That witch hasn’t said a single word but im calling it now - Himbo.
Also yes move in together, platonically or romantically doesn’t matter, I’d watch the hell out of that wlw mlm solidarity fantasy sitcom anyway.
A fair maiden knocks on the goth lady’s door and says she’s here to find love.
The goth sighs, points across the road and says, “Witch is over there. He doesn’t do love potions because consent but he might be able to make you prettier, although 90% of the time it turns out the spell didn’t do anything but make you more confident.”
The maiden blushes and sheepishly explains that she knows he’s the witch, she just talked to him and he sent her over here.
Goth looks over her shoulder to see the himbo witch standing outside his house giving her a grin and a double thumbs up.
Audacity to replace Audition (I also received a free version of Pro Tools with my Scarlett Solo audio interface)
If Adobe is going to be greedy shitheads, then fuck ‘em. Don’t use their stuff. Freeware can be just as good, if not better, than Adobe CC.
reblog to save a digital arts major
Reblog to save an artist.
I will keep saying this: GIMP sucks butts.
- Medibang Paint and Fire Alpaca for more cartoon style illustration
- Krita for painting
- Clip Studio Paint (not free, but often on sale and cheap even at full price) is better than PS for art and I’m about to cut adobe entirely. Even does some photo editing.
- Paint Tool SAI (again, not free but cheap) old but good, there’s a ton of hacked copies around too. Not hard to get for free.
- Open Tunez for animation.
I’m currently using Affinity Photo and it’s a great Photoshop alternative. One time fee only and it’s not really expensive, plus supports PSD formats. Free trial available too!
Davinci Resolve for video editing is amazing as well! :)
Another great art program to include in the list is the completely free, no download, browser recreation of photoshop, Photopea! It has the potential/customizability to be as robust as a full copy of photoshop while also being perfectly accessible to anyone looking to just do some quick edits with no strings attached.
It has been literal years but every time I see Martin’s tweets posted somewhere and his word is shared as truth while her post is not shared it sort of reiterates the fact that we trust men to speak about feminism more than we believe women who experience it.
We all need a support system to not go nuts. Isolation causes crazy in humans, and is often used as a punishment by humans because of this.
No particular human is required to provide needed support to any other particular human. (Okay, parents are an exception I guess—though even they can legitimately excuse themselves in some limited ways, like “giving the baby up for adoption” and teh such, where they perform actions at the very least designed to ensure someone else picks up the dangling moral/social duty.)
This unfortunately makes things hard for people who don’t start off with a good group of social connections. Or for people whose mannerisms are offputting to a lot of people. I guess we coudl call that unfair.
But we can’t call it WRONG if we also want to say (as I do) that every human has the right to choose their social circle and assert boundaries.
Because if everyone has that right, then it may be SAD that Alice doesn’t support Billy just when Billy is so lonely he wants to die, but it *doesn’t actually* obligate Alice.
It’s like the violinist argument for abortion. Sure it would be GOOD to give your kidney to the dying violinist and we’d PRAISE YOU as selfless if you did! But it does not obligate you.
The one it obligates is actually Billy, whose choices (vastly oversimplified, anyway) are “go find a support system” or “die.”
It’s sad that Billy is thus obligated when he feels so shitty to begin with, but he stilL IS.
otherwise we don’t actually care about consent, we just mean “oh, you can refuse to support Billy if he’s NEUROTYPICAL, but not if he isn’t.”
Which is fuckery masquerading as disability rights.
This problem is why I am so aggressively bothered by suggestions that community mutual aid can be a substitute for large-scale government anything.
Its lovely when communities can support their members, and I really believe it should be the first line of support when possible, but that assumes that everyone firstly, has a functional community and secondly, that everyone’s community has resources commensurate to their needs, which frankly, is barely realistic for healthy, neurotypical extroverts over the age of 60, let alone actual disability.
And like… my neurotype, or maybe just my personality, makes me intensely unwilling to have people… involved? I guess is the word? in my business. I genuinely LOVE that city atomisation people worry so much about. I like being able to control to what degree I interact with other people and to what degree they know me and each other. Privacy matters to me enough that I find it nightmarish living in a small community. I’ve actually become more isolated since moving to a lovely connected small village because I straight up cannot deal with the fact that everyone here has a maximum of 3 degrees separation from my husband and nobody has any damn respect for privacy here.
This village DOES rely on mutual aid for a lot because we don’t have stuff like public transport, home care services, a mechanic, etc, etc. Which basically means, when my tooth broke, I had to sit in a car with a near stranger vaguely related to my husband for half an hour making small talk to get to the dentist in the next town. It also means that I can’t get home care in the form of a cleaning service, because I am (visibly) not disabled and I don’t want to have to give the whole town my medical information to persuade getting someone in to clean. Hell, I can’t even just fucking hire a cleaner without it becoming a town conversation topic.
What I actually want is a robust social system provided by the government. If my husband’s grandpa would rather have his family do what he needs doing, fine. If my husband wants his mate to drive him if the car is fucked, fine. But I should be allowed the option of engaging the services of a paid professional with a confidentiality clause or get a bus by myself.
This problem is why I am so aggressively bothered by suggestions that
community mutual aid can be a substitute for large-scale government
anything. Its lovely when communities can support their members … but that assumes that … everyone’s community has resources
commensurate to their needs…
I should be allowed the option of engaging the services of a paid
professional with a confidentiality clause or get a bus by myself.
Care Work by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha talks quite a bit about this.
And conflicting access needs are a thing! In most cases, having a variety of accessibility aids available to *everyone* regardless of the size and specific makeup of their support network is the only way to actually have equitable access. Mutual aid is great in the context of autonomy, but when no one has any spoons to give, it’s pretty important to have access to help that’s coming from a person who’s getting paid for it and isn’t completely burnt out because they work a reasonable 40 hours a week.
Yep. One of the mental health issues I have is:
Good people don’t get angry.
One of the mental health SOLUTIONS I have is:
I am angry. I (well, my insurance company, and in a sane country, my government) will pay you $foo TO CONDUCT AN ENTIRE 45 MINUTE CONVERSATION IN THIS TONE OF VOICE and not feel bad, because you told me you’d put up with me being weird for money.
And also, in my experience, the mere fact of community interconnectedness, makes communities vulnerable.
This is my repeated experience with community support in a crisis:
I’m part of a good and loving community or social group, which under normal circumstances has plenty of any resource you care to name and can take good care of all its members.
Then something happens. Every one is affected to varying degrees. When my Grandad died, obviously my Grandma and Mom were more affected than my Dad, but we were all impacted. So no one was running at full battery power so to speak. Unfortunately this creates a scenario where we all need more care than usual, while having less capacity to help anyone. So you triage. Which means if you’re a bit removed from the crisis but still affected… you get nothing, not because you’re being abandoned, or discriminated against, or anything like that, but because there’s just nothing left. When isn’t enough care/time/money/energy to go around you’re basically left choosing if its worse to kinda sorta fail everyone, or support a few central people who are really in crisis, and sort of hope everyone else has something to fall back on.
You can’t reasonably add community members in this situation, because no one has the energy, and if they do… like… “i need help! I can’t reciprocate on any sort of short timescale but I just desperately need help” is not grounds for a healthy relationship.
