Author’s Note/Summary: You oversee cleaning up after a quidditch party and find a very drunk Sirius who confesses some deep feelings he has for you. (Tried my best to keep reader gender neutral!)
The common room was extremely quiet compared to the last few hours it had undergone. Gryffindor had won against Slytherin in the afternoon quidditch match and “of course we had to celebrate like it was our last day on earth!” James’ words. Not mine.
In fact, I was currently regretting the whole thing. It was fun, sure, but The Marauders, specifically James Potter, somehow convinced me again to ‘help’ clean up afterwards. Let’s just say, every time I have ever agreed to help The Marauders do any type of chore, I am always the only one who is decently productive. They do try their best, especially Remus, but I still expected them all to be up in the dormitories by now: Remus and Peter passed out in their beds, James following Lily like a puppy to her room, and Sirius sleeping with a random girl that he will most definitely tell me about tomorrow. It is what I get for being best mates with the 'Hogwarts Resident Playboy’ (Even though I believe he was the one who gave himself that title). Anyways, this was the same, old routine every time The Marauders held a party and that was the exact reason why I was surprised to find long, black hair draped over the back of one of the common room’s couches.
“Sirius?” I ask.
No response. I slowly walk around to the front of the couch to see him zoned out and looking at the dying fire.
“Sirius,” I repeat, louder this time.
I wave my hand in front of his face to try and get his attention. He slowly blinks a few times, getting rid of the daze that had consumed his stare. He then turns his head to look at me and lazily grins, or at least attempts to do something resembling his iconic smirk.
“Ah, halloo love,” he responds, slurring his words, “Welcome to my couch,” He exclaims pridefully, emphasizing the last syllables of each word he spoke.
He pats the seat next to him and I take it, looking him over head to toe. I notice just how disheveled he looks, not to mention how he absolutely reeks of alcohol.
“You okay?” I inquire hesitantly referring to his drunken state.
Sirius drinking was not uncommon, but the last time I saw him this drunk was after he left 12 Grimmauld Place.
“Mhm,” He murmurs, not quite meeting my eyes that time and looking back towards the fireplace.
“Yeah… sure. I will pretend I believe you, but that still doesn’t explain why you’re down here. I assume its not to help pick up after the party,” I quip.
He scoffs at the idea and just shakes his head, keeping his mouth shut.
“I am surprised to see you here at all, honestly,” I mutter.
“And why might that be, love?”
“Well… because I never see you at parties. You’re always… preoccupied. Especially after them,” I answer, trying to hide the slight pain in my tone.
I am not sure if the pain was from jealousy or the protectiveness I had over him. Well, maybe I was sure, but I would never admit to which one it was.
“Right. I just didn’t feel like it,” He shrugs.
“Who are you and what have you done with Sirius?”
“Ha. Ha. Very funny,” He said monotonously, clearly not appreciating my antics.
He picks up a cup I had not yet noticed, throws his head back, and takes a big sip all in one swift motion. I assumed it was firewhisky and quickly took it away from him before he could chug the whole thing.
“I think you have already had enough drinks for the both of us tonight,” I reproach, setting the cup down on the coffee table in front of us.
He makes some type of incoherent whining sound in protest and then looks over at me. Based on his facial expression alone, he seemed like he wanted to tell me something, but he quickly closes his mouth just as fast as he had opened it. He shakes his head slightly as if having an internal debate with himself.
“What is it…?” I ask suspiciously.
“I, uh, forgot,” he tries to reply, failing horribly at lying due to how drunk he was.
“Okay! Okay! No need to yell about it!” He exclaims while I roll my eyes.
“I did no- mph!” I began to protest, only to be cut off by Sirius forcefully pushing his index finger to my mouth
“Shhh. Sirius is talking,” He interrupts, referring to himself in the third person. “Anyways, as I was saying before you rudely interjected. You know how you did not have the best childhood?”
I was taken aback by his abrupt question, but I was not completely surprised as he continues to slur his words together.
