“Our souls are still waiting for the moment they will meet again. What is traced on the destination lines no one can separate.”
I remember the first days after you were gone. The nightmares, the dreams, the songs, the tears, the ghosts. I could almost see your fingerprints glowing on everything you had touched. Doorknobs and light switches, shoelaces and silverware. It’s like you were still here, just out of reach, and your voice was still so clear, just distant, like coming from another room. Your obituary seemed uncanny, both unreal and hyperreal, like a piece of fiction that somehow became a fact.
Your death belongs with the puzzles: it’s a sudoku without any numbers, impossible to solve.
Every book you lent me, every card you sent, every gift you gave took on new gravity, exerting its own pull on the soul, a bittersweet black hole to be cherished from time to time, then placed back on the shelf. These objects can’t replace you, but their presence helps solidify your absence. You linger in everything you left behind. Your family. Your clothes. Your books and movies and TV shows. Your food and music. Your now empty shoes.
I couldn’t forget you even if I tried. Artifacts are everywhere, scattered through the mundane world of sights and sounds. Your favorite dish on the menu. Your song on the radio. At first the unexpected reminders stung, and I wished those things would have respectfully disappeared. But eventually the sting lessened, until it barely felt like I was being stung… and now I order your favorite dish, and hum along to your favorite song.
Nevertheless sometimes upon waking from a dream about you, it’s hard to believe you’re forever gone. The dream gets dismissed as just a dream even though a part of me knows it was you, saying hello.
loss is the way you feel after 5 years and you still feel their absence like yesterday.
loss is the space they took up in your heart and the emptiness that you cannot seem to fill.
loss is the breaking down in the middle of Walmart and you shut your eyes in hopes you can stop the hurt from flooding the aisles.
loss is forgetting, just for a moment, that they are gone, and then the way it hits you like a semi and you can’t breathe let alone feel like you’re alive.
loss is people asking “how are you doing?” and you have to say you are fine when you are not you are not you are not you will never be fine again.
loss is tears, so many tears, you don’t understand why you haven’t run out yet and still they keep coming.
loss is how you live now, it touches everything you do, you will never be the same, you will never be the same, you will never be the same.
loss comes in waves, but you never stop drowning, all you learn to do is look like you’re swimming.
loss is not a grieving period, loss is grief- a way of living not a vacation.
loss will grow you but first it will shatter you, loss will take away everything and leave you with come back come back come back echoing in your mind.
Joquesse Eugenia (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
Grief helps show you who really matters. Don’t waste time with people who aren’t supportive.