The only thing that I’ve ever seen fix this is an infusion of paid labour from outside.
community may help people thrive. to ensure people survive, what you want is infrastructure.
i’m sure i don’t need to trot out the point about how, if you’re dependent for support on your local village of fewer than 150 closely related people, and you happen to deviate in any of myriad aspects of nature, temperament, preferences, interests, etc from the social norms the fate lotto happened to land that particular community with (regardless of whether said norms are just or healthful or even work at all for most of the actual people in the community, much less for all of them; contra evobio trad essentialist instincts, the fact that a normative status quo exists is not prima facie proof that it is good. terrible community norms exist!) then you are at mighty high risk to find yourself shit out of luck when the time comes that you actually need help. you know what’s good to have in that situation? infrastructure. governance. nice, impersonal, public goods and services that aren’t allowed to say no to you for no reason other than that they just don’t like you.
being average, popular, and conformant to every arbitrary expectation of the nearest few dozen people should not be a prerequisite for receiving support in crisis.
or, crisis schmisis, for being able to physically get to the goddamn dentist. because the idea that functional adulthood is defined in part by the ability to purchase, maintain, and competently navigate your very own personal several-thousand-pound internal-combustion-powered climate-fucking killing machine is an example of an actually-terrible norm. (i am aware that, in many of the communities we actually have, people both like and need their cars; do not @ me. my entire point is that what exists, is normative, and feels natural isn’t necessarily optimal. under better norms, car ownership and driving would be options, not routine universal necessities.)
being average, popular, and conformant to every arbitrary expectation of the nearest few dozen people should not be a prerequisite for receiving support in crisis.
Why would you abandon this in the tags
This is something I’d love to see discussed too because like. You think everyone’s “mutual aid community helper squad uwu” is gonna rush to help out people they don’t like? Just automatically, with no failsafe in place? I’ve never seen that risk addressed.
And I’m not just talking about demographics that are usually targeted. I’m talking about Brad the Arsehole Who Litters And Plays Loud Country Music. Blegh, no one likes that guy. His house is on fire because he did some stupid life hack with matches and vodka? What if everyone who hates him on the fire response team laughs and says good, fuck Brad?
It’s also in serious denial because people who are voting for social Darwinists are primarily well off people.
There are tons of people perfectly willing to throw disabled people under the bus right now, when there are government policies partially preventing it. Am I to believe that anything about it is going to change without government?
Yeah. I understand why people like the idea of mutual aid and dislike the idea of things being capitalistic, but… there’s actually an advantage, sometimes, to being able to hire someone to perform a task without there being any expectation of a relationship beyond “if you succeeded in performing the task for me, then I give you money.”
A whole lot of the way mutual aid is discussed makes it sound like more intimate relationships will just be expected, and… I really hope the people planning this shift to utopia are building on ways to allow for some relationships that are transactional, but… it doesn’t sound like they are, because it sounds like they object to that in principle.
[Image ID: screen print of a-third-attempt’s tags
disability community support mutual aid infrastructure nonfiction fierceawakening dr dendritic trees thegreenmeridian not a tardis kactusnz anaisnein this post is the polar opposite of ‘block list in the notes’-type terf attractors what an wildly intelligent and thoughtful conversation really would love to hear thoughts in this vein about defund the police in particular because i think it has a chance of resonating with liberals and the messaging for that movement is notoriously muddled obviously that gets very sticky very quickly and there’s never going to be a one-size-fits-all solution]
One of the (many) things I find frustrating and unrealistic about the idea that mutual aid / community support should be the frontline (or, god forbid, the only) form of crisis support is that it just assumes that vulnerable people in need of help are grateful and courteous to the people providing that help, which I can say from experience is absolutely not true.
I work in direct patient care at a hospital and deal with literally dozens of people under serious stress – severe dementia, strokes, chronic pain, dying patients, psychotic episodes – every week, and while some of them are kind and gracious and recognize that nurses & aides are not there to be their emotional punching bags regardless of how scared/angry/upset/in pain they are, many are NOT. Unsurprisingly, people in crisis (whether acute or chronic) are not generally on their best behavior, even if they’re normally perfectly nice neighbors and community members! Under stress, people are frequently everything from rude to violent to entitled & demanding that we put our own safety at risk. (No, I’m not going to walk your 300lb self to the bathroom by myself when you’re here post hip operation and are so weak that your legs can’t even hold your own weight, no matter how much you scream at me and call me a bitch.)
Also, their behavior aside, I deal with a fair number of patients who hold political and personal views that I find abhorrent, and who I absolutely would not want to have any kind of mutual social relationship with.
But professional and legal obligations dictate that I can’t refuse to provide aid just because their behavior sucks or I don’t like them as a person. I can’t say “Go fuck yourself” to the patient who’s yelling that she’s going to kill me and that I’m going to Hell; I can’t leave some guy laying on a bedsore because his response to a news story on George Floyd he was watching was, “Hang them all!” I’ll be the first to admit that there are plenty of people who don’t adhere to those expected standards of behavior, and professionals abusing vulnerable people (out of stress, frustration, sheer nastiness) happens way too commonly! I’ve seen it and hate it and try to intervene. But at least these standards exist and are enforceable. I know that if someone crosses the line, I can go to my manager and get that person fired and potentially even report them to the licensing board.
Sometimes my job is really unpleasant. But I get paid for it and go home and I’m not expected to have genuine personal relationships with people who are cruel to me. While I don’t know this for sure, I suspect that most of the people who are super enthusiastic about mutual aid don’t actually work in caregiving or crisis aid fields. They work retail and complain loudly about awful, entitled customers and how they love it when they can pull the “I AM the manager lololol unreasonable request DENIED” on them, and then turn around and insist that mutual aid is the only thing that we can really rely on to provide us with nondiscriminatory respect and dignity in vulnerable situations.
And that’s the flip side of the caregiving / crisis aid coin. People under stress are frequently awful to people trying to help them. People who are awful to those helpers put those helpers under stress, and it’s human nature to lash out, especially if there are no consequences mitigating that impulse. How exactly does your mutual aid system deal with those providing “aid” who hurt the people they’re supposed to be caring for?
If a mutual aid system runs on the expectation that we provide care and crisis aid to community members because we value them as part of the community and think that they’re good people who treat other community members well – there are a lot of people who don’t always qualify under those definitions, and a system held together by idealism about The Community without threat of consequences worse than public callouts for abusive behavior does not have these protections for vulnerable people baked in. There’s no rule that dictates that people have to be nice to those who are cruel to them, and I can think of very few people who are going to care professionally and respectfully and without judgement for free for someone who tries to punch them every time we gently try to convince them that we do need to change their piss-soaked sheets. And if your mutual aid system ensures that caregivers don’t have to have personal relationships with abusive people and creates those kind of rules of behavior enforceable by impartial parties backed up by actual hard consequences – congratulations, you’ve reinvented government.
yes, yes, yes, THIS
i do human services stuff and this is absolutely how it is
some people are N A S T Y
and whether it’s because they’re just bad apples or whether it’s because their week has been shit, i do not know and usually should not care
but until the mutual-aid providers can look someone in the eye who’s just called them the most foul slur in their language and go “okay fine Brad, and here’s your food for the week, have a good one”
you are not ready to implement your system
The job of government is to organize the very difficult task of taking care of each other on a large scale.
Government is necessary and good, it just has to agree about what it’s job is.
“The job of government is to organize the very difficult task of taking care of each other on a large scale.”
This is absolutely what I believe, and why I’m baffled by anarchists. If I as a somewhat disabled person am a little worried how well I’ll do in the syndicate, what about my friends who are quadriplegic?
Oh I totally agree. The point about having regulations and a reporting system is such a huge one. And I’ve never even seen it discussed.
I’ve seen some people talk about how it’ll be okay because without big Pharma gatekkeping we’ll all get meds. But… how’s every little syndicate gonna keep the Pfizer cold (or whatever it’s named in utopia)? And powerchairs cost tens of thousands of dollars, where are you going to get them?
Are you even going to do so if the person who needs one is a violently bigoted jerk who upsets everyone, or are you just going to let him lie there because NO ISMS ARE PERMITTED HERE?
