Andy: I put this stupid chicken in the oven three hours ago and it’s still not cooked.
Maya: Okay, couple of things. You didn’t turn the oven on, this is a turkey, and, uh, yeah, it’s still frozen.
Jack: I just discovered a neat trick. If you make brownies but don’t cut them, you can eat the whole slab and say you only ate one brownie.
*five minutes later*
Jack, groaning: Do not do this.
Travis: I apologise for nearly getting you killed the last time we saw each other. That was wrong of me.
Theo: It happens.
Vic: I mean… does it, though?
Travis: You really think Emmett is here that much?
Vic: He’s like the big brother I never wanted.
Vic: I mean, had.
*Jack and Dean sneaking through the woods*
Dean: Hold on. It’s too quiet.
Jack: You skipped “its quiet”.
Dean: I didn’t skip anything. Obviously it’s quiet if it’s too quiet.
Jack: But you’re supposed to say…
Dean: Well now it’s not quiet enough!
Vic: What a good day…
Travis: Do you think flies call us ‘walks’?
Vic: Yep, there it is.
Jack: Ryan, I’ve noticed we’ve slowly been phasing the B out of our bromance.
Ryan: There was a B??
Ben, tending to Travis’ wounds: How would you rate your pain?
Travis: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.
Jack: You gotta tell me, man, how’d you do it?
Dean: How’d I do what?
Jack: Get on with your life?
Dean: What do you mean?
Jack: Everyone knows you have a big ol’ crush on Hughes.
Dean: Everyone? That makes me uncomfortable.
Maya: Did you take out Sullivan as I requested?
Andy: Sullivan has been taken out, yes.
Maya: You have my grat…
Andy: It was a great restaurant.
Andy: We had a romantic candlelit dinner.
Andy: Sullivan proposed afterwards. We’re filing the wedding papers.
Travis: That sounds super. Doesn’t that sound super, Vic?
Travis: I think I speak for Vic when I say that sounds really super.
Andy: Help! I’m drowning!
Robert: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water.
Andy: NOT ALL OF US ARE THAT TALL!!
Vic: Hey, I just got a pet snake. What should I name him?
Andy: A pet WHAT?
Jack: William Snakespeare.
Travis: *whispers to lawyer*
Lawyer: That’s not relevant to the case.
Travis: Just ask.
Lawyer, to the judge: *sighs* Do you think they’re hot?
Andy: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Vic: Prettiest smile.
Ben: Nicest personality.
Jack: Most likely to start a bar fight.
Travis: Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely win one.
Emmett: I failed the safety course today.
Travis: Why? What happened?
Emmett: Well, one of the questions was “In case of a fire, what steps would you take?”
Emmett: Well apparently, “FUCKING LARGE ONES” isn’t an acceptable answer.
Dean: What’s your plan?
Travis: Don’t die.
Dean: Okay, but beyond that?
Travis: Don’t die.
Dean: That’s not a plan. It’s a general demand of living.
Maya: All the snacks are gone.
Carina: I’m literally right here!
Jack: Well, well, well. If it isn’t my old friend.
Jack: The realisation that I fucked up real bad.
Travis: You know, it’s at times like this that I really wish I had listened to what Vic told me.
Emmett: Why? What did she tell you?
Travis: I don’t know. I didn’t listen.
Maya: Okay. Rule number one, do not go off on your own. Rule number two, if you do go off on your own, do not go into the woods. Rule number three, if you go into the woods, never, EVER make out in the woods or you will DIE in the woods…
Maya: Where’s Vic and Jackson?
Andy: Breaking rules one, two and three.
Jack: I never considered you an enemy.
Carina: I never considered you at all.
Jack: Now that’s just hurtful.
Travis: I enjoy pizza very much. Except for the cheese part. And the sauce part. And the crust part.
Vic: What part do you like?
Travis: The box! And the little plastic table thingy in the middle. It makes me feel like a giant.
Jack: I’ve decided to leave my past behind me.
Jack: So, if I owe you money, I’m sorry. I’ve moved on.
Dean: When was the last time something went according to plan?
Jack: I don’t think there has ever been a last time.
Vic: Are you sure you’re alright?
Andy, crying: Yeah… it’s just these onions.
Vic: Those are potatoes.