Hi Joey! Just popping in to say that I miss seeing you on the dash and I hope you're doing well!
Hi Monica! Sorry, I’ve been so absent on here. I just haven’t had the mental energy for it haha I’ve also decided I’m watching the rest of AOT once it’s all out so I’m trying to avoid all the spoilers for it which is going to be rough haha I hope you’re doing well!!
For @axoxtxhxh I hope you like it I love these two! ❤
Thank you so much!! I love this so much! <333
#Miche and Levi are seriously my favorite combo! #It's like grumpy sunshine to the max #And the height difference is everything haha #I love your coloring on this too! #Miche Zacharias#Levi #Seeing this makes me so happy <3
Well here I am :) I did it! I mean, a lot of those words aren’t posted yet so it MIGHT be cheating, but they are written and I can honestly say I’m like super proud of myself. 2021 was actually kind of cool.
Here’s where I’m at before starting 2022
This will be the 3,000th post and I have to say, I hate having even 29 drafts. It feels unclean to me
Happy New Year everyone! And thank you to all my followers. Next year, my blog might be a bit different.
Since it’s coming up to the end of the year I wanted to play a little game~ Post your top 3 fanfics/art/content with the most notes (you can use this link it’s way better than the Tumblr one) and then your favourite thing you created this year. It doesn’t have to be the thing with the highest notes, just the one you enjoyed creating the most!
1:Gloryholes - Bakugou Katsuki x Reader. I genuinely never expected this one to be my most popular kinktober fic, never mind my most popular Bakugou fic. I get overly emotional whenever I check the notes and comments on this one. 2: Serendipity - Bakugou Katsuki x Reader. This is my longest single fic to date and I honestly had so much fun writing it. I could literally write for this AU over and over. 3:On Call - Bakugou Katsuki x Shindou Yo x Reader. The way my top 3 is all Bakugou fics for once! This was a collab I did with the amazingly talented @/cupajoart and it was so nice bouncing ideas off each other and seeing the amazing art she made to go with it. My favourite: Adoration - Bakugou Katsuki x Reader. You know I rarely like my Bakugou writing, but this was such a self-indulgent fic where I put all the things I enjoy into it. It was one of those fics that you don’t even realise you’re at 5k+ because you’re just so into writing it? I think I actually did it in one sitting, and I just love subby Bakugou.
1. Headcanon Asks- Come on guys! This is so lame! Haha I did have fun with them though
2.First Date with the Vets - Erwin x reader Okay, but this does make me happy. I am a vets blog, but mainly Miche and yet somehow my Erwin stuff always does the best. I don’t get it! I do like this story though. I had a lot of fun with the whole series.
3. Forgive Me - Reiner x reader Holy cow! My first ever writing post is one of my top 3! That feels kind of nice. Though I KNOW I’ve improved.
My favorite: You Saved Me - Miche x reader It doesn’t matter how many stories I’ve written, I do love them, but nothing beats the feeling of saving Miche and nursing him back to health. I love that man and this is easily my favorite story I’ve written.
why are “your icon would” games so fucking boring tell me how you’d feel if you met your icon and they punched you
#Both of them?? #I mean I want to say I'd pass out #But I've been hit in the face #A LOT #So maybe not? #I guess I would just stare confused #Is it bad that I could imagine Miche punching me in the face before I could imagine Erwin doing it? #Erwin's such a grandpa #I would probably have to comfort HIM after he hit me #Also not to brag or anything #But I have a REALLY hard nose #Like REALLY HARD #So it would probably hurt them
Hi Dory!! Congratulations on 400 followers!! I love your event so much and honestly, like what a perfect time for this trope! <3
I have no idea why, but I haven't watched any Christmas movies this year yet except The Princess Switch 3 but I don't want to talk about that so this is going to be my first little Christmas movie and I am so excited for it!
Obviously this is Joey haha hi! Oddly enough, I don't usually like terms of endearment or pet names. Just my name :) Miche is my number one man and I have no idea about me haha um, my big three are Sun-Aries, Moon-Cancer, Rising-Virgo. I'm INFJ (and since I learned you liked Harry Potter, I'm Gryffindor). My hobbies are always changing because I sort of have an obsessive personality. Lately they are writing, drawing and photography. I also really enjoy conversations and laughing. I hope this helps! I honestly suck at talking about me :( Thanks so much for doing this! And congratulations again!!
“I cannot believe I let you do this to me.”