@songsforsnarkhunters tags: also on the other side of this im a drug and alcohol counsellor i do that all day you tell me ive now got to do it on my own time for randos around me? fuck off with that shit
Yeah. Compassion fatigue is an actual, real thing, and… well, I’m not going to claim that social services jobs are *good* at supporting you through it or helping you figure out what to do. But… as someone who took last week off on very short notice precisely because I noticed myself becoming snippy and upset and angry, I really wonder whether the sort of people who think mutual aid works for every problem recognize it in ways that allow someone to just… stop for a while on fairly short notice, the way I could.
I mean, yeah, I see people on tumblr mentioning activist burnout so some people are aware. But I worry a lot of people are really not.
@fierceawakening I doubt it. From what I’ve seen, a lot of the people who think that mutual aid is the solution to every problem don’t actually seem to view providing aid as work – probably because for them, it isn’t! It’s a fun hobby. They volunteer for a few hours a week or designate themselves as a street medic or drive the van to harm reduction events or help their elderly neighbor cut her grass and then extrapolate that since they were able to do that aid work out of the goodness of their hearts without burning out or getting overwhelmed, then a vast mutual aid program can also be powered on the goodness of aid provider’s hearts. It’s usually couched as, “humans naturally help each other in the absence of [whatever social institution I don’t like, usually capitalism]!”, but in practice what that often actually means is “work done for The Right Reasons is not work, and if you struggle to do it, that’s because you don’t care about doing the right thing”. Which is about on par for realism as telling your average Patreon artist, “But why do I have to pay for commissions? I thought you love making art!”
I grew up in the nonprofit social services world, and I heard the Starfish Story about a million and one times. For those who don’t know how it goes: a person is walking along a beach at sunrise where a lot of starfish are being washed up on shore. They come across a man who’s throwing starfish back into the ocean, even though every wave is stranding new ones on the sand. “Why are you doing that?” the person asks the man. “There’s always going to be more starfish. It doesn’t matter.” The man throws a starfish back out to sea and turns to the person and says, “It mattered for that one.”
It’s supposed to be a little parable about how aid work still matters even if it can’t solve all the problems in the world, but I think it’s actually a parable about the nonprofit world, and the perils of doing work-that-isn’t-work out of the goodness of one’s own heart. Because imagine how the story would change if the person encountered the man at dusk, and watched him throw one starfish back into the water and then turn and walk away as more and more starfish are being stranded in his wake. “What are you doing?” person #2 asks the man. “Why are you walking away?” “Well, I’ve been here for 8 hours already, and my shoulder hurts, and my wife and I are going to make breakfast for dinner and she got my favorite sausages,” the man says. “But they’re dying!” person #2 shouts, pointing towards the starfish on the sand. “How can you be so selfish as to prioritize fucking breakfastsausages over someone’s life?!“ “Because I’ve been saving starfish on this beach eight hours a day five days a week for ten years, and in order to be able to come back every day to save more starfish, I need to be able to walk away, even when they’re dying,” the man replies. “I care about starfish. But my shoulder hurts and I’m hungry.”
In the second story, the man comes off as… kind of an asshole! Not the sort of guy you’d want in your utopian mutual aid commune, because he can’t set aside his own fairly trivial needs in what is obviously a life-or-death emergency. Except that providing aid (medical, social, emotional, etc.) is a profession – case managing and nursing and drug counseling and elder care and all the other devalued emotional labor heavy jobs all require significant amounts of training, time, and experience to be good at them – and in that profession, every day could be a new life-or-death emergency. Maybe multiple ones all at the same time! (Which is not something that people who tend to have these emergencies tend to appreciate.) His mentality is what you need in order to be able to do long term care work while not burning out or turning bitter & hostile, and it’s exactly the mentality that most mutual aid hobbyists denounce, because you’re prioritizing your own comfort and privilege over other more vulnerable people’s survival. (You know the whole “if you don’t reblog this post, YOUR [X] PRIVILEGE IS SHOWING”.) Like, if you care about people, surely you’ll do the work, and if you don’t do the work, surely you don’t care about people.
And it becomes this weird dynamic where there are only two loopholes for burnout – pathologized trauma or toxic people doing an -ism. “I’m feeling really burned out and I just want to stay home and do the dishes that have piled up and watch Finding Nemo” isn’t an excuse to step back, but “I have depression and anxiety and C-PTSD from generational trauma and CSA and [xyz thing] triggered me badly” is (as long as you publicly divulge it), or “this group is full of toxic people who are racist/colonialist/homophobic/transphobic/ableist/classist/”pedophilic”/Morally Bad in some other way and I’m going to make a long callout post about it”, because the only way to exit an organization fighting the good fight while still being a good person is if everyone else in it is bad in some way.
I got into health care because I genuinely enjoy caring for people, and as someone with a disability, I understand how fucked up and terrible it is for a lot of people (myself included!). I’ve been on both sides of the non-latex vinyl gloves. And there are many, MANY things that I don’t like about my career field and the expectations for provider/client dynamics, and I think that it’s still way too geared towards burnout (actually because of capitalism), but I do like that people in the field understand that it’s a job, and that although I can and should bring my empathy to work, I’m not morally required to make myself suffer just because my patients are.
I suspect someone will have already gone into this on a different thread, but “defund the police” doesn’t mean their job should be done by mutual aid. It means the police should not have the means to set themselves up as a paramilitary force. It means the money which allows the police to do that would be much better spent on early child education, drugs counselling, housing improvements and a hundred other things which could help to prevent the sort of things police are unable to stop.
These interventions would not be provided by mutual aid. They would be provided by a fraction of the $114.5 billion states spend on police resourcing every year.
That’s fair and I (the OP) agree with it, but very often when I hear people talking about defunding the police, I do hear that at least one place the money will/should probably be rerouted is to social workers.
As I mention above I’m *not* a social worker, but I still do strongly suspect that social workers (of various subtypes) will have some of the kinds of difficulty i and others describe in this monster of a post if a lot of the money is rerouted to them without a very robust program plan, as some things I and these others do overlap with things they do.
Does that help?
Think about the WORST person you know. Really get a good mental picture there.
Your system, whatever it is, needs to be equipped to deal with providing THAT person with their basic needs.
I had a lot of roommate issues in the last few years, because my housing situation was unstable.
This one roommate I had for a couple of months had this boyfriend (who wasn’t even supposed to be living there!
doesn’t have anywhere else to go!”) who’d get
drunk and scream horrible things at her at all hours of the night - racial and misogynist slurs, and a lot about how worthless she was.
bigot, racist, homophobe.
He’d scream about “f*ggots” at 2 in the morning and various groups he thought were going to burn in hell. He’d throw things. Manipulative as hell - he’d pretend nothing had happened and try to be super charming, but when I wasn’t buying it, he started trying to do that to me.
He was objectively an awful human being.
That motherfucker still
deserves housing and food and medical care and all of the necessities
of life. Even if he never, ever gets sober, never, ever chooses to work on whatever mental health crap he has going on, and never stops being terrible. (That doesn’t mean he’s entitled to live WITH anyone specifically, or entitled to harm other people. But being a terrible person doesn’t mean you should starve.)
It’s totally unreasonable to ask anyone to help this guy unpaid, out of the goodness of their heart. He’s awful.
(Which is where UBI and Housing First programs could be super helpful.)
But he’s still a human being who needs to eat, and have a safe place to live, and get medical care, and your system needs to account for that.
You can’t wave a magic wand and get rid of all the shitty, abusive people. Having people’s needs met is a START, but it’s not going to force people to actually work on their shit (and if you try to force them to by withholding housing/benefits/food/etc, you’re no better than the current system).
All of this.
It’s much easier to be kind (or at least scrupulously professional) to an asshole who Does Not Know Where You Live.
