps but I need to know how to eat well for $4/day. Thank you for this.
This cookbook is really amazing. I’ve used a couple of the recipes and they are so easy to follow. And in the beginning there are a bunch of really great tips for saving on food stuff.
THIS. I wish I could be as eloquent as this person. Because this is how you make a difference.
for everyone in the notes asking: this was @raindovemodel (who is no longer active on tumblr, they’re active on instagram where this was posted but i wont link it because tumblr would hide this in the notes)
Rain (any pronouns) is a genderfluid model & posts a lot about how their ability to “pass” as either a man or a woman influences them, and shows off the absurdity of double standards such as mens vs womens olympic uniforms and societal treatment based on perceived gender
They’re also incredibly patient with transphobes and other bigots, and much more so than most of us can manage and I think it’s amazing that they put up with what people say & do
i’ve been saying this to myself this morning and i’m going to say it to you in case you need to hear it: you are not here to be physically attractive. that is not your purpose. you are here to learn new things and be kind to people and listen to your favorite music and pet cute dogs and read big books and drink good coffee. you are here to see beauty in the world and create it when you can’t find any. you are not here to impress people with how you look.
You may love someone but there are no exceptions made for ill treatment.
Facts that adults don’t tell you about bullying
- Communication doesn’t work on bullies. Telling a bully they’re making you feel bad is the wrong way to go. They want to make you feel bad. That’s the point.
- being kind to a bully doesn’t always mean they’ll stop. Sometimes it means they’ll just use your kindness to manipulate you while still continuing to bully you.
- not every bully has a sympathetically tragic home life. Sometimes people are just mean. Sometimes people just get off on hurting others.
- on that note, a tough home life is a reason, not an excuse. You don’t have to put up with bullying because somebody’s life sucks, just like you don’t have to let someone mug you because they’re broke.
- in order to forgive someone, they have to apologize first. If your bully has not apologized to you, you do not owe them anything.
- getting bullied as a kid can still mess you up in adult life. Maybe kids grow out of being bullies, but the marks they left often don’t go away.
- there are ways to get people to stop bullying you, but they almost all involve being mean back.
- as long as parents keep raising shitty bullying kids, there will be bullies. No amount of assemblies and hand-drawn posters will fix the problem. It’s the parents’ fault.
-a lot of bullies dont think of themselves as bullies, either
- bullies do not bully you because they like you
- getting bullied as a kid can even mess you up as a teen
- ignoring does not work. it does not make them go away. it’s a lie told to make kids less “”problematic””
- do not feel bad about fighting back.
this being said:
- do tell people you trust; try to make at least one of those people an adult. it doesn’t have to be a parent or teacher, but make sure there’s at least one adult who knows. adults have a far more direct line to things like counsellors, principals, and disciplinary boards, so having one on your side who’s willing to navigate the drama of calling your bully out can be a godsend.
- keep evidence. film if you can, or record audio or messages. have something you can show to an adult to say look, this is real, and i have proof. THAT’S how you get results.
- don’t be ashamed of stuff you’ve done. own it. yes, you swore at them, but they’ve done far worse. people will see that.
Sometimes just standing up for yourself will get them to back off. You don’t even have to lay a hand on them. If they think they aren’t hurting you, that you’re not scared of them, they’ll stop.
But still tell an adult, to save other kids.
Your friends can be your bullies, which makes them harder to spot.
Allow me to do my community service: Male Bullies are shonen villains, Female Bullies are shoujo ojous. Best way the beat a male bully is to use the threat of violence, a simple punch will teach him to stop and he will change his opinion of you.
Female Bullies can be easily dealt with by calling the cunts and bitches for it’s an attack on their pride and vanity.
The School and Government exist to act as a mediator and referee, not a superhero.
Made a little girl cry today.
