a fatalistic warning, post-ragnarok, 4.8k, I’m pretty sure this is another fic idea I stole from @portraitoftheoddity, warnings: intense torture both physical and psychological, sad ending, probably tears, I cried
In the moment before he saw the ship rise into view, a monstrous behemoth looming over them, the shadow of death itself, Loki knew what was coming. Felt it, in the pit of his stomach, and knew that for all his running he’d reached the end of his very long leash.
This time he wasn’t going to get away. There was no bargain he could make. No way out.
But he wasn’t going to pull everyone else down with him, either.
Summary: In the aftermath of the Battle of New York, Loki is not returned to Asgard. Instead, he’s handed over to Secretary Alexander Pierce, who is very interested in finding out exactly what use HYDRA can make of their new acquisition.
Notes: A whump prompt (from an anon that asked for “Don’t pass out, we’re almost there”) that I started post-Endgame viewing that got a little out of a hand. (Shocking! Unusual!) It doesn’t really have any Endgame spoilers.
In order to save Loki’s life, for Thor’s sake, Steve agrees to an unenviable role in Loki’s punishment. For once, it’s not just Loki making things hard.
Though he’s definitely not helping.
A little over two months ain’t bad? I mean, it could be worse, anyway. (It could be a lot worse.)
As always, thanks y'all for your patience, and bearing with me as I continue on this wild adventure of…everyone being very unhappy most of the time. (Seriously, no one in this chapter is having a good time. None of them.)
Not a whole lot more to say and I am stupid tired at the moment, so let’s leave it at that. Thanks always to Amelia for being the best editor (also the most patient with my nervous fretting).
There’s really not a lot out there. (Like, literally less than 20 things with the tag, and since I won’t read things that are heavily Stucky focused that cuts out a lot of things.)
I recommend Behind Closed Doors by Syrum (WIP) and Silver Moon by aurilly. You could also check out Lines in Sand; Lines in Stone by BigSciencyBrain, which is pretty dark and admittedly I haven’t finished - my recollection is that what I read was more Steve/Loki with a bit of Loki/Bucky than OT3, but it’s been a while.
So what I’m saying here is: if you want to write me Bucky/Loki/Steve, I really won’t say no.
If you have never been in, or aren’t around people who’ve been in, I would dearly love to give you a few pointers.
Let me preface this: I love it when people write military fics (be they AU or canon-fic). I love the characterizations, the story arcs you create, and the love with which you create the stories.
But I’d like to help you make the actions of military personnel as accurate as possible, so someone who’s actually in doesn’t start to read your fic and roll their eyes at some of the things you unknowingly write.
-First off, you do not salute in civilian clothes. It’s actually unauthorized. There are only two exceptions to this rule: the President is allowed to salute in civvies, and if the national anthem is playing outdoors, combat veterans are now allowed to salute. (That came about in 2010, for accurate reference.)
-Do not salute indoors, unless during a formation (but I doubt people who don’t have intimate knowledge of drill and ceremony would bother writing about a formation, so that point is mostly just thrown in for shits and giggles).
-The army and air force do not say, “sir, yes sir”. That’s a marine thing (I’m not sure about the navy, since I’m not in the navy, but I’m sure someone else could help out if there’s a question about it).
-Saying “black ops” isn’t really something we do. For the army, you’ve got SF (which is how we refer to special forces–the guys you’re probably thinking about (”green beret” is an old term for them that’s not really used anymore)) and Rangers for the two big special operations forces. SEALS are the navy force, and I apologize, but I don’t know the other branches’ special forces. Again, ask someone who’s served in that branch.
-People don’t usually refer to themselves (or others) by their ranks. Exceptions are usually made if hanging out with people from your unit speaking about a superior, such as “Yeah, LT and I were talking the other day and …”.
-Sergeants are not referred to as “sarge”. You have no idea how many people got the shit smoked out of them in basic for that error.
-Army goes through Basic Training (or Basic Combat Training now; BCT for short), and marines go through Boot Camp. Yes, there is definitely a difference in terms. Army people tend to refer to their initial training as simply “basic”. I don’t know about marines or other branches.
-Calling someone “Soldier” is really something only done on TV/film. It’s usually mocked by people who are in.
-In the army, it is against regulation to just stick your hands in your pockets. We mockingly call them “Air Force gloves”, though I don’t know if they typically put their hands in their pockets. There is also a big stigma against wearing “snivel gear”: the poly pro cold-weather protection gear worn underneath your uniform.
-The everyday Army uniforms are called ACUs (Army Combat Uniform). They are never called anything else, but especially not fatigues. If you’re going back to 2003 or earlier, the uniform was BDUs, or the Battle Dress Uniform. The tan uniforms worn during the Gulf War and first few years of Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) and Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF; Afghanistan) were called first chocolate chips (gulf war-era) and then DCUs (Desert Combat Uniform).
-The dress uniform is called something different depending on what time period you’re going for. Saying “dress uniform” is usually a good bet, because you’ve also got Class A’s, Class B’s, ASUs, Dress Blues, Khakis, etc.
-Typically when meeting someone else who’s in, the first things you ask are, “What’s your MOS (military occupational specialty–your job)? Where were you stationed?” Giving out rank and deployment backgrounds out of the blue don’t usually happen.
-Time spent in the military is usually referred to as simply being “in”. “How long were you in for?” is heard way more often than “how long did you serve for?” That question is usually asked by civilians.
-There are enlisted, and there are officers. Enlisted are those who start out as privates, work their way up through the NCO, or non-commissioned officer ranks: sergeant (called “buck sergeant” in a derogatory term for someone who has been freshly promoted), staff sergeant, sergeant first class, and eventually get to first sergeants and sergeants major after fifteen to thirty years in. Officers also usually start out as privates and specialists, then graduate from college and commission as second lieutenants (the derogatory term is “butter bar” and is usually used in reference to said officer’s lack of experience and knowledge) before working up to first lieutenant, captain, major, lieutenant colonel (”light colonel”), and colonel (”full bird”). The general timeline is making captain (”getting your railroad tracks”) after about 5-8 years for competent officers, and spending 5-10 years as a captain.