And also I suspect many people coming to “replace all institutions with mutual aid” are getting there via the same process as libertarians: except instead of thinking “this will work for me, because I will never be poor” they think “this will work for me, because I will never be unpopular.”
Consider the one thing in your suite of personal opinions that you absolutely feel you can’t budge on, whatever it may be. Now ask yourself, in a society that finds that opinion radioactive and goes out of its way to get people who hold it fired or blacklisted or shunned, could you survive?
Maybe not would you be HAPPY, but could you survive? Or would you have to pretend to believe things that make you feel profoundly wrong to ensure you get food, housing, medical care?
If the answers are no, then you REALLY need to build some structure into your community setup where such people can not die for being wrong about stuff.
I will also note that setting up mutual aid networks to meet genuine social needs in lieu of formalized social services is…. basically the same model that leads evangelical Christians to argue for defunding social programs because their church will do the aid work instead.
Mutual aid networks based on social capital instead of employed professionals funded by a institution paying cash run into the problem that social capital is not equitably distributed either. Historically, charitable aid societies and religious institutions were and are one of the big ways that humans start trying to distribute resources to needy people in crisis, and the reason we use social services now instead of relying on networks of charitably minded volunteers is that the volunteers preferentially help only the people they find it most rewarding to help, in the ways in which they find it most rewarding to help.
The starfish would be better served if we built a mesh moat to keep them from getting into the area where low tide strands them? If the guy tossing starfish out of the goodness of his heart finds it more rewarding to look at each individual starfish as he lobs it towards the waves, too bad I guess–the systemic problems that aren’t as heartwarming to solve tend to get ignored.
We don’t do this any more because it isn’t an effective way to make sure everyone gets help. And I can’t see any reason at all for mutual aid networks to avoid that trap unless they’re systemically organized.
You’re absolutely right about the distribution and access and focus problems that religious charities have–only distributing to the “right” people or as a bribe for allowing proselytizing, focusing on the problems that make them feel good rather than the foundations. (Well, all private charities and many public welfare problems have the same issues, and some religious charities don’t actually fall into those traps, but religious charities are, on average, way worse than other groups.)
But there’s another really crucial thing about the 19th Century religious charity framework that I think liberal social organizers and mutual aid proponents need to reckon with: they weren’t enough. They failed! They were a drop in the bucket of the actual problems! The whole charity model could not effectively target the root of the problems, so they were stuck putting bandaids on gaping wounds!
First, let’s look at the 19th Century Social Progressive Christians. There was this widespread belief that through Progress and Christian Morality and Hard Work we could Save The World. Every problem is solvable, and if we all just roll up our shirts and pitch in, we can do it. The churches were huge proponents of this stuff. You see a problem, you create a ministry, you raise funds, you recruit volunteers, and voila! You solve the problem! And given the very high percentage of the population that was actively participating in Christian churches at the time, you could raise a shit-ton of resources, and you could do it reliably.
And it wasn’t enough. It was a drop in the bucket. Poor people still died of cold and hunger. Orphan children still lived on the streets. Living conditions for poor people were truly horrifying in most cities … and all that aid the Christian voluntary aid societies raised was not enough to fix that. It helped! In some places, it helped a lot! But even if you were one of the “nice” and “good” and “deserving” poor that charities loved to help, it was not enough. The amount of money that the average middle-or-upper-class Christian was willing to voluntarily give to charity per year was not sufficient to the amount of financial need that existed. And, frankly, even if it had been sufficient, it would have been a waste.
You know what people actually needed most? They needed a livable minimum wage. They needed occupational safety and health regulations to force their employers to give a shit about safe and decent working conditions. They needed housing regulations to force the slumlords to make their buildings safe and clean. They needed food safety regulations to ensure that the food they ate was safe. They needed protection for unions, so they could safely negotiate with their employers. They needed appropriate governmental regulation.
Once the government put those protections in place, their lives improved dramatically. All the “nice people doing good work” in the nation couldn’t do that.
And when it comes to mutual aid … I see a lot of the same issues, frankly. Take rides: sure, giving your neighbors rides when they need it is great, and there will always be a need for things like that. But for the most part, what will actually make a difference for the most people in the long run is a usable public transit system. Take homelessness: protecting camps from the cops and making sure they have fresh water and port-a-potties is great, but government-supported housing as a basic infrastructure would be much better. Take food insecurity: food pantries are awesome, and so is growing your own food, but neither can take the place of SNAP where you just get money to buy your own food. And in all these cases, a livable minimum wage and universal healthcare would make more difference than just about any other two things anyone could possibly do.
Mutual aid is great! It can change lives for the better! But it is a supplement to proper government regulation and programs, not a replacement for them.
Apparently people who don’t have executive dysfunction think that actually working on something is the hardest part of doing something. And that’s why they get mad that you call the rest of the project “easy” after you’ve finally worked through doing the plan and know what to do when you’re working.
So when you’re through with the epiphany of how to make it physically possible to make the thing you’re making, and you’re sharing the plan with excitement, because the hard part is over, and now you only have to get your hands moving and do it, they get mad at you like
“it’s not that easy! It’s a lot of hard work! >:C”
they mean it, because
to them, working is the hardest part.
They don’t have to fight their brains to get started. They don’t have to fight their way through making the choices, making the plan, making yourself make the thing. People who don’t suffer from executive dysfunction think that the hardest part is actually doing the thing.
when you have executive dysfunction, it’s like… you’ve just clawed your way up a long steep embankment of loose gravel, and you flop exhausted into the construction site, and you’re like “oh thank fuck, time to lay some bricks, i absolutely could do this all day” and the guy who drove to the site goes “what’s wrong with you man bricklaying is hard graft!”
not as hard as crawling up the gravel mountain bro
there’s also good hard and bad hard. doing the thing might be hard, but at least you’re doing it; it’s good hard. just getting to the thing in the first place is hard and it’s fucking miserable. executive dysfunction puts so many bad hard things in your way before you can get to even the good hard things.
And this is why we used to make cars out of STEEL instead of FIBERGLASS! Sure, fiberglass is a lot lighter in weight and hence a hell of a lot better for gas mileage. But you hit anything at more than 20 mph and the entire body explodes off the fucking thing, and now you’re spending more to repair the car than it’s worth because you need a entire front end, read end, or side panel. They can’t just take the damaged section off, beat it out with a hammer, sand it, and repaint it.
Everything is made with the idea of it being easier to replace than to maintain, aka planned obsolescence. Thanks, capitalism
You guys are obscenely, dangerously wrong.
It’s not planned obsolescence, it’s physics.
Modern cars crumple to absorb and distribute the forces of impact in an accident in an effort to protect the occupants. When cars didn’t have those crumple zones, the occupants, being the soft, squishy things they were, took those forces and were mangled or killed in horrible ways. Also, those older cars took hidden damage that often went unnoticed and made them very dangerous to drive. IT’s really easy to hide a twisted frame when all you need to do to make the car look okay is a bit of sanding and paint.
I recently watched a TV show where a small sedan was run over by the trailer of an eighteen-wheeler. Run. Over. They had to unwrap the crumpled ball of a car from the undercarriage of that trailer. Guess what? The driver suffered only minor injuries because the car collapsed in exactly the way it was designed to so that she, in the very strong frame surrounding the passenger compartment, was protected.
And no, don’t thank capitalism for these modern cars. Thank Ralph Nader and countless other safety activists who worked tirelessly to make car manufacturers accountable for the safety of the people who drove their cars.
I’m an estimator for a major insurance company which means I spend all day, every day, around wrecked cars. I’ve been to the NHTSA, I’ve attended a crash test. I have actually seen and put hands on both the vehicles in the .gif above. The idea that old cars are somehow built better or are “tanks” or whatever is not only wrong, it’s dangerous. New cars are built to “crunch” so you don’t have to.
