not all heroes wear capes
Rest in power.
Rest in power.
Rest in power. What they did will never be forgotten.
Series: WIDEOUT (chpt ix)
Note: This is the last official chapter before the epilogue. Once again, thank you @braidedchallah for proofreading! Hopefully this chapter mends y’all’s hearts just a lil bit. Meet NFL!Thomas. :)
Word Count: 13.8k (longest I’ll probably ever write, wow)
Pairing: NFL Player!Thomas Jefferson x Engineering Student!Reader
Warnings: cursing. light smut. nfl!thomas being hot af.
Summary: An unexpected reunion occurs.
Tags: @coololdsoulpoetlove @wreakhavoconmacroissantdiggs @lilangeldevil006 @pana-ce-a @merrahonthawall @katierpblogg @thespianbooks @a-hopeless-fan @uniquelystarchildthedragon @wcreech @sabbrriiinnaa @imperial-martian @harpersmariano @icanneverbesatisfied @underthewillowtreerycb @i-know-i-can @astralaffairs @braidedchallah @krisslee18
You don’t see Thomas Jefferson for another three and a half years.
Well, even then you don’t see him in person — just on your phone screen.
One cold day in mid-February (after you return back home from a long day at your internship), you receive a text message from Erik that contains nothing but a link to a YouTube video. Originally, you shrug it off, thinking that it’ll just be another cute cat video that he occasionally sends out of the blue. When you click on the link, however, it takes you to a video titled, “Thomas Jefferson wins NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year.”
“I want to create my own legacy…”
“With you, Y/N”
So people have been speculating over the masked singer again (The Mushroom), with some people thinking that it’s either Daveed, Leslie, Anthony or Jordan Fisher. But i think- for me at least, it’s MJ Rodriguez from Pose. Just lister to her singing in Pose and in Little Shop of Horrors, the way the mushroom belts is the same as MJ’s.
Change My Mind.
If you like Chris Pratt and want to defend him, that’s your decision. But friendly reminder:
Brie Larson was boycotted, had her movie Captain Marvel review-bombed, had thousands of hate Youtube videos made about her, had death and rape threats, and been compared to Hilter, for almost 2 years for her opinions of diversity.
Natalie Portman was blamed for Thor 2 flopping and attacked for playing the next Thor in Love and Thunder.
Elizabeth Olsen was bullied out of Instagram for not speaking about Chadwick Boseman’s death soon enough.
Don Cheadle is hated for his liberal opinions. And he, Idris Elba, Zendaya Coleman, Tessa Thompson, Anthony Mackie and the cast of Black Panther had racist hate for playing black superheroes.
Comcisgaters and “anti-woke” people rioted against the idea of an Ironheart Disney Plus show to a point they made a rumor that black people harassed Lexi Rabe believing she would be MCU’s Ironheart when it was really about white people bothering her for signing autographs. And plan to attack whatever child actor who will play Riri Williams.
John Boyega, though not Marvel, has been getting death threats for playing the first black lead in Star Wars and accused of getting in between the Reylo ship, accused of being sexist by white women for making a sex joke about Rey, and called out for Disney’s racism.
Chris Pratt getting defended over a Twitter joke but the people I’ve listed above didn’t get as much of the help from big white male stars when they were harassed for real.
Also the incident with Lashana Lynch regarding her being the next 007. I’ve read somewhere that she’s been getting a lot of hate because of the fact that the next “007 agent” is going to be played by a lesbian-black woman.
Listening to this just brightens up my day…
Once On This Island is an underrated musical tbh.
i’ve felt so loved these past couple days with everyone reacting to my rafa story, i love you all so much 😭🥰 i’ve been writing in different places for years, and this is the first time i’ve gotten this kind of traction and it’s very surreal. chapter 4 is pending! thank you everyone!! ❤️
You deserve every single bit of it!❤️
Every time “Hamilton” is said in Hamilton
this is what my brain sounds like
I’m actually crying why is this so fucking funny
There are so many “Hamilton’s” in this thing, that towards the end the only thing that i was hearing was “Hamiltin”
Daveed Diggs x ghost!reader
Words count: 2.5k
Summary: Character A can see ghosts, but ghosts can’t see A. Then, one day, Character A enters a hospital and has a conversation with a ghost (Character B). Character A keeps coming back and falls in love with Character B. Turns out, Character B is in a coma, and Character A is the only one who can convince them to wake up - taken from this prompt. I altered the story a bit, where Character A (MC) is an actual dead ghost meets Character B (Daveed) who is in a coma then turned to ghost, who asks for MC’s help to get back to his body again, then you know the rest ;)
A/N: y’all, this is like my first series! yeyyyyyy!
