When the boys didn’t want to play with you on the playground and you didn’t know why, I know it hurt.
I know how it felt when you failed to understand why the boys wouldn’t let you onto their side of the playground.
Thank goodness for that one boy with a crush on you who vouched for your masculinity and convinced the boys to let you play with them.
That was the day you realized you weren’t a boy.
You didn’t know it yet, but I was there too.
You used to be filled with so much wonder and imagination. Oh sweetie where has it gone?
When you and your friends played pretend so often that you lost grasp of reality, your life was so much simpler.
When you actually believed the rocks behind your neighbors’ house had magical properties, the world started to look brighter.
Then you quickly realized that it was just a rock when the rock failed to grant your wish: your wish to wake up a boy.
That didn’t stop you though, oh no you kept wishing.
You wished on every star, you prayed every night, for something that never came.
Every morning, you still woke up without anything between your legs.
After that, wishes didn’t seem to matter to you anymore.
As you got older, you decided to become the girl you thought you’d always be.
You let your friends put makeup on you even though you hated how it made you look.
You bought your own makeup eventually but it never looked right.
You would have given it up sooner, but it became a security blanket, your last lingering vestige of femininity.
When you made your first tumblr account, you damn near cried when you stumbled across the word transgender for the first time.
Sure, you’d heard the word before, but it was always shrouded in disgust and sin when the people around you used it.
When you started identifying as nonbinary, your life started to make sense.
You cut all your hair off and the weight of the world seemed to go with it.
The first time you shopped on the mens side of a department store, all of the judgmental looks faded away when the cashier made you feel safe and at peace by complimenting your choices.
You should thank him some day if you ever see him again.
Slowly, you realized you weren’t nonbinary at all but that you were a boy.
Just as you always wished you could be.
I don’t see you anymore, but I see who you’ve become.
I see you everyday in the mirror, in the reflection of my computer screen.
You aren’t the little girl who used to wish you would wake up a boy.
You are a boy who woke up one day and realized it.
Maybe your wish came true after all.
Okay so I found this and it is actually ME. This is how it happened