This is the 59 Bel Aire post crash - notice that the area where the driver sits is significantly compromised. The person driving this car would have died in this 35mph crash.
This is the Malibu - crunched? Yes! But the area where the driver sits is not crushed.
I have seen modern cars keep people alive in horrifying accidents. Cars are objectively better and safer in every single way than they were 10, 20, 30 years ago. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. Period.
Also modern passenger cars are definitely not made of fiberglass. What even?
I will never not reblog safety.
I will also add a personal anecdote.
About 10 - 15 years ago, my dad fell asleep behind the wheel of his F-150 and rear-ended somebody at 70 mph. There were some minor injuries in the other car, but all he got was a bruise on his chest from the seatbelt and rashes on his arms from the air bag. 70 mph, and everyone walked away. If that same accident would have happened when I was a child in the 80’s, I would have grown up without a dad. His truck was totaled, the other car was totaled, but cars are replaceable. People are not.
Reblogging for safety.
Cars crush so you don’t have to.
I work in the ER, ya’ll. Lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some truly HELACIOUS wrecks–where the car is utterly RUINED, but everyone inside was able to self extricate.
being a self-taught artist with no formal training is having done art seriously since you were a young teenager
and only finding out that you’re supposed to do warm up sketches every time you’re about to work on serious art when you’re fuckin twenty-five
someone: oh yeah, do this exercise during your warm ups! it’ll help
me: my what
What’s up I have an actual college degree in art and I was never ONCE taught to do warm ups.
when i was in undergrad, it was kind of mentioned in and offhand way that we should do warmups, but we were never shown what that meant. And, y’know, we were young so it didn’t matter so much.
Being older now and having an art job it’s…kind of essential.
So: a quick primer for those of you who are like ‘ok but how do i actually go about doing this warmup thing.’
1) you may be tempted to do ‘a warmup drawing’ which is just a drawing that will take longer than it needed to and probably be frustrating and kind of bad because you didn’t warm up first. It’s tempting but always a trick your brain is playing on you! Do not trust!
2) warmups will vary based on what feels good to you/what task you’re about to do/what motor skills you want to practice. That being said, some good standbys:
a) circles. Just a whole page of circles on whatever drawing surface you’re going to be using, whether that’s your tablet or your sketchbook or a drawing pad on an easel. For these circles you should make sure that you’re drawing from your shoulder and not your wrist. In fact, you want to be drawing from your shoulder rather than your wrist most of the time! forever! your wrist is delicate please preserve it!
In order to ensure that you’re drawing from your shoulder, when you’re holding your pencil or whatever drawing tool you’re using, the only part of your hand that should be touching the drawing surface is part of the last two fingers–some people prefer the finger tips, but I tend to favor the first knuckles. Either way, the fingers should really be ghosting over the surface, providing guidance rather than support.
I usually start with big circles and then go to smaller circles and lines of ellipses, and then try to fit circles and ellipses inside other shapes i’ve already drawn as a precision exercise, but i don’t do that unless i’m feeling loose
b) spirals! i don’t always do spirals, but if i’m stiff and the circles just aren’t cutting it, spirals are a good fall back. I start from the center and work outward, going both clockwise and counterclockwise until i feel comfortable with the whole range of motion. Some people really care about getting perfect spirals but for me it’s all about making sure i’m comfortable with how i’m moving so who really even cares about how the spirals look. Not me!
c) lines! straight lines! in parallel! i do a mix of vertical, horizontal, and diagonal. These are often more from the elbow than the shoulder, especially if I’m working on a smaller surface. For this exercise, I recommend holding the drawing tool perpendicular with the surface
d) connect the dots. This is a precision and accuracy exercise and takes two forms. The first is to draw two dots and then draw a straight line between them. The second is to draw three dots and draw the curve that connects them. This sounds a lot simpler than it is in practice. Take time to ghost over the line you plan to draw before actually committing to your line. (I don’t always remember where I picked up my warm up exercises, but I’m pretty sure I got this one from Scott Robertson. His how to draw and how to render books are very technical but also accessible and worth checking out)
e) cubes, spheres, cones, and cylinders. These help get your brain into a more volumetric space. I draw multiples of each, rotating the forms around, and I’ll often take the time to do some rough shading on at least a few of them
f) spidermans! This one is really good if you’re going to be storyboarding or working on dynamic poses. Just fill a page full of spidermans doing all sorts of acrobatics.
g) beans. I don’t do beans too much anymore, but I know a lot of people like it so I’m mentioning it here. Fill an area with different size bean shapes without lifting your pencil off the paper.
h) short medium and long line repetition. draw a short, medium, and long line on your page, and then draw directly on top of them 8 to 12 times, doing your best to exactly trace what you’ve already drawing. Repeat with a wavy line. I’m bad at this one, which means I probably need to do it more.
And there are lots more options too! Hit up youtube to see what other people recommend, put together your own go-to list, mix it up when you’re getting bored, etc.
This is a long list, I know, but I usually don’t take more than 10 to 15 minutes to warm up, and I can warm up one handed while I’m drinking coffee, so, multitasking hurrah.
Sometimes I’ll advance to a precision warmup and find that I haven’t loosened up enough yet; it’s totally ok to go back to an earlier exercise! Also, all of this has the added benefit of kind of ritualistically getting you into the drawing mode so even if I’m not feeling it before I start, by the time I’ve gotten to the end I’m usually Ready For Drawin’. Brain hacks.
so, yeah! that’s a lot of words, but! Warmups are important! Save your joints, take less advil, do better drawings!
You can identify a fake redneck by their passionate support of “blue lives matter.” Real rednecks have been in at least one physical fight and/or high-speed chase with police officers and would do it again
“redneck” is a valid culture, not a euphemism for “bigot”
So this has probably already been said on this post but I dont wanna scroll through 66k notes to find it.
The term Redneck gain prominence with striking coal miners in Appalachia. They wore red bandanas around their necks to express union solidarity.
And they fucking FOUGHT police and Pinkerton strike breaker forces. It was a period called The Coal Wars.
The poor and working classes have a long history of community support and rejecting police authority.
If you’re pro-cop, you’re not a redneck, you’re a bootlicker who based your personality on a played out Jeff Foxworthy caricature. Get bent. Your ancestors are ashamed of you.
this is…. actuallly really cool? like, this is probably the shortest number notation in existence and yeah, it’s tricky to use and absolute hell for doing math with, but the ability to denote a 4-digit decimal number into a single character is just really cool as an engineer and it probably had a ton of uses back then like denoting quantities or maybe even secret code you can probably draw this on a combination lock to remember the password and people would be none the wiser
i’ve seen multiple posts that are like “for therapy to be effective, you have to be willing to do the hard work and want to be fixed. the jedi obviously offered/gave anakin therapy, but he just wasn’t willing to make those tough changes” which, while the first sentence is true, is the most batshit take (derogatory) i’ve ever read
I feel like people are forgetting that anakin only hit the point of mass-murder-as-emotional-regulation when he was 19. so they’re putting the onus of the supposedly failed therapy on a literal child. like, if therapy isn’t working for a kid, you don’t just shrug it off or blame the child for not Trying Hard Enough; you, the adult responsible for said child’s physical and emotional wellbeing, figure out a different solution, whether that’s finding a new therapist or trying a different type of therapy. that’s basically child care 101.