I was manning a booth while dressed as a witch, and an elementary schooler asked me for a potion that would turn her big brother into a frog. I agreed, and spent five minutes preparing a concoction of vinegar, baking soda, food coloring, soap, and glitter, all according to her specifications. I had her stir it, and then when it was ready, I procured a little glass pebble, dipped it into the potion, and told her to place it under her brother’s bed to turn him into a frog by morning.
When I held it out to her, she started bawling, and explained that she didn’t really want her brother to turn into a frog, she loved him, and she didn’t want my magic after all.
“That’s okay,” I said. “This just means you’re a good sister.”
Like. The quote “I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend” is such an integral quote/concept to LOTR that I just cannot for the life of me comprehend how people come away from LOTR inspired to write the grimdark i-love-war-and-suffering stories that populate fantasy
I’m reading this thing about how farmers in Japan considered thunderstorms to be good luck because they’d make more mushrooms grow so some Japanese scientists created this lil electrical machine that they wheeled through the forest administering shocks to the ground to simulate lightning strikes and the areas that they shocked yielded twice as many mushrooms as unshocked plots of land ⚡️🍄
the fact that we reached a point where we can simulate fake storms to make little buddies grow twice as much is like magic but slightly to the left and just down right delightful
Taking this opportunity to signal boost the ALA (American Library Association) petition to Macmillan Publishers, who are restricting library access to ebooks even more.
They have limited libraries of all sizes to one ebook for the first 8 weeks of a book’s release. It’s awful and profit-grabbing and limits access to people who rely on libraries for content they need or want. Please sign!
It’s because your library needs to pay for an ebook, whichever can only be used by one user at a time. Publishers have begun to limit the number of copies of an ebook (or audio book) a library can own and how many times they can be checked out, too.
I’ll never understand why in library apps, where all there is is data and no physical copy, there’s a wait list for the books.
When you are bored…
🌼🌿 Go for a walk! - even walking around the neighborhood can be fun, you can even collect flowers, stones and anything else you might fancy.
🌼🌿 Press flowers - collecting and pressing flowers is a really soothing activity that has a really nice reward at the end.
🌼🌿 Bake bread - not even just bread, cookies and other sweets are great to bake when you’re bored too. Try looking up recipes online or if you’re not feeling it, a box recipe from the store.
🌼🌿 Read a book - whether it’s an old fave or something completely new, curling up with a good book will always be a fun activity. You could even sit outside to read.
🌼🌿 Keep a journal - this is a more long term thing for most, but an entry here or there when you’re bored is absolutely fine. Decorate pages, sketch and write about what’s happened since your last entry.
🌼🌿 Make art - just like creating a pressed flower piece, traditional and digital art are both very rewarding and soothing processes.
on self love + care:
1. “I treat myself like I would my daughter. I brush her hair, wash her laundry, tuck her in goodnight. Most importantly, I feed her. I do not punish her. I do not berate her, leave tears staining her face. I do not leave her alone. I know she deserves more. I know I deserve more.” (i know i deserve more, michelle k)
2. “Don’t forget to love her. The little girl you used to be. Perhaps She lies within you. Untucked. Sleeping peacefully.” (nurture, kiana llanos)
3. “These days I wake up crying
holding myself in my arms
rocking myself like a mother
it’s all right- i’m here.” (rocking, nuela archer)
4. “There’s a little girl in my head & she screams ‘unloved! unloved! unloved!’ every moment of my life (@star-eaters)
"There’s a woman in my head now & she holds the little girl and says “I will take care of you and we will be alright” when the little girl screams and together they are learning how to trust each other” (@antidecay)
1. Don’t waste time being fearful: go for that job that you’re certain you’re not gonna get. What’s the worse that can happen? You are rejected, but you gain interview experience. Self-doubt is really a waste of time.
2. Live in the present. Yes, it is important to plan for the future, but it is easy to put off living until it is too late. Make sure that you have no regrets about what you should have done. Do one exciting thing per year.
3. Know your worth. This applies to both work and relationships; never sell yourself short. No job or romance is more important than your self respect. Also, charge for any unique skills/services that you can offer.