How they met (part 1)
It has been years since your hospital room was inhabited by another patient (because you would always haunt the room and it would drive them insane) but this one, who was pretty young and handsome for your liking has been recently admitted to your previous abode wasn’t like any other patients.
When he got admitted in the hospital he looked pretty bad, like he was involved in some sort of car accident. And his injuries were there to prove it; he got cuts all over his face and some deeper ones on his sides, his head was wrapped on a gauze a little patch of blood was seeping through it, his foot was on a cast and his body are hooked on many different machines that are scattered around the room.
Looking at his fragile figure you felt bad, seeing his loved ones come and go with tears on their eyes expecting him to be awake when they come back is pretty heartbreaking, but as hours turn to days and days turn to weeks, you expected him to be awake…but he wasn’t. He was always sleeping, he doesn’t talk, he just stays…still and lies down on the bed that he is on, he doesn’t do anything.
And him not doing any sorts of movements got you quite bored and curious, so one day you tried and messed with his room, expecting that what you were doing would wake him up. You turned the lights on and off, you flushed the toilets multiple times, you knocked some things off his bedside table, you even wrote to the nurses (which got them quite scared) you even talked to him. You did all of that and still nothing, he’s not waking up and it got you confused.
And you were determined to find answers as to why but before you can even leave the room a woman, another woman and a guy visited him, you had seen them previously visit so you know that they’re his family. Standing up from the windowsill that you have been sitting in, you took your book with you and walked past the guy who you assumed is “Rafa” or “Rafael” (she may have been eavesdropping a couple of times- but who cares?! She’s a ghost) you heard him shudder when you figure walked past him.
“Damn, It’s pretty cold in here” he whispers, rubbing his hands on his arm to create some sort of heat around him, you chuckled to yourself as you walked out the door, closing it behind you.
You wandered the halls of the hospital, not really sure how are you going to find answers, but then on the other side of the halls you see two nurses gossiping. You saw them turn their head on his door and they started giggling like school girls, you knew that they knew something so you followed them. Trailing close behind them you heard one of the nurses whisper but they’re incoherent, you heard the words “Daveed Diggs” “Car crash” and “Coma” being thrown around and those were enough.
You found yourself sitting on one of the couches in the waiting area, trying to put together the pieces “So his name is Daveed, he got into a car crash and now he’s in a coma. Oh so that’s what happend” you thought to yourself, you hummed to yourself as the realization dawned on you. You sighed to yourself not really knowing what you’re going to do next.
The place was pretty much empty, so decided to just take a nap somewhere because they were still probably there (yes ghost’ still sleep) but just when your about to stand up you saw the three of his visitors from earlier walking on the parking lot, you notice that the woman who had an undercut was still crying and the other two were trying to comfort her. You suddenly felt sad, probably because you remember your moms face back then when you were still alive; they were like hers.
Painful and unwanted memories quickly made their way to your mind, it made your chest tighten; something that you haven’t felt in years. The tears were already staining your cheeks when you were pulled back from reality when a loud thud coming from a room somewhere close by you, you quickly wiped your tears and headed towards the sound- the open doors of his room suddenly made your movements stop, your brows furrowed, cautiously taking one step at the time you pushed the door open, your brows furrowed, cautiously taking one step at the time you pushed the door open, and you saw…nothing. You shrugged thinking that they probably didn’t just close it properly, you took a seat beside him and asked him as if he’s going to reply.
“When are you gonna wake up huh? Your family’s been visiting you here countless times and you still ain’t awake, wanna tell me about that?” you placed your elbow on your knee, your settled on your palm, your eyes wandering all over his face.
“Oh, believe me sweetheart I’m well aware. Been watching them for a few days now” you heard a masculine voice behind you say, you felt yourself freeze and your eyes widened. You slowly turned around to face whoever this man is.
You faced him, he was leaning against the wall beside the door, a mix of boredom and amusement danced in his eyes as his gaze fell on you, his arms crossed over his chest, he was wearing a well tailored suit that fitted him perfectly, his coily locks falling flawlessly on his shoulders. A smirk made its way to his lips.
“Like what you see?” He asks smugly, you scoffed at that but you were still in a state of disbelief “Wait- how are you- how can- y-you can see a-and hear me?” you ask puzzled, stammering along the way, you were just bewildered because no one has even talked to or interacted with you in so many years.