(also you can’t tell me that anakin “I don't want to be a problem” skywalker wouldn’t Want therapy to work for him)
“the jedi obviously offered anakin therapy, he was just bad at it” is SO WILD, considering, like, there’s a passage in rogue planet where mace windu is earnestly trying to help anakin - emphasis on the fact that mace is putting a lot of genuine effort into reaching this currently-a-tween anakin - and mace point-blank asks this kid why he funnels his spirit and his misery into building droids. the whole interaction ends with anakin bursting out I BURN LIKE A SUN ON THE INSIDE because baby boy knows very much drama, and then yet another jedi has to intervene and be like, hey, this kid’s about to cry, lay off. and mace is like, oh shit, but also if yoda were here, he’d already be crying. what part of an interaction that fails so immensely at its goal as that somehow communicates it being obvious that the jedi tried to offer anakin therapy. like if they believed in the concept of talking about how you feel in constructive ways, maybe that wouldn’t be something that happened.
but more importantly there’s an implication in that that i really hate, which is that therapy just fixes people if you do it right, which is not how pain nor people work. your suffering isn’t wiped clean because you’ve written down an emergency plan for what to do when you’re convinced that someone is coming to hurt you in ways you’ve been hurt before, you still carry it with you, you simply have learned to lift with your knees and not your back. it doesn’t mean it’s not there, and the success of therapy doesn’t fall only on the individual attending and trying, but the support in the community surrounding the individual - because therapy in a vacuum doesn’t mean shit, and therapy in a vacuum is not going to fix you or anyone else, and pretending that it will damages the concept. people become more healthy when they receive broad support in their immediate and wider community, and that’s not always going to include therapy, though often it may. but therapy doesn’t fix a lack of support, therapy doesn’t fix your circumstances, and therapy doesn’t make it so that bad shit didn’t ever happen to you. it’s not a cure-all. it’s not a mr clean magic eraser.
saying that they obviously tried is a misunderstanding of the process, and it’s a misunderstanding of people - if a nine year old refuses to comply with a therapeutic endeavor, it’s probably got a lot less to do with someone being willing to put in the effort and a lot more to do with the fact that he’s terrified. he’s a nine year old in a new place who just lost his most important attachment, and a nine year old used to being met with cruel force for stepping out of line. of course he didn’t take to it well, if you locked him in a room alone with a stranger in a strange place with no back-up of course he didn’t react positively! like man yes it does become anakin’s problem that he is compromised almost totally of psychological damage. but man personally i just think it’s really weird to argue that the anakin most responsible for that is the nine year old version, instead of, i don’t know, most other versions. man, that is a strange take. just really really kind of strange.
So I noticed in A:TLA, and it’s carried over in LoK, that Airbenders always seem to have an advantage in a fight. And at first, it felt like plot armour, particularly in A:TLA.
But when Aang fought Bumi, he lost most of that advantage. And I realised that this wasn’t just plot armour. Someone had sat and worked it out: nobody has had to fight Airbenders for generations.
None of the other nations have had to train to face them, or practised sparring with them, or anything. Apart from Bumi, no bender in the show has ever even met an airbender before Aang comes along. And in LoK, for the most part people still haven’t. We never see fights between those who have (for e.g. we never see Tenzin and Lin fight); when Korra and Tenzin use airbending, its a unique fighting style that people aren’t trained to manage.
It’s a really small detail, and it fundamentally works to give the heroes an advantage (and make up for Aang’s young age and lack of combat experience), but I love how it’s an advantage in combat for completely logical reasons.
The detail in these shows is amazing.
You can see the same principle in play whenever somebody fights somebody who uses a completely unfamiliar style. Combustion benders and lavabenders aren’t straight up more powerful, but they’re pretty much always something you haven’t dealt with which presents unique challenges. That red lotus lady with no arms is just a perfectly ordinary waterbender, but using forms and styles nobody else has seen before. Jet routinely smacks around benders and soldiers, but loses hard to the first person he met who had actually studied diverse styles of swordplay. When Toph invents metalbending, nobody can deal with that, but seventy years later the counters are pretty well known among people who might have to fight the cops.
And it’s why Azula, a genius prodigy who has thought long and hard about how to counter every kind of magic and martial arts out there, keeps getting messed up by a kid with a boomerang.
hey guys, fyi if you do online shopping - highly recommend fakespot.com
you paste the direct link to the product into the search bar and it analyzes the reviews to determine whether reviews are accurate and how many positive vs negative reviews there are
i found a thing that had a lot of reviews and a 4 star rating and fakespot caught me before i bought it
Image is screenshot of fakespot’s analysis:
How are reviewers describing this item?
easy, great, counter, organized and sturdy.
Our engine has detected that Amazon has altered, modified or removed reviews from this listing. We approximate total reviews altered up to 213.
Previous analysis of this listing was an D grade.
Our engine has profiled the reviewer patterns and has determined that there is high deception involved.
Our engine has analyzed and discovered that 37.7% of the reviews are reliable.
This product had a total of 1,884 reviews as of our last analysis date on Jan 23 2020.
you can review things on amazon, walmart, best buy, yelp, steam, sephora, and tripadvisor.
while i do sometimes use fakespot in conjunction, i highly recommend using reviewmeta instead
no matter what algorithms used, its bound to make mistakes and flag ordinary things as suspicous, so being able to look at these things helps give the user a better idea of whats going on
fakespot doesnt really give you that information, whereas reviewmeta is completely transparent and lays out the data to let you determine whether somethings really suspicious or not. this blog post goes more into detail on that
happy pride month to the lesbians but especially trans lesbians, lesbians of color, indigenous lesbians, and disabled lesbians.
happy pride month to all afabs attracted to the same sex!
oh so ur a terf now I see why ur butting in and telling me what my own identity is
im literally not trans exclusionary or a radfem you homophobic wingnut but it’s funny how you bigots think all lesbians are just man hating feminists
ur comment on this post is literally changing the topic from all lesbians, INCLUDING trans lesbians, and u decided to bring genitals into it to exclude the trans women. that’s literally being a terf. stfu
huh???? why did YOU bring up genitals? lesbians are same sex attracted afabs. that includes trans lesbians like leslie feinberg. ever heard of stone butch blues? what do you mean excluding trans women? it’s not feminism it’s homosexuality. why would trans women be included in lesbianism? lesbians aren’t amab or attracted to amabs. are you really gonna pull this homophobic shit on a lesbian positivity post during pride month?
you brought up genitals dumbass by saying afabs attracted to afabs. does this make me a lesbian bc I am afab and attracted to afabs? bc last time I checked I’m still a man. also u literally r sitting here telling me that I am not actually a man dUrInG pRiDe MoNtH check urself
bisexuals aren’t lesbians, dumbass. you’re not a lesbian bc you’re not exclusively same sex attracted. ye that includes only liking the same genitals but it’s not limited to genitals. you’re just obsessed with them. you keep talking about the male parts you’re envious of and screeching at lesbians we don’t share your sexual attraction to them. get a therapist, you’re a freak. and pride has nothing to do with gender roles you’re thinking of sunday mass or something.
WHAT ARE U TALKIMG ABT I CANT STOP LAUGHING U R JUST HITTING PREDICTIVE TEXT AT THIS POINT PAPWKDKDDO
american public education failed you. you have no reading comprehension or critical thinking skills. nobody thinks you’re a lesbian. you’re not gay or lesbian, you’re bi.
‘youre not gay or a lesbian you’re bi’ and yet u were calling me a straight girl an hour ago make up ur mind dipshit 🥰🥰🥰🥰 I’m a bi man literally cope as hard as u can
where did i call you straight? you’re a bi female it’s sad no matter how many identities you make up to feel special it still doesn’t change how white and boring you are.
anyway bye have fun getting no pussy and realizing that u are doing nothing to help your own community
immediately after that you corrected that you’re bi and i respected that. lmao you threw an entire tantrum how lesbians aren’t into dick. we simply don’t occupy the same community. you’re against same sex attraction which by extension means you’re against gay rights and ain’t nobody got time for that.
what the FUCK is going on here, I’ve blocked you once and I’ll do it again and again you fucking weirdo.