4. Don’t be afraid to leave bad situations. I left a stable but draining teaching job in order to protect my mental health. Even though this was a big risk, it was the best decision I ever made. NOTHING is more important than your mental health.
5. Most 20 somethings feel that they are underachieving. This is normal - especially in today’s financial climate. Don’t feel bad if you are still living at home and cannot afford to rent/buy. I’m 30 and still living at home, saving to buy.
6. People will disappoint you, but most of the time, it’s not about you. Everybody has their own demons and traumas that make them behave in certain ways. If somebody disrespects you, assert your boundaries and keep it moving. Also, examine if there was anything you could have done to avoid the situation. But DO NOT let it eat away at you.
7. In love, nobody owes you anything. Even if they made a promise, they are their own person…Everybody has the right to change their mind and to leave a situation which is not beneficial for them. This is hurtful and hard to accept, but it is the truth.
8. Learn to enjoy your own company. Your 20s can be a lonely time as your social sphere narrows, due to employment, finances and exhaustion. Use this time to find out more about yourself and do the things that you enjoy. There is something liberating about eating at a restaurant alone.
9. Be kind, don’t gossip or overshare. I am still working on this one. It is really difficult to be kind and positive in a world full of annoying people. However, your attitude will influence how you are being perceived. If you are unkind, people will laugh at your jokes but they will never trust you. They will never trust you not to treat them as you treat other people. Remove yourself from toxic people, and only share negativity (sadness/anger/depression) with a therapist and one other person that you trust. If you overshare negative feelings, you may be stereotyped as being full of drama. Furthermore, people will want you to stay in a negative place because it’s entertaining and makes them feel better about their own lives. Just don’t do it.
10. You cannot win every battle. Within conflict, it is tempting to try to force others to agree with your perspective. However, most people are set in their ways, and find it difficult to change their views and behaviours. This is especially important when dealing with toxic family members. You may never get the apology and empathy that you seek, so it is important to accept that every battle cannot be won, and gain validation internally, rather than externally.
that was the problem at first, but then i actually turned it into a well-functioning system instead of a form of art and that worked well. i have a bullet journal in notion (an app) now, so yeah idk im guessing you thought this bc you saw an old post?
I spend a fair amount of time teaching women to kick men in the balls, and I’ve learned that this activity tends to generate controversy. Here, according to actual adults who have actually said these things to me, are some reasons you should not kick a guy in the balls:
1. It will make him angry.
I should hope so. I’m not sending him a friend request. If I kick him hard enough, there’s a good chance I’ll render him unable to act upon his anger. That’s my goal. His feelings are his problem.
2. It will make him hurt you worse.
Statistics say otherwise. And anyway, he’s already demonstrated his desire to hurt me. Why should I give him carte blanche to decide how much he’s going to hurt me? I’d rather be an active participant in that decision-making process.
3. Groin kicks aren’t really that devastating; I’ve seen lots of guys get hit in the balls and it hardly fazed them.
This response (almost universally from men) is so common I’ve come to think of it as “groinsplaining”—you can see it many of the YouTube comments in the videos linked above. These people rarely volunteer to demonstrate their own iron balls in a real kicking situation, but they confidently assert that men in general can shrug off all kinds of damage to the groin. All I can say is, I’ve seen two-year-olds take down grown men via the groin, and toddlers don’t even have any training. I do. I like my odds.
4. We shouldn’t be teaching people how to kick men in the balls; we should be teaching men not to do anything that would make us have to kick them in the balls.
Hey, that’s a great idea! Do you have a detailed, research-based plan for teaching all men everywhere to behave themselves all the time? And do you have funding for your efforts, and buy-in from politicians and community leaders, and a network of trained, experienced instructors who can effect this change? If not, better get started on your grant proposal. In the meantime, I’ll just be over here teaching people how to kick guys in the balls. That’s what I do.
5. Telling people they should kick an assailant in the balls is the same as telling victims who didn’t kick their assailant in the balls that they did something wrong.