“Yeah, of course I can see and hear you, sweetheart I’m not deaf” he chuckled, amusement clear in his voice, putting his hands in his pockets. You only looked at him stunned, someone was talking to you.
“I…” you trailed “Who are you? How are you here? How can you see me?” you ask anxiously, still eyeing him cautiously, you start to stand up from your seat, backing away from him to keep a safe distance between the two of you. Him on the other hand was alarmed at your initial reaction but you can still see a hint of amusement in his eyes.
“Woah, woah, calm down one question at a time alright? Can’t answer them at the same time can i?” he smiled softly, his hands up in a mock surrender. He pushed himself up from the wall and came to sit at the edge of his bed. Surprisingly his calm demeanor eased you a bit.
“‘Who am I?’ well my name’s Daveed, I’m that unconscious guy right there-” he nodded his head towards himself.
“Wait a second, you’re him?” you look at him cutting him off, he only nodded. You took a step closer to his lying figure on the bed, you squinted at his face and you noticed that a few cuts have healed and he looked a bit better, the bruising from under his eyes has also faded a bit. Your gaze went to him again, and it is him. Your silence signaled him to continue.
“-I got into a pretty bad car crash a few weeks ago, it almost killed me” his voice softened a bit, the amusement fading away “And I’m dead- I think? well, not technically. I’ve been like this-” he gestured to himself “-for a week now, and i don’t know how to get back to my body- I’ve tried to but I just can’t” he explained, his expression soft.
“I want your help,” he says softly, sitting up straighter, his tone becoming more serious, your brows quickly went up, your lips quivered upward.
“My help? You want my help? What makes you even think I can help you,” you saw his face fall slowly as you continued “‘You don’t even know me, and I barely know you.” you explained, you stepped a little closer and sat across from him, your expression soft.
“I actually have seen you a couple of times here, since I became…this” Daveed gestured to himself.
“You’re either wandering ‘round the halls, scaring people or you’re in here, sitting on the windowsill reading something” he admitted, a small sheepish smile crept on his face. The uncontrollable heat immediately took over your cheeks, you bowed your head down as an attempt to hide it. His sheepish smile quickly turned into a soft smirk.
“Oh what? So you’re a stalker now?” you ask, feigning an accusatory tone, you smirk, crossing your arms over your chest, you leaned back on the wall behind you.
“Not my fault, sweetheart. I mean, you’ve been my guardian angel since I got here. And I wanted to know who’s kind soul has been looking over me” he teased, batting his eyelashes, he placed his chin on his hand that laid on the soft mattress. You rolled your eyes.
“Don’t call me that”
“Call you what? Sweetheart” you looked at
him deadpan, you watched him as he enjoyed watching you get annoyed. You
scowled at his face
“You know what? For a second, I was actually considering the idea of helping you, but no. You can go help yourself” you say, and started walking away and making your way to the door.
“Wait wait wait! I thought we agreed on helping me?” he says, as he followed you through the corridors.
“Says who Mister?” you grimaced.
“Hey, come on now. You know that I’m just playing back there” he explained, the playfulness still clear in his tone, but that didn’t faze you.
“Please, I really need your help. Truly this time.” he pleaded, he stopped in front of you, his eyes were soft and genuine, he was looking at you expectantly, and you really didn’t wanna say no because he has a family to return to and you’re not a total bitch so.
“Fine, I’ll help you” you give in, his face brightened, a full on smile on his lips, he engulfed you in his arms, lifting you off the ground you let out a squeal, which prompted you to wrap your arms around his neck so that you wouldn’t fall.
“Thank you! Really…” settling you down, you let yourself smile, clearing your throat “It’s nothing, Daveed, it’s the least I can do”
“But still, It means a lot for me.” He smiled down at you. You suddenly felt a familiar warm feeling in your chest, the strange sensation felt good, but you couldn’t really figure out why that was happening. You shook your head, and started walking on the halls not really knowing where to go. You gestured for him to follow, and he started to walk beside you.
“So…” Daveed started, staring straight ahead.
“So…” you replied, tucking your hands deeper in the pockets of your cream oversized cardigan.
“Damn, this is so fucking awkward” he laughed, muttering it under his breath.
“Okay, fine. I’ll start. You’ve told me your backround so, I think it would fitting for me if I also introduce myself” you say, you looked at him sideways.
“The floor is yours” he smirked, you rolled your eyes at that, but kept the smile that formed on your lips.
