I've never read any terf that made me deeply want to abort any girl I was carrying until you.
The thought she'd turn out as vile as you...
at least you’ll spare her a life with you as her mother, which is ultimately a kindness
I've never read any terf that made me deeply want to abort any girl I was carrying until you.
The thought she'd turn out as vile as you...
at least you’ll spare her a life with you as her mother, which is ultimately a kindness
I'm so sorry you get so much hate on here. You really don't deserve any of it (I don't think anyone does, really). I just wanted to write and say that your life, your experiences and you taking the time to share your perception of the world is appreciated. As someone who has also had disordered eating exasperated during the pandemic, I would also like to wish you well. Peace.
i appreciate you taking the time to tell me so! you’re right that no one deserves hateful messages, especially anonymously online. i’m lucky in that they don’t bother me (i mean, an anonymous message from some joker who has never seen me telling me i’m fat? that’s silly) but it also saddens me to know these people are out there because not everyone is in the place to weather hateful messages, regardless of whether they’re baseless. so again, it really is nice to get some sunshine in my inbox as well.
i hope you’re not struggling much these days, wishing you well.
You’re wonderful <3
thank you, kind messenger :)
You deserve your Ed
i don’t but that hasn’t stopped me yet 🤷🏼
Unlike the pubbed anon I wish you i'll you're a fake as fuck gaslighting terf that has made her mission to hurt trans people.
And you created a fake fucking ex-trans account to do it.
actually this account is real, but i’ve always been a terf, i’m just so dedicated to the cause that i transitioned and lived as trans for over half a decade just so i could detransition. it’s a little something they teach us in terf academy. it’s called passion. look it up.
So definitely a online living fatass.
You just dream of being oppressedly skinny.
Just look at your fucking blog, it's just oozing basement dweller.
You fucking CHUD.
i mean, okay?
so you think i’m a terminally online fat woman, now what?
just like forcing people to use your chosen pronouns, none of that changes material reality so…cheers
i wish you the best of luck in going back to work & life and i wish you better treatment than being forced into worse situations for yourself! i had to quit working last year for the same reason , and im so very lucky i had the shelter stability to be able to. living with it is hard, but worth it to be here for the good moments in life. im glad youre still here.
thank you for this message.
i often hold onto kind/nice messages like some kind of kindness dragon, sitting in my hoard of nice anons, but i’m posting this as a counter to the last message.
it’s lovely you had the stability to be able to take whatever time you needed and i am glad you’re still here, too.
i often think, i’d rather be living with it than dead from it—so far so good :)
So your ED is it being a fatass loser or a puking loser or a puke and laxatives loser?
you may think that any of this hurts me, and i assume that’s why you breezed right by commas in order to leave such a message, but it doesn’t. my disorder is simply not eating enough. it’s not because i feel i “don’t deserve it” or because i have low self esteem, but because i desire to remain thin, and a mixture of under eating and over exercising is how i maintain that.
eating disorders, like all things you may find when you get offline and go outside, are different than the media portrayals; my experience of the world as a woman (especially as a GNC woman) is improved by being thin, and so i do not eat enough in order to remain that way. i love myself, i like myself, i think i’m smart and funny and attractive, i’m simply affected by the culture which raised me, which hates women and fat people and especially fat women. i ease my experience by staying thin.
but please, leave another cowardly anonymous message and tell the class more about what type of loser YOU are ;)
i recently took time off work (short-term disability) to get treatment for an eating disorder that i experienced a relapse for during the pandemic. i go back to work tomorrow, not because i’m recovered (or even “in recovery”) but because the limits of my disability insurance have run out. my work happens to exacerbate my disordered behavior, and unfortunately one of the things i’ve learned how to do during my time off is hide my ED behaviors more effectively than ever.
i feel…a mixture of emotions. guilt because i was “supposed” to recover and i didn’t. i DID seek and engage in treatment! i just didn’t recover. i got worse. and that feels like both my fault and not my fault. i see a psych, i take my medication, i go to therapy, i see a nutritionist, i follow the plan….i’m just not better. but i have to go back anyway. and i feel sad about that. resigned, i guess. like…welp! you tried to recover and it didn’t work and now you have to go back to the place and do the thing but at least no one can blame you for still having an eating disorder now! you tried!