-We do not stand at parade rest unless forced. Ever.
-Or at attention.
-When talking to an NCO, a lower enlisted will stand at parade rest. When talking to an officer, an enlisted will stand at attention.
-The highest ranking NCO is lower ranking than the lowest ranking officer.
-If you want to throw in some humor, if there is a lower enlisted (E-4 (specialist) or below) joking with an NCO, and the lower enlisted says something, the NCO can snark back with, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you because you weren’t standing at the position of parade rest.” It’s a dick move usually to call people out for that, but it happens often enough that if you put that in a fic, someone who’s in will likely laugh at that for a few minutes.
-There is a term for a slacker in the army called POG (pronounced “pohg” with a long o). It stands for Personnel Other than Grunt, meaning everyone who’s not infantry. The term has transformed to mean anyone who shirks their duty or is kind of a shitbag and should be kicked out.
-There’s also a bit of a stereotype that infantry are made up of dumb guys, because you don’t need a high GT score to get that MOS. Their nomenclature for their MOS is 11B (eleven bravo), which is often referred to as an “eleven bang-bang” when trying to insult them.
-If someone is making someone else do push-ups, they do not say “drop and give me x number”. They’ll tell them either to push, or tell them to get in the front-leaning rest. The front-leaning rest position is the starting position for the push-up.
-Usually referring to basic training and AIT (advanced individual training, where you learn your military occupational specialty), you get “smoked” on a regular basis. This refers to PT (physical training), usually in the form of push-ups, flutter kicks, and sprints. It’s not fun. One of the least favorite phrases to hear in basic is, “Platoon, attention! Half-left face! Front leaning rest position, move. In cadence! Exercise!” Because that is the full command for getting people to do push-ups. There is literally no other reason for the half-left face movement. It honestly exists only for push-ups.
-It is awkward as fuck to be told “thank you for your service”. It’s wonderful that people want to show their support, but it is very difficult to respond to that without sounding like a douche.
I know I said a lot about basic training in there, but that’s because I tend to read a lot of fics that are either about basic or about deployments. I can give some pretty firm answers on basic, but everyone’s deployment is different, and I also could be violating a shit-ton of OPSEC (operation security) by telling you guys specific details about deployments. Everything I’ve told you is information you can look up on your own on the internet, but this is a bit more insider’s culture for you to help make your stuff more accurate.
And if you ever find yourself writing a military fic and have questions, by all means, inbox me. I’ve been in for almost nine years and I do have one deployment under my belt, so I can give you accurate army info. I’ve never served in any other branch, though, but I can probably give you a little bit more accurate info than what the movies do if you’ve got general questions.
Also, if you’ve got questions about PTSD, I can help with that. It’s not the cake walk that a good deal of fics portray it as, and it doesn’t always involve nightmares and aversion to touch. It can present as depression, intense anger issues, pulling away from loved ones, driving in the middle of the road, freaking out over pops, bangs, crashes and other unexpected noises, being easily startled by things other than noises, hypervigilance, the inability to sit with one’s back to the room, sudden bouts of anger, depression, tears, silence, or mood swings, among many others.
-Also, please, please, if you’re going to write about someone with a disability, or something that gave them a medical discharge, talk to me about the VA first, unless you’ve got a lot of knowledge about them. Not only am I in, but I’ve also worked professionally for the VA, some of that time in enrollment and eligibility, so I know a lot about disability pensions, who would qualify, what type of benefits they would qualify for, etc. I also know the ways that people can accidentally get screwed over from the VA. (It’s actually one of my long-term professional goals to change some of those things, so I am very passionate and very knowledgeable about it.)
TL;DR: I know shit about the military and the VA. Ask me if you have accuracy questions.
“It’s better,” Loki had said. “Safer. For you and for me.”
“I don’t like lying to them,” Steve had answered, but he could feel himself slipping. He knew it was true, at least somewhat. Putting Loki in the public eye - would be dangerous. “And I don’t like - having to keep you a secret.“
Loki gave him one of those crooked, lopsided smiles. "But you do have to,” he said, “and you know it."
Mostly, Loki just kept out of sight and didn’t get involved unless it was with Thor (and despite what Steve tried, Loki didn’t seem capable of leaving Thor alone. At least it never seemed to be serious as far as they were concerned, and Thor expressed to Steve that it was a relief at least knowing that Loki was still out there, safe.
Which made Steve wonder if half the reason Loki kept attacking Thor in the first place was to make sure Thor knew he was still alive, but he knew better than to ask.)
But sometimes there were…other situations. Like when one of the Avengers happened to turn up in the middle of a date. Loki was better at flipping the switch from lover to enemy, but at least Loki didn’t accuse him of overacting anymore. It could almost, maybe, be fun, kind of. If you looked at it the right way.
But that was…different. Different from getting a knock on his apartment door when he was lying in bed with a very naked Loki draped over him and the rest of the apartment a mess and hearing Tony’s voice call, "Steve! I brought donuts!"
"Loki, wake up,” Steve hissed, giving him a shove. Loki made a sort of mumbling noise and curled more into Steve, trailing off into a hum. “Wake up,” Steve said again, louder, as Tony knocked again. Loki’s eyes opened to slits.
“We’ve got company,” Steve said.
It was a scramble, at that point, to get out of bed and into clothes. “Just go,” Steve hissed, and Loki shook his head and gestured at the apartment.
“How are you going to explain this?” He asked, and Steve looked at the cushions on the floor and his clothes strewn on a path from door to bedroom and felt his face heat. Tony knocked again, harder.