“Alright. Well, my name is Y/N L/N, I died here years ago, and the room you’ve been staying in is the one that I died in, so it’s feels kinda sentimental to me” you confessed.
“Oh that’s why you’re always in the room huh? You died there,” you nodded as you two kept walking “Can I ask how you died?” he asked cautiously, not trying to offend you. He saw a flash of sadness grace your face, but only for a split second before it quickly disappeared. You cracked a smile and turned to him
“Good question, for another time”
“Uh- I- I’m sorry, Y/N” he apologized, putting a hand on your shoulder. You shudder at the contact as the pad of his fingers burned thorough you cardigan. Why is this happening?.
“No no no, it’s- it’s fine. I just don’t talk about it that much, you know?” and now your stuttering? What the hell?
Then the two of you fell into a somewhat comfortable silence as you navigate the hospital. Passing through the same lifeless white walls, white floors and white doors that you have seen all your life as a ghost.
As you were walking, you noticed that his hand never left your shoulder, it stayed there, and for some reason you didn’t mind. Which was a new thing for you because you did mind when someone touches you, but when it comes to him you felt comfortable, what are you doing to me? You thought to yourself as you two made a turn at the waiting lounge.
The sun was already up and shining when you faced the giant glass window that revealed the whole garden beneath you. You moved closer to the glass, pressing your head against it and closing your eyes as you felt the warm energy that was being radiated by the sun against your skin. After a few seconds of absorbing the sun, you felt someone’s eyes on you. You cracked one eye open to see Daveed leaning on the glass by his shoulders, staring at you rather thoughtfully, a small smile gracing his lips.
“Daveed, you okay?” you ask softly, turning your body so that it was facing him. Your voice seemed to have broken his train of thought, he continued to stare for a few more seconds before he mustered up a response.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.” Daveed replied. When he saw that you didn’t look all too convinced, he quickly changed the subject.
“So Y/N, when are you gonna give me a tour?” he asked, the tiniest of smirk’s adorning his lips.
“What? What tour?” you ask, your brows furrowing deep.
“Tour of this whole place,” he gestured towards the whole room, but mainly referring to the hospital “I mean I am gon’ be stuck with you for god knows how long this thing is last, and I wanna know where we’re going” now his full on smirk is showing. He raised his brows expectantly towards you while you wore a deadpan look on your face.
He extended an arm towards you “So?” he smiled softly. You looked at it, still contemplating. You rolled your eyes “Come on” you grabbed his hand, basically dragging him, which earned you a light shriek from him. Walking side by side with his hand on yours definitely made your heartbeat pick up pace, the heat rise up on your cheeks and the untouched colonies of butterflies on your stomach.
You should be feeling happy but you were more confused, why were you like this towards him? You just met him, you barely know him, but whenever you’re around him you feel comfortable like you’ve known him for years.
What the fuck is happening?
Daveed Diggs, Janina Gavankar, Jasmine Cephas Jones and Rafel Casal at the Blindspotting premier
okay…I’m writing a Lee Scoresby fic now hehehe.
#blackunite please help
#BlackUnite please help y’all. And ship one too me while you’re at it
y’all and ship one too me
while you’re at it
^Haiku^bot^7. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. | Who do I read? | Contact | HAIKU BOT NO | Good bot! | Selfie | Meep morp! Zeet!
boost this, please.
Thanks @ingie for the tag!
Rules: answer the questions and tag ten people you’d like to get to know better
Relationship status: Single as a pringle
Favorite color: Green
Three favorite foods: pizza, pasta, and tacos
Last Song I Listened To: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morrissette (listening to this while working out is a vibe)
Last Thing I Googled: PubMed (working on a public health paper)
Song Stuck In My Head: BODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY by Thee Stallion
Time: 11:38 a.m.
Dream Trip: Sooo many places but mainly Africa as a continent: Namibia, Botswana, Senegal, Ghana, Kenya, Nigeria, South Africa, Morocco, and Egypt. I’d also like to visit UAE, Portugal, Spain, Mexico, Aruba, Dominican Republic (again), and Brazil.
Thank you for the tag @proceduralpassion
Rules: answer the questions and tag ten people you’d like to get to know better
Relationship status: Single, but entangled.