sometimes it seems like maybe eating disorders are just things you either learn how to manage and live with or else you eventually die from them. sorry to be grim on main. i think i am currently and am capable of continuing to manage this ED in a way that doesn’t kill me for a very long time, but will i ever be free of it? seems unlikely from this vantage point.
and my ED and my dysphoria have essentially blended (/potentially always been two heads on the same beast) because i manage them the same way. i run and rock climb to stay fit and kill my time and maintain a body shape i can bear and to give me motivation to eat (a reason to fuel myself).
no point to this, just venting.
do you have any tips for dealing with dysphoria without transition? pls have a good day!!
Hey there! I do have some tips! Hold on, this may be a long post. I’ll summarize at the end.
First off, I’m gonna give you a quick outline of my personal theory about dysphoria, just so we’re on the same page, then I’ll go into detail on how I personally have dealt with dysphoria during and after my transition:
So if you don't know or like someone and meet a stranger let's say you Missenden them by accident and they correct you politely. You will then refuse to respect theyre choice of pronoun? Dude I know people have made it stupid and confusing but thats hostile and just rude. Why do like that?
no, nuance and context exist. for example, at home with my partner, i use sex-based pronouns for most people who aren’t within our immediate friend group (and choose pronouns that don’t match their sex) or else we avoid pronouns altogether, using only names, because in my own home i believe my own feelings about reality should take priority. my partner would rather i use people’s chosen pronouns even when not in their presence and on this we cannot agree, so this is the compromise, we avoid the topic. on my blog, i get more control, so here i embrace reality fully.
in the scenario you provided, i would likely avoid pronouns entirely. easy enough to do when the person is right there, as you rarely speak in the third person while someone is in your presence.
my point in all this isn’t to harm people or to be hostile—i don’t want that, i value kindness—it’s about preserving my right to describe reality and asserting my right to prioritize my own feelings over other people’s in spaces that are my own (my blog, my home, etc.).
the tangential point, however, is this: pronouns that are not based on sex will always be a courtesy, no matter who is using them because we’re almost all capable of recognizing sex. what trans activists have done, however, is attached a threat to chosen pronouns; if you want to use sex-based pronouns, you’re a bigot—no discussion, no consideration as to your reasoning, you will be labeled a bigot and called a bigot over and over and socially shamed until you capitulate. that’s the only way to get people to deny reality en mass—threaten them. it is a way to get society as a whole to accept an ideology (gender ideology), and when i use chosen pronouns and speak in the language of this ideology i don’t accept, i send a message to others i’m not trying to send: that i believe in it when i don’t.
Why the fuck do you refer to your partner as 'they' but Elliot Page as 'she'? How ironic. People are still people no matter how famous. Page is a he. See? I have to avoid being famous to avoid being misgendered. Screw you.
elliot page is not my partner, i owe her no denial of reality. my partner is my partner, i deny reality (use their chosen pronouns) as a courtesy, because i love them. see?
and as a detrans person, trust me, that’s what non-sex-based pronouns will always be—a courtesy, at the whim of the user, access granted or access denied by whoever, because whatever. but self acceptance bypasses all that! someone uses the wrong pronoun for me that’s THEIR mistake—i can correct it or not, but it’s not substantive, it does not affect my reality because i am female and that is the REASON i am a woman, and that is the reason people call me she.
it’s so simple *chef’s kiss*
It is ah. Insanely creepy that you're trying to indoctrinate your (Admittedly nonbinary!) partner into your terf bullshit. You should just fess up to being a bioessentialist and spare them the heartbreak & deprogramming.
ah yes how wrong of me to *checks notes* share my opinions about being a woman with my partner while respecting their chosen identity.
look at the language you use in this ask: “admittedly,” “fess up.” not everyone is doing things in secret. my partner knows who i am and what i believe, and they form their own opinions around that.
they also happen to understand the meaning of words like bioessentialist, unlike you. bioessentialism isn’t identifying women by their biology, which is what you’re rightly accusing me of. bioessentialist is ascribing traits like submissiveness and meekness TO women AS essential because of biology, which is kinda what gender-brains does, but i digress.
all your fake concern here shows is how little agency and intelligence you’re ascribing to my partner in this situation. turns out they are a smart and thoughtful adult who arrives at their own conclusions, so please pee on someone else’s corner.
