this scene has everything. the fucking horror movie music playing the whole time. jeeves’ face journey as he notices the pattern on bingo’s tie. the way bertie clearly does not understand a single thing that’s going on. this is peak comedy
When the apocalypse comes, if it does, it will look really impressive in places of fine art and classical performance. So surmises the collage work of Madrid/Berlin-based artist Pablo Genovés, who takes photos of museums, performance halls, and ballrooms, and creates scenes of flooding and tsunami-like moments in the otherwise serence environments.
Percival (aka me in class): If I keep my eyes open and fixated on the same spot long enough, no one is gonna know I’m actually sleeping.
I’mthe king, I should pay attention… or, maybe I can lightly stab him and he’ll shut up? Or I can just hit him with a spoon, that seemed to work on Merlin… mmm, spoons, dinner, I wonder if the kitchens’s made herb crusted caper. When’s dinner anyway?
Merlin: This is worse than listening to Gaius blabber on about anatomy… or Arthur about swordfights… this is worse than the time Arthur tried to take my head off with a mace.
These 2 poor knights:
Also, Gwaine is flat out shamelessly sleeping and I think I’m in love:
Anyway, Arthur is now dozing off now, or he’s about to pull Leon the f down, I’m not sure anymore:
And for the top finale, Uther’s ghost snaps even Gwaine wakes up:
-Elyan is the worst at taking advice, he either gets distracted and ignores it completely or overthinks it and ends up misinterpreting so you get option 1:
Gwen: try calming down a bit, just slow down and think first
Elyan, who has noticed a bumblebee and lost focus on anything else: mmhmm. that’s a good idea
Gwen: i know you’re not listening but yes, it is a good idea. i also think you should burn down the castle
Elyan, nodding and not hearing anything because look the bumblebee just did a loop: thank you, i’m sure that will help
Gwen: i also think you should kill the king. maybe learn some magic and show him some tricks. i could show you, i’ve been learning and i’m actually a very powerful sorcerer planning a coup.
Elyan: that’s a great idea. i’m going to go let this bee out, he’s stuck at the window
or option 2:
Percival: if you want Lancelot to make you a friendship bracelet, all you need to do is ask, he loves making them
Elyan: oh ok i get it you’re saying i need to ask him which means i need to do it formally. formal request, i’ll write a letter.
Percival: no, literally just ask, he’s standing over there
Elyan, slightly manic: i wonder if arthur would write me a letter of reference. a royal seal would look good, right? i could ask gwen but she’s my sister so i don’t know if that would compromise the entire operation
Percival: operation- just ask him
Elyan, dramatically swishing his cape: i must away. thank you for your advice, dear friend. i hope i can count on you for a letter of reference.
Extremely baffled Lancelot walking over to Percival: should i tell him i already made him one
-He is constantly flexing that he’s the queen’s brother. you know that scene in episode 1 where merlin’s like who do you think you are, the king and arthur’s like no stupid i’m his son? Elyan picks fights with nobles and pulls that shit all the time
Elyan, waving at a noble who wanted to starve the lower town: hey come over i have to tell you something
Noble: what is it
Noble: how dare you address me in this way. i am a respected member of court
Elyan: ok. bitch
Noble: just who exactly do you think you are
Elyan, gleefully pulling out the “i, Queen Guinevere, confirm that this man is my brother” letter her made her write: WELL
-Elyan introduces game night to the round table. Not dice at the tavern kind of game night, hide and seek, capture the flag, assassin kind of game night. obviously each one with an Elyan twist because if you play with siblings you end up making up a ton of arbitrary rules to catch each other out
Elyan, a bit drunk: dude you’ve never played capture the flag? that’s sad, i am sad. you sad only children, i cannot show you the joys of beating your sibling with a stick you found for no reason at all, i can at least make you play nonsense games
Gwaine, crossing his arms: the only game my sister ever taught me is ‘Gwaine if you steal my hairbrush i’ll murk you so hide under the table for three hours’
Leon, lovingly: guys. what the fuck
Anyway, Elyan doesn’t let it go so the next night they all find themselves out in the darkling woods playing capture the flag: Elyan and Gwen edition. this basically entails burning all your bridges in the name of a small piece of rag by slide tackling your friends and yelling out lies to distract them. Morgana and Merlin are out on opposite teams so both can use magic but they don’t really get the chance to because Gwen is pretty ruthless and fully launches herself at Merlin almost immediately. Gwaine nearly gets past Morgana but is distracted by Percival shouting that he heard it was Arthur who swiped Gwaine’s beer earlier.
-Gwen and Elyan don’t really physically fight anymore and they say it’s because they’re mature adults but it’s actually because Elyan is terrified Gwen might kill him. She’s a pretty chill person so once she’s annoyed enough to get in a fight, she is properly annoyed and everything is on the table: scratching, gouging, bringing up that time Elyan was so nervous about talking to that cute boy from the market that he threw up everywhere. Morgana comments on it after noticing how much more she beefs Arthur than Gwen and Elyan do each other
Morgana: how come you guys never fight?
