I like to think Bella drinks red wine while sitting at the dining table whenever she’s at the Cullens place to assert dominance.
I like to think Bella drinks red wine while sitting at the dining table whenever she’s at the Cullens place to assert dominance.
The fact that nobody is talking about Secret’s new commercials pisses me off
This makes me so happy ☺️
Yesssss😭 I damn near cried
I LOVE THIS OMFG
YOOOOOOOOOOO THATS AMAZING!!!!!
Can someone help me understand I wanna cry to ..I feel something went over my head
The woman in the bathroom is trans and is scared that if she comes out of the stall the women that walked in will insult or harass her. but when she comes out they compliment her on her dress instead. The add ends with saying “stress tested for women.” It means Secret is including trans women in their definition of women.
I have reblogged this three times now, each one mentioning the fact that Secret not only included a trans woman, but that they /had the other women compliment her dress and treat her with respect/. I will reblog this every time I see it because it’s so important. More companies should involve trans people in their marketing - we do exist. Props to Secret for getting in on this movement. It makes me really happy to see more of the trans community represented in daily television.
Reblog the shit out of this
(credit to @vampireguarddogs)
I haven’t read Harry Potter in a long time. Am I correct in remembering there were wizard ‘swear words’ that were like equivalent to the fuck word or am I having a stroke?
Twilight would be so much funnier if Carlisle and Esme acted like actual parents imagine Edward coming home from chilling in the tree outside Bella’s house and Esme is at the kitchen table w a mug of coffee she can’t drink like “Edward Anthony Masen Cullen you better start explaining yourself”
• “Esme is that a cup of coffee? You can’t even drink it”
•”EDWARD CULLEN IT MAKES ME FEEL MATERNAL OKAY? NOW EXPLAIN”
Due to popular demand, everyone I’d like you to meet Emmett McCarty the Monarch
I just hatched a butterfly and want you all to know his name is Emmett
woah okay so new twilight theory: i’ve always been confused about how the venom changes their bodies to be beautiful since beauty is highly subjective and changes throughout history. so like what if the person’s belief of what is the most beautiful or desirable influences their change?? like maybe Rosalie resembles a certain movie star of her era who she idolized in her youth or esme looks a lot like her mother who she might have thought was beautiful?? and maybe aro thought onions were really sexy so that’s why he looks Like That
the cullens, ranked by how down they are to dress as dracula for halloween
Emmett: 100% down. Could not be more down. Goes around telling people exactly how many people he’s killed. Has crushed seven sets of plastic fangs with his supernatural jaw strength.
Alice: Hell yes. The aesthetic? Unparalleled. Long, drapy fabrics in rich shades of black and red. Tasteful lace. Antiquated silhouettes meet modern chic. She is all over this.
Esme: how fun! Loves the irony, and the opportunity to relax the human facade a little. Also sexy capes.
Rosalie: irritated by the idea until she realises human boys are intimidated by the murderous glare and blood on her lips.
Carlisle: wary until he overhears esme’s aforementioned opinion on capes. Donning the garb feels like coming home, even if it’s made of polyester. Colleagues at the hospital party get a hoot because come on—vampire doctor? Hilarious concept. Carlisle agrees.
Jasper: the costume blood doesn’t smell at all like the real thing; nevertheless, feeling it dribble on his lips is just a little too provocative. Best not, then. (Though he did don the full getup just once. Alice cherishes the photos.)
Edward: how dare you? How dare you mock his pain with this caricature. This farce makes light of his monstrous nature—an insult to all who have been harmed by his irredeemable evil, the sins he strives to forget. And you would have him endure this pain, this reminder of a personal hell he can never escape? Nay, perhaps such pain is no less than he deserves—
I’m officially starting my anotation of the twilight books. My friend already wants it and I haven’t started yet… maybe I’ll just make it a PDF
Imagine Esme left a lipstick kiss on Carlisle’s face. He smiled shyly when she tried to wipe the mark off with her fingers. For the first time, with the pink stain on his cheek, Esme knew what Carlisle would look like when he’s blushing.