Steve had a moment’s warning when Loki grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "Hey,” he started to say, “w-”
Loki threw him into the coffee table.
Gently, for Loki, but still.
“I gave you your chance,” Loki declaimed, his head thrown back and voice raised. “You should have taken it."
Steve shook his head, trying to adjust. He caught the briefest flicker of worry in Loki’s eyes, and then the door burst open and Tony looked quickly back and forth between them.
"Sorry to interrupt,” he said. “Actually, not really sorry, Steve-”
“Tony, go!” Steve said, and at least he sounded convincingly breathless. “Unless you have the suit with you-” There were splinters in his back. He moved to sweep Loki’s feet out from under him. Just like sparring.
Tony went. Steve waited a moment before going over and holding out a hand to Loki to tug him up. “You owe me a new coffee table,” he said, a little sourly. Loki gave him a grin.
“I’ll find you a better one.” He turned in a slow circle, surveying the room. “You might want to pick up your clothes before he gets back with reinforcements,” Loki added lightly.
Steve scowled at him, but Loki just dissolved in a shimmer of green and laughter.
Last updated May 17, 2019 (post 5 of p.106)
I had to split this post in two since it exceeded Tumblr’s link limit by a long way. [quick link to part 2]
- Links are taken from Lise’s fic tag, #a wild fic appeared (chrono).
- All the tags I link to are /chrono versions (posts listed in chronological order).
- I included the page each fic is on so this post can be used as a directory of sorts to a web archive I made of the tag, but it’s not needed/optimal as long as the actual Tumblr is up and running.
- As of September 2018, I’m still planning to keep this more or less updated…but I have absolutely no idea how often that’ll be. Monthly, at the slowest? I…just don’t know.
Many thanks to Lise for answering my ridiculous number of questions, being very helpful and encouraging in general and also, of course, writing these incredible fics in the first place. :D
For reference, here’s a post listing some of the frequently-appearing prompts (”amuse me,” “break me,” etc.)
Main categories: Verses, Relationships, Other, and Tumblr Verses
Format: [page] [word count] title / “prompt” (notes)
(Fics crossposted to AO3 are in Predation)
- [p.19]  “zip me” (nsfw)
- [p.28]  “nurse me”
- [p.28]  “break me” (nsfw)
- [p.32]  love me like the devil loves (nsfw)
- [p.36]  “then there’s tongue”
- [p.51]  “call me” (Tony & Loki, before the beginning of Privation?)
- [p.53]  “dysfunctional Loki/Natasha”
- [p.61]  “before the beginning” (pre Privation)
- [p.67]  untitled (a morning after one of their sessions)
- [p.71]  “things you didn’t say at all”
- [p.98]  untitled (Natasha PoV of Purification) (nsfw)
- [p.35]  “Coulson PoV of Loki’s arrival on Earth”
- [p.37]  “Life in Reverse!Loki meets canon!Loki” (AU)
- [p.60]  “Natasha PoV of Loki’s capture by Doom and subsequent rescue”
- [p.61]  “Jane PoV of her diner conversation with Loki”
- [p.62]  “Natasha PoV of finding Loki after his meeting with Thanos”
- [p.62]  “Tony PoV of meeting with Loki after rescuing him from Doom”
- [p.63]  “Darcy PoV of Jane coming home after the diner conversation”
- [p.74]  “Dr. Fisher PoV of her first meeting with Loki”
- [p.85]  “Jane PoV of going to see Loki while he’s being held by SHIELD”
- [p.86]  “Natasha PoV of first meeting Loki”
- [p.86]  “Natasha and Clint talking about Loki”
- [p.87]  “Clint PoV after Loki’s rendezvous with Thanos”
- [p.103]  “Steve PoV on breaking Loki out of prison”
- [p.55]  untitled (planning for Sarah to bring a snack to class on movie day)
- [p.56]  untitled (“uncle Thor being cute and loving”)
- [p.57]  “exhausted parents kiss”
- [p.64]  untitled (“talking to Sarah about being born a Jotun”)
- [p.71]  untitled (“Sarah’s first day of school”)
(I also have a separate post here in which I attempted to collect all fics in this verse and list them in their in-universe chronological order; you can search for [T] to find all Tumblr-only fics)
- [p.15]  “paint me” (takes place during Disarm)
- [p.23]  “telepathy”
- [p.29]  “Loki vs. crab”
- [p.39]  “yahoo me” (Tony & Loki, Steve’s birthday)
- [p.40]  “paint me” (takes place during The sun no longer shines (on your side))
- [p.46]  “enamor me” (Loki PoV of The sun no longer shines (on your side))
- [p.47]  “secret meeting” (Steve & Natasha)
- [p.48]  untitled (AU) (Loki is controlled by the scepter/Thanos)
- [p.50]  “join me” (Natasha & Loki, post only when you hit the ground)
- [p.52]  “basorexia” (takes place before The sun no longer shines (on your side))
- [p.56]  untitled (“Loki answers the door naked”) (takes place between with an untrained voice and reflected in someone like me) (nsfw)
- [p.56]  untitled (“Vali stalking Clint”)
- [p.58]  “jealous kiss”
- [p.59]  Unmade (AU) (Clint/Loki)
- [p.60]  untitled (follow-up to The Tenth Floor)
- [p.60]  untitled (“Steve has a nightmare about Hydra brainwashing Loki”) (post Collapse the Light Into Earth)
- [p.61]  untitled (follow-up to “better together”) (nsfw)
- [p.66]  “one falling asleep with their head in the other’s lap”
- [p.69]  “things you said that made me feel like shit” (takes place between with an untrained voice and reflected in someone like me)
- [p.69]  “things you said with no space between us”
- [p.69]  “things you said when we were the happiest we ever were”
- [p.70]  “things you said after it was over” (Loki & Bucky, post Collapse the Light Into Earth)
- [p.71]  “patching up a wound”
- [p.72]  untitled (AU) (Thanos using Loki’s body as a way of “sightseeing”)
- [p.72]  untitled (AU) (follow-up to [p.72] )
- [p.74]  untitled (Steve PoV of (hang on) when the water is rising)
- [p.79]  untitled (nsfw)
- [p.82]  soldier on (post Collapse the Light Into Earth)
- [p.88]  untitled (Bruce visits Loki)
- [p.90]  I’ll throw away my faith, just to keep you safe (Steve PoV, end of don’t care if heaven won’t take me back)
- [p.92]  how you gaze upon my bones (AU) (Doom succeeds in cloning Loki during The Vivisection Mambo)
- [p.102]  the world held fast (Sif PoV during This is My Kingdom Come)
- [p.103]  with hope as currency (Steve & Thor, during wedding planning)
- [p.104]  wasteland (Loki PoV of I heard you killed your only friend last year)
- [p.105]  holding pattern (Clint PoV during don’t care if heaven won’t take me back)
Offshoots of the main timeline
- [p.31]  untitled (Frigga shows up on Earth)
- [p.57]  old friends
- [p.62]  untitled (Loki hurts himself doing magic in a fight assisting the Avengers)
- [p.68]  untitled (Steve PoV of [p.57]  old friends)
- [p.72]  untitled ("I thought you were going to die”)
- [p.93]  untitled (Loki & Wanda, “What do you think you’re doing?”)