Favorite color: Green
Three favorite foods: sharp cheddar cheese, Brussels sprouts, and tostones
Last Song I Listened To: I Know You, I Live You by Chaka Khan
Last Thing I Googled: “Can I get birthday cake delivered?” because my birthday is in about three weeks
Song Stuck In My Head: Blame It On the Boogie by The Jacksons
Dream Trip: My top trip is Tokyo, but I also really want to go to Amsterdam.
Rules: answer the questions and tag ten people you’d like to get to know better
Relationship Status: Single
Favorite Color: Blue
Three Favorite Foods: Chick-fil-a’s grilled nuggets, chocolate ice cream, hibachi
Last Song I Listened To: Fenty Sex - Smino
Last Thing I Googled: mountain oysters (It’s weird but it’s for a fic 💀)
Song Stuck in My Head: SPINZ - Smino
Time: 5:11 PM CST
Dream Trip: Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam. Or Disney World.
THANKS SHAKIRA! :) Also @ghostfacekill-monger my friend described mountain oysters to me when she went to go visit a college friend and ew! 🤢Rules: answer the questions and tag ten people you’d like to get to know better
Relationship Status: Single (plays NKOTB & Neyo’s “Single”)
Favorite Color: Purple & yellow are my favs!
Three Favorite Foods: Chicken parmesan, tacos & pasta in general
Last Song I Listened To: Live Like We’re Dying x Kris Allen
Last Thing I Googled:
Song Stuck in My Head: Okok (Hibachi) x Jordan Ward
Time: 5:20 PM PST
Dream Trip: SPAIN! ESPANA! BARTHELONA! Lemme be a damn Cheetah Girl!
tagging: @chaneajoyyy @bakarilennox @earl-aive @vikkidc @kumkaniudaku @teakturn @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @lostgirlever @janelledarling @dreamingofmilk @princessstevens @l-auteuse and anyone else who else this!
Thanks for the tag @shaekingshitup!
Let’s see here.
Relationship Status: Single IRL, moving into a cohabitation situation in my head with Yahya Abdul-Mateen II
Three Favorite Foods: Potatoes, Hot Lemon Pepper Wings, Cheesecake (I’m kinda lactose so this one is only fun going in).
Favorite Color: Hunter Green.
Last Song I Listened To: Scotty x D4L
Time: 9:05 PM
Dream Trip: I’m basic. I’d love to spend a month or so out in LA to see if I’d ever move there long term. Out of the country, I’d love to visit Bali or Fiji.
Relationship status: Single. Not really looking for any relationships right now, i told myself I’ll focus on my studies first.
Three favorite foods: Brownies🤤(they’re my comfort food😌) Sinigang, Kalamay (it’s a dessert here in the philippines!)
Favorite color: Mint green, grey, black.
Last song i listened to: APESHIT by The Carter’s
Song stuck in my head: No One Else from great comet (the phillipa soo version)
Time: 12:06 p.m
Dream trip: new york. My heart belongs to new york even though i know the it’s an expensive city, i just wanna walk down Broadway ya know? Also wanna visit The Louvre in Paris, France. Just the basic things.
Reblog art guys. Seriously.
Always reblog art!
No one sees it if it’s liked.
Help circulate an artist’s hard work!
Liked this, and then did a double take. Please reblog, it means so much to artists. This includes writers too
(If you see this on your dash. Reblog)
reblogging means so much to artists and writers!! so please please reblog! as a person who gets sad about uncredited work this means so much to me
So Thomas's president right? So would MC and him get their own presidential portrait? Like Michelle and Barrack Obama did?
WAIT OMG YES THEY WOULD !!! this highkey didn’t even occur to me. thomas insists on having it done in some stupid pose while everyone else tries to talk him out of it. mc grudgingly has it done in a similarly stupid pose just so their portraits won’t look vastly different
Listen to this is just…pure bliss
Daveed Diggs x reader!
Word count: 3k (sorry…not sorry)
Summary: Dealing with unfinished business is really HARD. Especially when it didn’t end well.
A/N:Here’s my poor take on cheating and everything that comes with that (i tried, i promise) brace for my poor writing skills (i am so sorry) this story has a lot of influnce from @darling-danger story, so i hope you don’t mind. And with all of that, hope you enjoy this one.
Warning: swearing, cheating, lots of crying and lots of ANGSSSSTTT
Lying comfortably on your couch, the soft fabric of your blanket embracing you with a comforting warmth, staring at the ring that was on your finger, you wondered why you haven’t taken it off but you couldn’t find any answer for that yourself, you still felt numb after what he did, you remembered how she was lying down naked in your bed, a beautiful woman, their clothes scattered on the floor, oh and the heartbreak it caused you.
