I’m Scared, But I’m Gonna Do It Anyway.
I don’t normally write angst so I wanted to try it out. The last time I tried it was Peter coping with Tony’s death so now we get to see something from Tony. It’s really short because I’m not very good at angst compared to smut ;;
Warnings; Angst, no smut, canon compliant, major character death, short (339 words)
Tony knows what he has to do and he’s scared. He’s so scared. He has so much more to live for. He just got Peter back. The kid hasn’t even had time to meet Tony’s kid. He doesn’t want to leave Morgan but at least she’ll have Pep.
Oh, God, Pep…she’s going to see it.
He doesn’t want to die.
He knows he’s going to.
He’s so scared.
But he knows what to do with fear. He knows how to box it up and put it away somewhere far behind his eyes. There’s so many nooks and crannies to hide things in when you’re broken up inside.
Terrible coping mechanism, his Platypus would say, because they’ll come back to haunt you one way or another. Jokes on him; Tony’s going to die before these demons can spring on him.
He lifts his gaze onto the purple alien threatening everything he knows and loves and beyond, to all the trillions and trillions of lives existing across the universes’.
(Am going to die.)
(So, so scared.)
(He’ll die in this suit.)
His fingers snap; the catalyst to the end of the world.
The heat is crawling up his arm, advancing through his veins, burning him up one cell at a time.
The stones are pulling him apart on an atomic level, using his DNA for their own mini nuclear fission, feeding off of his radioactive decay and spreading like cancer.
His heart starts going crazy in his chest. It’s twitching and spasming like a dying bird fluttering frantically under a cat’s paw. His ribs feel like they’re crushing inwards, a soda can collapsing, getting closer and closer to his panicked heart.
"You can rest now.” Rest? He wanted to live! He wanted this pain to end! He wanted someone to hold him, to whisper something nice to him, to fucking lie and say he’d get to see his little girl again-
His heart lurches; stutters.
There’s no going back.
And he’s so, so scared.