I’m not over these past few years. Since turning 23 my life changed so much. I left my ex, who promptly turned around and married his new girlfriend within these two, almost three years. I still am not over losing my pets. Particularly Oz. I’m not over my boyfriend “not cheating because we weren’t together yet” even though we have learned to talk about it and somewhat resolve things. I’m not over the nostalgia of friendships that are most definitely over. I’m not over school, though it’s almost done. I’m fighting so hard, but I’m not over anything and I’m just near the end of my rope. I’ve been doubting everything. Besides my education. I’m pretty clear that my education will be completed here soon.
my dad just exploded into laughter out of nowhere and told me ‘imagine the lion king but with sea lions’
he has been chuckling about it for 5 straight minutes now
apparently it doesn’t matter that i’ve told him 10 times it’s the monkey who raises the newborn and not the lion himself, this is the scene he has been imagining
“he can’t raise his kid over his head”
I want it
okay but have you considered
@squorkal can it be my job to find you seal posts? Because I want that job
“We had a Native American museum today in third grade and the whole school came. I’ve been looking forward to it ever since second grade when I learned that third graders get to make dioramas. The museum was open from 10:15 to 10:45 or something like that. There was a cooking section where we gave out pumpkin bread. Then there was a tools and artifacts section. My table was in the games section. I put my snow snake on display. Snow snake is a very fun game in my opinion, but only four people came to my table. They said: ‘What is that?’ And I said: ‘It’s a snow snake. You can read about it on my poster.’ Then they looked at my poster for two seconds and went to get some pumpkin bread.“
Introductions have been going very well! I started out in the bath tub and after about twenty minutes with no signs of aggression (just a few ‘LET ME OUT OF THIS TUB MOM’s) I decided to move on to the next step and let them meet on my bed- a normal place I hang out with Oz.
There was some power grooming. I was nervous because when we introduced Vlad to the boys they HATED power grooming. Well, I think Cena is the exact opposite! When Oz wasn’t grooming him a few times Cena went up to him and basically pushed him into grooming him. Then they started grooming themselves. I didn’t expect this to be so successful so fast, so I’m really happy. =) Idk, maybe Vlad just power groomed way too hard or something? But this is great, they’re getting along great.
Immediately Cena discovered Oz’s favorite perch spot in this room- by the old radio. (Don’t worry, it’s not hooked up and I watch them very carefully to make sure that they don’t mess with the wires when they’re over there.)
All-in-all, today was a success! They’re in their separate cages right now, but when I clean them on Wednesday, if everything is well, they will be living in the smaller cage together! Not the larger one because the bars are too wide, we’ll graduate to that as Cena gets bigger. Success!
Cena baby is getting old. He’s lost use of his back legs and I don’t know how much longer I’ll force him to stay in this world. I’m sure he misses Oz. It’s hard letting my rat babies leave me. Cena has been such a great pet.
Yet it takes a lot to remain that way.
I don’t know.
I keep thinking I’m strong, maybe I’m not…
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy. With my life’s progress and with my boyfriend. He’s trying to find a job and move to be with me.
I feel lonely, though.
And my ex is getting married in four months. We never talk. I shouldn’t be so upset. I have my boyfriend. I love him. But nostalgia hits…
I saw a throwback picture of us that first year and the only real smile I had in a picture pre 2011.
I see pictures of him and his fiance and the clothes he wears… I was there when he bought half of them. Most if not all are older than the relationship he’s in now. I was there when he bought the shirt for his engagement photos…. Hell, I think I helped him pick it out.
I just can’t help myself from looking at his Facebook.
He’s not the person I loved but I didn’t expect it to get to this point, where we’re perfect strangers.
Maybe this is just rough because I don’t see my boyfriend all of the time, because I’m so lonely…
But there’s another part of me that is worried that he is just going to move here and I won’t be what he’s expected.
I’m already kind of having to mother him from afar, be responsible for him.
