The moon landing was fake: tired, passé, heard it before
The weirdest guy I ever met in a church was this boy who referred to “Buzz Aldrin and his husband” going to the moon. I was completely baffled, and when I asked if he’d misspoken, he got really angry and accused me of being deliberately ignorant of the facts. It turned out that he was somehow comvinced that Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong were married. It took five Wikipedia articles to convince him otherwise.
The moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal: fresh! sexy! I’m going to be thinking about this for months!
Romcom where two dudes in the 1960s fall in love and come up with an elaborate plan to become astronauts to get married in space because gay marriage is illegal everywhere but it can’t be illegal on the moon
Might make things a little awkward for Mike Collins.
He was the officiator
This is an excellent take. He officiated in orbit, and the landing was their Honey Moon.
Oh my god they were moon mates.
THEY WERE MOON MATES
Pros of having ADHD:
- Can track prey for hours without losing focus
- Special interest: basket weaving
- Always fidgeting - banging rocks together and discovers flint-knabbing
- Distracted by berries
- Stimming by making noises, discovers the sksksk that lures out squirrels
- Can’t sleep at night, great at guarding the cave while family sleeps
- Sensitive senses means discovering and refusing to eat rotten/poisonous food
- Sees bird eat nut - impulsively tries it too and discovers that nuts taste good
Cons of having ADHD:
- Can’t do homework
- Impulse buys
- Can’t use a calendar
- Can’t sit still in classroom
born in the wrong generation
All you’ve ever wanted was to be feared and rule the world but every villainous act you commit backfires. Steal candy from a baby? Poisoned candy, baby saved. Steal the baby? Abusive parents. Threw a woman off a building? Push she needed to unlock her powers of flight, she’s now your sidekick.
Newly acquired toddler: Mr. Evil man you sure are helping a lot of people.
Villain: Finish eating your lunch, Timmy. Daddy’s plotting to overthrow the Big Bank.
Sidekick: Oh that’s great, John! They’re so corrupt. I’ll cancel my plans with Linda tonight. She’s gonna love this.
Villain: *crumples up evil plans and throws them across the room* DAMMIT!
*the plans land in the recycling bin*
Harry Potter and the Violation of the Geneva Convention
Hermione: If Voldemort likes the good ole’ days so much, why don’t we bring them back? Old society, old war tricks
Hermione, putting on a gas mask: New plan. We take them out with consumption and mustard gas
Hermione, to Voldemort: Did you know, historically, a majority of war deaths come from disease?
Harry: What if we gave them all smallpox
Hermione: HARRY NO! We already eradicated it once, let’s not make the world do it again
Harry: Oh yeah, I guess you’re right
Hermione: Now tuberculosis, on the other hand…
Circa Seventh Book
Hermione: Has the wizarding world discovered vaccines?
Ron: A wax what?
Harry: Hermione, we cant take out the death eaters with a genetically magicked disease
Hermione: No I know that. Of course I know that.
*Uncomfortably long silence*
Important question: Has the wizarding world discovered vaccines and is Hogwarts vaccinated?
Does the Wizarding World recognise the Geneva Convention, though? Can we get a source from the Ministry of Magic on this?
*gets treated as a lesser person*
*doesn’t look disabled but is*
*gets told they’re faking*
I know im op but thats the funniest thing you are absolutely right @mega-autism
You’re a daycare worker, watching over toddlers, when the imminent end of the world is announced. It becomes increasingly clear none of the kids’ parents are going to show up as the end inches nearer.
You explain everything as gently as possible, even though none of the toddlers will have a clue what’s happening. As far as you’re concerned, the world is about to end and it’s best if you just keep them calm.
But then one of the toddlers stands up, grabs a sheet of paper and some crayons, and approaches you.
“I have an idea,” Kevin Macallister says.
Haven’t been murdering enough axes, eh?
Yeah, sure, seeing new things is helpful as a fantasy writer. But. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that exposure to new things is the same as traveling. You know what else exposes you to new things? The internet. Documentaries. Books. Freaking Youtube. So when you’re bored of cats and cooking tutorials, go on an adventure!
You wanna write create some fantasy creatures but don’t know where to start? Go check out some videos The Weird Creatures Earth has Had.
Want some inspiration for your Super Evil Villain’s Villanous Deeds?
Or maybe you need knowledge of bunches of historical places and cities and cultures?
But maybe you’re basing fantasy on the modern world?
That’s just the stuff I could quickly grab. Things I’m subscribed to, that I know offhand. There is So. Much. Stuff. Online.
TRUTH. What you need is imagination, and you don’t need to go anywhere to use it.
The best thing about the internet is that it means its not just the fortunate sons that get to learn, and explore and imagine and write. We get to see stories from all over the place, from all sorts of people, who bring All Kinds of New Ideas.