You were glaring at Hange, who seemed oblivious to your apparent annoyance at them.
“Remember, that fortune teller told you to be open to new experiences.”
Hi Joey, since the years almost over i really wanted to say that this year i came across your miche fics and read every one😆😊 and im so thankful i did bc ive never read anything like them ever and i just wanted to drop by and say thank you for the effort, time for EVERYTHING you've put out for the fandom and other stuff too. youre so kind, funny and talented omg💕🧡💗💟 just wanted to express my appreciation for you, again thank you and please take good care of yourself in everything you do.
I don’t even know what to say honestly. I feel so thankful that you enjoyed my writing! It means a lot to me even to say you read it, but obviously means a bit more that you liked it and EVEN MORE that you thought to leave this wonderful comment and let me know! Thank you! <3 I think it’s easy to forget, or even not quite understand, how messages like this literally FUEL writers and artists. Thank you so much for this anon! I’m really happy you came across my page and enjoyed my writing :)
#asks#anon #But why on anon?? Haha #It feels so impersonal thanking someone I don't know #Maybe that's just me though :) #I've been feeling a little demotivated lately so if you want to send it a request #I'd be happy to write something!
Episode 4 – A Ghost from Christmas Past Summary: A special someone shows up to the Christmas party and Miche isn’t sure how he feels about it. Content Warnings: Drinking Word Count: ~ 6,200
A/N: Hi everyone! I’m so happy you’ve been enjoying this story so far. It has been one of my favorites to write and the feedback I have been getting has actually been really amazing! Unfortunately, I’ve been kind of annoyed at Tumblr recently and the way in which many of the users treat creators. So, I’m moving my Two Guys story to my Patreon. I understand how it might be frustrating since I started posting it here, but please take a minute to think about how maybe if I had received appreciation for the hard work I put into this story, then it would still be here. If you’re one of the ones that gave me feedback with each chapter, I appreciate you so much! You’re the only reason this made it to Chapter 4 on here :)
This chapter should help close up some questions which is why I at least wanted to give you this. I know chapter 3 ended on a cliff hanger and I wanted to make sure I didn’t do that to you guys.
“I did have someone I was thinking about bringing, but Miche said it was better if I didn’t.” Erwin let an edge sit in the way he said Miche’s name and Miche heard it.
“Miche.” Nile looked to Miche who just took a sip of his beer. “Why would you think that?”
“Because she was literally his ex with brown hair.” He looked to Erwin. “I love you dude. I’m not going to let you do that again and you don’t bring someone you just met to a party with friends.”
“She wasn’t anything like Ri—”
“How did you meet her?” Miche gave him a look and Erwin got uncomfortable. Not because he thought Miche had a point, but because he actually had no idea where Miche was going with it. She really was nothing like his ex.
“We were grocery shopping and happened to run into each other.” Erwin explained. “Which is different than Rina because I met Rina shopping for your birthday gift.”
“He has a point.” Nile pointlessly added.
“This entire conversation has no point.” Levi kept his arms crossed in front of him.
“Well, let me finish.” Miche continued. “Grocery shopping is fine, but let me guess, you went after work?”
“So she saw you in your suit.” It wasn’t a question, but Miche expected an answer.
“While shopping for someone else.” Again, not a question, but he waited.
“And you let her recommend what to make for tonight.”
“Just like you let Rina pick out that scarf for me.”
“That was a great scarf.” Erwin’s eyes widened.
“It was shit. I don’t even wear scarves. It was expensive and she liked that. Just like the woman you met today had you making that shitty pudding—”
“The pudding was shitty.” Levi agreed and Nile nodded his head.
“Thank you, gentlemen.” Miche added. “These women like that you’re responsible, have money, and that you let them control you. You keep meeting the same woman over and over.”
“So I have a type. Why is that a bad thing? You have a type.”
“Yeah, but I date my type.” Miche raised an eyebrow at Erwin. “You have a type and then date whatever woman talks to you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Erwin’s mouth dropped open.
“Remember college? That chick junior year at the bar. What was her name?” Miche thought about it.
“Beau.” Levi remembered and they all thought about Beau and sighed.
Beau was the other bartender that worked with Miche and Erwin during college. Levi even knew her as he frequented the bar often while he was in the military. She was tall, dark, and beautiful with a personality to match. Her long hair fell to her waist in dreadlocks and she was the only person to ever make wearing a plain, white t-shirt look stylish. She was also the only one that could keep Miche in line and Erwin fell for her the first day.