I'm detrans and gender critical but I don't understand your insistence that preferred pronouns shouldn't be respected, I don't think dysphoria is a very "reasonable" feeling so I think it's polite to call people what they prefer in civil conversation (obviously not abusers or people faking it or rude people, but in general)
i don’t think i’ve insisted preferred pronouns shouldn’t be respected; what i think you’re referring to is me using sex-based pronouns here on my blog, in writing, for people whom i do not know personally. i do this because it acknowledges reality in a place that is about me and not the trans person. why should i center that person’s feelings in a place that is mine where they aren’t likely to see it?
what i HAVE stated explicitly, however, is i will use the preferred pronouns of trans people i know because i know and like them, because it is a courtesy for me to deny reality through my language in order to protect their feelings.
and dysphoria is reasonable because misogyny is intolerable. being that very few girls are taught how to cope with misogyny and homophobia in a healthy way growing up, dysphoria is a reasonable reaction to an unreasonable situation—one we unfortunately find ourselves in. i didn’t say it was healthy or good, just reasonable.
How do I deal with the fact that my voice will never be the same as before transitioning?
That was a hard one for me for a very long time. A few things seem to have been part of my shift to acceptance about it.
One is knowing a lot of other women with T-altered voices. It just doesn’t mean the same thing to me anymore. It means we share this certain life path, history. Early on in my attempts to get detrans women talking to each other, my T-altered voice was one of the things that made it possible for me to reach out to a woman in early detransition crisis; from my voice, she would know that I had shared some part of an experience like hers. My changed voice means something different to me because of experiences like these.
Two, I have a women’s community that knows what my voice means and what it doesn’t mean–and that really helps. In the world at large, sometimes people think it means that I’m transitioning. Obviously that isn’t true anymore, but there’s no shame for me in that misunderstanding either. If it’s someone who isn’t going to know me, it’s pretty easy to let that go. If it’s someone I’m going to interact with in some ongoing way, I clear up the confusion in whatever way I think is best.
Three, I started singing again. As a practice, this has helped me understand and experience my voice differently, also exercise her and let her keep growing. I’ve found ways to make sounds I didn’t think I could anymore. It isn’t the same as before, but that is okay. I used to try to make certain sounds and no sound would happen. Now with enough exercise and practice I can create them again, in a new way. I also think the experience of singing just for the joy of it, focusing on how it feels without regard for how it sounds, has been a helpful practice. Lesbian circle songs have been a really cool part of my life around this issue. I even wrote one for us to sing at the last detrans gathering I organized on womynsland.
Four, I allow myself the grief of what’s lost. There is no end of grief in life. It’s just part of things. Learning to live with that fact is an important part of being a person, not just in this experience. I do grieve it. If I had a choice, I’d choose to have my unaltered voice–but I don’t feel a lot of angst about that impossible desire. I also wish I could fly and breathe underwater and teleport, without feeling any life-altering angst that I can’t. I am old enough that I don’t have any recordings of my voice from before. That’s sad to me now. I wish I could hear her again. Learning to live with grief is not easy, but it connects you to everyone else who is grieving.
Five, I now have the benefit of having lived to middle age, and have the experience of my body as an everlastingly changing being. The way I learned to think about bodies was so misleading–you hear about body changes at puberty and old age. But really bodies just change all through their lives, it’s all they do! So there is a context of change to place it in. The less I feel shame or self-judgment about having transitioned, the less loaded this one change feels, as one change among many.
Six, It seems to me that when I started to metaphorically raise my voice, I became less distressed about how my physical voice sounds.
I’m sure there’s more but this is what I’m thinking of now.