No, it isn’t. It’s a practical way to reduce the number of future victims by giving them more viable options to disrupt and survive an assault.
Fact: We have the power to damage the bodies of men who try to hurt us. You’re saying we shouldn’t let people use that power. I’m offering people more choices; you’re trying to take them away.
6. Kicking a guy in the balls just makes the world a more violent place.
Maybe, in the short term. But if it stops him from killing someone, or putting them in the hospital, isn’t that a net win for non-violence? The Dalai Lama thinks so.
One in four women will have good reason to kick a guy in the balls at some point in her life. Luckily, it’s not rocket science. Anyone can do it! And ball-kicking’s efficacy is beyond dispute, as the men of MMA so nobly helped us illustrate here. Gentlemen, if any of you are reading this, and conscious: Cheers, and get well soon (the non-wife-beaters among you, anyway).
AIA REPORTING FOR DUTY
There is a trick to it. You do NOT want to soccer kick the dude because that’s a little projectile aiming at a littler target.
It’ll do in a pinch, and it’ll hurt, but it won’t incapacitate, which is what you want. You don’t want “ouch!” Or even “FUCK!”
You want him puking on the floor, and this is how we do:
There’s two ranges where a groin kick works: close and mid-range.
Say someone grabs you face to face, or pins you to the wall, and your hands are blocked.
Now you’re close-range. What do you do?
You come in closer, as close as you can, and with every ounce of adrenaline and aggression in your body, you do a can-can kick.
You know the first step in the can-can, where you raise your knee up as high as it’ll go as strong as you can?
Do that, as hard as you can, repeatedly.
If that doesn’t work, here’s the alternative. You’re going to take your hand, grasp between the thighs underhand. Its going to feel like you’re “cradling” the testicles. Dig your fingertips into the fragile skin BEHIND the scrotum. Then, once you have a good grip, you turn your hand into a vise, with your fingers digging inwards to the material. If you do it right, you should feel the testes INSIDE the scrotum. You want, whenever possible, to hook your fingers under them.
Then, with your hands in a claw and your fingertips latched behind the testes, you turn your hand sharply, as though you were turning a doorknob. Simultaneously, haul your elbow back and up as hard as you can.
If done properly, this technique can tear the scrotal tissue, and done with enough force, can tear the testes out of your attacker’s body.
No matter HOW pissed he is, he’s gonna drop. I’ve tried this technique on guys wearing cups and even with protection, it is not a fun feeling.
If you’re mid-range and have enough room for a kick, the goal becomes to use your shin.
The shin is actually called the tibia, which ounce for ounce is one of the strongest bones in your body. So, here’s what you do, my little bloodthirsty beaus:
You aim, you scream “DO NOT COME CLOSER I SAID NO!” (legal purposes, because now you’re officially exercising your right to self-defence). Maintain a 360 degree awareness, just in case he has friends, and then, when he’s close enough, connect your shin full on soccer kick with the delicate squish of his testicles.
What you want is as much upwards force as possible in combination with as much momentum as you can manage. When he collapses, which he will, then stomp on his groin again, and then run.
The latter has less of a trick to it. It’s primarily about momentum and force.
Remember, if you’re close enough to put your hands on him, use your knee. If he’s coming at you, use your shin.
If you can smell the nachos he had for dinner, rip his fucking balls off.
It’s easy to do, they’re tiny little squishiness wrapped in a delicate flap of skin about as thin as a toenail.
Remember: if he’s coming at you, he’s ALREADY out to hurt you. Might as well give the fucker a reason to be pissed.
Someone once told me that the way to train a proper knee in the groin (with appropriate aggression if you want to hurt him enough to let you go is to train and act as if you’re not aiming your knee at the groin, but aiming for somewhere much higher so that your mind knows to really ram your knee upward.