Happy pride month to all lesbians! (Except terfs, go fuck yourselves)
#fuck terfs #terfs don’t interact #trans women are women
[footage of the inside of an ordinary Eastern-European home, taken with a handheld phone camera, the man filming is walking from the living room to the back door of the house]
man, narrating in russian: Every fucking year, this time of the year, the pond at my backyard gets infested. What do ponds get infested with? Frogs? Poisonous weeds? Geese? No. Not my pond.
[The man opens the back door, stepping out into a garden. Three or four nude, human-like figures dash from the borders of a pond back into the water.]
man: Rusalki! I don’t know where they come from or how they get here, and I can’t afford to hire an exterminator every year. I can’t let my cat outside anymore. Last year a rusalka managed to drown a whole deer in my pond, the stench was unbearable.
[He walks as he speaks, approaching the pond. There are several eerily beautiful female beings peering at him from under the surface, their long hair floating in the murky water. Their eyes are gleaming in an unhuman way. The man holding the camera stops to film them.]
man, calm and deadpan: What the fuck are all of you staring at. Get jobs or something.
[One of the rusalki, smaller than the others and clearly not a fully matured adult, slowly reaches out of the water with her white, thin hand, grasping his ankle. He appears unconcerned.]
man: You can’t drown me, you little idiot. You’re too small. Shoo!
[A loud thud startles the rusalki, making them scatter. A second thud makes it clear these are the approaching footsteps of something massive. The man turns around and points the camera at what appears to be a house, walking past above the treeline with chicken-like legs]
man, now yelling: IF YOUR HOUSE SHITS ON MY YARD AGAIN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-
So my therapist and I were talking today about ADHD brains, and what “executive function” means, and we discovered a really interesting thing about how my brain works. I don’t know how much it will extend to other people, but I’m throwing it out there in case it’s useful for anyone else.
Usually it takes me about 1.5 - 2 hours each morning, to go from “booting up my computer” to “actually starting on my first task”. This is true whether I work from home or work in the office, whether it’s a coding day or a meeting day, whether I jump out of bed when the alarm goes off or if I’m very seriously giving consideration to sleeping under my desk while my computer boots. I don’t want it to take that long, but extensive experimentation has shown that it definitely does.
Today I decided to try an experiment. Instead of my normal morning routine (where I check email, IMs, to-do list, and self-care list, and compile that into an enormous to-do list for the day, then sort that list in order of “if everything goes sideways and I get to only one thing, what thing will be the most painful if it happens tomorrow instead of today”, and then set up multiple desktops on my macbook so that each task – including “brush teeth” has its own desktop, and then put the desktops in the assigned priority-order), I decided I’d just jump right into my first task, and see if I could get myself a hyper-focused hour of work before someone came into the office to bug me.
It. Was. Terrible.
I mean, I got the task done, in record time. Then I checked Tumblr. Then I checked Facebook. Then I composed a summary of David Graeber’s argument that the European Age of Exploitation cannot be understood without knowing why the Chinese decided to abandon paper money. Then I replied to all my Facebook messages. Then I helped Jessica at work set up her code. There followed a relatively productive afternoon where I helped my boss sort out a personnel problem, set priorities for our department, contributed to one meeting, ran yet another meeting, got consensus on a project, and helped Jessica again – but I didn’t eat my midmorning snack until 1pm, I never did brush my teeth, and my knees are killing me because all through the second meeting my body was sending “This posture hurts! Change position! Get! Up!” signals, and I couldn’t summon the focus to actually move from the floor to the couch. By the time my therapist called, my phone was on 3% and I couldn’t find my bluetooth headphones. I’m still 400 calories under my target for the day, because I missed 900 calories during my workday and I couldn’t figure out how to add more than 500 calories to my dinner.
So my therapist and I talked about this strange mix of symptoms: knocking out task after task of helping people at work, but unable to feed myself; incredibly highly effective code debugging, but also getting lost in Tumblr for an hour. I wasn’t under-stimulated, but I also didn’t get to pick what I focused on. And he talked about how executive function isn’t just one thing, which I knew, but mentioned specifically that one element of executive function is taking your own initiative, deciding your actions for yourself, rather than just reacting to stimuli. And it hit me —
I can’t do that.
I thrive in hyper-focused development environments, where I react to each compiler error by debugging the error … but I break down when the compiler runs without error; I don’t know what to do if I don’t have the error-stimulus deciding my actions.
I thrive in high-multi-tasking environments like running a retail store at Christmas, where I do a task, and then look around and see which notification is the highest priority, and then do that task. But I struggle in January and February, when all the customers are gone and I don’t know what to do.
And today, I was entirely stimulus-driven. Jessica asked for help, and I helped her. Kathy commented on Facebook, and I replied to her. Ryan asked about a report, and I explained it to him. Mark brought up something that reminded me of David Graeber, and I typed up a history essay. Anything that didn’t have a notification – brushing my teeth, eating my snack, charging my phone – didn’t get done.
And that’s when it hit me. My usual morning routing isn’t a waste of 2 hours. It’s setting up my environment so that I will be stimulated to do the things I want to do.
I have barely any initiative-decide-for-myself at all. I get one (1) intitiativon each morning, and I have to spend it wisely. And what I do with it, each day, is set up the stimuli I will experience throughout the day.
I finish a task and close that desktop: the next desktop pops up with a note that says “Meditate.”
I finish meditating and close the desktop: the next desktop pops up with an email I need to reply to.
I finish that email and close that desktop: the next one pops up with a note that says “Order groceries.”
I don’t have any initiative left by that point, but I don’t need to: I get the stimulus to do my work, maintain my health, connect with friends, and clean my house, and I’m too executive-dysfunction-deprived to do anything but respond to stimulus, and so I do all those things.
This explains why I need to leave such specific directions to myself: not “write chapter 5″, but “Open C:/Documents/Writing/NovelTitle/Chapter5.doc”. The first one isn’t a stimulus to action; the second one is.
It’s also why I have such a hard time with “leisure”, and why my “randomized leisure activity” deck helped me so much; because by the time I get to the end of the day, and I’m out of spoons and I have earned a fun and relaxing evening…. I cannot – by definition – decide what would be fun and relaxing.
Like I say, I have no idea whether that will be any good for anyone else, but it prompted some interesting introspection, and I wanted to share.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I still need to go brush my teeth
Remember when Jeff Bezos, who is worth 181 billion USD donated 690k to stopping Australian fires? Yeah, me too.
McKenzie Scott is literally proof that these fuckers can donate HUGE sums of money to EVERYTHING and still live a comfortable life…. But nooO someone HAS to justify the pitifully small donations the richest men on earth make every year for their tax write-off
This comes up here frequently, but I’d just like to reiterate that someone’s name not being in a headline is not a statement on their importance, it’s a reflection on the recognizability of their name. People click on headlines containing names they know, or on descriptions of people that tell you why they’re important. It’s something all journalists do.
have i ever told y’all the story about how a snake knew I was trans years before I did
my 7th grade social studies/8th grade science teacher (he did both classes. Somehow…) had a snake lovingly named Hisser. Hisser would occasionally be taken out to crawl and he was held by kids and when there were fire alarms Hisser was taken along, usually to his chagrin.
This was one of those days where we had in class work time and most of us were just chilling and so Mr. A got Hisser out and started passing him around.
Every girl student that he came to, he would immediately snuggle up to, wrap around their arms, and get cozy. With boy students, he would just sort of sit in the coiled lump that he’d been handed in. This was true with just about every single student, and Mr. A said that Hisser likes girls a lot better than guys and this has been thoroughly proven by Hisser’s attitude.
