Just to name a few…
This version of this song brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. The Maine have gotten me through so much. John’s lyrics resonate in a way that rattles my bones.
I hope you see that you are at a crossroads here. You can choose the path of healing, or you can choose the path of destruction. I hope that you choose the path of healing.
I miss you, T. Everyday. Always. I just wish I could embrace you once more.
(I had to add a few gifs simply because like their faces… and their chemistry. 🤷🏻♀️)
Guy I’ve been talking to for 7 weeks via an app: “in the interest in a minor abandonment of subtlety, I will put out there that I do like you a lot and am quite hopeful that I could get into a position of properly dating you at some point. But all in good time.”
Me, who enjoys talking to him, but who friendzoned him after a week when I realised how similar we are: “oh, honey, child, no.”
People: *your name*
Me, an intellectual: “yin.”
I had a professor in college who used to start solving every problem with the same dialogue.
Proff: What’s the first step to solving any problem?
Class: Don’t panic.
Proff: And why is that?
Class: Because we know more than we think we do.
I think about that a lot tbh. It didn’t occur to me until much later that he meant for us to apply that dialogue outside of the classroom to any problem. Because we always know more than we think we do. We are all an amalgam of random information that ends up being relevant with surprising frequency.
I do not miss childhood, but I miss the way I took pleasure in small things, even as greater things crumbled. I could not control the world I was in, could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but I took joy in the things that made me happy.
— Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane
Brazil just had THE biggest and wildest political scandal in the history of planet fucking Earth, and it does not involve any of the people you’d think would be involved in such a scandal
this is Flordelis. She’s a brazilian gospel singer, congresswoman, and as we just found out this week, murderer and cult leader. She became relatively famous in the 90s by creating this image of a saintly, evangelical woman around her.
She had 3 biological children and had adopted 5 teenagers (one of them is Anderson do Carmo, who would go on to become an evangelical pastor, keep that in mind). Those are her A Kids. Why “A Kids“?
After a while, she started getting involved with social causes, and adopted a bunch of new kids, getting to the number of 55 adopted children. The other 50 children are the “B Kids”. Back in the 90s/early 00s, there were rumors going around that she was actually kidnapping the children, but her whole Good Godly Woman façade was absolutely Oscar worthy, so the rumors only made her more famous and beloved.
She became so Famous and Beloved, in fact, that she became a fucking movie in 2009.
(Flordelis: It takes but one word to change, 2009)
That wasn’t some B-movie shit either. Those are all some of the biggest names in brazilian cinema and television. The movie was Huge. All of the profit from the movie actually went directly to Flordelis, to help take care of her 58 children, with the actors even refusing to get paid for it. That’s how much everyone believe in her Good Godly Woman schtick back then.
After the movie, she released some gospel songs that became instant hits on every platform. Radio. TV.
actually, just these two. it was 2009 afterall.
Now. Here’s when things start getting weird
On the left, we have Flordelis and her biological daughter, Simone. Simone entered a relationship with Anderson do Carmo, her adopted brother, when they were teenagers.
On the right, we have an older Anderson do Carmo and… Flordelis. If that pose seems a bit… suggestive, it’s because, after they became adults, Anderson broke up with Simone so he could marry his mother-in-law/his mother.
There were some some rumors that things were… unusual between the three of them, with some followers (reminder that Flordelis was/is a successful gospel singer and Anderson was a successful evangelical minister) allegedly seeing all of three of them coming out of the bedroom in towels, and that the couple frequented swing houses. But those rumors aren’t important, so let’s move on.
So, Flordelis and Anderson got married, and Anderson began to take care of the family finances, eventually becoming the one who controlled all of the family money.
He went on to become a really successful evangelical pastor, along with Flordelis, and the couple became THE power couple in the brazilian evangelical circles.
But here’s when things start getting dark
While the biological kids and the first 5 adopted kids had pretty good lives, the B Kids lived in squalor, reportedly eating old pasta with sausages and dry bread every single day.
One of her sons told the media about an “initiation process” he went through when he joined the family, where he spent days dressed in white and locked in a room eating only rice and vegetables. He alleges that they used their own blood to write psalms and that, after a while, he was “purified” from the mundane world by sleeping with Flordelis.
Now, with the setup out of the way, we finally reach the actual scandal:
So, it is 2019, and Anderson wanted a divorce. We don’t know his exact reasons, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it was due to everything I just wrote. But Flordelis was obviously against the idea. Her reasoning can be divided in 3 parts: The Financial reason, the Probable Actual reason, and the Reason She Gave The Police When Shit Hit The Fan:
The Financial reason: If they got divorced, Anderson would take half of the family’s fortune, which, in Flordelis and the A Kids’ minds, seemed unfair, as half the money would go to Anderson and half would go to 58 people.
The Probable Actual reason: Anderson do Carmo was an influential evangelical minister. Flordelis had built her image of a Good Godly Woman for the past 20~ years, plus she had just been elected a federal congresswoman for the state of Rio de Janeiro, being the most voted woman in the state. They were The Evangelical Power Couple of Brazil.
The RSGTPWSHTF: Getting a divorce, especially between such a high profile christian couple such as they were, would “scandalize God”. So, obviously, she would have to find a less “offensive” solution to the situation.
Flordelis, along with Simone, Anderson’s sister and ex-girlfriend (who had began to resent him, according to some sources), tried to poison Anderson by spiking his drinks. They ended up poisoning a bunch of her children/his siblings in the process, but no one actually died.
Turns out they didn’t have to bother poisoning Anderson, as, later that year, he got “robbed” and murdered in Niterói, Rio de Janeiro, on June 16th.
The murder instantly became national news. It was all people talked about for weeks. Even in the chaotic environment of late 10s/early 20s brazilian politics, the murder of a federal congressperson’s partner was HUGE news. News and social media alike were abuzz with theories of political conspiracy and persecution and assassinations. Flordelis gave an interview during her son/husband’s funeral, weeping, begging for justice to be done.
Fast foward to 2020, this very week. The case had pretty much been forgotten by the wider public. The maelstrom of wild, fast paced plots that is the brazilian political landscape (plus, you know, the whole pandemic thing) forced people to forget about Flordelis and her murdered husband/son/ex-son-in-law. Until there was a breakthrough in the case:
By accessing the phones of Anderson’s immediate family, police found out that, not only did Simone try to poison Anderson, not only were of the ALL of the A Kids plotting to kill the dude, but that the man who murdered Anderson was not a robber at all, but rather a hitman, hired by Flordelis herself.
Long story short, Flordelis, gospel singer, social activist, federal congresswoman, mother of 58 children, and a cult leader, is now in custody of the police, along with her daughter Simone. 2 of her other 56 living children were also arrested after Anderson’s assassination, but for unrelated causes: Domestic abuse and drug trafficking. And that’s where the story is at, as of 08/26/2020.
My country isn’t for amateurs