- [p.96]  Strange Magic
#the everything is awful au / like the restless sea (verse on AO3 here)
- [p.101]  and the deep river ran on
(Fics crossposted to AO3 are in people wonder why we’re still together)
- [p.8]  untitled (Thor comes to visit)
- [p.9]  untitled (Thor & Dean have a conversation)
- [p.10]  untitled (Sam & Loki clean up while hungover)
- [p.11]  untitled (sick!Sam)
- [p.14]  “drink me”
- [p.14]  “call me”
- [p.15]  “value me”
- [p.16]  “yahoo me”
- [p.16]  “tell me” (may not be canonical)
- [p.16]  “invite me”
- [p.16]  “zip me”
- [p.17]  “paint me”
- [p.22]  “accidental baby acquisition” (AU)
- [p.27]  “mourn me” (AU)
- [p.28]  untitled (sick!Loki)
- [p.30]  untitled (Steve giving Loki a present)
- [p.36]  untitled (“Loki believes Steve doesn’t like him back”)
- [p.44]  untitled (Loki PoV of Sam Winchester Is Not Your Therapist)
- [p.49]  untitled (Loki and Sam acquire a dog)
- [p.50]  “enamor me” (“Steve trying to woo Loki”)
- [p.59]  “'war’s end’ kiss”
- [p.73]  Trouble Who’s A Friend of Mine
- [p.74]  “I just told you I liked you but now I’m shy and say ‘nevermind, forget it’” (Steve & Loki)
- [p.80]  Tides to Pull You Under
- [p.81]  untitled (“Steve’s attitude to Loki’s gentleman-ness”)
- [p.84]  untitled (Steve PoV of Into This Unknown Country)
- [p.30]  “I’m sick”
- [p.30]  “before the beginning”
- [p.44]  “kiss with a fist”
- [p.50]  “quiet me”
- [p.54]  “dysfunctional Clint/Loki” (AU) (nsfw)
- [p.62]  untitled (Loki PoV, between chapters 7 and 8)
- [p.66]  the mistake was mine
- [p.70]  “things you said that I wasn’t meant to hear”
Note: In AO3 terms, the relationships below should be listed as & or / since whether the relationship is platonic or not depends on the fic. I just went with & to make things simpler.
Clint & Loki
- [p.4]  Pavlov’s Bell
- [p.6]  untitled (“Clint wasn’t brainwashed”)
- [p.8]  “historical AU”
- [p.12]  “Arda AU”
- [p.14]  “kill me”
- [p.17]  “offer me”
- [p.22]  untitled (drunk!Loki)
- [p.28]  “unbind me”
- [p.31]  untitled (Loki PoV of The Walking Wounded)
- [p.38]  “cooperation” (possibly from Strange Bedfellows)
- [p.39]  “haunt me” (same verse as It Gazes Also?)
- [p.40]  “get me” (possibly from Strange Bedfellows)
- [p.43]  untitled (“successful helicarrier rescue”)
- [p.43]  untitled (Clint dreams about the Chitauri post Avengers)
- [p.45]  “mourn me”
- [p.45]  “remember me”
- [p.50]  “unbind me”
- [p.51]  “quiet me”
- [p.53]  “dysfunctional Loki/Clint”
- [p.57]  untitled ("Clint with a mistletoe arrow”)
- [p.58]  “kiss on the forehead”
- [p.58]  “'I almost lost you’ kiss”
- [p.60]  Clint Barton’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day
- [p.61]  Let All Mortal Flesh (nsfw)
- [p.61]  A Temple to Be Destroyed (possible part of a follow-up to Monstrosity / Abyss) (nsfw)
- [p.62]  “before the beginning” (pre Monstrosity)
- [p.65]  “hallucination induced by lack of sleep”
- [p.69]  “things you didn’t say at all”
- [p.80]  lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate
- [p.83]  untitled (Loki appears and heals a mortally-wounded Clint)
- [p.85]  In Another Life (Clint PoV of Ghosts That We Knew)
- [p.94]  “Hands off!” (during Avengers)
- [p.94]  “Duck, you idiot!” (post TDW)
- [p.97]  untitled (Clint feels Loki’s - near? - death in Infinity War via lingering-mental-connection)
- [p.101]  when loneliness comes stalking
The Grandmaster loves to emasculate Thor. Loki’s gender is fluid so no matter what you are not going to humiliate him that way. But Thor’s identity is strength: physical and emotional. Taking the God of Thunder and just turning him into someone who shrinks away from Thunder would just make the GM so happy.