Then Hisser was handed to me. He was a loveable cold scaley rope as you would expect, but he didn’t coil around my arms. He didn’t get cozy. He just sat there. And Mr. Anderson said, “Huh. That’s weird. He usually likes girls.”
I passed the snake to my friend and surely enough, Hisser wrapped around her arms and got cozy.
I came out as a trans guy about 7-8 years later, and just recently realized that Hisser was right about me not being a girl all along.
I’ve also decided that whenever anyone asks me “Why I think I’m a boy,” which is my LEAST favorite question ever, I’ll just tell them that a snake told me a long time ago.
Question: I want to live by myself when I move out of my parent's place but I'm really afraid of money problems? I'm afraid that the only place I can afford will be in the ghetto and it'll all be torn apart and I'll only be allowed to eat one granola bar a week. I'm really stressing out about this. I don't know anything about after school life. I don't know anything about paying bills or how to buy an apartment and it's really scaring me. is there anything you know that can help me?
I’ve actually got a super wonderful masterpost for you to check out:
Once you’ve looked over all those cool links, I have some general advice for you on how you can have some sort of support system going for you:
Reasons to move out of home
You may decide to leave home for many different reasons, including:
wishing to live independently
location difficulties – for example, the need to move closer to university
conflict with your parents
being asked to leave by your parents.
Issues to consider when moving out of home
It’s common to be a little unsure when you make a decision like leaving
home. You may choose to move, but find that you face problems you didn’t
anticipate, such as:
Unreadiness – you may find you are not quite ready to handle all the responsibilities.
Money worries – bills including rent, utilities like gas
and electricity and the cost of groceries may catch you by surprise,
especially if you are used to your parents providing for everything.
Debt may become an issue.
Flatmate problems – issues such as paying bills on time,
sharing housework equally, friends who never pay board, but stay
anyway, and lifestyle incompatibilities (such as a non-drug-user
flatting with a drug user) may result in hostilities and arguments.
Your parents may be worried
Think about how your parents may be feeling and talk with them if they
are worried about you. Most parents want their children to be happy and
independent, but they might be concerned about a lot of different
things. For example:
They may worry that you are not ready.
They may be sad because they will miss you.
They may think you shouldn’t leave home until you are married or have bought a house.
They may be concerned about the people you have chosen to live with.
Reassure your parents that you will keep in touch and visit regularly.
Try to leave on a positive note. Hopefully, they are happy about your
plans and support your decision.
Tips for a successful move
Don’t make a rash decision – consider the situation
carefully. Are you ready to live independently? Do you make enough money
to support yourself? Are you moving out for the right reasons?
Draw up a realistic budget – don’t forget to include
‘hidden’ expenses such as the property’s security deposit or bond
(usually four weeks’ rent), connection fees for utilities, and home and
Communicate – avoid misunderstandings, hostilities and
arguments by talking openly and respectfully about your concerns with
flatmates and parents. Make sure you’re open to their point of view too –
getting along is a two-way street.
Keep in touch – talk to your parents about regular home visits: for example, having Sunday night dinner together every week.
Work out acceptable behaviour – if your parents don’t
like your flatmate(s), find out why. It is usually the behaviour rather
than the person that causes offence (for example, swearing or smoking).
Out of respect for your parents, ask your flatmate(s) to be on their
best behaviour when your parents visit and do the same for them.
Ask for help – if things are becoming difficult, don’t be too proud to ask your parents for help. They have a lot of life experience.
If your family home does not provide support
Not everyone who leaves home can return home or ask their parents for
help in times of trouble. If you have been thrown out of home or left
home to escape abuse or conflict, you may be too young or unprepared to
If you are a fostered child, you will have to leave the state-care
system when you turn 18, but you may not be ready to make the sudden
transition to independence.
If you need support, help is available from a range of community and
government organisations. Assistance includes emergency accommodation
and food vouchers. If you can’t call your parents or foster parents,
call one of the associations below for information, advice and
Where to get help
Kids Helpline Tel. 1800 55 1800
Lifeline Tel. 13 11 44
Home Ground Services Tel. 1800 048 325
Relationships Australia Tel. 1300 364 277
Centrelink Crisis or Special Help Tel. 13 28 50
Tenants Union of Victoria Tel. (03) 9416 2577
Things to remember
Try to solve any problems before you leave home. Don’t leave because
of a fight or other family difficulty if you can possibly avoid it.
Draw up a realistic budget that includes ‘hidden’ expenses,
such as bond, connection fees for utilities, and home and contents
Remember that you can get help from a range of community and government organizations.
Only your sibling and can make you feel violent, white hot, blistering rage.
Like i will never understand why Cain killed Abel, until my sister made me fuckin seethe with rage and hatred and then i went “Oh thats why”
The Cain Instinct is instilled within siblings, which is why you tried to draw blood from your siblings but the next minute your both hanging out
Maybe I’m just an only child but this does not.sound.normal.and healthy, OP. I think you might have like… a problem??
You’re an only child.
They are def an only child
ok think about how little kids have no chill, and are huge assholes at random. now imagine being smooshed together with an equally unchill asshole 24/7. imagine that when you go to your local authority figures all “MOM MATTIE WON’T GIVE MY STARSCREAM BACK” the god of your world doesn’t even look up from her book as she says, in an exhausted tone, “you’re older. help him behave.”
now imagine that when you go back to your room, and find that the city you spent all day building for your decepticons to smash is in complete disarray. the other unchill asshole, who is exactly like you but smaller and worse, like a twilight zone reflection of all your faults, still has your starscream and has also now taken your megatron and is making a “just try me fucker” face about it.
you reach for the megatron.
he opens his enormous noise hole and shrieks like a pterodactyl.
and you hear the ominous sound of the divine authority slamming a paperback closed on the kitchen table. it is you who will be blamed for this, cain. you were supposed to help abel behave. god can’t get five minutes to drink a cup of tea and it is going to be your fault.
i love my brother more than life itself but you’re damn right i hit him upside the head with optimus prime.
As someone who changed his name just for fun when I thought I was still cis, i promise most people are ok with accepting a new name, even if you lie and say it’s a nickname. I promise. It’s really easy to just casually go “hey I wanna go by Bob now, it’s an old nickname I wanna bring back” like. Just start introducing yourself to new ppl, no one knows better. and if someone accidentally deadnames you just go haha no I go by my nickname now.
It sucks that ppl treat nicknames as more sacred than trans ppls choice names but still.
If ur cis u can totally rb this to help ur fellow trans friends out thanks
Cary grant and Randolph Scott lived together for 11 years in their mansion entitled the bachelor pad there are press pictures of the two of them living in a completely wonderfully domestic setting
When Cary grant has to marry as to stop the rumours of their gayness he became very depressed, him and his wife divorced 13 months later
Putting more pictures here because yes
Also they reason said wife divorced Cary is bc Randolph “refused to leave” their home and Cary wouldn’t kick him out.
I’d seen some of these pub stills before but not all of them, imagine middle America looking at this and thinking they were just bachelors sharing a house holy fuck
just gentlemen being friendtlemen
from behind the screen: how gays & lesbians shaped hollywod 1910-1969 by william j. mann:
[transcription: In the beginning, perhaps, Grant & Scott had assumed they might live as their predecessors had. William Haines had, after all, shared his home quite openly with Jimmie Shields since 1926, hosting everyone from Irving Thalburg to members of the press. But 1934 was right years and a lifetime away. The Grant-Scott cohabitation would finally be severed permanently by new marriages for both of them, although they remained friends for the rest of their lives. Grant’s biographer, Roy Moseley, interviewed the maître d’ at the Beverley Hillcrest Hotel who recalled seeing the two of them in the 1970s, now old and white-haired, sitting at the back of the restaurant, late at night, after all the other diners had left. They were holding hands. /end]