I think I need to vent about not having any friends.
I know people. People that I give hugs to, that ask about my weekend. I know people in my classes. I know people that I used to work with who used to invite me to bbqs and things. I know a few folks that will share a cigarette with me at the bar and ask me what I’ve been up to. But none of them are REALLY my friends. They’re these weird fleeting sources of companionship that never develop into something more.
I try. My boyfriend tells me that I don’t try hard enough, that I’m cynical and negative about becoming closer friends with people. But dude, I give people my number, I stopped into my old work to say hi and see if anyone wanted to hang out recently, I text people, I message people on facebook sometimes, I do the whole ‘lets hang out! I’m free on this weekend, beer?“ I AM FRIENDLY. I go to shows and bars and local events. I’m social enough. So what gives? I just feel like I get cancelled on a lot. I get blown off a lot. I get my texts ignored a lot. People are always really nice and friendly to my face, they act like we are buddies, and then when I actually invite them to do something they always have plans already or have to work or are sick…am I just unlucky or really unlikable? No one calls me. Texts are rare. I don’t get invited to stuff anymore.
I recently got upset because this guy I was friends with at work recently got married and I didn’t get invited. I was gone all summer so I didn’t see or talk to any of the people I used to work with for a few months. I realize it may have seemed like I dropped off the map for a little while, but I was in town when the wedding happened. I saw pictures of the wedding on facebook and I was really hurt. There were girls there that have only worked at the restaurant for six months. I worked with this guy for four years. We were buds and chatted about all kinds of stuff. There was even a post-reception after party, two blocks from my house. "Everyone” was there. But no one bothered to even tell me about that.
Its a dumb thing to get upset about. It’s just disheartening that I have lived in this town for seven years and I don’t have anyone that I’m close with (besides the boy).
I feel bad because a lot of my venting and issues and crap is directed at my boyfriend. He loves me and I know I can tell him practically anything but I think if I had a best friend he would get less overwhelmed. Its just that I have no one else to confide in! Its sort of why I started this tumblr account.