You were crushed, you didn’t give him any chance to explain because the message was clear, you left that building shattered and a crying mess, and just like that he was gone, and the heartbreak and scars that he left you with is still felt fresh, even though a month already had passed, it all feels like it was just yesterday that you two were in each other’s arms.
The man whom you’ve spent 5 years together is now suddenly gone, the man whom you’ve shared your ups and downs with, the man whom you’ve shared your secrets you never told anyone, the man you’ve spent countless nights with, tangled in each other’s arms, profanity filling the air, moans muffled by the thick walls and heavy sheets, there was time where everything was perfect- then suddenly it wasn’t.
Everything that you two went through was immediately thrown out the window like it was nothing.Your eyes were starting to falter, sleep ready to welcome you when the door started to rattle due to a loud banging shaking you awake, grabbing your phone of the coffee table beside you, you looked at time 2:00 a.m “jesus this person better have a good reason to be here in this ungodly hour” you thought before answering the door.
He was the last person you’d ever want to see, but he has cuts all over his face, his eyes barely open, bruises all over his body, he looks utterly… tired. Worry and concern quickly washed over you, your mind racing with so many questions, but even before you could catch him he was already on the floor.
“Daveed! Jesus what happened to you!” You ask, crouching beside him, his face on your hands, he winced to the contact, he mumbled an answer but it was so faint you couldn’t hear it, concern was clear on your face. Sliding your arm under his, you help him stand but he won’t move.
“D, I know that every inch of your body hurts right now, but i need you to help me. I need you to stand” you whispered softly, he looked at you, pain flooded his face, but he still placed his arm arm your shoulder and nodded standing up, he groaned stumbling a bit along the way, leaning on your side for support, mustering every single bit of energy he has left.
You, on the other hand, can clearly hear and see him struggling, every step he takes beside you is met with either a wince or a grunt, which from time to time will make you flinch, and the more you see and hear him hurting, the more your worries excelerate. Finally reaching your couch you carefully settle him down, trying not to rattle his fragile body.
Daveed sighed in relief and leaned back on the blanket that was wrapped around you earlier.“I’m gonna get some supplies in the bathroom, try not to move too much okay- just stay there” you say, as you eyed his bruised figure for a second, hesitating to leave him. Daveed made himself comfortable on your couch, he only nodded as he saw your figure retreat somewhere.
His eyes started to wander all around your once shared apartment, it was still pretty much the same, nothing really changed, but the once innocent looking apartment that housed two deeply in loved lovers was now stained by his mistake that led to him losing the love of his life.
That one night played in his mind over and over again. The woman who wasn’t his lover, her lips, her hips, her beauty was addicting, sinful and wrong. A part of him was resisting her but the other was giving in. The temptress, and him, The magician, able to exist in two places at once. He let his eyelids fall shut, as the guilt and regret settled down beside him as he let them drag him down to sleep.
Getting inside the bathroom, you quickly grabbed the first aid that you needed, but then your actions came to a sudden stop, a thought hitting you hard on the gut, you looked at yourself in the mirror. The pain, the memories came back flooding in, and just like that, it was like you were back at the beginning again, crushed, angry, sad, broken.Your heart clenched at the flashbacks that played in your mind, opening another set of already healed wounds and adding some more deeper cuts.
You didn’t even feel the tears that are already on your cheeks. Coming back to your senses, you wiped away the salty tears and headed back outside. Walking into the living room you see him lying back down, eyes closed, his breathing even, he looks peaceful even if his body is in pain, he was hugging the blanket that was previously wrapped around you before he showed up here with bruises, a small smile appeared on your lips despite the anger, pain and everything.
It took every fiber of your being to resist the urge to embrace him, to inhale his scent again, to feel his hair on your hands, to taste his lips that fitted perfectly to yours (but still, you kept your guard up) you pushed your thoughts aside and settle the supplies down on the coffee table, sitting down on the small chair in front of the couch, you softly nudge him awake, trying not to press on anything, he slowly open his eyes.
“Hey, we need to get you cleaned up first before you rest” you whispered softly.You helped him sit up, when he got comfortable you took the cloth behind you and drenched it in water, taking his bloody hands in yours, you started wiping off the dried blood off of his skin in silence.
“So uhm, how’ve you been?” He asked anxiously, which took you a bit by surprise. It makes you stop only for a millisecond, you meet his eyes, he was looking at you wistfully, his brown eyes piercing holes on your body, but his once vibrant eyes were much duller, filled with what you assume is regret, you ignored him and went back and continued to take off the blood off his hands.
