“if anxiety is getting the best of you, just read this —I know you’re tired even though you just woke up but just do your best today. That’s all anyone can ask of you. That’s all you can ask of yourself. Don’t push yourself too much.I know you’re scared to fail. So much so, you’re striving for perfection and you beat yourself up every time you fall short. You’re your own worst enemy and I’m here to tell you, you don’t need to be.I know you’re worrying and thinking too much. And everyone is telling you to relax. But you can’t seem to.I want you to know, it shows a sign of strength caring as much as you do.This is not a weakness but a virtue of yours. You have a heart that doesn’t want to hurt people. You come off as paranoid but I know you just want to make the right choices. Know that you already are. You’re doing great.I know your heart is racing but you disguise it with a smile. In those moments where anxiety is controlling you, take a deep breath. Do whatever you need to that will calm your nerves. It’s okay to be like this and you don’t need to change. Just learn to breathe through it. To accept it, and conquer it.I know you hate yourself for breaking down and crying in private because of something you couldn’t control even if it was something small. Stop hating yourself. Stop beating yourself up. It’s okay to have those moments as long as you don’t let them define you.There is so much more to you than your anxiety.So when your anxiety is getting the best of you and you’re hating yourself for it, I want you to remember this:It will all be okay. Your entire life is going to be okay. The relationships and the people who belong in your life will not leave you.No one thinks you are a burden as you run over details a million times of things playing out in your mind. You do whatever you need to, to live with this. Everyone else will learn to adapt also.Remember, you are loved. You are needed. You are cared about. And your anxiety does not define you, so don’t let it."kirstencorley
“I’d meet you sooner in my next life. I hope you recognize me there. I’d tie your string on the end of mine. We’d leave together so we’d never have to live apart. We wouldn’t have to steal the clock. Our time would never be up. We wouldn’t have shards to pick. We wouldn’t have pictures to burn. We’d be whole. We’d be happy. You’d be the person I marry. You’d be the one I’d be waiting at home each sundown, with our dinner ready. You’d be the arm I’d be latching on to whenever I cross the road. You’d be the one binge watching anime with me on our day off. You’d be the one letting me win on some videogames. You’d be the one I’d be sharing a blanket with on a late night bonfire by the beach. You’d be the one. We’d never run out of stories. We’d never allow what we have to just fade. We’d never have to replay our timeline to pinpoint where it went wrong, because there wouldn’t be mistakes not spoken out loud. We’d never have to wish for each other. We’d never turn back to strangers. We’d never have to heal. It wouldn’t be perfect, but we’d keep re-building. We’d be singing lullabies to a child who bears your name, with eyes like mine. It wouldn’t be too soon or too late. And it wouldn’t be temporary.”
I hope to meet someone comfortable in silence when words aren’t needed, someone who’d sit beside me to share the weight of the world with when it becomes too much to bear. I really am hoping. That when my heartbeats are the ones to do the talking and my tears are to tell the stories no one wants to hear, someone’s out there to listen. Not to sympathize, not to tell me everything’s going to be okay or all the other crap we say to people just to make them feel better — no, I know that it’s too much to ask for. What I’m spending my wishes upon a shooting star for is someone who will never get tired when my heart won’t stop weeping, someone who will always see the love in me even on the days when I’m not very lovable. They say the world isn’t a wish-granting factory, but one can dream.
by: Jun Mark Patilan
Artwork: Hyocheon Jeong
“I begin to feel the wish to be singled out; to be summoned, to be called away by one person who comes to find me, who is attracted towards me, who cannot keep himself from me, but comes to where I sit on my gilt chair, with my frock billowing round me like a flower. And withdrawing into an alcove, sitting alone on a balcony we talk together.”
— Virginia Woolf, The Waves
Suddenly in the midst of nothingness I started to miss our escapades in amusement parks, the rides towards undecided roads, the nonsense talk about anything until we can’t help it but get lost in our dreams, the ungodly hour calls just to hear each others voice, the unexpected messages sent just to ease the feeling of longing, the unidentified clench in our chests whenever we bid goodbyes. Many thoughts came crashing but one thing is for sure, this is just one of those sleepless nights that I’ll get over with and by tomorrow I’ll get up like I never drenched my pillow just to will myself to sleep.
I miss being in love with you.
I miss the comfort that I found only within your gaze. I miss the warmth I felt, only within your smile. I miss the security I felt, only within your arms. I miss having my world revolve solely around you. I simply just miss being in love with you, and I would do anything to get it back.