I don’t want to be a mom to my man, that’s why I left my ex.
I’m just… sad and unhappy tonight.
I’m wondering if I’m actually okay or making a big deal out of nothing.
It’s like… am I actually depressed? Or just over dramatic…
I’ve had the urge to cut out everyone and everything. To just stay in my room, alone, not leave my bed.
So I go out there and do my schoolwork, because that’s what I’m supposed to do. I go to events. Talk to people. Make jokes. hell, I was in a wedding this weekend. I have an awesome boyfriend, albiet long distance… I’m never actually alone.
But I feel really alone lately.
Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
I want to tell Adam about this pain I’m feeling but I don’t want to ruin his trip.
I think about breaking up with him daily because it’s just too hard and it’ll probably happen anyways. Who knows if it’ll be tomorrow or three years from now.
I don’t know.
and on the other hand…. I don’t want anyone to be concerned about me.
it’s bothersome at times if they check up on me. It’s a waste of their time. they’re not actually interested, they don’t really care, so why ask.
I don’t know if I’m overdramatic or if there’s actually something wrong with me, and that horrifies me.
I have twice.
You know you’re a little messed up from your last relationship when you think it’d be easier to break up with your boyfriend instead of having a conversation that might turn into a fight. Fighting is terrible.
It’s not “getting over” my first love that’s my problem. I am completely over him. My problem is the side effects that came with the ending of a seven year long relationship. The fear that comes with that, the skepticism of another relationship working. That is my problem.
I seriously like my boyfriend. We haven’t officially brought up that silly “L” word yet. I think he’s such a great guy. I mean, he has his issues- don’t we all? And I see some serious road blocks in front of us… Though, to be fair, there are already a few we’ve jumped over.
Having Him in my life has been a huge joy to me- but has also been exhausting and confusing. He says some things, he does other things… I some times have no clue what he wants from me. We go crazily fast on some things, like sex, but when it came to being “official”… It took about six months for him to be comfortable with it.
My instincts yell at me that I need to get out at times… So far I’m ignoring them, because I really care for this idjit. I feel like he just needs time, patience… and where am I really going? I already spent seven years of my life with Nick… if things go downhill with this guy, I’m pretty sure he’ll figure it out pretty soon… I have 3 years until my “real life” starts. Hopefully he can figure out what he wants within that time.
I fear, with distance, things… just won’t work. He has a certain need for physicality that I won’t be able to keep up with as a full time student at school. I can’t move to Wisconsin- not yet. I can’t afford rent by myself, Tim most likely will move with his boyfriend, and my boyfriend isn’t ready for that commitment… nor will I ever force him to make a move of that sort.
Speaking of that… I’m still so screwed up over my past relationship, it’s hideous.
The most recent thing that’s really bugging me… We talked about when we’d move in together. He doesn’t want to move in together until we’re engaged. I’m over here hoping that we can kind of move a little bit forward in this next year or two, maybe I’d finish my education in Wisco… Well, that destroyed my hope. Because I can’t move to Wisco on my own to be closer to Him so we can date more. Because I can’t even imagine accepting a proposal from a man I haven’t lived with for a year. I lived with Nick for, what, three or four years… things went to shambles. You don’t know your significant other until you live with them. I lived with Nick and things fell so far apart. He started taking me for granted. What’s to say that won’t happen again with Him? Not to mention he had one serious girlfriend before me, and that was in high school? He hasn’t even gotten to that point in a relationship yet, the point where you’re getting tired of the other person, the point where you almost have to choose to keep loving them…. What if He gets to that point and He finds that he doesn’t really like me as much as he thought he did?
There’s other things. I’m so prepared for him to leave. Always. So I feel like I have one foot in and another out of the relationship. Like, hey, it’s great if I get to keep him, but he’ll probably find another that catches his interest more… I don’t want my heart broken again. I don’t think I can survive it being broken again. It completely destroyed me the first time. I want to trust him, so much, but… Well, things that happened before we were “together” makes it hard….