“I’m fine” you replied coldly, avoiding any sort of eye contact with him, you can feel the heavy tension lingering in the air, but you choose to do nothing against it. Taking his other hand, you whispered to yourself as you examined it “What the hell did you get yourself into?” but he heard it anyway.
“I had a fight, with someone at the bar nearby, and your house is the closest one I know here so…”
“Yeah I can see that” You replied as you moved to his face, carefully dragging the cotton swab across his delicate skin, the dried blood melting under the alcohol filled swab, the two of you refusing to start a conversation. Once the swab met the deeper cut, he winced loudly, you whispered a “Sorry” to him as you continued.
He was watching you warily, seeing the product of what he did. The dark circles under your eyes were a bit more noticeable than he remembers, you looked tired, and stressed, but all in all you still looked beautiful. your skin shining under the soft lighting that is your lamp, he just wanted to say sorry for everything he did, for the unimaginable pain he caused you, he wanted you back in his life.
The once perfect life he had with you, is now anything but a broken picture filled with painful memories. His eyes drifted to your hand and noticed that you were still wearing your engagement ring, that gave him the tiniest of hope of fixing all of this mess but before he could even say anything you spoke first.
“So I’ve been hearing rumors that you and… what was her name again? Becky, right? Are back together again. How have you two been?” you ask bitterly, deciding to finally break the silence.
You felt him tensed under your touch. His eyes went wide, not really expecting you to ask him that, but he should’ve seen it coming.
“Uhmm, Beck and I ain’t an item anymore” he shortly replied. You looked up at him, feigning a shocked expression, as you slowly pulled back.
“What happened?” you draw out a soft (fake) gasp, putting down the swab beside you. Daveed can clearly hear the mockery behind your voice “What, grew tired of her? Found another side-bitch for you fuck? Wasn’t she enough? Wasn’t I enough” the venom in your voice intensified, your eyes shooting daggers towards him, you knew your words hurt, but that doesn’t equal the pain he made you feel.
Your words had him wincing, he can feel the anger radiating off of you, he bowed his head down in shame then, he glanced at you again “Y/N, I didn’t mean to-”
“But you did anyway” you say through gritted teeth “Why did you do it?” you ask, angry tears were already streaming down your cheeks.
“Y/N, listen please-”
“Why.did.you.do.it!” you snarled.
“You were working halfway across the world, Y/N! I was alone here!” he argued, his voice raising.
“That is not a reason! Because, so was I, but I didn’t fucking cheat on you!” your voice wavered, tears continued to fall and Daveed had to stop himself from wiping them away, he hated seeing you like this, crying because of him “Bet you enjoyed having her between your legs huh?” you sneered.
“Y/N, you know It wasn’t like that” he says.
“Did you enjoy the way she had your dick in her mouth?-”
“Y/N-” you cut him off, your anger taking over.
“Bet you also fucking enjoyed shoving your tounge down her pussy everynight!-”
“Y/N, stop!” Daveed yelled, his voice loud as yours.
“What, you hurt? Well that doesn’t equal the pain I felt when I found out that my fiancee is fucking a whore on our own bed! you fucking destroyed me!” you yelled. Your breaths were ragged and uneven, your shoulders shook as a loud painful sob escaped your lips and it felt like you were back on square one again.
“Do you know what shit I went through after that? I was breaking down, piece by piece. I loved you, D. I fucking loved you!- then i find this shit out. Did I lack anything? Did I do something?” you say, through your sobs.His hand cautiously made its way to wipe your tears away, he looked at you hesitantly waiting for you to stop his movements, but once his hand made contact with your cheek you immediately leaned on to it.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N t-that this happened. I was tired and I wasn’t thinking straight, I wanted someone beside me, because you were away, you don’t deserve any of this, and the last thing I wanted to do was lose you, but I did. Y/N, you’re the woman that any man would wanna have. But apparently I was too bling to see that. This is my fault, don’t blame yourself.” he says, holding your hand, you held onto it like your life depended on it, finding solace in the contact.
“I know” you whispered as you absentmindedly rubbed circles on his knuckles. He gently placed a soft kiss on your knuckle.
“We could’ve been married, you know? Living under one roof, have a child or two,” you say looking at him, smiling ever so slightly, he smiled back and held your hand tighter “we could’ve been happy. In another reality it might exist, but it doesn’t here.”
