This is a very important post for me and to those who follow me and wish to continue to see my future artworks.
My current situation, future plans and redemption are my objective in this post, so bear with me and I’ll try to not make things too long. I know walls of texts aren’t appealing but there’s a bit that I want to talk about, and if you’re reading and still have a small interest for me, taking 5 minutes of your time to read this letter would be the only thing I could ask from you.
And I’m aware that stuff like this are not original, and there’s no real easy way to put it, but I guess time for me to be real and honest for a moment.
First of all, it’s the best for me to express my deepest apologies for leaving many people in the void about my activity, and especially to those who have been trying to contact me and have yet to be answered, and to those who I may still owe some art. Giving no sign of life is very unprofessional and should not have happened. I know it doesn’t make it easier to hear and it sucks, but I really needed to have a long time to get my life back together and think about my future as an artist, and reconsider some aspects of my life.
Although I still love making art and there’s no reason for that to change now, consider that I don’t have plans for drawing more characters from the MLP show. I have been totally uninterested by the show for a few years now, and the only reason I continued was simply because the MLP community has given so much for me, and that ponies was pretty much the only thing I was able to draw. I grew sick of drawing that kind of stuff and dropped all things all together as a result, although I still love the characters. Even though Bronycon 2018 was my last interaction with the community and I don’t plan on going this year, I will continue to upload content from now on, just not MLP related.
Then it comes to my mental health. My Gf asked me if I wanted to see a Psychologist. At first I was a bit confused as to why, it was a bit sudden as a question. But a few common friends told her that I acted as someone with depression, and it got me thinking a bunch. I haven’t been feeling that different than a few years ago, but the reality is I most likely got used to having the same daily thoughts, not being as good as I want to be in my creativity and content creation, and not being able to breach in something. A few days ago I went to hospital to try to get a antidepressant prescription or some kind of diagnostic, something that could help me with my mental health. I was told I should avoid taking drugs, and instead I got a signed paper from the doctor that allows me to see a psychologist free of charge. So I hope this step will help me go through this, I’m genuinely tired of this dissociation and lack of ambition and I want to make content on a weekly basic but my mental health is a wall I currently can’t overcome.
I’m accepting that I may not be mentally healthy and I’ll do my best to improve. Having fun is a very important aspect when it comes to making content and is source of happiness for artists when they love their work, and unfortunately I have stopped having these feelings about mine. All this is affecting my creativity and my mental energy to the point I have to force myself to draw anything and I can never feel accomplished. In hope to breach this hole, I invested in art school to learn about the human anatomy and distant myself from the things I knew. Learning about the human anatomy is obviously something that can be done by yourself, but being surrounded by professional allowed me to keep focus and not distracted. I don’t currently have the money, or the craving need to take more sessions, but It was a great experience nonetheless and it helped me to learn a lot.
To be on a more positive note, my past work and I are not disappearing from the internet. I do however, will change my artist name since my current one was a placeholder that I never got to change since I didn’t know what else to put. Content wise I continued to produce a bit of it as well this year. Most which was either posted on my personal Facebook, or have never been posted and have been kept on my computer for personal experience, that or I didn’t like them enough.I also plan on creating a Facebook page, and post on my twitter as well. My content however will change it’s kind and won’t necessarily be always suitable for DeviantArt and Tumblr. For those who want to still follow me around, I recommend going here once I finish setting up things. I will start posting again, starting with what I’ve done while I was away. I might post my unfinished work that never got past sketching as well.
Once again, I apologies that it has to come to this.
Thank you so much for all the smiles and inspiration from this wonderful community. I hope one day I’ll manage to become the artist that I want to be, learn to love what I do, and get forgiveness from those who I have let down. I know all this doesn’t make it easier to hear, but this isn’t a farewell, just a change to my life and hope it gets better. So again, thank you for everything.
See you soon.