Then the fact that he hasn’t said he loves me yet… or not even knowing if he does… or can…. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love me again. I’m so scared. Because I always love people more. I always get attached. I always invest more than they do. I don’t… I don’t want that again.
I’m tired. I’m confused. I really like this guy. I really want it to work. He lifts me up so much. I have definitely come into myself more as a woman due to him. I’m confident now. I’m so happy when I’m around him and I feel so special. He makes me want to be a better person. He’s got such a massive, sweet heart… I want to say that I hope I can earn his love some day. But part of me thinks that if he doesn’t feel that way about me now, he probably won’t ever. Love doesn’t just appear one day out of nowhere- it finds you.
I’m tired. Physically. I’m going to rest. But soon I’ll be spending a week with him again. I miss him already.
On some level I miss Nick. He was there for all of my moments of weakness. He stood by me, listened to me, gave me advice, held me…. told me that things will be okay…. I don’t get this any more. Especially with a “long distance boyfriend”. I feel alone constantly. Not only that, I don’t want to tell him this because it’ll make me seem weaker. When I’m with him, everything seems okay for a split second. When I’m not, anxiety piles on me. I don’t know. It’s been a rough week. I’m tired of feeling alone and hurt.
you know ive hit quality blogging when i post a picture of 16 vicars riding oblivion
That’s what they said
I love how many of them are praying
man that one in the front right corner just does not give a fuck
And by looking at that picture, you can experience the roller coaster… vicariously.
even better than the one in the front right corner: the one in the front middle who’s like HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH
Wait but there are more!
Now this is the sort of quality religious content I want to see on my dashboard
SEEMS LIKE A HELL OF A RIDE
HOLY WATER SLIDE
Hahaha I needed a laugh after this terrible week of mono and losing Oz…
Reenactor throws a spear at a drone
What a time to be alive.
“The medieval warrior, realizing the consequences of his impulsive act, immediately approached the owner of the drone and offered to pay for the damage.
The owner of the drone was so impressed by the brilliant attack that he suggested organizing a competition for bringing down “dragons” with short spears next year.
Drone owners have another year to develop a unique “dragon-like” design for their flying machines.” (x)
I am 100% cooler with this knowing that the spear-thrower realized “oops maybe I shouldn’t have done that” and tried to make it right, and that the guy who the drone belonged to was cool with it
just so everyone knows, this has already been memorialized in a runestone
Everything about this post blesses those involved with a +4 on their next Today is Good Day roll
Sometimes I wish my best friend could be there for me more emotionally….. Or, y'know… someone…
Oz died. I found him last night. I’m absolutely heartbroken. I took him to be cremated today. I didn’t check up on my rats when I got home Monday from Wisconsin. I asked my sister to feed them. I was on the couch sick with mono. Yesterday was Wednesday. I finally had the energy to come see my boys. The tray had been chewed through, Remus was running loose, and Oz was in the middle of the bottom floor, dead. I don’t know what happened. I feel like such a terrible mom. I should’ve checked on them straight when I got home, but I didn’t feel well. That’s a terrible excuse. My heart rat is dead. Nothing can bring him back. My poor baby…. my poor baby….
I will never forgive them for cutting out this scene.
Tumblr app doesn’t show this gif set but I already know what it is. No need to hesitate to reblog.
And he did this just before a road trip, stuck in the car with his parents asking what he was thinking.
The look of utter defiance Dudley gives Vernon as he steps over the fence though
And how he does it really slowly as well as if to say “What you gonna do about it huh?”
The phone rings. It was an absurd wedding gift from his father in-law, and one which much to Harry’s surprise, had actually worked when he’d plugged it into the landline. Arthur had taken to phoning him on it, just for the pure novelty of the thing—though how they’d managed to get a BT engineer out to the Burrow without causing an incident, Harry doesn’t know. He’s not sure he wants to.
“Uhm,, is this…is this the Potter residence?”
