my private thoughts embarrass me. dont read my mind please
nooo don’t express serious emotions you’ve been designated “the funny one” aha
nooo don’t exist in a way that contradicts the one-dimensional version of you I’ve created in my head you’re so convenient aha
How are you feeling today?
- i feel hollow
- The Void™.
i see the word manipulation get thrown around a lot in the bpd community and while thats understandable i just wanted to give you all a small reminder
things that ARE manipulation are things like
things that are NOT manipulation include
- never accepting responsibility for hurting others
- guilt tripping others to get what you want
- harassing others for not agreeing with you
- intentionally diminishing other’s problems/difficulties by comparing them to your own
- using other’s insecurities against them
- expressing negative emotions to someone when you are hurt or distressed
- not expressing emotions for the fear of bothering others
- disagreeing with others and explaining your side of things
- expressing your needs to those close to you
- not socializing due to lack of energy or spoons
unhealthy behaviors (such as bottling things up, ignoring your problems, etc) definitely make situations harder and are things that need to be worked on asap, but unhealthy behaviors are not automatically manipulative just because someone has bpd
throwing around the wrong words can be extremely counter productive in this community, especially when there is already so much stigma and misunderstanding surrounding this disorder (not to mention that carelessly calling people manipulative and/or abusive for small things can end up devaluing what abuse and manipulation really mean)
TL;DR: do your research and get to know the actual meaning of strong words before using them - words like ‘manipulation’ or ‘abuse’ are not for you to take lightly and use against people you just disagree or have a problem with
the idea that all coping mechanisms are valid and completely immune to criticism is honestly one of the worst things on nd/mentally ill tumblr.
just because you’re doing something to cope doesn’t mean it’s not hurting you, or that it isn’t hurting others.
sometimes, coping mechanisms hurt other people, like compulsive lying or constantly expecting your partner to give you reassurance every second of the day. sometimes, your coping mechanisms harm your recovery even though they feel good at the time. sometimes, your coping mechanisms just further entrench you in whatever you’re struggling with.
stop defending unhealthy behavior with the justification of “oh it’s just me coping”. you’re not permanently chained to whatever harmful bullshit you do.
“Don’t use your mental illness as an excuse” means “Change your behavior, apologize, and do better next time.”
“Don’t use your mental illness as an excuse” DOES NOT mean “Your symptoms are your fault, your disorder is not even an explanation, and you are a bad person if you behave less than neurotypical”
ppl who are mean for no reason are so fuckin #edgy and depressing like why the fuck…. and ppl who shit on positivity and happy stuff are just the worst lmao!!! it’s not funny or cute at all. and the whole “oh but i have x mental illness!!!111″ excuse is dumb like me fucking too but u can’t use ur mental health as an excuse to treat other people like shit. hot take.
Things I’ve learned from manipulative friendships and relationships
-If you are constantly anxious around someone and you don’t have great “intuition” then that is your body’s way of telling you to run
-If someone makes you feel depressed and low in self confidence all the time that is another indicator that the person is toxic
-If the person is clingly to an uncomfortable degree or you have a hard time making or seeing other friends, there is something wrong
-If little things you say recieve an extreme emotional reaction yet the person persists to say things that disrespect you, that is not okay
-If you are pressured into anything you do not want to do, this is not okay
-If they are aware you are uncomfortable and it is causing problems even if you “intend to do what they want you to” and they still pressure you or get angry with you for uncertainty, this is not okay. You can also say no if you aren’t willing or ready to do something. If they have a problem with that then they are the problem
-If they get angry at you for your anxiety that is not okay
-If they drop petty comments about you in front of everyone and seem to hold grudges, that is not okay
-If they pride themselves in being narcissistic, manipulative, jealous, etc. that is not okay
-If they verbally put you down all the time, call you names, or constantly point out what’s wrong with you, that is not healthy
-If they are bossy and controlling to you alone and/ or around others or they are condescending towards you this is not okay
-If they turn each situation around to spotlight them when you are discussing an issue you experience, that is selfish and manipulative behavior
-If you constantly fight with the person that is not healthy
-If they twist your words and lie about you they are not just forgetful, they are manipulative
-If you feel like you are not yourself anymore or that you have no freedom to be yourself this is not okay
-If you comprise your beliefs/ morals for them that is a sign they are not worth your time
-If they devalue your problems and always act as though theirs are more important this is manipulative, controlling behavior
I’ve had a hard time detecting signs of unhealthy, manipulative relationships and friendships throughout my life. These are things I have learned from personal experience with multiple manipulative friendships/relationships and I’m making this list in order to teach myself to recognize the signs. I’m also writing this because I hope it helps others to learn them.
Again this is all personal experience, please correct me if you feel they are inaccurate, and please keep adding more signs if you have also experienced this or have seen someone deal with it.