It would also be a power move against Odin and or Loki. In an au where Odin is alive, he would get so uncomfortable and just heartbroken to see his son be basically reduced to a child but a child who recognizes a different ‘Daddy’. To Loki, his older brother has always been his North Star and a pillar of strength. To have that ripped from him means he’d have to find a solution alone. Even in the Avengers (first one) I heartily believe Loki wanted Thor to either stop him or join him.
Also, even if I struggle with thinking up ones, I believe that GM just loves playing dress up.
so the question here is - has Loki also been working that angle? I’m going to go with yes because I love the idea of them mutually ending up in the same place and running into each other and the “YOU, WHAT” reaction.
and the appalled reaction mutually because “how could you do this to yourself” on both sides while also being like “well in my case it’s fine” because…necessary rationalization, whee
I also love the idea of the Grandmaster somehow knowing that they’re connected to each other and keeping them apart and never saying anything to either of them until basically throwing them in the same room and then acting really surprised about it like “oh! I had no idea! what a weird coincidence!”
gotta collect them all, Odinsons (he’s borrowing his brother’s schtick)
anyway I’m thinking about how much humbling himself like this would eat away at Thor, though, because…he doesn’t adapt well to humbling himself. Thor is proud. he has a very strong sense of dignity, and losing that dignity, especially in a situation where he’s already lost everything else…but he needs to keep himself alive if he’s going to get back to Asgard and beat Hela. somehow.
he’ll deal with it, for that reason. with the humiliation and the embarrassment and the being treated like a plaything. he can swallow and push down his pride. for now. though he’s stewing, for sure.
and when Loki stops avoiding Thor and trying to not talk to him, and finds out that Thor is planning his escape, he kind of panics about it because no Thor that’s not doable, you need to be careful and that kicks off another round of argument
and the Grandmaster is just. very amused by all of this, he’s having a great time (and, as usual, that is the most important thing here.)
aka one of the AUs I really like? I mean, I wrote a version of this where Thor didn’t actually die but Loki thought he did, although it didn’t involve him being picked up by the Guardians so I guess that’s not actually the same thing.
the thing about killing Thor is that it…wrecks Loki completely, sends him absolutely off the rails and straight for Thanos like an arrow without a single goddamn plan because while yeah, technically he wants to beat him and avenge Thor he also has no real reason to live and is fully willing to just go out with a bang because what’s even the point, everything he loves is dead and he should be dead too, he should have died to begin with.
(especially in an AU where Loki was intending to sacrifice himself, and where Thanos deliberately chose to kill Thor rather than Loki. the guilt there. his actions already led directly to Frigga’s death, and now they’ve led to Thor’s, too.)
so Loki wakes up on the Guardians’ ship and his sole goal is to get to Thanos and try to kill him. no plan, no real intentions, just…get there, kill him, that’s good enough. he doesn’t need more than that.
and the next place Thanos is likely to go is to the Collector, Loki knows that, so that’s where he’s going too. good thing that he’s not going alone, because that means more people to distract Thanos, possible cannon fodder to give Loki time to get to him.
of course, this also means bringing him face-to-face with Gamora and Loki is not so forgiving as Thor, and much more likely to actually try to kill her, which doesn’t end well. but after…probably getting beat down (because he just almost died and is not at his best), he is like “okay, whatever, if you’re claiming to not be on his side then I’m perfectly willing to go along since we’re heading the same direction and I can cheerfully throw you under the bus along with everyone else”
Loki’s moral compass such as it is has basically vanished at this point, he has One Goal and nothing else matters: his own life, everyone else’s lives, probably the universe.
so to the Collector, and the Reality Stone, and of course Thanos has beat them there and Loki doesn’t hesitate before going for him, and I like the idea of Thanos choosing again to not kill him because clearly that’s what Loki wants and it would be worse to leave him alive to suffer, so he’s coming back to Sanctuary and gets to watch Thanos’s victory–
and then maybe he’ll get to die. maybe.
if he’s feeling merciful.
Yeah, their relationship would be…pretty goddamn jacked. Like, Loki would absolutely wall Thor out completely, and I think Thor would, at least initially, be totally okay with that. He doesn’t know how to deal, and Thor sometimes deals with things by ignoring them. (It’s a family tradition!) So there’s this big elephant there but they’re both pretending it isn’t, more or less, which is only really tenable by avoiding each other consistently.
Loki’s very good at avoiding people when he doesn’t want to see them, and Thor isn’t exactly trying to find him, either.
But there’s all these…when they are close by Loki’s twitchy around Thor, flinches away from him, won’t look at him. And Thor can’t really look at Loki without feeling sick and kind of wanting to bolt. Because the thing is that the upset goes both ways - Thor has a hard time not feeling angry with Loki (because he transmutes his distress and trauma into anger) and Loki’s trust in Thor is absolutely gone and he’s refusing to process his trauma like he always does.
And in this situation they’re probably…trapped in pretty close proximity, so it’s not exactly easy, no matter how determined they are, to totally keep their distance. And tensions just keep rising the more they are determined to not talk to each other or deal with any of this.
I’m picturing a scenario where they’re like…literally trapped in a room though and this is an explosion waiting to happen, and Loki is pretending everything’s FINE and DANDY and he DOESN’T CARE and it’s making Thor angrier and angrier and eventually he explodes, and that…does not go well.