There’s a beat of silence as Harry adjusts the receiver against his ear, not quite sure he’s heard who he thinks he has. “…Dudley?”
“Dudley.” Harry repeats numbly, turning to look at Ginny who is looking at him expectantly, eyebrows raised. “Uh…Christ, Dudley, hi how did…how did you find this number?”
There’s another beat of silence and the crackle of static that might have been a sigh or simply just the line breaking up. “Hi, sorry I know you probably…sorry this was stupid. I uh, I put your name in the computer and this was the only thing that came up.”
“Oh.” Harry breathes, still trying to recover his equilibrium. Ten minutes ago he’d been using his wand to clear away dinner, he’d been getting ready to sit down and read through some reports before putting the kids to bed, and now somehow, he’s talking to his muggle cousin who he hasn’t seen since… “How, how are you?”
“Good, yea” Dudley replies, seeming to rally, “You?”
“Yea, uh, doing well…”
The conversation lasts maybe a half hour, faltering and awkward. But they’re going for a coffee at the end of the week and Harry supposes…that’s…that’s a thing that is happening.
Harry turns and looks up, and looks up some more at the looming figure blocking out the light.
“Dudley,” he says, standing up and hoping the pang of something awful doesn’t show on his face. For a moment he thought he’d been looking at Vernon. “It’s good to see you.”
Dudley gives him a look that says he clearly knows Harry is lying, but is thankful for being humored. “You too, you’re looking good…”
They pass the first few minutes with awkward pleasantries and even more awkward silences. But it’s…nice would be too strong a word, but it’s not bad either. He even manages to get a smile out of him when he calls him Big D, the other man shaking his head with a self depreciating eye roll.
“Dad died,” Dudley says after a while, and Harry feels an icy hot flash go down his spine, curdling in his gut.
“Oh,” he says, not quite sure how he’s supposed to feel about that, “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Dudley snorts into his coffee. “Somehow I doubt it.” and it’s not accusing, but Harry still can’t help but feel like he should defend himself. The words they locked me in a cupboard are on the cusp of his tongue but Dudley gets there before him. “There’s a lot of things…looking back…lot of things…” and it’s not an apology, not really. “Took me a long time to realize certain things weren’t right…too long.”
Harry nods at that, because yes, it had also taken him a long time too to understand the full of extent of what had gone on in 4 Privet Drive. He still doesn’t like tight spaces.
“You realize things though, when you have kids,” Dudley carries on, shaking his head, “Like they’re just kids, how can you do that to a kid? They need you for everything.”
And Harry can relate to that too. Lily is three and Ginny is pregnant again and James already has an alarming alacrity for finding trouble and with or without magic Harry doesn’t have enough hands to deal with it all. But he loves it, and he loves them, and the thought of anyone ever treating his children the way he remembers his first eleven years of life is enough to make the electric lights over their head flicker.
“You’ve got kids?”
“Two,” Harry says, “third one on the way. You?”
“Nice. Just the one, so far.” He hands over his phone, the image of a bright young girl with dark skin and tight ringlet curls staring back at him from the grasp of Dudley’s arms. “Effie.” He smiles ruefully at Harry’s obvious surprise. “Dad wasn’t too happy about that either.”
“She’s gorgeous.” Harry says, handing the phone back and pulling out his own wallet to reveal the moving pictures inside.
Dudley flinches a bit at that, but he guffaws broadly when he spies James. “Cor, he don’t half look like you. No glasses though.”
“No,” Harry says, pushing his own glasses back up his nose. “He’s got his mother’s eyes, thankfully.”
“Actually, Harry, there was something I was hoping we could…talk about.”
And ah, there it is. “What about?”
“It’s…it’s about Effie…”
And when he’s done talking Harry just wants to lean back and laugh and laugh and laugh, because of course Vernon Dursley’s granddaughter is a witch, of course she is. But he doesn’t, because Dudley is doing the one thing he can think of to try and help his child, and Harry can’t fault him for that.