Your mileage may vary, what you need may be very different from what I needed. But I believe that whatever your story is, there is a way for you to come to acceptance, too.
listening to NPR’s LifeKit podcast yesterday about how to make a more equitable workplace for trans people (part because i love to suffer and part because i’m genuinely curious what TRAs feel would be equitable) and one suggestion was literally to open “women’s empowerment groups” and “women’s networking groups” up to non binary people because they don’t hold any structural power over women. wtf? sex matters here! MALE non binary people DO hold structural power and WOMEN’S groups are not synonyms for disadvantaged people’s groups. they are for WOMEN. the desire to take over spaces and resources meant for women and make then available to men is becoming so brazen.
then this clearly female non binary person saying she felt slighted because she kept being invited to women’s networking and career development events. i hurt for her.
I ran out of testosterone patches today and I'm honestly considering detransitioning. Even if I ordered another batch now, I wouldn't get them for another 3−4 days at least, so part of me is like, this is my chance and it's most likely the only one I'll get where I won't be questioned why I stopped T. But another part of me feels like I'm too far gone. I have been on HRT for five years. Everything about me has been masculinized to the point that I pass as a man without even trying. (1/?)
(2/?) I have an extremely deep voice. I’ve lost some of my hair due to the testosterone and it’s… pretty male-looking. When I look at myself in the mirror and try to imagine myself in a female-only space, I only envision myself as an imposter. I feel like I’d scare the women there, thinking I’m a trans woman or even just a man breaching on their privacy. I’m a lesbian and I can’t envision another woman wanting to date someone who destroyed their body with hormone treatments.(3/3) I know that the general consensus on here is that detransitioned women are still women, but I had already decided to shed myself of that label as a stupid teenager and now I feel like no matter what I do, I am stuck. None of my friends know that I am/was transgender. My family spent so much money on me to ensure I could transition. No matter what, I’m letting someone down. I’m sorry for all of this, I just wanted to let it out somewhere anonymously. Thank you for listening.
It sounds like you are experiencing Sunk Cost Fallacy - the belief that too much has been invested to back down now, despite the fact that backing down makes much more sense than going deeper.
I’ll tell you this - you get one life. And you can live it for other people, or you can live it for yourself. And living our lives for ourselves is often messy, and uncomfortable, but it is always worth it.
Your parents didn’t waste that money. They made an investment in your happiness at the time, and it probably made you happy then! There wasn’t a way for you to know what would make you happy long term, you were a kid. And they love you, and when/if you tell them you’re detransitioning, they’ll love you then, as well. And you can even phrase it as “thank you for always investing in my happiness, I cannot thank you enough”.
So my advice is to not go deeper when you want to stop. There is an amazing community of detransitioners on here, Twitter, and even IRL who I know would welcome you with open arms.
Your friends, if they truly care for you, will accept you as a detransitioner as well. It might be a bit of a shock for some of them, but vulnerability is the root of connection.
Overall, you can only make the decision that’s best for you. You don’t have to rush anything. Maybe it starts with quitting Testosterone and seeing how you feel. Nothing says you have to update friends and family that same week. Take your time. Trust yourself.
Also, if anyone is detrans or has detrans blogs to recommend, or resources, please link them. I hope this helps!
what this doesn’t mean:
- gender is a spectrum, there are thousands of genders, everyone can identify with their own ‘inherent’ gender regardless of their biological sex
what this does mean
- gender has been constructed by society in an exact binary that matches up with biological sex, so there are two genders because that’s all that have been constructed. it doesn’t work as a spectrum
- gender varies according to time and place (the way a woman would be socialised in medieval england is different to how she would be treated in modern south korea, for example) so nothing about it is biological
- babies aren’t born as a gender or a mix of genders. they’re born with a biological sex and then socialised accordingly. female babies do not come out of the womb submissive and feminine. this work is done during their lifetime through parents, teachers, early social interactions, media ideals, etc. so nothing about gender is inherent, it’s a set of learned behaviours
- what modern gender theorists mean when they talk about ‘gender identity’ or ‘gender expression’ is ‘how well does this person’s personality, fashion taste, sense of aesthetics, temperament and emotional intelligence match up to the way they were socialised?’ and ‘does this person dress the right way in traditionally coded clothes, or does their mix of clothes and other items demonstrate a mix of genders?’ obviously clothes should be genderless so this idea is total idiocy. and the solution to ‘this person doesn’t match their gender’ is to eliminate the system of gender instead of making them switch identity and eventually biological sex.
