Fuck ang galing ni Dean mag-lecture pero putangina ambilis niya magsalita saka for some reason hindi ako makahinga nang maayos dahil nasa pinakaharap ako?!?!??! Putangina ang LABO hahahahahhaha :( :(
I want to make him proud and I need to try harder.
then you softly leave.
I have found that I now feel angry. Really weird that my first reaction was acceptance, which turned into longing, which in turn became this. I wish that you feel longing. I wish that you miss me. I wish that you think of getting me back. I wish you’d let me know that you get sad too, sometimes.
Kahit minsan lang. Just so I’d have a reminder that everything wasn’t for naught.
Such is the way, such is the way of the
Bleeding sunset in watercolor
Gone are the days, gone are the days where I know
That you love me baby.
That you love me darling.
i’ll disappear without letting you know
Tatay lvl: Drank coffee while pooping lol I love poopy mornings. Kulang nalang magbasa ako ng Daily Inquirer while on the toilet
and how you held my hand as you drove me home, how eagerly you kissed me and how soft your hair felt in between my fingers. It is nice to know from the onset that everything was going to be transient. The impermanence of all that is around us makes it all the more beautiful. Thank you for coming to see me. I hope you remember me fondly.
In other news, I don’t feel any compelling need to go back to Twitter and I feel like life is so much more peaceful now. Good bye good riddance.
and it has a fast learning curve.
Right now I’m listening to s/issy/bo/ytaak/a’s channel and it prompts me to feel a lot of things. I’m supposed to be packing up to move back into the dorm, but I can’t do so if I can feel a lot of things.
Music affects my mindset a lot. I miss going to gigs. I miss dancing by myself. I miss moshing with friends. I miss holding someone’s hand, although I did that just the other night.
All life is an experiment.
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA YOLO tangina
Yeah the date went well hehehhehehehehehehehehhe but we’re probly not going to see each other again in a long time.
Busy law student + busy lawyer = ???!?!?? Yeah idek
Din’t know that I had the nerve to ask a guy out for drinks!! Lol I love discovering myself.
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA YOLO tangina
How many more mornings like this?
Well, anyway, no choice but to get a move on with the day. First: coffee!!!!! Hope I could get a lot done today.
I wish I were one of those people who find it so easy to talk, to express how they feel, to blow off steam, to shout to the world their frustrations. But no, I had to be that person who can’t articulate how she feels, who resorts to hiding and crying whenever she feels any strong emotion. When did I become so repressed?
It’s always the perpetual worry that if I expressed my negative thoughts, that if I blew off steam in front of another person, I’d be bringing that person down with my sadness. I’d be taking their time, only to spend it by spreading my negative energy. I’d feel sorry afterwards, I’d feel conscious that I’m wasting someone else’s time, I’d feel bad because they’d have to listen to my misery.
If people ever do listen and empathize, I’m always so eternally grateful. I thank people for listening. I apologize for saying too much.
I’m sorry. Thank you. I’m sorry. Thank you. I’m sorry. Thank you.
What does it mean to heal?
I got out of bed really, really late today. It was only recently when I started to oversleep so much. It was only recently that I found it particularly hard to get out of bed and to start my day. It was only this year when I thought that getting out of bed is a brave thing in itself. It is a triumph. It is a victory that I hadn’t killed myself, it is a victory that I haven’t gone over the edge, it is a victory that I’ve chosen to start the day.
I want to speak but I don’t really desire to be heard. I want to hide but I don’t want to disappear. I’m aching but there’s nothing left to do but to feel the ache. Based on my experience, I don’t really get over people that soon. Plus I don’t really have the opportunity to create new memories with anyone new because of school. I know that I’ll keep this ache in my heart for a long time. What did I do to deserve this? What will make me feel better?
I will be preoccupied and that’s completely different from healing. I will have my mind on other things but I know that when things go quiet, when I take a breather, when I stand still, everything always comes crashing back to me.
Why can’t I be like normal people?
Would it be dangerous if I were to go to a beach alone? Will I get murdered? At this day and age? In this economy?
!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE’S THE WINE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AIGHT AM GOING TO GO GET PIZZA AND WINE
Everything’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.
It’s fucking frustrating.
Home alone, drunk, washing the dishes while binge-ing Friends in the background. Can’t exactly binge on Terrace House while doing chores bec. can’t understand the audio otherwise!!!!
Fucken ECSTATIC that I’m out of Twitter. Place is TOO NOISY.
I am but a vague memory.
I’m okay (I think). There’s this new guy (who’s a lawyer omg!!) who’s been making a move on me ever since my internship at the law office ended. I’m not sure how to feel. Parang I feel like I’m too much of an emotional mess to think clearly. And I’m 95% sure he has fuckboy tendencies, which scares me.
I’m about to dive into my 4th year in law school. I am both anxious and excited. It’s going to be a marathon from here until the Bar. Hope the Universe grants me the endurance to finish strong. I know I’m strong, but the thing is, I’m also scared.
Everything’s going to be okay.
I’m not sure why we met up that morning. I can’t even begin to fathom how I was able to get up so early everyday back in college. But anyway, we met up in front of the Main Building, and we walked to the field. I was so, so absolutely stoned. I can’t remember anything. I can’t remember any of the why’s in my mind. All I know is that you looked into my eyes and told me that my pupils are super dilated. You laughed at me. We walked together to somewhere that I can’t remember.
I miss you. I wish I could be physically there for you.
and I find it so nice to listen to sensible, funny people. Buti na lang I have the house to myself for a week. A WEEK!!!! OF SOLITUDE!!!! AND THERE’S A WHOLE BOTTLE OF WINE HERE!!!! THAT I CAN CONSUME BY MYSELF!!!!
This is gonna be GREAT. There’s food and drinks, and I have money to spend. I’m going to love myself well this week.