I’m picturing Esme kissing each of his cheeks and blending the lipstick out and just staring at his face, with Carlisles little pink cheeks and a big smile
Twilight Normal Teenager Bella AU
-Bella Swan is a loser. She’s never been popular and is a huge nerd who can’t run for shit and just blends into the background because of her plain appearance.
-And she’s okay with that. She’d rather spend her nights in watching Netflix and she doesn’t have a lot of friends to hang out with.
-So when she has to move all the way from Arizona to Washington to love with her over protective father she’s not exactly leaving anything behind.
-At school she spends most of her time reading (mostly trashy romance novels, but she’ll never admit it) when she notices this weirdly hot dude staring at her.
-If there’s anything anything she’s learned from trashy romance books and serial killer documentaries, he either thinks she’s hot or wants to kill her.
-Having been told to expect the worse from her dad she suspects the latter and tries to stay far, far away from him.
-Luckily for Bella she befriends a few people at school, Jess and Angela, which is new for the teen.
-Bella is completely oblivious to Edward almost stalking her, preventing major life threatening injuries like a car almost hitting her or a ladder falling on her which she still doesn’t notice.
-Jessica jokes that Edward’s a vampire and Bella jokingly asks him about it when they’re out on a school trip.
-She’s a little surprised when he says yes and brushes it off as a bad joke until he takes his shirt off to show her sparkles.
-Bella breaks down laughing making a number of jokes about how stupid that is and Edward is confused why she thinks this is so funny.
“Why are you laughing?”
“YOU’RE A HUMAN DISCO BALL! OH MY GOD-”
-After she finally stops laughing she wonders why he told her and he says it’s because she smells really good.
“Your blood-I mean that smells really good-”
“Yeah, no, it’s not cool to smell people.”
“I have Mace in my bag if you try anything.”
-Needless to say it’s…awkward at first but the two actually begin spending more time together despite Edward’s continue want to eat her.
Bella: So like you kill people and stuff?
Edward: We’re vegetarians.
Bella: *eating bacon* You’re what?
-Bella has a weird sarcastic sense of humor and Edward who has been Alice for almost 100 years still doesn’t get a lot of the jokes or references she makes.
Bella: Road work ahead? I sure hope it does.
Edward: Why wouldn’t it??
-When she meets the rest of his family it is awkward AF and Rosalie it’s actually kind of worried when Bella agrees with her passive aggressive comments.
“Why don’t you go jump off a cliff?”
*Cut to Bella already walking out* “Kay.”
-Speaking of cliffs: when Edward leaves she doesn’t jump off a cliff to get his attention and instead spends most of the day shoveling down a tub of ice cream.
Jessica: Why are you eating so much ice cream?
Bella: *on her third tub* Edward is like 85% of my impulse control…*takes another bite* okay 90%.
Bella: Wait so, since you’re dead, you can’t get me pregnant if we have sex right?
Edward: Actually it’s-
Bella: *on the bed, already taking her clothes off* What?
au where Bella grew up in Forks and by the time the Cullens move to town she’s already dating Jacob. The two of them always joked that they would gladly become a poly if they met someone hot enough, though, so first day of school when Bella see’s Edward, Jacob gets a text that says “HEY REMEMBER THAT POLY JOKE WELL GUESS WHAT BUDDY”
alternative post-breaking dawn
- okay so let’s pretend smeyer isn’t a psycho and that renesmee exists except her name is elizabeth now and she ages at a normal rate and jake is her fun uncle rather than the dude she’s destined to be with from the day she’s born
- sound good?
- okay great.
- so imagine her first day of school
- the cullens have just moved to a new small town to give her as long as one school as possible before they have to move on
- they all try to prepare her in different ways
- carlisle and edward sit her down in carlisle’s office, her feet dangling off the chair that’s too big for her and patiently explain all of the things that she can’t tell the other kids about her family and offer her some easy lies to remember to cover for any weirdness
- alice helps her pick out a first day outfit (and the rest of the week’s clothes too) only to have bella walk in and kick up a fuss because of how fancy it is
- “first impressions are everything, bella!” alice insists, trying to grab back the mini lavender gown she had picked out for beth
- “exactly, they do matter and human kids can be cruel, alice.” bella reminds her before picking out a little set of denim overalls and a striped t-shirt “she needs to look like a kid on her first day of school!”