A male friend of a friend of the family once generously and kindly advised me that if anyone with nuts ever got up on me without me wanting him to do so, to “grab his balls as hard as you can, squeeze, and yank away from his body until they feel like marmalade. Then run.”
I have never forgotten this advice.
My self-defense trainer used to say: “Eyes are like grapes. Ears are like pull tabs. And if you’re going to grab some, girls - grab, pull, twist, and bring those balls home to Mama.”
…I really need to embroider that on a cushion.
“What would street fights between guys look like—or professional fights for that matter—if one could go below the belt? For one, there’d be a lot more collapsing. Two, a lot more writhing in pain. Three, a lot less getting up. All in all, it would add up to less time looking powerful and more time looking pitiful. And it would send a clear message that men’s bodies are vulnerable.“
“So, men generally agree to pretend that the balls just aren’t there. The effect is that we tend to forget just how vulnerable men are to the right attack and continue to think of women as naturally more fragile.”
“In 2015 I wrote an essay in which I speculated about why we don’t see men kicking each other in the balls more often. We leave no stones unturned here at SocImages, folks.I argued that men don’t kick each other in the balls because it would reveal to everyone an inherent and undeniable biological weakness in every man, not just the man getting kicked. In other words, it’s a secret pact to protect the myth of masculine superiority. I expected a reaction, but I was genuinely surprised at what transpired. In public — in the comments — men debated strategy, arguing that men don’t kick each other in the balls because it’s actually a difficult blow to land or would escalate the fight. But in private — in my email inbox — men sent me hushed messages of you-are-so-right-though.“
Just doing my regular real blog for y’all. Keep safe.
Just reading these notes gives me such a warm, comforting feeling. Love you all.
Read Normal People by Sally Rooney yesterday and afterwards I felt so bad that later on everything I’d been bottling up over Thanksgiving and past it came out and I started fucking crying when I was by myself in the masjid later. I remembered how I used to beg God for someone to beat me to pulp because I felt so bad about living life without being punished the way I deserved to be for existing. My hands were still trembling from a couple days ago, and in the book Marianne’s arms held a tremor in them the same way, as she continued to wash dishes and say nothing, like everything was normal. Everything is calm. Nothing’s wrong.
People act like trauma is weak. When in fact it’s a result of people being incredibly strong while suffering extreme things.
People ask for reasons why you would be treated that way. Anything to maintain their perception that they have somehow earned their own treatment and to maintain their cushy worldview of life. They look for excuses to give the abuser, when the abuser takes those justifications without discretion, they grab greedily at any reason to say Yes, it’s okay that I take out every single emotional fluctuation I have in my brain with insane cruelty upon someone under my power. Abusers DON’T NEED YOUR HELP looking for excuses. And victims are already trapped into silence. If they imply something, barely, that’s ALL YOU NEED. that’s a HUGE declaration. Don’t fucking doubt them or gaslight them. They’ve been through incredible gaslighting to the point that they already feel like they’re insane for having a sense of self that isn’t a hundred percent a slave to their abuser, at the service of abusers.
I fucking felt like I was wrong for going a day without being beaten into the ground, into the wall. I was going out of my mind. I just wanted some one to fucking punch me over and over, like I deserved, so I could feel NORMAL again.
And the first time I experienced kindness, from a stranger on campus, I had an entire paradigm shift, there was something so incredibly dysfunctional and revolutionary and unsettling about it. I lay down at night, shivered, and I thought about it for days wondering what he wanted, how he was trying to manipulate or trick me, how he wanted to use me… Because no one does that for me unless they want something.
When I realized it was just, random kindness, without a demand for anything, not bartering me in some way, not trying to trick me, but out of GENUINE COMPASSION, I fucking fell and cried like everything inside of me had turned into water, and there was no controlling the endless, endless grief and pain that poured out of me. Everything inside of me.
“Last night I dreamt about you. What happened in detail I can hardly remember, all I know is that we kept merging into one another. I was you, you were me. Finally somehow you caught fire.”
— Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena (via books-n-quotes )