They keep in touch after that. Christmas cards, postcards—gifts for the kids on birthdays. The year Effie turns eleven—the same as James—Harry drops a casually long thought out text into the familial void.
“Diagon A this weekend, if you’re up for it?”
The text comes back quickly, a little too quickly for the way Dudders pecks at his phone whenever Harry has seen him typing. “Snds gd, 1st pint on u ;-) - Big D 🍺🍺🍺👌👍”
It’ll be painfully awkward, it always is. But it’s something.
It got worse
Oh my heart
Momiji wearing a girl’s uniform, defeating gender norms XD
Yuki hates mornings because rats are typically nocturnal (truly diurnal but most people think nocturnal)
He has health problems, respitory issues. Rats are known for easily contracting respitory issues.
He’s meek at first but then one of the best friends you can have when you get to know him.
Pretty accurate to a real rat ♡♡♡
Rewatching Fruits Basket with the kids I’m babysitting!
Still love YukiXTohru and think she should have chosen Yuki!
Also still adore Hatsuharu!
He is totally bisexual and maybe it’s been a while but I don’t think I’ve ever caught that before. It explains even more why I’ve always loved the cow.
I’ll always love this series. It drew me into anime. ♡
I almost said it to you.
You caught it.
I don’t know if I meant it.
Damn this cursed tongue, for saying “lo-” again.
I don’t want to be there again. I don’t want to be that vulnerable again.
You called me out on it. I told you I use the word loosely. You kept looking at me until I looked at you.
I almost told you I love you, but I’m in no way ready for this. I don’t even know if you’re capable of loving me. I don’t know what makes me different than other girls. I suspect not much, I suspect you’ll be moving on some day soon. We’ll see. But for now… please forget my slip-up.
Well, first off I’ll state that I don’t really understand a lot of the hype of receiving sex. Maybe I’m just not that in touch or comfortable with my body. I’m a pro at being with myself and getting myself off. Even though I’m currently with a man who is /very/ good and dedicated at what he does (literally tons of women satisfied before me), I have not managed to reach that state of mind with him, though I let him believe I have. Yes. I’m lying and digging a hole for myself.
But I love sex with him for a different reason. With him it’s so different than it was with my ex. When I’m with him, I feel him thirst for me. I feel his desire. He wants me. Is it terrible that I simply love knowing that that is the case? I love knowing how I make him feel, the power that I have with my body. He makes me feel sexy. I don’t think my ex ever made me feel sexy, wanted, desired so much… It’s addicting.
He respects me and goes at my own pace. If I tell him to stop, he stops. He is alright with my anxieties in bed and we can talk open about sex as if it’s not really a tabboo. Emotionally…. we’re a work in progress, really. And physically he wants to try a lot of new things. I worry that I’m moving too slow and boring him. I suppose that is something we should discuss.
I just really wish he lived closer. Don’t get me wrong…. there are so many emotional things we need to work out and we avoid. While we are great together, it’s so not perfect. I honestly don’t know if we will last. Maybe I’ll blog about that later.
You know, I don’t exactly know what I have going on spiritually. I’m like a mod podge of religions. I’m pretty okay with that- it’s just starting to feel lonely, doing my own thing. I guess that’s what I get for disliking organized religion. Lately, I’ve had a lot of windows opened into the world of Catholicism, and it is a really beautiful yet intimidating religion.
The thing is, the more I learn of other religions, the more respect I have for each one. I feel there is some truth in a lot of the practices I see. However, who among us can truly say, “My god exists and your’s is totally made up?”
That’s the major thing I dislike about my Christian beginnings. I love my past in Christianity. I was once very strong in my beliefs. I went through many trials in middle school, my church didn’t have a great youth program, and I lost my footing with the religion. I had too many questions, heard too many answers I didn’t like. My shaky footing got me through to freshman year, and for a while I still tried to live a Christian life.
