If you have the time, please review my cat, Raspberry. This is for no other reason than for my own entertainment of others reactions of her. It also appears that I’ve never posted about her before, (odd since I post about her all the time everywhere else) so I’ve provided a plethora of images for your judging.
A Review of Raspberry The Cat
Completed at roughly 2 AM While listening to 80′s musicals and drinking an inadviseable fourth cup of coffee
Coloration: Raspberry The Cat is a magnificently sharp and elegant Black-And-White Pattern with a charming set of socks and esxpressive white chin. Spectacular, the Ideal Coloration of a cat: 10/10
Size and Constitution: Raspberry is an ideal size for catting activites like lounging, rolling, frolicking, sneaking and getting into places a cat should not be able to get into. She’s not too large to prohibit any activities- larger cats, while not any less fabulous, cannot engage in the same delicacy of airs and graces, being more prone to actions such as Noble Sauntering and Body-Slamming Into The Dog At Mach Fuck To Remind Him Who’s Boss.
More importantly, Raspberry is superlatively ROUND, a magnificent quality in any animal, but she embodies roly-poly-ness to perfection. 10/10
Vocal Capabilities: No Video has been provided but Raspberry has the bodacious curves and the stage presence of an opera singer so I assume she has the stunning soprano to match and is a delight to hear when she decides to serenade you. 10/10
Facial Features: She has a cheerful and shockingly meme-able face, the sort of face that ought to be slapped on all manner of media as a matter of public health. Her eyes in particular are expressive, almost lunar in thier luminousness while her eyes contain the drama of the unknown void. Partlicularly excellent are her long, well-groomed and aesthetically pleasing whiskers. 10/10.
Dexterousness and Flair For The Dramatic: Once again, it is a great tragedy that video has not been provided, but The Most Excellent Miss Raspberry demonstrates a variety and flaxibility in her lounging positions, which speaks well to her ability to learn and preform a number of important feline dances- Gavottes, Jigs, That Thing Where The Cat Rotates Rapidly In Midair Like A Videogame Glitch Come To Life Before Landing On All Four Feet With More Force Than Something Her Size Should Be Able To Produce Before Sprinting Off Like She Has To Stop The Assassination Of Archduke Ferdinand.
Miss Raspberry DOES certainly posess the necessary flair for the dramatic with her expressive face and choice lounging positions to always make sure she’s at center stage. A Natural Prima Donna. 10/10
Cleanliness: The Magnificent Miss Raspberry appears to be exquisitely groomed from her lovely whisters to the back of her ears and between her lvoely white toes. This speaks very well to both her personal conduct and the attention her humans must lavish on her. 10/10
Observance of the Lunar Cyle and Appropirate Feline Rituals: As indicated by the perhaps slightly sarcastic “Good Morning” image, Miss Raspberry doesn’t deem like an early bird, and is quiet enough in the morning hours, and given her delicate investigation of the Patio, she seems capable of privately amusing herself and is Quiet enough in the afternoon. If I had to guess, she probably reserves her terpsichorean powers to dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon. 10/10
Overall Score: 70/70, the Ideal specimen of a Jellicle Cat, if not a reincarnation of the very Ideal Animal T.S. Elliot was thinking of when he penned Old Possum’s Guide To Cats. Absolutely Spectacular, deserves all her celebrity and more treats.
Thank you so much for showing her to me.
I always love reading this review, it brings me joy so here are some more current pictures of the queen raspberry herself