my partner, calling me over as they’re watching a video: “i’m watching something that will probably really annoy you; it’s a TED talk by a transwoman about how differently she [sic] was treated after transitioning, like having to apologize before speaking or not being taken seriously. and only after transitioning and experiencing this did she [sic] realize how privileged she [sic] was before, living as a man. but like….this is not fucking new information for women? like congrats it took you experiencing a taste of it to what—BELIEVE—in misogyny? any female person in that audience must be rolling her eyes!
“and it’s also annoying because she [sic] is basically reducing the experience of womanhood to marginalization, which is bullshit.”
me, smiling wildly: if only there were some unifying experience of womanhood that wasn’t dehumanizing or culturally specific…maybe like being female?
partner: so womanhood to you is just being female?
me, shrugging, sparkle-eyed: yeah, what else?
You seem like one of those degenerate pigs that makes a fake trans fundraiser and calls yourself an ashkenazi Jew to get people to donate.
Put a bullet through the roof of your mouth.
lmao no i don’t
Did you see them advertising HRT subscriptions on tumblr omg
no 💀 did anyone make a post about it that i could check out?
If you're not trans, why do you consider "cis" inaccurate or offensive? I want to understand thoroughly
Personally, I find it offensive because it forces me to play a role in other people’s delusions. Trans men are women, and are considered men only by the generosity of others. Forcing me to call myself cis to validate trans people’s feelings is not acceptable to me. I refuse to be relegated to a subcategory of my own sex. I’m a male, a total male, and gay men haven’t spent our entire lives having our manhood called into question to accept anything less.
And I’m just a man. Women are beaten, raped, forced to marry and bear children, and sold into sexual slavery. Little girls have their bodies mutilated and get shot in the head for going to school, and many of them don’t even make it out of their mother’s womb before they are designated worthless and cast off - all of this on the basis of their sex. And they’re expected to call themselves cis and accept it as a privilege? Pass.
Cis implies comfort in one’s identity as a man or a woman, and I know from my own experiences as a gay man that that is a lie. I have never been comfortable in my body and I have always felt that it was wrong, that the way I moved and spoke wasn’t the way a real man should move and speak, and gender dysphoria is a common experience among gay people. And I know from what I’ve heard and read that women too often feel uncomfortable with their sex.
I’m guessing this question is in response to my “men who call themselves cis don’t get to talk to me” post so I’ll address that by saying that I have too much self-respect and dignity to lessen myself to validate the feelings of people who call me a faggot and a genital fetishist because I won’t sleep with them and I expect any man I make part of my life to be the same.
And lastly, for what I think is reason enough, it’s just fucking ugly.
“I am exclusively attracted to the same sex, therefore I am homosexual” not “I identify as homosexual, therefore I must be attracted to the anyone who identifies as the same sex”
descriptive labels, not proscriptive
oh, and “I am female, therefore I am a woman” not “I identify as a woman, therefore I am female”
i’m confused by this: since gender is constructed, even if gender was originally based on biology, who CARES if trans women identify as women? like doesn’t maintaining strict boundaries around who can and cannot identity as a woman only further reinforce the notion of gender? rather than allowing gender to be fluid, free form? i think trans women aid in dismantling the patriarchy and i’m really confused as to why radfems don’t think that’s the case. not tryna fight genuinely curious abt yr take
I always appreciate a genuine question!
So what it boils down to is this - gender is a social class applied to biology that places women as a lower caste.
This is because women are perceived as a (sexual and reproductive) resource because of their biology - we can be sexually penetrated and we can have heirs. And like all resources, men desire to control them.
They do this by the societal shaping of “gender”, the caste placed on either sex. It consists of roles, expectations, cultural rituals, and traits applied to men and women, respectively. It informs how they are supposed to fit into society. My biology is why I’m oppressed, and my gender is how.