It is really fucking messy and I’m not entirely sure how they’d manage to come back from it, because given all the existing communication issues…this would just make it a whole lot worse.
loxxxlay replied to your post “AU where Loki never gets “in the Grandmasters good graces” and ends up…”WAIT U DIDNT ANSWER MY QUESTION LMFAO YES OR NO LISE -SHAKES U BY THE SHOULDERS- YES OR NOOOO TELLL MEEEE lmao jk but like yeah id be super into that esp since the hulk likes to SADISTICALLY TODDLER TYPE PLAY AROUND WITH PPL like making thor go into the electrolute door and laughing like imagine how great a time loki, who hulk actually dislikes, would havethe grandmaster would love ^and maybe come around to be actually sexually interested in loki because “oh hes so cute when hes uncomfortable and squirming in any given situation hehehhe lets play with that one
this re: Loki getting gifted to the Hulk as a present after losing to him and oh my god I do legitimately love this idea because…yeah the Hulk would have a fantastic time with it and fucking with Loki who meanwhile is freaking out more than a little and just trying to figure out how he’s going to stay alive
and the Hulk is like “this is the perfect opportunity for playing around with puny god” which Loki is not. enjoying. this is not fun, this is not a good game, he is trying to figure out how to make this game not happen and so far not having a lot of luck (charming the Hulk is not the easiest thing to do).
and I like the idea too that this is what makes the Grandmaster more interested in Loki because sure sure he was fun as a fighter but this is actually maybe even better entertainment and he is pretty cute and he can just…borrow him from his champion, you know, a little, and the first time around Loki’s like “oh thank the Norns finally I’m out of that situation”
only the new situation is not?? better???
Thor’s showing up is not an improvement thank you very much
okay so we’ve got:
and Loki is desperately trying to keep the latter away from everyone else, but also kind of not sure what to do with himself otherwise. he doesn’t really want to be involved in the family drama with Thor and Hela, isn’t terribly happy with his social life (misses the freedom of being abroad, for all kinds of reasons), and is jumpy as hell around the Grandmaster because he could very easily wreck Loki’s entire life
which, so far he hasn’t, but it seems like probably only a matter of time? or maybe he’s just having more fun making Loki really fucking nervous. and Loki has no idea what he’s doing here, and has enough ego to think maybe it’s about him but also suspects there might be more going on.
also the Grandmaster keeps inviting Loki to “parties” and he’s so far managed to wiggle out of them but he’s pretty sure that’s not going to last forever, and the terrible part is that he’s really, really curious and kind of does want to go because at least it would be interesting, and it’s not like he wasn’t enjoying himself before, but just…
(the thing is. the thing is, one of the big reasons Loki left in the first place, other than the increasing discomfort with how he was spiraling out of control, was the part where he suspects that there was a nastier edge to the Grandmaster’s cult than just the sex and the drugs, and he’s a little concerned that’s where this is all headed. possibly occult murder, for instance.)
and meanwhile there’s Thor, who is so far oblivious (or, sort of, he knows more than Loki thinks he does but doesn’t know how to bring it up/isn’t sure he wants to) and Hela (who doesn’t know anything yet and Loki’s deathly afraid she’ll figure it out and use it against Thor)
at some point Loki comes home from being out and the Grandmaster is sitting in the parlor with Thor having a conversation and Loki almost just turns and runs away to France right then and there, except the Grandmaster looks right at him and is like “I was just telling Thor that I’m having a little get-together on Saturday, I do hope you won’t miss it, it’ll be to die for” and Loki’s pretty sure that a) he’s not going to escape this one and b) that he is in really, really big trouble.
I actually wrote a little bit of something like this here (and I feel like there was more somewhere else) but I’m always down for more of it.
so let’s see here. Loki tries to sidle his way into the Grandmaster’s favor and ends up instead getting slapped with an obedience disk and tossed in the arena for his presumption.
he actually does pretty well. he learns pretty quickly that it’s better to be showy and flashy than what Loki’s instinct is (end fights quickly and brutally), and he can do showy and flashy. even if he’s not the brawniest on the field, he’s fast, and used to fighting people bigger and stronger than he is. He’s fine, can do this, and…well, it’s a good distraction from the whole “everything he knows is dead and gone” situation.
and that’s the case right up until he goes up against the Hulk.
and loses. hard. he manages not to die, barely, but it’s a near thing and losing and not dying is not actually necessarily better. losers don’t do well on Sakaar. the Grandmaster doesn’t like losers. Loki’s position is suddenly even more precarious and he’s also not in a condition to fight.
his only way out is to find a way to get on the Hulk’s good side, and have the Hulk between him and the Grandmaster’s displeasure (and keep himself alive). and Loki has no idea how he’s supposed to do that.
he has to try, though, or he’s royally, fatally fucked.
Loki proceeds to try very carefully to make friends with the Hulk. mostly via Valkyrie, which is its own challenge. it’s…going, sort of, or at least starting to - right up until Thor arrives.
Thor (2011) - Deleted Scene
The servant laughs at his prince mockingly for using “tricks” instead of brute force. Loki could have punished him. Instead he uses the same thing the servant mocks to retaliate. He uses a harmless “trick” and even that terrifies the servant. It shows Asgardians fear magic. That’s why they mock it and look at it as sth inferior. And I love how Loki uses the very same thing people mock him for, to make them fear and respect him.
It does not have a happy ending, but in the way of comics it isn’t permanent. i.e. yeah, Loki does die in it, but the nature of the Thor corner of the Marvel universe in comics is that it’s actually specifically textually cyclical, at least up until Thor: Diassembled (and to a certain extent afterward) - i.e. the rise, fall, and reincarnation of the gods is built in. Rather than being an ending it’s an ending of another cycle (and that idea, of cycles, is very much a part of the theme of Thor & Loki: Blood Brothers).
It’s definitely not a happy comic, but I still think it’s a worthwhile one. And I think part of the point of it is that it’s tragic, which makes sense because Loki’s story is one that fits very well into tragedy. Blood Brothers is a comic that leans very much into the arc of Loki’s story as his struggling to escape from himself and finding that very, very hard, which is a theme with Loki in comics in the last decade or so that I find very compelling. (And also the theme of the inability of Thor and Loki to escape from their cycle of violence with each other.)
