queer is not a word lgbt+ people chose for ourselves. it originated as a simile for strange (german, quer), and we were called it because we were seen as strange, weird, perverse, etc. its use as a derogatory word for us started in the 19th century. gay wasn’t even a word we identified ourselves with until the 20th, and queer was largely not reclaimed by anyone until at least the 1960s.
phrases such as “not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you” originated when protests were sparked in the 80′s and 90′s by police violence and the aids crisis- but we had already been called queer as in strange or perverse long before its reclaimation, and that was used to grab the attention of our oppressors. it was used in protests precisely because of its status as a slur, because back then, it was seen as an ugly word. it made cishet people UNCOMFORTABLE to see a slur be reclaimed, which made the movement gain momentum.
queer is a SLUR, not an insult, because of its history. learn that history before coming onto posts like this. this is why it differs from gay, and why i compared the word queer to the word dyke.
Queer is a word people chose for ourselves. The original quote was “not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you.” As in, they specifically requested not to be called gay because it implied a level of happiness which was impossible given the amount of discrimination and pain that came with being queer.
Queer became an insult because queer people identified as queer. It does not have to be reclaimed because we never lost our claim in the first place.
If queer and gay are both used as insults and one feels disrespectful but the other one doesn’t, you’ve got a double standard that queer people aren’t responsible for fixing.
some people on this site seem to have a really profound misunderstanding of what slurs are. like, you can’t “use a word as a slur.” it’s either always a slur or not a slur, and a slur is different from an insult.
for example- gay is not a slur, since it’s a term gay people chose for ourselves, but is frequently used as an insult because of homophobia. in contrast, dyke is a slur because it originated as a way to criticize stereotypical lesbians, then was later reclaimed by some wlw.
slurs cannot be universally reclaimed. a word does not go from a slur to “no longer a slur.” like that’s not how this works lol, and there will always be people who are uncomfortable with a slur you reclaim.
remember that your experiences are not universal- in many places, slurs like queer are still used and it’s incredibly disrespectful to those of us who’ve been called slurs you haven’t to say that they’re not slurs anymore.