Gwen: oh, you know, we grew out of it. we’ve only really had one big fight
Morgana: what happened?
Elyan, pointing to a scar on his forehead: i was going to show Merlin the poems Gwen wrote for him when she had a crush on him. she didn’t think it was such a great idea
-He likes to knit. He won’t tell anyone but when Merlin loses his favourite scarf or Percival’s jumper falls apart, they find a new knitted thing on their pillow like a knitting tooth fairy. There’s an unofficial betting pool on who it is which is endlessly amusing to Elyan and it’s getting a bit out of hand. He starts dressing up as different people when he delivers things. He has a Gwaine wig and stole some of Gaius’ clothes.
-Growing up, Elyan was Leon’s leading authority on shenanigans and impropriety. You know that friend that taught you swear words and showed you how to type boobies on a calculator? Elyan. He also thinks it’s kind of funny to just lie to Leon sometimes because he knows Leon will believe him
Leon, 12 years old: you’re sure this is a term of respect in other kingdoms?
Elyan: absolutely certain
Leon, walking out from the pillar he was hiding behind with Elyan and bowing to King Bayard and his entourage of knights: it is an honour to meet you, sluts
-Elyan and Morgana met as teenagers and were instant friends, which took decades off Gwen’s life and kept her pulse at a solid 400bpm. They would prank visiting nobles, which in theory wasn’t too bad but with Morgana’s calculating mind and Elyan’s total disregard for gods or death, it’s chaos
-He is an excellent secret keeper. He used to watch Arthur and Lancelot talk about Gwen knowing full well which one she’d choose and also that she’d have chosen Morgana over either of them. Merlin told him about his magic before the ban was lifted and he was much better at covering it than either Merlin or Lancelot. Gwaine confessed to him that every night he cuts off Percival’s sleeves because he thinks it’s funny and Elyan says nothing.
Everybody aware of the “would you like me to show you how to use the bucket” scene?
Is everybody also aware of the headcanon that Freya can appear in any body of water?
What if, when Arthur dumps the bucket on Merlin’s head, Freya (à la Sword In The Sorting Hat) tumbles out of it, summoned by - I dunno - Merlin’s feral urge to claw Pratdragon’s head off, and promptly socks Arthur in the face.
Picture: Arthur - git that he is - upturns a bucket of murky water on this poor, overburdened bumpkin’s head, only for Merlin to collapse in a heap right where he’s standing. Arthur, frozen in panic, thinks that he’s managed to knock Merlin out, which would be a disaster because he still needs to get his shirt on and Merlin can’t possibly expect him to do it all by himself (though he does ponder the possibility that he’d gain more favour with the court by gifting his fellow aristotwatscrats with the sight of his fine, chiselled abs…)
(…although, on second thought, he might also accidentally start a war for “disrespectful indecency”.)
(Which means he needs Merlin to wake the fuck up.)
He nudges his manservant with a hesitant toe, only to spring back, startled, when Merlin lets out a long groan. Not completely out of it then, he thinks with relief. He moves forward to aim a firmer kick to Merlin’s side, when the man suddenly begins writhing, making strange grunting and groaning noises that sound a lot like “get off me” but could also be “Jeremy”, and Arthur really doesn’t want to know what kind of deliria-induced fantasies his servant is having on his bedroom floor, though that disturbing carriage of thought is swiftly cut off by Merlin sitting up and flinging the bucket right across the room with a high-pitched shriek.
The bucket clatters against Arthur’s desk, sending his stationary flying off in all directions. He notices with irritation that the speech he’s supposed to give the next evening has been splattered with ink, which means that he’ll have to get Merlin to write it for him all over again. He looks over to his manservant with a steaming glare, but Merlin’s eyes aren’t - to his even greater annoyance - on him. Instead, he’s staring - with a face white as a sheet (at least, what Arthur remembers sheets to have looked like before Merlin came into his employment; Morris had been a wet blanket, sure, but at least Arthur could rely on the fact that his own blankets would be equally wetted and scrubbed while the sop had still been around) - at the bucket that he’d been wearing two seconds before.
Merlin raises a shaking finger, pointing straight at the bucket.
My once and for all ranking of who is the most responsible (or why Gwainecelot is the forbidden relationship)
No I will not be taking constructive criticism
Don’t be fooled just because she’s the smartest one here, that girl saw all manner of crazy shit with zero explanation and just. Went with it. If Merlin showed up at her door with a dead body she’d break out the shovel without batting an eyelid
His position on this list has nothing to do with his amount of brain cells (negligible) or sense of responsibility (have this crossbow merlin) and everything to do with everyone else’s lack thereof
If it weren’t for destiny turning him into a glorified bodyguard he’d be so far down this list we’d never see him again. But alas here we are.