Then silence consumed the two of you again, letting you two to be absorbed in your own bubble. What could it have been? You asked yourself. What would’ve happened if this tragedy hadn’t happened? What if he hadn’t cheated? What if you didn’t find out? The “what if’s” in your brain kept circulating. It’s a sad thought that made your heart hurt. You glanced at him to find that he was already looking at you.
The next thing that happened took you by surprise, his hands were at the back of your neck, his mouth moving in sync with yours, your hands weaved themselves in his hair, tugging at the ends, earning you a deep moan from him, which made the sides of your lips tug into a smirk. You should be pushing him away, but for the first time in months you just wanted him, you wanted to feel him, even if it’s wrong.
The kiss soon became heated, fuel by lust and passion, it became more harsher. In a matter of seconds he already had you melting and moaning under his touch, you had swung yourself to his lap, his hands digging on your waist as you grind your hips against him, your nails dragged across the fabric of his sweater. His lips soon made their way down to your neck, sucking and licking every inch of it, you were enjoying it, you were almost giving in, but then you felt his finger play with the waistband of your pajamas, then it hit you.
This is not right.
You pull back, panting as you try to gasp for air, you purse your lips, letting your head fall on his shoulder, your hands resting on his shoulders, the guilt falling down at the pit of your stomach “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he whispered in your hair, his hand came to rest at the small of your back.
“Don’t call me that, Daveed, this ain’t right, D. we- w-we can’t do this- I can’t do this!” you say, frustrated of yourself. You stood off his lap and started pacing back and forth in your living room.
“Do you know how big of a mistake it would be if we had continued this! I would be back on square one again! and I don’t wanna go through that again” your voice faltered, racking a hand through your hair, Daveed stood up and stood in front of you.
“Hey, Y/N- Y/N look at me,” he says softly, cupping your face, making direct eye contact with him “It’s alright, I understand.” he assured you “I’m sorry, I know that you’re still hurting and I should’ve done it.” you wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your head on his shoulder, he hugged you back holding you close. And at that moment he didn’t want to let you go, he just wanted to stay like this, forever.
“Daveed, I…I can’t keep doing this, I can’t forgive you. I’m sorry” you say, your eyes burned with tears, the words came out of your mouth with a burn, with every syllable, it felt like a dagger was being pierced to your heart. Daveed closed his eyes, burying his head deeper at the crook of your neck, his grip on you getting tighter.
Despite all the pain, he still mustered up the courage to smile at you. He pulled away, pushing some stray hair away from your face, seeing the pain on his face broke your heart, but it’s for the best. He planted a kiss on your forehead and whispered.
“I love you, so much. Hope you know that” you opened your lips but the words died on your mouth, you couldn’t say it back, your fingers grazed over his stubble to his cheeks, you slowly pulled him in again. Your lips meet halfway, his hands on your waist as you feel tears drop on your cheeks. It was mixed with pleasure and pain. The pleasure of feeling his lips on yours and the pain of having it dance with yours one last-
“Y/N? Y/N…Y/N!” You were snapped away from your thoughts as you heard Jazzy’s voice swarm you. You turned to her dazed, her eyes were wandering around your face, brows raised.
“I- uhm- shit- sorry- I just have a lot in…my mind right now. I’m okay” you apologized hoping that she would drop everything, you played with the hem of your sweater averting your eyes from her. She knew from the look on your face that you really didn’t wanna talk, so she dropped it.
“Okay…” she eyed you skeptically, but then focused herself back at the tv again. You leaned your head against her shoulder, and sighed. After everything that happened, you still find yourself drifting on that memory from time to time. The wounds have healed, you’ve moved on but still, you asked the same question over and over again “What if, any of this hadn’t happened? What will our lives be?” you know deep in your soul that It will not get better, that it will not be fixed. The damage was too much to fix. You closed your eyes, drifting to a fantasy where you two lived happily ever after.
I tried to change. Closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for 60 days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word. In that time, my hair, I grew past my ankles. I slept on a mat on the floor. I swallowed a sword. I levitated. Went to the basement, confessed my sins, and was baptized in a river. I got on my knees and said “Amen” and said “I mean.”
I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet. I threw myself into a volcano. I drank the blood and drank the wine. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God. I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil. I grew thickened skin on my feet, I bathed in bleach, and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book, but still inside me, coiled deep, was the need to know…
Are you cheating on me?
Just watched The princess switch on Netflix. Now I’m swooning over Nick Sagar🤧