For a while, I gave up. For I am a sinner, that is true. I stopped trying. I mean, I remembered the stories, I have always /tried/ to be a good person. Jesus preached well, even if he does not have my mind he has made an influence in my heart. It’s not that I don’t think God could forgive me- it’s that I believe that if you ask for forgiveness, you should live your life to a certain standard. You should do your best not to need forgiveness again. There’s too many people who are one person at church, another at home.
It didn’t help that the churches surrounding me changed. My home church became entertainment. What used to be an a capella church suddenly became a full on band, tvs, projectors… I don’t think that is what church is. To be honest, I don’t think the Catholic church I attended today is exactly correct either. Humans pour all of this money into creating a… a place to worship. A temple. All of this excess money could be spent on other, more important things. Spreading the word, helping the poor and helpless. Didn’t Jesus teach on the streets? I know he also taught at temples, but most of his ministry was on the road… I feel as if nature is a beautiful enough temple. I think God cares less about riches laid out in his honor. He can supply himself with riches, for he created all. An army of believers is far more beneficial.
I don’t know, my thoughts about Christianity changed. Which made me change.
This is the lucky clover cat. reblog this in 30 seconds & he will bring u good luck and fortune.
THIS ONE!!! THIS IS THE ONE THAT WORKS!!!!!
I reblogged him the day i started treatment and 1. GOT TO MY APPOINTMENT ON TIME 2. FOUND A FREE PARKING TICKET SOMEONE LEFT IN THE METER FOR ME AND 3. GOT FREE STARBUCKS AFTER MY APPOINTMENT!!!!!
I’m convinced bc I reblogged this on Friday, got hired at a job I had a million interviews for, went on a first date that went well, and got kissed a billion times so like hell ya to the luck cat
COME ON HAMILTON TICKETS LET’S DO THIS CLOVER CAT.
Man, talking to him is heart-wrenching.
“If I lose my job I might come to Indiana and babysit for Dan and Ali. Maybe then we could finally get you out of your parents’ house.”
I state how I don’t really know and how free rent is pretty okay, even though it’s my dream to move out… has been since I was 15.
“Well, pipe dreams aside, I don’t live well with women- particularly women I care about. We’d probably be wild the first few months and then you could go back to your parents and I’d go back to Ali and Dan’s.”
He also keeps mentioning how I could move into his place at Wisconsin and how he could pay the rent while I’d finish up school, too…
I don’t know, I don’t know what he wants and… I don’t know. I get a happy feeling when he talks about those things, but when he took it back there was a sinking feeling…
He’s not my boyfriend, I’m okay with this no labels thing, but I feel like I’m at the deep end of the pool. I don’t know what to expect, some times I feel like I’ve hit solid ground and can stand, other times I feel like it’s taken out from under me and I’m flailing about. I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.
It’s hard trying to fall in love again with someone. It’s particularly hard when they’re… like this. I’m afraid in the first place. I’m tired of hearing of these dreams and then them being taken back in the following statement. I’m afraid. I’m afraid because you’re scared of commitment. I won’t force this issue until after we figure out the rough things in life. When we hear your mother is well, we can talk. I don’t know what to think. I wonder if you’d still like me if you knew the real me. I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t feel like you want to know the real me. I talk so little- you can carry a conversation by yourself, we both know that and it’s one of the reasons I enjoy you. I don’t have to always talk, I don’t have to worry about conversation. I can just be and you’ll accept me. But that worries me, too. I don’t think you know much about me. I’m worried.
When you’re with a guy that loves to act like you’re in a relationship when you’re together, yet when you’re not together it doesn’t really feel like it. And you’re not together. He talks about your future kids, how cute they would be. He talks about the future house he’ll build, asks for your opinion. He’s well established. He suggests that we go by the title “exclusively single”.
I like him a lot. I’m not mad about anything. But I feel like if I were looking at this like one of my friends were going through it… it looks like I’m being dragged along.