Not a fucking brain cell to speak of he’s just scared of having fun
Poor fucker doesn’t even have one brain cell (must’ve fallen off the rack) he’s just close friends *AHEM* with everyone below him on this list and desperately tries to keep them from dying in stupid ways
Has several brain cells and could be 6th on this list if he only used them once. He never has, being chaotic is far too much fun.
Has one brain cell he never uses so it stays all new and shiny, he would only use it in the most dire circumstances (see below) and if he ever did there’s a chance Camelot might explode
A miserable fraud who’s only this far down the list because he tries to convince himself and others that he’s actually 8th and in doing so becomes more of a hazard than anyone else. Only one is capable of stopping him (see above) but at what cost?
Bro the way the guards are fucking holding him like-
Left Guard, full body wrapped up in Gwaine’s muscles: Please dear god let me memorize the thickness of this fucking shoulder and give me the strength to not commit treason for it
Right Guard, looking ready for a romantic stroll with his hands in the crook of Gwaine’s arm: tbh I may have interpreted it wrong when Uther said to “take this man out” but like bitch I volunteered to woo this swoll ass so fuck it this is date night now
i love the idea that people just keep getting necromanced out of nowhere after being dead for a while. like were they in the middle of something? arthur gets forcibly thrown out of the lake wearing a blanket poncho with a bag of doritos in his hand because he was just getting ready for another dwayne the rock johnson movie binge. instead of the shade and NakedSadness™️ in lancelot du lac morgana accidentally resurrects the real lancelot who is just. taking a nap and is like excuse me what’s going on
-Lancelot grew up in a small village near mithian’s kingdom with his older brother peter (he has a brother in some of the mythology so i’m thieving it) Peter was a blacksmith so Lancelot has some throwaway knowledge that he initially tries to impress Gwen with before realising she definitely knows more than him. Peter also taught him how to steal things without getting caught but Lancelot wasn’t so good at subtlety so Peter showed him how to make explosives to cause distractions instead
-He first decided he wanted to be a knight when he met one of Bayard’s knights. The guy was a real dick and so when he put down his stuff to grab a drink, Lancelot decided it’s free sword and swiped it. He started swinging it around and thought hey actually this is pretty fun. I could make a career out of this shit.
-After Lancelot gets kidnapped and becomes a cage fighter for a third time, Merlin decides he needs supervision and sends him to Ealdor, where he befriends Old Man Simmons and they bond over being enemies of the state and their lifetimes of crime
-When Lancelot was a knight, he was the bane of Leon’s existence because he used to just throw out weird information from his various adventures and kidnappings that Leon could never rationalise him knowing. One time they got tied to a tree
Elyan, clearly joking: does anyone know how long it will take to chew through the ropes
Lancelot, wearily: about twenty minutes
And Leon says nothing but thinks about it every day for the rest of his life. it keeps happening, just throwaway pieces of information from a story you could never put together without being told. On patrol one day, they forget their snacks
Gwaine: hey what do you think will happen if i eat these berries
Lancelot: if you eat those berries you will black out for six hours and the only thing you will remember is trying to eat god
-When the knights are out on overnight missions, Lancelot always volunteers for first watch so he can wear his cape like a blanket burrito (like this)
and his friends aren’t awake to laugh. Elyan woke up once and saw him but Lancelot convinced him to try it before he could tell anyone so now they have a mutual silence on it and both burrito up on patrol
-The berry incident: Lancelot prides himself on being something of a forest berry expert, so when one day he’s in the woods watching Merlin practice his newest spell and sees a berry he doesn’t recognise, it drives him insane. At first it’s just an interest, thinking huh i don’t know that one, wonder what it’s called. But then he can’t find what it’s called. He can’t find anything. He spends days in the library, he doesn’t sleep, he loses his mind trying to find out a single piece of information about this berry. Gwen and Percival stage an intervention that Merlin is supposed to bring him to but on the way to it Lancelot notices a bush of the berries and in his sleep-deprived mania, he shoves a handful into his mouth. His eyes dilate like a cartoon character and he starts laughing as he runs off into the trees as merlin tries to catch him.
Merlin, out of breath sprinting after him: why would you do this
Merlin spends the next few hours chasing him through the darkling woods, stopping him throwing himself out of trees because “I CAN FLY MERLIN I CAN”, hauling him away from a group of badgers he tried to befriend and pulling him out of puddles he shoves his face in because “the mud spirit is calling me merlin. she’s beautiful and her name is snert.”
-Sometimes he likes to lie face down on the ground to nap but not in his room, mostly in fields or in places he thinks are nice. Unfortunately, he thinks rivers and lakes are pretty and more than once Merlin and Gwen have had to drag him out after he fell asleep on a riverbank and rolled into the water
Lancelot: what’s going on i was sleeping
Merlin: YOU WERE DYING
Lancelot: i was? it was very peaceful
Merlin: Lancelot you were drowning
-Lancelot is absolutely a horse girl. When he can’t find merlin he goes down to the stables and gets drunk talking to the horses about everything in his life
Lancelot, very drunk: and then i told him he can be a burrito too! life is wonderful