(I will talk always about how when it’s done right tragic mode is something I’m very much here for.)
But I get it, anon - if you don’t want it you don’t want it, and if you’re looking to get into Loki comics a kinder way you could start with Agent of Asgard (though I really think you need the Journey Into Mystery background for best effect on that one, and Journey Into Mystery is…ouch).
yes yes yes yes yes come at me always with Loki identity issue stuff.
like, it definitely seems based on the way Loki behaves in Ragnarok that he’s had some time to settle and adjust, but I think that’s very fragile still (and he definitely didn’t really have time to fully ‘be himself’ on account of…being Odin, if sort of half-heartedly).
(I have headcanons about how basically Loki’s quick reversion to form in Ragnarok is a reaction to that fragility - he’s been rebuilding himself but the second he’s under pressure that dissolves fast because it’s not solid enough to really hold up all the way, and it’s easier/feels “safer” to go back to old habits.)
I’ve…yeah, talked about how Loki really hasn’t had the time to breathe for a lot of his timeline, or time to think or process or sort out his own head. (And how I do think the ‘break’ that he had pre-Ragnarok did a lot of good for his mental state, however fragile it was, because of having that time to think and process away from Thor and Odin.)
I actually even think that in some ways pretending to be Odin helped, because it meant not having to perform ‘Loki’ for other people (which is part of what Loki was doing from the beginning of the Avengers through his near-death in The Dark World. It takes the pressure off and lets there be some actual…internal reckoning, though it’s necessarily incomplete and partial. But I do think that processing time is a big part of the reason that Loki was at all able during Ragnarok to change course.
Because that’s been a big part of what Loki needs, I think - that breathing room to figure out what he wants, and who he is, and to rebuild in a context that isn’t either a) Thanos-aligned or b) designed around performing to other peoples’ expectations. Without that space, he couldn’t even start conceptualizing the idea of growing beyond his trauma, because he was still trapped right in the middle of it.
And…ugh, as always, the infinitely frustrating thing for me about Loki Prime’s death in Infinity War is the fact that it comes just as Loki is finally actually getting that chance to redefine himself and figure himself out, fully, and that’s. That’s why I hate Redemption Equals Death, kids.
I wrote a long meta about this somewhere….don’t feel like going looking for it now, though, orz.
Weirdly, horribly flattered.
Like, the Grandmaster is the most obvious about playing on this, but it came up with Thanos too, I imagine, and of course there’s all the weirdness for Loki around Odin picking him up and being like “…but why though, seems fake” and also that contributing to his massively spiraling Odin complex of needing to prove that he’s good enough to make it worthwhile. (To make him worthwhile.)
But yeah, as someone who is…chronically low on the self-worth scale, having powerful people look at him and go “you, you seem useful” is definitely deeply appealing, which is part of why Loki falls so easily into getting trapped in those situations, because…yeah, it hits pretty squarely at his need for validation and approval and a sense of importance.
Which he knows is a weak spot, and hates, but it is…still a pretty persistent one.
oh man I’m so jealous anon, I miss cold weather, I’m melting here
but to your actual question! I do not think that Loki gets cold (or Frost Giants in general) - at least probably not until they hit, like. really low temperatures, and then I have headcanons about them basically going into a state of hibernation where they might read as dead to almost all measures. I imagine it’s nearly impossible to kill a Frost Giant by freezing. (not necessarily impossible, but very, very difficult.)
Loki does change involuntarily at a certain temperature level below freezing (probably about where normal people would start freezing to death) - his Aesir form is more sensitive to cold at that level, in the same way that his Jotun form is more sensitive to heat.
Basically, Loki doesn’t get cold up to a certain point; in Aesir shape will start feeling cold eventually but then will change into the shape where it really doesn’t bother him. Then that shape will carry him through down to probably around -100 degrees-ish (Celsius) without any discomfort.
I’m spitballing here, but as far as survivability: we know that Aesir can bounce back from drifting unprotected in space, apparently (which is -2.7 degrees Kelvin, -270.45 Celsius) and I imagine Frost Giants could manage a long way past that, maybe twice as much.
as far as differing winter needs for him and Steve, as long as the heat stays at a moderate/normal level Loki’s okay with it (as he’s generally okay with room temperatures), though Steve probably sometimes wants to blast it above where Loki would prefer (and they need to negotiate on that, the same way there’s some negotiation involved in Loki staying cool in summers).
I hope your day improves! 💚
Everything in Loki’s vision was tinted with an ominous red haze of pain, but the face that swam briefly into view dispelled it briefly with a halo of gold. For a moment, he thought it was Thor… but the hair and beard were different, and this face had two eyes…
Ahhhh thank youu! This is one I’m also really excited to write too!! Looking forward to write some Nebula and Valkyrie in it a;sdklgh;asklhg. Anyway it’s stalled because… 1) idk how to fix the movie lmao, and 2) … ehhh… sorry if this sounds conceited… D: idk how else to say that it had a shockingly larger response than I’m used to (omg thank u everyone) and now it feels like there’s a lot of weight on me to get the last chapter right. D: So I can’t let loose as easily. Which is something I need to work on, so this is good for me. ^_^
I’m planning to finish it as one of the Whumptober ficlets to motivate mee, so after On Our Terms is done (which is close), I should get back to it!! Anyway here is an excerpt:
Loki blinked through the pain in his head and checked the wound on his shoulder. Red stained his dirtied fingers, but the blood was sluggish and solid. He’d stopped bleeding. He hadn’t died. At least, not yet.
The sound rang a fourth time, and then a fifth, and as his head, cleared Loki realized what was happening.
Someone was hunting him.