So we can recognize that this caste system is oppressive. We can say “we want to dismantle gender! And we’re not stopping there - we want to radically reorder society so that we are no longer a patriarchy!”
Because we believe that no role, trait, job, or expectation belongs to one sex or the other. Each person is simply their sex, and their identity follows after. And using “gender” as a means of identity is to affirm that you believe gender is the correct way to classify the sexes.
So then, you understand the issue when some males (members of the oppressive caste) say “well I identify into this oppressed group!”.
The issue is that to “identify as a woman” when you are not biologically female is to say that womanhood is gender - which is traits, stereotypes, roles, expectations. When in reality, womanhood is the collective experiences of biological females whose biology has placed them as an oppressed group in patriarchal society.
And to dismantle the patriarchy we must dismantle gender - because gender is a social class that places men above women, and the patriarchy is a society that places men above women. The patriarchy relies on gender. It is created via gender.
Male people telling me they identify into my oppression is them aiding and abiding by the patriarchy. It is them saying that the social caste of gender is correct and right.
Males wanting to look female and be perceived as female doesn’t cause harm - males saying that they are female, or have a gender of “woman”, does cause harm to women. There are wonderful trans women who understand this, and there are those who don’t.
So that’s my take.
Sorry, but I've been scrolling on your blog a while and you just have different beliefs than.. anyone I've talked to lol, and you come across as very understanding and reasonable. so I was wondering if you had any advice or idea on where I could find info pertaining to my situation.
For my entire adult life I've reasoned my gender dysphoria is a result of (mostly sexual) trauma, but I've had 3 therapists and 2 doctors tell me that's not something that happens. One even theorized that my mother did things she did because she could 'sense something different' about me from as early as toddler age (which I found immediately offensive, and felt put blame on me for my abuse).
I don't know how to find any other... answer, other than everyone telling me that I'm wrong for relating my identity issues to trauma. I don't feel and have never felt like a part of the trans community, I frankly dislike every aspect of it. I just... with every fiber of my being I feel like I'm supposed to be male, physically. Yet I know it's not a coincidence that I also was abused, especially considering the extremely negative feelings I struggle to resolve surrounding women as a result of the abuse.
I guess I feel incredibly alone in the situation I'm in, and it's just... it feels like actual hell, maybe a sick joke society is playing on my mind sometimes. And I know the testosterone injections aren't going to fix that. Have you heard this kind of thing before? is this a conclusion anyone other than me comes to?
how to put this mildly…people telling you you’re wrong for how you relate to your abuse don’t have your best interest at heart. from what i can gather, you have a reasonable understanding and you’ve worked out that your dysphoria comes from sexual abuse you suffered. i’m going to make an assumption, but if you’re female, this abuse is easily compounded by the ~general misogyny~ all women experience as well, and that easily leads to internalized hate of the female body, aka dysphoria.
it might be helpful to remind yourself there is no “supposed to be;” that’s a false concept. that implies there’s something out there predetermining our lives here on earth (and also that this omnipotent pre-determiner somehow made a mistake), which is a very religious understanding of existence. now maybe you are religious, but i am not so i won’t be able to advise you in a way that comports with that line of belief.
so there’s just no way you were “supposed to be male.” our bodies are our bodies. we get what we get, be they male or female, able or disabled, tall or short. HOWEVER, you—as all humans are—we’re supposed to be kept safe and treated with agency and dignity and respect, which are all often denied to females and readily granted to males, so it makes sense that you feel you were supposed to be male when what you really are getting at is full humanity.
but because of your abuse at the hands of women (if i’m reading this correctly), it’s no wonder your experience of dysphoria is complicated. therapy is my recommendation, and i can tell from this ask that you’ve had really shitty therapists before. same! and i’m so sorry. what they told you was complete bullshit and really unprofessional. if you have it in you, try to find a new one and explain what you didn’t like about your previous therapists and what works for you in a therapeutic model to whoever you find. you’re interviewing them for a job, you don’t owe a potential therapist anything other than the above. so try again, you deserve it.