Fun fact: Dolly Parton is not blonde. All her blonde dos are wigs. When she goes out with her husband, because he doesn’t want to be in the public eye, she has her real hair and wears more typical middle aged southern lady outfits and people just…. Don’t recognise her. She just Clark Kents her way into maintaining a private life.
Three things that are simultaneously true:
- everyone has done something bad at some point
- people can change their behavior for the better
- the people that have been mistreated might still not want anything to do with that person ever again
ESPECIALLY THAT FINAL BIT. IT’S REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT.
When people say “it’s not classy for a lady to curse”
BITCH THIS LADY IS THE EPITOME OF CLASS
LOOK AT HER CURSE. LOOK AT IT.
.~ Practically perfect in every FUCKING way ~.
Always reblog Julie Andrews.
Mary Poppins is cussing someone out without even speaking
The fact that Mary Poppins’ deathglare is included in this gifset make me ridiculously happy. xD
Every once in a while I’ll come across a post being like “why did Jane Austen throw away Henry Crawford’s redemption arc that’s who Fanny should have married” and I would love for them to explain how a man refusing to accept a woman’s no for months & recruiting her entire shitty family to similarly pressure her into a marriage she doesn’t want was a “redemption arc” and not like more proof that he’s an asshole
“A clever plan..because if Harry here and his friend Ron hadn’t discovered this book, why–Ginny Weasley might have taken all the blame. No one would ever have been able to prove she hadn’t acted of her own free will…and imagine…what might have happened then…The Weasleys are one of our most prominent pure-blood families. Imagine the effect on Arthur Weasley and his Muggle Protection Act, if his own daughter was discovered attacking and killing Muggle-borns…”
It brings me SO MUCH joy that the plot of Chamber of Secrets basically happens because Lucius is terrified out of his mind of Arthur and Molly Weasley and their SEVeN kids who were all raised to hold the line in case anyone tried to start a genocidal regime again. They are so powerful and so dangerous to any attempted rise to power from the Death Eaters, and Lucius feels the need to try and marginalize and demonize them in order to decrease the threat they pose.
And boy was he right to be concerned, they are…unstoppable. Each and every one of them. You thought it was impressive that it took five Death Eaters to kill their uncles? Try having a couple Weasleys illegally on the airwaves, one destroying Voldemort’s Horcruxes, one protesting at Hogwarts, one running loose in the government, one housing escaped prisoners, and one getting foreign support!! More children than they can afford? Try more children than you can effectively stop!!
And then when they ALL show up to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts? What a trip for Lucius Malfoy! Hey bigots! Would you like to pick an opponent based on which Quidditch position they excel at, or do you wanna roll the dice and go with one of the brothers who got 12 OWLs? Those are your only two options because Weasleys are EVERYWHERE and the weak link is NO ONE. The fear that must have been in his heart when one or two of them was around every corner of the school taking down his DE pals…is so amazing to think about. Glorious. Iconic. Every Weasley has red hair, freckles, and a drive to destroy the concept of blood purity at all cost!!
The Weasleys are not always nice or right, but they are GOOD and they believe in standing up for what is good, and when evil is around they SHOW UP to fight it. No questions asked. And evil is so scared of them, so worried about what they can do, that it resorts to desperately weaponizing a little girl to try and stop them.
THIS IS AMAZING!!!! GO, WEASLEYS!!!
The thing I love about Arthur Weasley is his function as a foil to Lucius. The Weasleys are dirt poor and Arthur’s job is a joke, but he’s widely respected to the point that the governers mention that finding his daughter in the chamber is the last straw. Not a pureblood student. One that’s related to Arthur. He’s well connected enough to get them into the Minister’s box at the Quidditch world cup. I forget which book it is, but at one point he gets an entire fleet of enchanted cars to take the kids to King Cross station to catch the train. This is all through sheer personal influence; everything the Malfoys achieve is through bribery. Lucius should fear the Weasleys.
Arthur Weasley runs on fairy tale power; he does favors for people, because he’s kind, and they do favors for him in turn.
I’m not a fan of all the Weasleys, but damn, they’re intimidating.
TEEN HORSE GIRL MOVIE WHERE THE HORSE DIES AN HOUR IN AND THE SECOND HALF IS THE GIRL LEARNING OCCULT SCIENCE TO REANIMATE IT SO SHE CAN WIN THE BIG DERBY
TAGLINE: YOU CANT BEAT THIS DEAD HORSE
“Surely nothing could be worse than a lot of women dying,” she thinks. “Ah,” she says.
What non-creepy, non-terrorism related reason is there for this to exist?￼
me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.
my boss: Wait, what?
me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.
boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?
guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!
guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?
me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792…..4?
me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.
I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.
me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.
me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.
me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!