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A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.
Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
this fucks me up every single time
I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.
After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.
She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.
Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.
The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.
I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.
This is so fucking important and I think it’s something I needed right now
The best characters are always the villians/anti-heroes. Some main characters are not even half as developed as them.
They are so complex and have so many interesting personality layers. Yes, some are crazier than others. Some are worse than others. Some had no choice while others did. But they all have a remarkable story and an unique persona. And in the end, they will always be remembered. Dead or alive.
- the reason I’m so tired of seeing perfectly written villians getting killed just because good always triumphs over evil… and no other good enough reason
High Lord and Lady of the Night Court 🌌
Swipey swipe to see the full image. I sold my soul for this. I LOVE this painting. Charlie Bowaters official designs were so fun to paint. And HELLO Rhys and Feyre ❤❤. I love them to bits and pieces.
This painting took a LOT of time and love. So I hope you all enjoy it. And thanks for all the LOVELY comments on the wip shots over the last few days. 😭 They were so sweet
Paper. There was so much paper.
In celebration of A Court of Frost and Starlight release, I made a papercraft of the starfall scene from ACOMAF! This was a defining moment; not because of the awareness or longing, but laughter. It finally broke the year-long tension between these two – and all it took was some splattered star spirit to the face!
“I want to apologize to all the women I have called beautiful before I’ve called them intelligent or brave. I am sorry I made it sound as though something as simple as what you’re born with is all you have to be proud of when you have broken mountains with your wit. From now on I will say things like you are resilient, or you are extraordinary not because I don’t think you’re beautiful, but because I need you to know you are more than that.”
“And all around us, as if the world itself were indeed falling apart, stars rained down.” 🌌
HaHA I finally made a Starfall piece I’m relatively happy with! So much better than that last one (rip). More ACOTAR to come. Its all I do, I regret nothing. Off to cry over my finals and try and get a couple new sketches in! ❤❤
I want to remind you that Mor which favourite color is in 90% RED, had worn blue outfit for the first meeting with Feyre just beacuse she knew about her fear and she didn’t want to frighten her.
And this just melts my heart and makes me cry. Pure frienship.
“He locked you up because he knew— the bastard knew what a treasure you are. That you are worth more than land or gold or jewels. He knew, and wanted to keep you all to himself.”
The words hit me, even as they soothed some jagged piece in my soul. “He did— does love me, Rhysand.”
“The issue isn’t whether he loved you, it’s how much. Too much. Love can be a poison.”
So I’ve seen this post going around about how the actual appeal of Mr. Darcy is not that he’s an asshole but that he leaves you alone until he thinks he might actually have a chance and doesn’t hound you and creep you out etc. Like he says “one word from you will silence me forever” and THATS what women want.
This made me think of Rhysand, who honestly seems to be one of the most popular romantic heroes in years. And I think it’s because…similar to Mr. Darcy…the romantic journey is not…about him? It’s 110% about Feyre and what SHE wants. It’s NOT a story in which the female protag is tasked with emotionally coddling and healing a traumatized asshole male character. It’s not a story of woman fixes man. And it isn’t even man pursues skittish woman until she relents and lets him in. It’s like…the opposite of that. Rhysand is incredibly traumatized and in need of intense therapy but he doesn’t force that on Feyre. Instead, he does everything in his power to help her from the goodness of his heart. He cares for her. He helps her learn to heal. He helps her find power in herself. He does the emotional work in the relationship that is 99.9% of the time left to the woman. It’s a complete flip of the romantic narrative that we see so often, the one that includes the tortured bad boy who just needs a Good Woman™ to show him the way. Like no!! Rhysand is just lowkey stanning Feyre for the entire book and supporting her and making sure she is the center of everything and helping her heal! And she’s supportive back but it’s like NEVER about his pain. Even when he declares his love, he goes on this entire chapter long soliloquy and after Feyre doesn’t reciprocate! She’s just like “I love you too.” And that’s it!! She isn’t expected to do the labor here! It’s Rhysand!! He does the emotional work that gets them together!! Like she is not tasked with doing any more emotional labor than she, as a trauma and abuse survivor, is capable of doing at the time. And Rhys accepts it!!! Obviously Rhysand has a long way to recovery that Feyre will help him with, but in acomaf, when the story is focused on Feyre exclusively, he does the emotional labor!!
And that!! THAT!! That, my friends, is what women want from a male partner. They want to know that if they are “broken, and healing” that their partner will step up to help! They want to know that if they are facing something difficult they will have emotional support from a male partner! They want a male partner who is capable of doing emotional work. Who doesn’t mind emotionally supporting them. They want a man who can effectively emotionally communicate! Who doesn’t view them as broken or needy or too much to handle simply because they have gone through shit!!
Like!! I’m not arguing that Rhysand is perfect but!! Rhysand is popular because he emotionally uplifts Feyre and helps heal her and he does the emotional labor!! And what is hotter than a man who helps you do emotional work while also waiting until you’re ready and not pressuring you for anything!! Nothing!! Not much is hotter than that.
(well, Mor, Mor is likely hotter than that but I digress).