AND keep reading about gender theory and gender criticism and figure out what YOU believe and what makes sense in your life. i wanted desperately to be male, it would have made everything easier, but my real salvation came from radical feminism and realizing the ways misogyny impacted me because i’m female (and that that fact alone makes me a woman). my healing has been literally just doing everything i did. before but not pretending that makes me a man—aka being masculine and dressing in mEn’S cLoThInG and whatever, but as a woman…because i’m female.
turns out you can just exist if you don’t give a shit what people think and expect of you. of course, getting to that place takes a lot of Work and probably also Age. idk how old you are, but i find my late 20s (i’m 29 about to be 30) have been really liberating.
my dysphoria came from many different avenues: run of the mill misogyny, lesbophobia, but also pornography. i was not subjected to direct sexual abuse as a child, but i did get exposed to hardcore pornography at age 6, and that had a profound impact on me. it was at a friends home, her father’s porn, and that really fucked up my perspective on women and sexuality. i say this just to relate to you, who also had a(n arguably more traumatic) experience of sexual abuse which informed her dysphoria, and to say you are not crazy, you’re right.
trust yourself, btw. you are the one person you’ll have to be with and contend with for the rest of your life, so getting into the habit of prioritizing your own opinion and trusting yourself before others is a good way to be. i’m not saying Be Impenetrable, but trust yourself. you seem really capable and insightful.
i am cheering for you!
(Disclaimer I am not religious or Christian, I’m a Jewish Humanist [Womanist])
It seems to me there is a great deal of crossover between gender ideologue and Evangelical Christianity. But it occurs to me that if you treated gender, like one does religion it exposes hypocrisy in the left.
I am allowed to say “I do not believe in god and do not share your belief system.”
I am not allowed to say “I do not believe in gender and do not share your belief system.”
Why does one make me a bad person and the other does not. Both are as yet empirically unverified. As yet there is no way to prove internal thoughts, feelings and ponderations.
Believers in either god and/or gender will assert with passion that they know it’s real. But they don’t. They simply believe. But people believe a lot of nonsense (qanon.) Belief does not make real or provable. And I am absolutely justified in not organizing my life around another anti science, anti progressive, anti female subculture’s beliefs.
I’ve been making this comparison too lately. There is no more proof of internal biological based gender identity than there is of the existence of a soul. Government should not be able to force me to believe or acknowledge either of those things or abide by people’s beliefs in them. No matter how sincere their belief is. They are free to believe it. Not free to force me to play along and follow their rules
@ anon who wrote me today:
tremendously important question you asked and i don’t have the time to write you a worthy reply today but the short of it is:
no you are not the only person to work out that their gender dysphoria comes from (sexual) abuse and those therapists you mentioned are totally wrong, bordering on malpractice, to have lied to you like that. all i can say now, quickly, is trust yourself first and foremost, you seem like you’ve got a good grasp on yourself. that won’t prevent all suffering, but it’s a good place from which to begin healing. i will write a better reply to your question soon. you aren’t alone in what you’ve experienced and i am rooting for you.
as someone with a girlfriend who is now transitioning…idk if we are truly just incompatible especially because i refuse to pretend like i’m not a lesbian and like she’s a straight man….i feel bad but i don’t want to break up with her NOT TO GET THERAPY IN YOUR ASK BOX OR ANYTHING
i really feel for you, anon. it could just be a fundamental incompatibility, especially if she insists you change your sexuality and pretend she’s a straight man and you’re unwilling or uncomfortable doing that.
my previous relationship was greatly damaged by my transition/“gender identity,” and while i don’t think it was the sole factor in tanking the relationship, it was a strain, it was complicating, it caused me anguish and amplified mental health issues that made me an overall worse partner than i might otherwise have been, it complicated my wife’s understanding/expression of her sexuality (though i never insisted she identify in a way that accommodates a male identity).
i sometimes wonder if it would have survived if i never transitioned, which is unknowable. as far as i know we’re both much happier now—i know at least i am. but transitioning and identifying “as a man” absolutely damaged my relationship, potentially beyond repair. so, i feel for you and i’m rooting for you and i don’t have any great advice, just my own cautionary tale.
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is this satire?