“No, I completely forgot. Please enlighten me,” I state with a sarcastic tone that I could not repress after removing his finger from my lips.
“Oh, well, when you were little-”
“Sirius. That was sarcasm,” I inform him bluntly.
“Oh, right… right. Well anyways, I think that is why I am not having sex right now,” he told me definitively.
“My bad childhood is why you are not shagging?” I question incredulously.
To say I had no idea what he was trying to express was an understatement.
“What?! No! MY bad childhood is why I am not… Merlin (Y/N),” He groans frustratingly.
“Okay, to be fair, you aren’t giving me much to work with here!” I protest, “I still don’t understand though. What does the wretched Black family have to do with your love life?”
He laughs humorlessly, “A love life, eh? My rendezvouses with all these girls are now considered a love life? Pretty pitiful if you ask me,” He whispers the last part, no longer hiding the pain that was in his eyes. I could have sworn I saw tears threatening to fall.
“Hey, hey. I’m here. You’re okay,” I reassure him, acting upon instinct by grabbing his hands quickly.
He squeezes my hands tightly and hesitantly follows up his previous statement, “I guess what I am trying to say is… I think I am only hurting myself more by trying to make up for the lack of love I received as a kid with… meaningless shags.”
I did not know what to say. In all our years of friendship, I had never seen Sirius Black so self-aware. It wasn’t like him to regret his actions, especially when it came to girls. I put my arm around his shoulders and motion for him to lay his head on me.
With his head laying on my shoulder and mine resting on top of his, I run my fingers through his soft curls. Something he has only let me do since we were kids. He hums as I did this, making me smile slightly as I feel his whole body relax. He grabs my clenched fist with his hand, loosening my tight grip. I didn’t realize I had begun digging my fingernails into my palms, but I knew it must have been from the enraging thought about how mistreated Sirius was as a kid.
“You can say you told me so now, by the way,” he says quietly after some moments of silence.
He was referring to the countless arguments we had about the ways he treated women and how it was going to end up a disaster.
“I’m not going to do that. At least not right now,” I reply, shaking my head.
“I think I drank too much,” he mumbles into the crook of my neck.
“I know you drank too much,” I retort.
“I’m kind of surprised you aren’t lecturing me right now.”
“Please, I only lecture you about getting hammered when I know you’ll actually remember it in the morning,” I chuckle, even though we both know it’s the truth, “Besides, you know it’s only because I care about you. You’re hurting right now and need me. That will always be my priority.”
“I know, that is why I am in love with you,” he utters without any hesitation.
“Co- come again?” I ask, once again taken aback from what the boy next to me said.
No matter how drunk he may have been, it was undeniable that this conversation was escalating very quickly; My rapid heart rate was enough evidence of that. I watch as he slowly registers what he just admitted.
“Oops, didn’t mean that to come out,” he laughs.
He leans over and kisses my forehead, causing me to turn more scarlet than Lily Evans’ hair. The simple act of affection was not abnormal for us, but him professing his love? You did not hear that every day. I dismiss the shock I had of what he said, refusing to get my hopes up as I remember just how drunk he was. Would I end up regretting my dismissal of such a proclamation? Probably. However, I was not going to take advantage of the drunken boy. Even if he was saying he felt the same way. Even if he was saying the exact words I had waited to hear for so long.
“Come on, Sirius, lets get you upstairs,” I tell him, standing up from the couch, and tugging on his arm.
He did not budge.
“Hold on, wait a second. I let down all of my guards and tell you I am in love with you, something I have never told anyone, might I add, and your response is handing me off to Remus and Peter!?” He exclaims, his anger rising along with the volume of his voice.
“Sirius you are drunker than James got after Lily rejected his grand proposal during the Hogsmeade trip our third year!” I said, defending my actions and trying to calm him down simultaneously with humor.
“Well, I guess that is just how Potters and Blacks react to the girl they love not feeling the same way.” Sirius spats, “If you want to reject me, then just say it. Don’t be a coward, you are not like all of those bloody Slytherins.”