“Dude, Beau was your type.” Miche counted her qualities on his fingers. “She was hot as fuck, strong as fuck, smart as fuck.
“Funny too.” Nile raised an eyebrow.
“Funny as fuck.” Miche added a finger.
“Most importantly, she wasn’t into me at all.” Erwin crossed his arms.
“Look, okay, she wasn’t perfect.” Miche laughed. “My point is, stop looking for Rinas and start looking for Beaus.”
The doorbell to the apartment rang and Miche looked at Erwin.
“You didn’t invite Rina 2, did you?”
“I didn’t.” He shook his head. “And don’t call her ‘Rina 2’.”
Miche made his way to the front door, nearly knocking over Nile’s wife as he lost his balance. She slapped his arm and smiled at him and he reached for the front door knob, laughing to himself.
The moment his eyes met those of the person at the door, his smile, along with his heart, dropped to the floor. The person he didn’t expect he would see and, for a short couple minutes, hadn’t been on his mind, but now they were there, standing in front of him and Miche couldn’t think straight.
His first thought was to look and see if she was alone and his eyes quickly drifted to the space behind her. He meant to glance back and then bring his eyes back to hers, but he must have lingered too long because she smiled at him.
“I’m alone.” She confirmed and Miche wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved or annoyed and because he wasn’t sure how to feel, he definitely wasn’t sure how he should look so he just stared at her.
The look in Miche’s eyes confused Remi at first. She certainly wasn’t expecting him to hug her, but she also wasn’t expecting him to just stare at her as if he’d seen a ghost. Erwin told her that Miche was okay with her coming to the Christmas party. She must have asked him thirty separate times to make sure that Miche really was okay with her showing up. Each time, he confirmed that ‘Miche was fine. Excited even.’. She now realized that not only had she been duped, Miche had as well.
“They didn’t tell you I was coming, did they?” She grimaced.
“Remi!” Erwin called, pulling her into a hug and tugging her through the door and into the living room where everyone else yelled ‘Remi!’ along with Erwin. Miche closed the door, significantly angrier than when he opened it.
Miche obviously didn’t hate Remi. On the contrary, he was still very much in love with her, but watching their friends fawn over her, asking her questions and complimenting her on everything annoyed Miche to no end. They were always acting as if she’d never broken his heart and like everything was okay with them when it wasn’t.
After the eighth time of Marie saying ‘Oh my gosh Rem, you look great’, Miche had had enough and got up from his chair and moved to the kitchen. Marie wasn’t wrong. Remi did look great, but fuck, he didn’t have to hear it over and over again. He banged the ice against the table to break it up.
“Are you making drinks tonight?” He looked up to see Remi, half-smiling.
“You know I’m not.” He replied coldly, looking back to his ice.
“Miche, can we talk?” She tried to reach out to him, but he pulled away quickly, looking back at her with dark eyes.
“No.” He backed up, pulling his arm away. “And don’t touch me.”
“I’m sorry.” She lowered her voice, but stepped closer to him. “Miche, I just really need to—”
“I said I don’t want to fucking talk!” He yelled loudly and the chattering in the other room died down, Erwin appearing in the kitchen behind Remi.
“Is everything okay?”
“No, it’s not.” Miche was breathing heavily, very clearly angry. “You just…”
“I’m sorry.” Remi turned to Erwin and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’ll go.”
“Don’t bother.” Miche backed up to the foyer, grabbing his coat and shoes and leaving the apartment with the door slamming behind him.
“I’ll get him.” Erwin stepped past Remi, but she grabbed his arm.
“It’s fine, Erwin.” She tried to smile when he looked at her, hoping it reassured him. “I’ll go look for him in a little bit.”
“How will you know where he is if you don’t follow?” He seemed genuinely concerned, but Remi only smiled.
“I know exactly where he is.”
Miche was regretting his outburst and choosing to be the one to leave. Where the hell was he going to go when he left his own apartment? Even after thinking it, he knew he was being dumb. He knew exactly where he would go. A place that always called to him when winter came. When he got there, he was surprised there was an open bench in front of the Christmas tree and he sat down with a heavy sigh.
Fuck all of them, he thought, letting out a shiver. It was amazing he was even cold with how hot his body felt. He was angry. Incredibly angry.
‘They didn’t tell you I was coming, did they?’ Remi’s question was spinning through his head and it was making him angrier. What the fuck does that even mean? It sounded almost like she was invited. Why would anyone invite her when they knew how much it bothered him?
