Glossary of Terms:
Intactivists: People who advocate leaving the foreskin well alone, and who tend to like absolutely everything about it, often even the flinchworthy bits . Can be recognized by spamming internet forums with lengthy, lovingly prepared, copy-pasted posts, extolling the grandeur and beauty of having a foreskin, and the wretchedness of human existence in its absence.
Pro-Circ: People who advocate circumcision, and view the foreskin with great worry. Can be recognized by usually being from Minnesota and mumbling about cleanliness and locker rooms.
Circumsexual: People who get a sexual kick out of the topic of circumcision. Considered a bit deviant by intactivists. Can be recognized by having many fake email accounts enabling them to create raving majorities of circumcision-advocating “females” on internet forums.
Circumfetishist: People who get debilitatingly strong, sexual kicks ONLY out of the topic of circumcision. Considered evil by intactivists. Can be recognized by deteriorating syntax and grammar as internet postings on the topic coincide with masturbatory timing, and usually own castles in Romania with many prisoners awaiting circumcision.
Frenulum: a kind of natural safety belt for the foreskin, keeping it anchored to the underside of the glans to prevent the skin tube from getting twisted up or flopping about too much.
Glans: the fun bob at the end of the penis most of the action centers around in pornos, and whose sensitivity is said to be extinguished by circumcision according to its opponents, or vastly enhanced according to circumcision proponents.
Inner Foreskin: The lining of the foreskin, which is approximately the size of Austria, and contains enough nerve endings to wire up the whole solar system. It also contains enough Langerhans cells to spell certain death to anyone having sex in Africa, which is pretty much where the whole controversy about it comes from. Generally viewed as fun to have lots of.
Outer Foreskin: The hairy, wrinkled skin tube attached to the uncircumcised majority of the world’s male inhabitants, visually thought to be vaguely related to elephant trunks by some, and lined on the inside with > inner foreskin.
Tight: The connoisseur’s style of circumcision, according to many views held by circumcision proponents, and a sadistic, anachronistic form of Victorian-inspired masturbation control as viewed by circumcision opponents.
Loose: The beginner level style of circumcision, according to circumcision proponents; viewed as a sign that not all hope is lost regarding surgeons by circumcision opponents.
Corona: the rim of the glans, which, to prevent misunderstandings, does not benefit from having salt and a slice of lemon rubbed on it.
Smegma: A substance which tends to build up between foreskin and glans and which, depending on who is asked, is either the basis for having a functioning immune system, or spells certain death to entire families from a multitude of wretched ailments brought on by its existence.
Foreskin Restoration: Growing a new foreskin by pulling on it systematically over an extended period of time. Considered cheating by circumcision advocates, and pretty neat by involuntary circumcisees who use it to build their dream willies that way (as do, we should add, those undergoing adult circumcision)
Show-ers: Mis-spelt showers, or, in this context, men whose penis doesn’t change size much when getting erect.
Growers: Men whose penis changes size dramatically when getting erect.
Smell: Let’s face it, folks, that part of the body will have a scent. Here the full scale we will be using to indicate performance on that aspect:
No Smell > Salmon > Trout > Cod > Herring > Sardines > Tuna > Mackerel > Lutefisk > Surströmming
Foreskin Restorers use code to describe the extent of glans coverage they have. It equates circumcised coverage as follows:
C.I. 10: Natural penis without anything chopped off.
C.I. 09: Natural penis without anything chopped off, or short foreskin/ minimal circumcision.
C.I. 08: Natural penis without anything chopped off, or very short foreskin/ minimal circumcision.
C.I. 07: Minimal or partial circumcision.
C.I. 06: Partial circumcision.
C.I. 05: Partial circumcision.
C.I. 04: Low and loose circumcision with coronal coverage.
C.I. 03: Low and loose circumcision with exposed corona.
C.I. 02: Low and tight circumcision.
C.I. 01: High and tight circumcision.
Wankability: Ease of masturbation with skin
Variability: How much autonomous flopping back and forth there is of the skin over the corona between stages of flaccid and erect
Mobility: How far forward and backward you can pull the skin
Langerhans: in memory of scientist Langerhans, who discovered that skin cells of the inner foreskin are more susceptible to virus attacks. This rating therefore tells us how much inner foreskin there is.
Coverage: to what extent the glans is covered, on average throughout the day.