He attempts to stand up to meet me at eye level, but drunkenly stumbles and ends up landing back on the couch with a hard thud.
“Ow… Merlin” he groans.
“That’s what you get for cruelly stereotyping an entire house,” I remark under my breath, hating when he and the rest of the boys harassed and judged any Slytherin they encountered. “And I never said I didn’t feel the same way,” I reveal, seeing his eyes light up with hope, “It is just late and neither one of us are in a proper state for this type of discussion.”
“But-,” he starts.
“No buts. How about this… if you still want to talk to me about this tomorrow after your inevitable hangover passes, then we can chat, okay?”
“You are just hoping I don’t remember in the morning.”
“Maybe, maybe not.”
“Either way, we both know you aren’t going to be able to get me up those stairs in one piece,” he mutters, clearly exhausted from his night of partying.
“I guess we better get you comfortable then.”
“I think you mean get us comfortable,” he laughs as he grabs me by my waist, pulls me on top of him, and immediately lays back down.
“Sirius!” I shriek.
I end up lying right next to him on the couch with my head on his chest.
“You are unbelievable,” I sigh, adjusting myself to get more comfortable.
“You love it,” he retorts with a matter of fact tone.
“I am practically on top of you, how is this comfortable?!” I question, ignoring his comment.
“Because you laying on top of me is something I will always enjoy,” he winks, then closing his eyes with a smug smirk as he got comfortable on the common room couch that was way too small for the both of us.
I roll my eyes at his cheesiness but soon close mine as well.
Thank Merlin for the darkened common room, I thought as I felt myself blush even more due to my proximity to Sirius.
“Goodnight, (Y/N). I do love you,” he says in a hushed voice.
“Goodnight, Sirius…” I whisper back, hesitating before allowing myself to fall into a deep sleep thanks to the consistent and calm beating of my best friend’s heart.
“Psst… love. Wake up,” I hear, slowly opening my eyes and feeling a comforting hand gently shake my shoulder.
“Shush, pillow!” I sleepily place my hand over Sirius’ mouth, hitting him harder than I would have if I were fully conscious.
He let out a chuckle, “Should I be offended that you just abused my gorgeous face or concerned that your subconscious thinks it is talking to a pillow.”
“Shut up,” I say, coming to my senses, “What time is it anyway?” I question groggily, a yawn following soon after.
I lift my head from Sirius’ chest, rub my eyes, and look around the empty common room, eventually meeting his gaze. Even though it felt like the night passed far too quickly, I felt more rested than I had in a while.
“Just after breakfast, I assume. Remus just brought us back food,” He said smiling down at me, rubbing my back lightly up and down.
I suddenly became extremely aware of how I was engulfed in Sirius’ embrace. My arms were wrapped around him and our legs were proudly tangled together. I couldn’t help but become invigorated by our embrace, but then realization washes over my features. Knowing how gossip travels like wildfire around the castle, I was sure that everyone now knew of my feelings for the boy due to our compromising position.
“Wait… after breakfast? But that means that almost all of Gryffindor has walked past us in the past hour!” I speak with a worried voice that came out more like a whine, burying my head back into his chest.
“Godric, I did not know that being seen with me was that bad. I feel like that is something you mention to someone before becoming their best mate,” Sirius teases.
“No! Just well. I- you know. You and I- I guess-,” I stutter out, my voice muffled by his white t-shirt.
“Okay, okay. Before you start overthinking everything, have some toast. Food always makes you less anxious,” he says with a smile, gesturing towards the plate on the table that had all of my favorite breakfast foods.
I glance at him with slightly widened eyes, not knowing when he made note of my anxiety habits.
“We have literally been attached by the hip since our first year. It’s normal I notice things like that,” he replies nonchalantly in response to my shocked expression, somehow reading my mind.
He hands me the plate and I made a mental note to thank Remus later, grateful for the kind acts he always does for me.
“Why did the guys not just wake us up?” I ask in the middle of devouring my food, regaining some of my composure.