“Fuck.” He muttered, thankful it was too late for kids to be hanging around the big tree. There were still young couples, but he didn’t care about them. His frustration was starting to show itself in the form of tears in his eyes and he quickly blinked them back, hoping to push them away. Why the fuck was she there?
“Miche?” He heard her soft voice and cringed, the expression forcing the tears out of his eyes.
“Perfect.” He mumbled quietly, looking up to make sure it was her. He knew though. He knew it was her and he sighed, looking back down and sniffling. “What do you want, Remi?”
“I just wanted to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say.” She carried a lightness in her voice that she wasn’t actually feeling. She was nervous and uncomfortable and honestly a bit worried that Miche would never speak to her again.
“And I don’t care what you’re going to say.” Each word clipped with annoyance.
“Don’t you think you’re being a little rude?” There was the tiniest hint of frustration in her voice and Miche was ready to pounce on her for it. “You won’t let me just talk to you?”
“No, I won’t.” He still hadn’t looked at her since confirming it was her that was there.
“You’re so irritating.” She sat down next to him on the bench with a plop and Miche could see her gripping her thighs roughly out of anger.
“You don’t get to be pissed, Remi.” His eyes slowly moved up to her face and even though he was sure she was angry, he couldn’t see that anger in her face, it was only softness.
“Don’t call me that.” He growled, looking away again.
“What do you want me to say?” She raised her voice slightly, irritation seeping in, and she tried to calm herself down. “You won’t even let me talk.”
She studied his profile. It was a face she knew better than her own and even though she wanted to sit and memorize any new creases she’d missed form over the last few years, she got annoyed with it and faced forward, taking a deep breath and trying to start over.
“I try to be nice, you get mad. I try to get angry, you get mad.” She looked back at him. “I just want to talk.”
“You can’t just—” Miche could feel how heated he was and even though he knew he deserved to show her his anger, he felt guilty and took a deep breath, sighing out the air until he felt calm. He hated yelling at Remi, even though he’d wanted to do it so badly. “You can’t just act like it’s okay.”
“I know it’s not.”
“Then why are you here?” He looked at her with narrowed eyes. “Why are you just showing up like everything is okay?”
“I’m not… or I wasn’t. I didn’t.” She struggled to explain the complicated situation. “Erwin told me that you wanted to try talking. I thought you knew I was coming.”
“Erwin told you to come?”
“Yeah.” She nodded, hoping the conversation wouldn’t move to Erwin and how visibly annoyed Miche was getting at him.
“He—” Miche closed his eyes, taking another deep breath. It was too much all at once. Remi showing up, all the memories—good and bad—coming with her, Erwin crossing the line again. It was all just too much. “Okay, forget about Erwin for now. Why did you come? You could have said no.”
“I wanted to see you.”
“What the fuck for?” He yelled, standing up and facing away from her. He was hoping Remi didn’t feel that his anger was directed at her. Though the anger was, in fact, directed at her. “You waited three fucking years and now you want to see me?”
“It’s not like you made it easy for me!” Her voice was low, but stern and he could definitely feel how frustrated she was. “Anytime I tried to talk to you before, you either left or you’d throw a fit until I left.”
“Well maybe if you’d had the decency to tell me—” He stopped himself, trying to keep calm.
Miche’s heart was racing and while he knew getting angry wasn’t going to help, he couldn’t stop it. It wasn’t just that he was angry at Erwin for inviting Remi and not telling him. It wasn’t that he was angry that Erwin was butting in. It wasn’t that Remi was pissing him off with her ‘I just want to talk’ and acting like he wasn’t living in hell the last three years without her. It’s that he was frustrated and more importantly, he was hurt by the fact that he was living in hell the last three years without her and only now did she decide to talk to him about it when he begged her to give him a second chance the moment they broke up.
Miche sat back down next to her, the Christmas tree to his back, and turned to look at her. She looked worried. He could see the worry in her face. Not worry in the scared way, but worry in the nervous way. Worry in the way that she thought things weren’t going to go the way she planned them. At least that’s what Miche thought she was feeling. After seven years of dating though, he was fairly confident in his ability to read her.
“I need you to answer a question for me.” He sniffed, his nose running from the cold night air.
“Don’t say it like that.”
“Like you’re so fucking compliant.” He rolled his eyes in anger. “You did this, Rem. You. Not me. We’re like this because of you.”