- rosalie is more nervous for beth’s first day at school than anyone else and paces around the house unsure of how to help
- finally she realises that she doesn’t need to do anything other than be there for her niece
- so the two of them spend the evening cuddling up and reading books together, savouring the uninterrupted time they have together before school starts to take up beth’s days in the same way slumber takes up her nights
- after beth has been put to bed by bella and edward, esme spends half the night making the perfect packed lunch for her to take to school with her
- the next morning jasper finds beth sitting on the stairs patiently waiting for someone to take her to school, fully dressed and with her backpack in her lap
- it’s far too early and so no one had expected her to be awake
- she’s got herself ready in every way except one; she’s tried to braid her long hair but couldn’t reach all the way around the back of her head so it was all falling out
- without saying anything, jasper, picking up on her nervous energy sits himself down on the stair behind her and carefully undid her attempt and re-braids her hair immaculately while washing a relaxing mood through her
- bella and edward drive beth to school and walk her in, swinging her between them and making her giggle to keep her calm
- the other parents stare and whisper, unable to look away from the impossibly young and beautiful parents
- they had told the school the same story that they had told charlie, that beth was edward’s niece, but her likeness to the both of them was getting even more uncanny as she aged
- beth clings to her mother’s hand and her bottom lip trembles when she’s told that she has to say goodbye
- bella holds her close for a moment, promising her she’ll be okay and they will all be waiting at home for her that afternoon
- “you have to live a really exciting and wonderful life,” she tells her daughter. “because then you can come home and tell us all about it and it’ll be like we were there with you the whole time. okay?”
- edward leans down and kisses his daughter’s forehead
- he whispered a quick reminder about what he and carlisle had told her and then added, “have a good day sweetheart, learn as much as you can!”
- emmett and jacob pick her up and take her to get ice cream, one of the only human foods she willingly eats, and get her to tell them absolutely everything that happened
- then she asks to go home and they oblige, with beth racing into the big house to tell everyone about all she did that day
- she sits in her father’s lap in the living room and holds her audience captive as she relays every insignificant detail, even to jake and emmett who listen dutifully for the second time
- she tells them about how her outfit was complimented and alice smiles proudly because she was the one that customised the overalls
- she tells them about how she swapped pieces of her lunch with other students and esme laughs because of how carefully she had tailored the meal to beth in particular
- she tells them about how pretty they thought her mama was and bella hides her head while edward beams
- and she tells them how jealous they were of her braided hair, even asking if her uncle would show their mothers how to achieve the same effect
- when she’s finished she smiles, satisfied
- “do you feel like you were there with me?” she asks her mother earnestly
- “we’re always with you, beth.” bella promises, kissing her daughter’s cheek
Twilight AU where instead of hating each other, Alice and Jacob are bffs who bitch about what a crybaby Edward is while sipping lattes(Alice is drinking for the aesthetic because she is that bitch™️). Alice gets Jacob in the habit of saying “yaaaaas bitch”
Alice’s latte is just blood that they foamed up with a coffee machine to be like a real latte
breaking dawn part 2 had the potential to give us one of two scenes
1) the cullens relocate to Alaska (or somewhere cloudy) and it’s the first day of classes for some new girl and they introduce the cullens only this time bella is with edward, BAM full circle
2) vampire baseball with bella playing
we were ROBBED
we deserved a scene where bella, high as shit on painkillers in the hospital from her most recent injury, doesn’t realize she’s talking to one of the cullens and adamantly sticks with the cover story and they all just start messing with her as she very loopily struggles to explain away everything they ask about
You bet your ass I will be writing about this later, reblogging to save hehe