“James said, and I quote, 'we looked too cute to disturb’ and refused to let anyone be too loud as they left through the portrait hole. He thought we both confessed last night and did not want to ruin the moment… as if he has never done that before,” Sirius replies, amused and making sure to mumble the last bit as if an offended James Potter were to appear at any moment.
“Oh (Y/N), my poor dear (Y/N), you did not really think I would forget, did you?” He asks.
My eyes widen slightly, recalling what he had told me just hours prior.
“You- you must be hungover,” I state, with a noticeably shaky voice, exposing how nervous I am as I glance over his seemingly normal and content state.
I was desperate to try and call out his possible bluff as he glances over at the table in front of us. I follow his gaze and see a completely empty hangover potion with Sirius’s name on it. My thoughts start going wild.
“I- I do not understand,” I stutter.
“I am done with trying to run away from heartbreak, (Y/N). I don’t want to be the 'one-night-stand guy’ anymore. Also… this morning, James may have let it slip that you have been talking about falling for me for a while,” Sirius replies, trying to mask his fear of rejection with humor.
“I’m going to hex James,” I mumble instinctively, trying to ignore my hands as they began to clam up.
“(Y/N),” he says, causing me to focus my attention on him once more, “I am absolutely in love with you and not just for your beautiful appearance, but every little detail that I have gotten to learn about you over the years. You have always been by my side and I really don’t want to lose you, but I cannot keep pretending the girls I snog are you. I cannot keep pretending that I want us to just be best mates. I am obviously not particularly good at this love stuff, but I want to figure out how to do it with you by my side”
I closely examine the look in his eyes, ensuring that what he was saying was genuine. I could see the anxiety under his confident facade, telling me this wasn’t just a prank The Marauders came up with or some strategy to get me into his bed. No, for the first time ever, I saw Sirius Black confirm that he was indeed in love with someone and unless his pumpkin juice was spiked, he was entirely sober and that 'someone’ was me.
“I am in love with you, (Y/N),” he reiterates, his confidence faltering slightly due to my silence.
“I- uh wow. Thank you?” I blurt out, not wanting to keep him waiting but also not knowing how to respond to such a monologue.
“Did you just thank me for falling in love with you?” He smirks.
After a quick nod of my head, he brushes the hair out my face and tucks it behind my ear. His hand lingers on my cheek, making sure I know that it was not going to go anywhere, anytime soon.
“Can I kiss you?” He asks as my eyes finally met his.
I eagerly nod my head once more.
“Love, are you really too shocked to say anything?”
For the third time in the past minute, I nod a silent 'yes’ in response to Sirius’ question. I could see the amusement in his eyes as he probably felt the distinct heat radiating off my cheeks. I was somehow becoming more nervous. My gaze drifts down to his lips as he sat next to me. I wanted to- No, I needed to finally kiss the man I had been in love with for so long.
“Come here, you dork,” He laughs as his other hand grabs the back of my neck and I am brought into my first of many kisses with Sirius Black.
“Your dork?” I ask millimeters away from his lips after pulling away from the passionate kiss.
“My dork,” He confirms.
Repeatedly, our lips met again with a hunger that had been built over years of 'friendly’ flirting and jealousy of those who got to kiss each other’s lips first. I smile into the kiss with the (now tamed) Hogwarts Resident Playboy reciprocating my emotions. That was the last first kiss I ever had, and it was perfect.
“What are you thinking about?” my new spouse asked me, amused at my faint smile as I recalled those 24 hours.
“Just that morning when we finally got together,” I replied with a pleasant hum.
Sirius grinned widely and began rubbing my back, much like he did that morning. His hands glided over the white, silky material of my wedding dress as he kissed my temple. Both of our attentions turned back to James, who was failing miserably at giving a put together best man speech. I could not help but let out a small, stifling laugh as he dropped his note cards, earning a glare from the best man himself. I gave an apologetic smile to James, the man that convinced me to clean up after that party all those years ago and can I just say, thank Merlin he did.