He was right. They were like this because of her, but there was something about the way he said her nickname and she couldn’t help but smile. The simple gesture warmed her stomach and she was thankful he wasn’t looking completely at her because she knew he would get mad at her smile, but she couldn’t help it.
“I’m sorry.” She nodded, biting her bottom lip hard to hide the smile. “You’re right. Please… ask your question.”
Miche looked down and put his hands in his jacket pockets, feeling vulnerable. He never felt vulnerable. Never in front of Remi. She knew everything about him. Since day one, he told her everything. Maybe that’s why he felt so exposed then. It had been years since they opened up to each other, months since they last chatted about something even as stupid as the weather and now he had to find it within himself to open up to her again.
“What did I do?”
“What?” She asked quickly and the tone in her voice had him look up at her. Her face was scrunched in confusion and it had him mirroring her, wondering what she was confused about.
“What did I do?” He repeated. “When you broke up with me. What was it for? What did I do?”
“Miche…” There were too many thoughts moving through her head at his question. The biggest one was how he didn’t know. Had he been wondering the whole time?
“I tried…” He sniffled again, pulling his hand out of his pocket to wipe his nose with the sleeve of his jacket. “Did I hurt you? I mean, I must have.”
“No… Miche, no. You didn’t hurt me.”
“I’ve been wanting to apologize to you—sincerely apologize, but I don’t even know what I did—what I could have done to warrant you leaving the way you did.” He looked into her eyes, hoping to see the answer without her having to explicitly say what horrible thing he must have done. “I thought we were—”
“We were, Miche.” She gave him a reassuring smile. “We were amazing. Things weren’t…”
“If we were okay, then why… It had to be something I did.”
“No, no, it wasn’t like that.” She shook her head and looked at him again, pausing slightly at a loss. “You really don’t know?”
“How would I know? You never told me why.” He shook his head. “You just… left.”
Remi watched Miche shift around a little as he sat next to her, looking at his feet. She focused on the way his right foot would kick his left foot as they swayed slowly back and forth and it broke her heart. Not just because of the way he was moving around, but because he had been completely in the dark the last three years and she had no idea. The twisting pain in her chest forced her to close her eyes and tears that she didn’t even know had formed were pushed out, coating her lashes.
Miche couldn’t bring himself to look at Remi while she thought. It must have been really bad if she was struggling to get it out. There were a lot of points in their relationship that Miche could recall himself fucking things up. He knew he did it a lot, but he knew that Remi understood that. And even with all the mistakes he’d ever made—and he made a lot—she always understood and they talked about it together. Always together. With this one though, she just left.
“Do you remember that time we went to that Halloween farm?” She finally spoke.
“Yeah, of course. Erwin’s birthday was always spent inside because of the rain, but that year we were able to be outside. It was fun.”
“I’m surprised you remember it.” She raised an eyebrow.
“Why wouldn’t I?” “Because you were on your phone the whole time.” She told him, almost questioning him because he clearly remembered it differently. “When you weren’t on your phone, you complained about how we were supposed to be inside where there was WiFi.”
“I…” Miche looked away from Remi and his eyes ran back and forth, trying to remember the day how it really was. “I did.”
Remi smiled lightly, hoping Miche didn’t feel that she was accusing him of anything, but reminding him of what they were. When he brought his eyes to look at her, they were full of worry, remembering how he was back then.
“I ruined that day for you guys, didn’t I?”
“You didn’t.” She quickly corrected, knowing Miche was going to get annoyed with himself if he continued on that line of thinking. “No, it’s not that.”
“Why are you bringing it up?” There was a small pit of fire in Miche’s chest and he felt it growing as he kept that memory in his head.
“You were going through a lot then.” She continued.
“I know. And you left me.”
“Don’t. That’s not what—”
“Then what?” He stood up quickly from the bench and walked forward, turning around to look at her. “Why are you bringing it up? To make me feel shittier than I already do?”
“Of course not, Miche. Can you sit down?”
“No, I can’t. I don’t want to remember my life then. I hated it. I hated everything and I don’t understand why you’re even talking about it when I asked you one fucking question. Just one. And you can’t even answer it.”
“No, just answer the fucking question Remi.”
“You’re not listening Miche.”
“I am listening! You’re the one who won’t answer me.”
“Because I am answering you!” Remi stood up and walked closer to him. “I’m telling you why I left and you’re not even willing to hear it!”