Panic jolted down his spine. For a long moment, he froze in place. Eyes wide, he pressed his back against the wall, so he could see both directions, his limbs locking into place, his toes curling in terror. They would find him, and he would be lucky if they killed him, if they didn’t use that blasted tracking spell to lure Thor to his doom–and why had he done it again? What had been the point? Why had he ever thought that he could somehow escape this place?
hey here have a completely unedited mess!!!
better to love than to have and to hold, companion to this fic, thor pov, 3.4k because I am incapable of self control
Thanos was gone.
And with him, half the universe.
In Wakanda, Thor folded to the ground as the last thing that had been holding him up was ripped away, and he was left only with the crushing weight of his losses.
None of them really knew what to do.
There was the general feeling that they ought to do something, but what that could be - it was too big, Thor thought. Too much. They hadn’t stopped Thanos. They didn’t know where he was, to avenge the lives he’d stolen. They were frozen. They were drowning.
Three days after Thanos had achieved his goal and cracked the world in two, and Thor sat at the top of Warrior Falls, staring at nothing and wondering, a little, why he had bothered to rise this morning at all.
OHO SNAP (I say unironically). This would be emotional devastation on a grand[master] scale.
Thor, having no idea Loki is alive and no reason whatsoever to even think about going back to Sakaar, rebuilds the ruins of Asgard with a sore heart. He mourns Loki for a full year, builds a shrine to him in a small mausoleum, visits it every day. Then, as with many things, the grief scabs over and the wound ceases to bleed. It becomes a scar, and life goes on. But Thor thinks of Loki all the time, wishes he was here to see New Asgardia blossom into a kingdom once more, forming alliances with many other worlds and realms, Jötunheim included.
One day Thor bumps into the Guardians after attending a meeting on Xandar and catches a ride with them on his way back home. Quill announces that he has to make a quick pitstop at Sakaar to get some retro ship parts (that place is the cosmic equivalent of the universe’s biggest junk yard, after all), and Thor, who isn’t exactly thrilled about this little detour, pulls on a hooded cloak and agrees to accompany Quill for the transaction. He doesn’t expect the Grandmaster will recognize him with his scarred face, mismatched eyes, and shoulder-length hair that never grew back quite as golden after its shearing, but a little bit of caution never hurts.
Quill, Thor, and Gamora meet with the Grandmaster to negotiate the deal, and Thor is surprised to see a young child balanced on the Elder’s knee, a little boy with black hair and ruby-colored eyes that are lined with gold paint. His pink skin is covered with raised, familiar-looking markings, almost resembling jötunn kin-lines. He is dressed like a prince; a single blue streak stretches from his bottom lip to his chin. There is no doubt who his father is.
Looks like the bastard finally got what he wanted, Thor thinks wretchedly, glaring at the Grandmaster from underneath the hood of his cowl.
“El,” calls a quiet voice from the side, “come here, darling. Daddy is doing business now.”
Thor turns in the direction of the voice and his heart goes still.
There is Loki, alive and well, his jötunn form revealed without shame or shyness, draped in Sakaarian robes of gold and blue. His hair is longer than it’s ever been, tumbling down his shoulders in well-tamed waves. Silver paint frames his eyes and a single metallic stroke is painted down his chin. A sign of ownership.
But it’s nothing compared to the shock Thor receives when Loki draws his long sleeve aside, revealing the subtle roundness of his belly.
Gamora reaches out and steadies Thor as he teeters dizzily.
The Grandmaster laughs and sets his son, El Vee Gast, down on his feet. “Alright, tiger, you heard Mommy. Off you go. Aw, c’mon, don’t—don’t give me that look. I’ll be done here in a minute, booby, I promise. Shoo shoo now.” He raises his smiling face to his guests. “Kids. Gotta love ‘em. You got any kids, Starlord?”
“Nope,” Quill says, popping the P emphatically.
“Ah, you’re missing out. Totally worth it. Life, ah, life begins at parenthood, that’s what I say…”
Thor numbly watches El scamper over to Loki and accept the hand that is reaching for him. Then they both turn and begin walking away. Back to whatever life they’re living here.
Thor can’t bear it.
“The sun will shine on us again!” he blurts.
Loki freezes and turns slowly around, his eyes wide, and stares at Thor’s cloaked, unrecognizable figure.
In fact, everyone is staring at him right now.
Quill claps Thor on the shoulder and grins uneasily at the Grandmaster. “Excuse my friend. He’s… got a compulsive disorder. Kinda twitchy, yells out totally random things, breaks shit on purpose, that sorta thing. We’re trying to get him out more. Y’know.” Shrug. “Real-word therapy.”
After a puzzled moment, the Grandmaster smiles and nods. “Oh. Right, sure, yeah, no problem. Therapy. Gotcha. So, uh, so where were we?”
“Right, right. Okay, well, seeing as how rare these gizmos are, I would start my offer at around…”
All other sounds fade into the background as Thor slowly draws his hood aside just enough to show half of his face.
Across the room he sees Loki’s mouth fall open and his shoulders rise as he takes a startled breath.
El tugs on his mother’s hand. “Mumma. Can we go now? I’m hungry.”
Thor feels his heart breaking. He could have been ours. This could be our family, Loki. It should have been. But I thought you dead. All this time… Tears prick his eyes and a congested heat rises to his face.
Loki stares desperately at Thor and rests his hand on his belly. Save us, he mouths.
Thor nods his head in silent affirmation.
Loki glances at the Grandmaster once more, then down at Thor, and hurries away, little El trotting beside him.
The negotiations come to a close and everyone is satisfied with the deal. Quill transfers the 935,001 units to the Grandmaster’s device, a servant bundles the parts up for transport, and the Grandmaster rises from his chair and happily announces that Daddy is done for the day. The pride in his voice is nauseating.
Thor turns and accompanies his companions out of the Grandmaster’s office suite, the gears of his mind spinning.
He doesn’t know how, but he’s going to get Loki off of Sakaar if it’s the last thing he ever does.