Doing this in bullet form as for easier reference back
I’ve been feeling so bad lately – I fell asleep early last night crying and woke up even earlier and cried. I then spent about half the day crying because of how truly sad I felt. lol at 8am I woke up and started folding laundry and started crying in between folding sessions.
I think it stems from mythology struggle with my career lately and just the search to find happiness and where I fit in professionally. I also recently started “talking” to someone from Tinder who immediately ghosted me so I just felt twice as rejected from these two aspects in my life. So I was just feeling bad and unaccomplished.
I really needed help so I reached out to my best friend Cathy for a night out and a drive around the city which usually helps a lot. She manages to listen to me, comfort me, and just take my mind off things. So the night went as follows…
We had dinner, drove around the city, her mom (who knew I was sad) called in concern for me, we looked at the beautiful moon, caught a guy recording his only fans, got my car knocked on by a scary homeless man, and then…. then I spoke to her cousin who has a third eye.
I was afraid at first and really hesitant to do it but ultimately did it but… the stars aligned and helped me feel more comfortable. She was catholic and knew I was catholic, so the method she performed helped me to feel better about my connection with god.
At first, she had me stand towards the window and pray to God. I then sat down with my eyes closed and hands clasped and proceeded to try and feel and visualize God. My bottom lip quivered so much, I shed a tear, but I felt tingles all throughout my body and face, my palms slowly started to open to take in the energy he was giving me.
What I saw was him standing in front of me, bending over to give me a hug. At that point, I didn’t stop crying because I had been asking for his love and comfort for so long. It was kind of a dream come true to physically see and feel him hug me out of love. She noted, too, that it’s rare for me to be able to see and visualize that as it’s not an easy thing to do and people have trouble doing it - honestly, it’s not the first time I’ve done or heard this and now I KNOW I have a special connection to Him.
Anyway, after some more time doing this, we moved on to Cathy’s cousin’s portion of absorbing energy to help find me answers. She asked me to think about questions I’d like to ask, and at first, I didn’t even know what to ask but eventually came up with one applied to two parts of my life: how do I become better - in both my professional and love life. It was pretty vague so I specifically asked ‘will I eventually be happy in my career?’ and ‘will I get to the point in my relationship and love life where I’ll stop being afraid?’
As she began to channel this energy and presence through herself, she started speaking on behalf of God himself to help provide the answers I’ve been seeking. Here’s what happened and the play by play:
- As I felt some energy to my left as if there was a presence, she saw a man standing to my left. She said it was God himself and he looked very young and in a white shirt/robe similar to the alter boys at church.
- She described to be a very young looking man, but his expression of exhaustion made him look severely old – he looked like he’s been working hard and just needed a break
- He was so tired but the impression that everyone gets of him is that he is happy and absolutely fine, but deep down inside he knows he is exhausted and just unhappy.
- Apparently, through God himself, he was projecting an image that was reflective of me and how I felt. This was the first instance of correctness.
- Next, she touched on the first area I wanted to know more about, and it was my professional life.
- To sum it up, she pretty much said it’s not looking good – it’s not where I want to be and it was apparent. She stressed a lot on money and earnings but I was more interested in if it was something that speaks to me.
- She said, in order to achieve this, there are two conditions that God said I needed to meet in order to be “successful” in my life.
- Condition one: go back to school. God himself said and had the expression that he didn’t like school, didn’t want to go back, and that the first time was a struggle (again, keep in mind that his is reflective of my inner feelings. So, this meant that EYE didn’t want to go back to school). But, this is the way.
- Condition two – before I say this, let me say how it led up to this point.
- Cathy’s cousin said: there’s someone at home who misses you like A LOT and is constantly worried about you. I immediately knew who she was talking about and asked if it was my mom.
- She said that neither she or God wanted to say it unless I said it first, but I was correct that it was my mom who they’re referring to.
- So here’s condition two: love and spend my time with my mom as much as I can, even more than I’m doing so now. Call her, visit her, do everything with her as her very essence of love will drive me towards happiness and success.
- If I want to achieve what I want professionally, than she is my key to doing so.
- She has always loved and cared and worried for me, but it has intensified even more so throughout the pandemic and it stems from her concern of me being alone and not having anyone like my sisters do.
- She’s also constantly worried because of how much I DONT share with my mom. I don’t talk to her or open up so she doesn’t have the info she needs to feel better about me being along by myself.
- All in all – to achieve the greatness and fulfill the potential I’m in search of, I need to dedicate my time to my mom more.
- Timeline for all of this: maybe within the next 6 to 12 months.
- Second aspect to be addressed was my love life. As I pondered this in my head, I wanted to know if I will ever find someone who loves and comforts me physically as much as God does for me spiritually.
- Right off the bat, Cathy’s cousin said “this will not come anytime soon… maybe in the next 2-3 years” (LOL)
- That’s simply because I need to focus on me and my career (which I’ve always done)
- BUT – when it’s my time and when I find the right person, I will know a love like I’ve never known before. It’ll be the most natural and easiest thing I’ve done and I’ll know exactly when and who that is.
- She said that my worries and concerns about the past are nothing to cling onto – what I thought was love has never been love and that it was always either the wrong time or the wrong person.
- I need to focus on this less and again more on my career, school, and my mom. Once I get this straightened out, the rest will follow.
- I paused in between what she was telling me questions and here are some things: firstly, the love that my mom has for me, does that mean I need to move home?
- No – if it’s not something I want, then it’s not something I should do. It’s not worth trading my happiness and freedom over and there’s a way to achieve satisfying my mom’s love without compromising myself.
- Is this a conversation I can share with my mom? Sure, but it’s really not needed. Just show her that I love her by calling her more or spending time with her or doing things with her.
- Is God’s expression because he’s tired of me or is it reflective of me. it was reflective
- As we ended this portion of the call, Cathy’s cousin was telling me that she was tearing up herself when we spoke about my mom because she felt so much immense worry and love for me coming from my mom.
Reflection: This was all so…….. accurate. I knew everything she was referencing and my mom and I have had similar conversations before. For example, I told my mom randomly one day: “if I could go back and do school all over again, I’d become an architect and designer” to which she responded “it’s never too late, you should.” It was just nuts because this was everything I needed to hear, but also, what I’ve already heard in subtle ways. It was just reinforced by the presence of God and his energy.
This was everything I needed to hear and just helps affirm so much for me. I now feel SO MUCH weight lifted off my shoulders and have the guidance and direction I have been looking for. With this new found, refreshed energy, I plan to strike at all of the things we talked about.