“You know how much I hated myself then, just don’t—I can’t talk about that.”
“You don’t think I know that?” Her chest was nearly pressed against his with how close she was and she looked up at him slightly. “You don’t think I lived that with you?”
She sighed as she looked at him, stepping back a little to give them both room. She hadn’t realized how long it had been since she was that close to him. Maybe it was her getting worked up over their discussion or maybe it was smelling Miche’s familiar scent, a scent she had been wishing to smell for so long, but her heart was beating heavily.
“I might not have been the one working, but I felt your burnout.” She shrugged. “I lived through your frustration and exhaustion and every single time you had a complaint or you needed to vent, I was there.”
“So you left me because I worked hard, because I needed someone to talk to at the end of the day?”
“Don’t you dare defend that job to me.” She narrowed her eyes, her voice sounding angry at Miche’s words. This time she knew her heart was beating quickly because of her irritation. “That job is what ruined us.”
“You ruined us, Remi.”
“Fine! Whatever you want, Miche. I ruined us. Is that what you want to hear?”
She threw her hands up exasperatedly, turning around to walk away, but not actually walking away. It was more of a walk in a small circle where she ended up right in front of Miche again, her finger pointed at his chest.
“I ruined us because I decided to give you space, to give you time to work through what you needed. I ruined us because I couldn’t stand to see that job eat away at everything I love about you. I ruined us because I refused to let that job take anything else away from me. I hated that job just as much as you did. And I was starting to hate you for it.” She hardened her glare as she stared at him, her eyes darkening. “Fuck you for defending it.”
She turned around and walked back to the bench, sitting down with a huff and crossing her arms. Now she was pissed. Miche knew when she was pissed, having seen it so many times over the years. It was one emotion he could read on her like a book. There was angry and annoyed, what she’d been thus far, but now this was pissed.
There were times where she pretended to be pissed at Miche, but he could always tell when she was faking it over the real thing. There was just something about the real thing that he always knew. He found it to be the cutest thing in the world and tried to hold back his smile as he sauntered back to the bench to sit next to her.
It was Remi’s turn to sniffle now and she crossed her arms tighter over her chest as if her sniffling was somehow taking away the weightiness of her anger. She could feel Miche’s eyes on her as she looked forward, her expression blank as she tried to hold onto her irritation.
Miche nudged his elbow into her side causing her body to flinch, but she kept looking forward and he did it again, smiling as she tried not to flinch the second time.
“Hey.” He nudged a third time. “I’m sorry. I… I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t.” She grumbled, nearly rolling her eyes and she sighed. Miche nudged her a fourth time and she turned her face to him quickly. “What?”
“I really am sorry.” And he looked sorry too. His eyes so much softer than before as he held a little smile on his face.
“Fine.” Remi turned back so she was sitting forward, looking in front of them, her arms still tightly crossed in front of her.
“Hey.” He nudged her a fifth time and she turned to look at him quickly again, getting more annoyed.
“Do you forgive me?” He had such an innocent look in his eyes and on his face that she couldn’t help but almost smile. It was the tiniest twitch of the corner of her mouth, but Miche saw it. Her hardened expression was cracking slightly and she hated that he knew how to do that. His smile widened as he saw her expression lighten a little. “Is that a yes?”
“You’re so annoying.” She shook her head, looking forward again, this time with a smile on her face and she bit the inside of her cheek to hide it.
They were both silent for a little, but Miche knew he had more to say. Having Remi’s reasoning for leaving out in the open and knowing that even though she said it didn’t have anything to do with him, he realized it had a lot to do with him. She didn’t ‘ruin’ them. He did. And being without her was so much worse than that job could ever be and he needed her to know that.
“Remi?” His voice made her turn to look him and even though he was facing her, his eyes were down as he worked on what he was trying to say. “I kind of lost it after you left.”
“I hit rock bottom so fucking hard. Harder than I’ve ever hit it. I couldn’t even do anything. I couldn’t function. I just… I remember… I just had no plan and didn’t care.” He looked up at her and she lightly grabbed his hand. “I had no idea what I did to make you leave.”
Before Remi could say anything, Miche took a deep breath, showing that he had more to say and she stayed quiet, giving him time to think before he continued. She couldn’t help but recognize the familiar warmth of his hand in hers and she looked down. Every curve, the roundness of his knuckles, the many veins that trailed along the back of his hand all felt so familiar and another rush of warmth ran through her as she gripped his hand tighter in hers.
“I tried for maybe a week to act like things would go back to normal until I realized they wouldn’t.” He sat back on the bench, holding Remi’s hand as he continued. “I must have called you a million times until finally I couldn’t take it and I snapped. I quit the job. I quit everything.”
He shrugged and almost laughed lightly at the memory. Remi knew all of this. Erwin had kept in contact with her nearly every day, telling her how Miche was and trying to convince her to come back. She couldn’t though and hearing it from Miche then made a part of her wish that she had. It made her wonder if she would have just asked him to quit the job instead of leaving, how different things would be.
“I wasn’t eating much which helped my savings last a bit, but alcohol is pretty expensive and I was drinking a lot of it. I missed so many months of rent and no matter how many times Erwin tried to talk to me, I just couldn’t listen. He dealt with a lot of my shit.” He let out a quick sigh and looked at her. “I could have really used you then, Rem.”
“I’m so sorry, Miche. I just wanted to give you time to sort through things. I always just felt so in the way and distracting.”
“You were the only good thing I had.” He smiled lightly. “The stress of that job crept up on me so slowly that I only realized it after you left because I didn’t have you to balance out all the shit I had from it.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.” She sniffled, quickly wiping the tear that slipped down her cheek.
“Honestly, you leaving is the one thing that got me to quit.” Miche spoke, realizing Remi might have been blaming herself and didn’t want that. “So maybe it was better that way.”
There was a short moment where both of them forgot where they were, forgot when they were, and forgot how they were supposed to be. In the comfort of the conversation and the comfort of each other, Miche ignored, momentarily, how he should have been acting and while it would have been completely appropriate for him to pat her on the arm or nudge her in the ribs again or even to hold her hand. He didn’t do any of those things. Instead, he laid his head on her shoulder.
At the touch, Remi’s body tensed and Miche realized—only in that moment—that what he was doing might have been too intimate, too close, too familiar for them just yet. It was too late though. It wasn’t like he could sit up. He could only lay his head there uncomfortably until there was a reason to move.
The problem was, it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. In actuality, it was the most comfortable he’d felt with her in such a long time and he really didn’t want there to be a reason for him to have to sit up, for him to have to remove his head from the comfort of Remi’s shoulder.
Neither did she. Remi didn’t want to give Miche a reason to separate from her. The full weight of his head was helping her keep her breathing deep and heavy. She was going to have to interrupt it though. They were having a moment she dreamt for so long about having again with Miche, but she still needed to talk to him. The whole reason she even bothered coming to the Christmas party at all was to talk to him and she wasn’t done yet.
“Miche?” She asked quietly, waiting for Miche to lift his head, but he didn’t.
“Are you happy?” She played with her fingers, in constant preparation for him to sit up, but still, he kept his head on her shoulder.
“What do you mean?”
“Are you happy?” She repeated. “You’re drumming now. Does it make you happy?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Good.” She nodded, feeling relief. “You, um… earlier you asked ‘why now?’. I saw a picture of you on the band website. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you that happy… this happy.”
“I was happy with you.”
“It’s not the same, Miche.” She smiled. “You’re happy being you now.”
“I am, actually.” He nodded. “So you looked at the band’s site?”
“Yeah.” She laughed. “I um… I also spoke to Kev. Just to see how you were. He sent me a video of one of your gigs… You guys sound really good.”
“You talked to Kev?” Miche finally sat up and Remi was worried that it was out of anger at what she did.
“I knew I shouldn’t. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“No, it’s okay.” He smiled. “He’s your friend too.”
She smiled and it was in that moment that Miche fully realized how much of Remi’s life was taken away from her when they broke up. Their lives so weaved together for so long that everyone that had been with Miche hadn’t been with Remi. She had no one. It wasn’t just for a moment or a couple weeks, it had been three years. Three years that she wasn’t invited to birthday parties because Miche was there. Three years where she wasn’t invited to holiday events because of Miche. Three years where she had to tiptoe around Miche’s life because he didn’t want to see her—refused to see her.
The first time they tried to ‘be civil’ as Erwin called it, was the first time they were both invited to the same event after they’d broken up. It was St. Patrick’s Day and Miche had beaten the shit out of the man that walked in with Remi. It turned out that she didn’t even know who he was, they just happened to walk in together. That was the last time anyone tried to invite them both together. That is, until this Christmas.
“Remi?” Miche looked at her, his face serious.
“I’m sorry.” He could see that she was confused which isn’t what he wanted her to feel so he grabbed her hand and held it in between his.
“No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been telling you what to do.” He shook his head, still very much annoyed with himself for how he’d been treating her. “I can be better. If you want to come to Christmas parties and New Year’s parties and everything else, you should… and to bring someone, you should get to bring someone.”
“No, I’ve been unfair. They’re your friends too and I’ve forced them to choose between us. Not even that. I forced them to choose me.”
“I promise. I won’t get mad.” He looked at her and she could tell how serious he was being and it made her smile. “Well, I’ll try not to get mad. I mean, I definitely won’t hit him… maybe.”
“Miche, I don’t want to bring anyone else.” Remi finally got out, laughing at his statement.
Miche could see her smiling. A full smile. There was a fluttering in his stomach and while some of it may have been from her smile, a view he had missed so much—so much more than even he realized—part of him was sure there was another reason he felt fluttering. There was something in the way Remi said ‘anyone else’ that had his heart flitting around in his chest.
“You don’t?” He asked quietly.
“No.” She shook her head.
“So then…” He wasn’t even sure how to say what he wanted to say, but he knew he needed to get it out. This was his chance to really talk to her. Now that the air was clear and they both knew where they stood, this was his chance to tell her how he felt and how much he’d missed her. “Remi, I—”
Dark silence fell over both of them as the lights from the Christmas tree behind them turned off, signifying how late it was. There was more than enough light from the streetlights, but without the brightness of the Christmas tree, it took a moment for Miche to adjust his eyes. The silence ended as he heard Remi’s laugh still unable to make out her face entirely. He was thankful for the darkness because it heightened his hearing so much more and God did he miss her laugh.
“What’s so funny?” He tried to poke her ribs, but hit something soft.
“Nothing. Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.” She kept laughing, finally taking a deep breath as she calmed herself. “It’s late. I should probably go home.”
“Let me walk you.” Miche stood up, turning to see her body lift from the bench.
“You think I’m walking? It’s cold.” She laughed. “I’m taking the bus.”
“Then I’ll drive you.” He grabbed her hand and she opened her mouth to object, but realized she really didn’t want to.
“It’s late Miche. I’m sure you were drinking.”
“I’m fine, Remi. I promise.” He smiled and the way his thumb rubbed against the back of her hand had her heart and stomach dancing in her chest, melting everything inside her as they spun in circles.
“Okay.” She nodded. “Thanks.”
They both walked back to Miche’s apartment building, getting to his Jeep and making their way to Remi’s house. She didn’t live far from them so it didn’t take long, but Miche held onto her hand tightly the entire way. He waved to her as she stepped into her house, making sure the door closed behind her before he drove back home.
When he stepped back into his apartment, it was quiet. He was sure everyone would have left by then, but all the lights were still on. He peeked into the kitchen and it was empty. As he made his way to the living room, he saw Erwin laying on the couch, his head turned to Miche.
“Did you get to talk?” He asked sleepily, sitting up.
“Yeah.” Miche nodded.
“How did it go?” Erwin rubbed his eyes and as much as Miche had to say, he knew that there weren’t enough words to explain how he was feeling and even if there were enough words, Erwin wasn’t going to be able to follow many of them. So, he kept it simple.
“Thanks Erwin.” Miche smiled and Erwin nodded, both of them moving to their rooms to sleep.
A/N: Reminder so you don’t have to scroll all the way up. I’m moving this story to Patreon and hope to start writing original stories there soon. If you like my writing, please consider heading over there.
Hi Joey! I just wanted to thank you for always sending in prompts and asks! I also love reading your tags. Thank you 🥲🥺
Hi Monica! I love sending in prompts for writing! I know how nice it is for practicing and for whatever reason, it’s so hard to pick yourself, but when someone sends one in, it’s like oddly more fun? Haha anyway, I had so much fun reading them! I’m hoping my tags give some feedback, but sometimes I know they suck haha
Also, I’m dumb and all those times you were posting prompts, I didn’t realize you were asking for requests! I just thought it was for you to save. Haha I would have totally requested earlier!
#Dude I love this! #Goshiki is kind of hard to write for haha I totally get that! #But you did amazing! I love him! #First playing games with Goshiki <3 #Second Goshiki in shorts!! Oh my gosh #He wears volleyball shorts but I don't know why regular shorts just gets me #Third STOPPPP he's so cute! #Thank you Monica! #Goshiki#Haikyuu