their dynamic has always been confusing for the musician, never really fully knowing whether or not the man before him actually likes having him around or if he’s being used. in a perfect world, jaesung knows that taemin enjoys his company, choosing to continue to room with him after the move and turning to him for comfort or a late night adventure, but the evidence against it? while he doesn’t want to admit it — taemin’s got a point: he is convenient. and maybe that’s karma from his past relationships, not being able to express those three words in the way you should or being able to commit or care when they left, finally having a taste of his own medicine. or maybe he shouldn’t have given that kind of power to him, not that he remembers ever giving it — which is the problem, but reining your feelings is difficult when you choose to ignore them.
any logical person knows that this won’t end well for jaesung so why does he bend to his will? why does he continue to do what he does? the lie would be because they’re best friends. jaesung would answer a midnight call for jaewon or daehyun, but if any of his roommates asked him to sleep in their bed and sing them to sleep every night, would he?
no… “mmm,” he gives a nudge of their shoulders, mumbling a curse word in korean as he grabs a hold of the hand gripping his shirt. “get in the car and find out, but i’ll give you a hint: only i can give this to you.”
taemin’s well aware that he and jaesung wouldn’t have any kind of relationship to begin with if it weren’t for his own nightmares and the younger’s charity-loving hero complex which is trying to save the struggling one. but what happens when your savior becomes the root of your terrors? everlastingly paranoid, taemin watches jaesung push him away as he whispers something he can’t understand - often he panics that when jaesung speaks to jaewon and daehyun in korean, he’s telling them about how horrible taemin is and they’re all laughing at his face together. “if it’s pot, i don’t feel like smoking tonight, jae,” taemin says before letting go and silently slipping onto the passenger’s seat. it’s the hundredth time he’s rejecting drugs, because he knows that being under the influence and not clear-headed would lead him right into jaesung’s lap, kissing his mouth until they both suffocate, which is something they agreed against doing. he never imagined the reason behind him waking up in cold sweat in the middle of the night would be a boy - a boy leaving him, finding someone else, walking out of his life. curled up on his seat, he stays quiet as he unlocks his phone. he keeps his homescreen hidden from the musician - even while they’re cuddling and looking at cute videos on his phone, locking it without exiting the app first - all because his wallpaper is a screenshot of the two of them kissing from a cute little video they filmed while high. the picture makes him nostalgic, the mathematician going into his gallery and slowly watching all of the content they’ve made together, which there has been a depressing lack of lately. he comes across a photo of his body covered in jaesung’s lovebites and after that - nothing, not a sight of them. he sighs and gazes up at the boy who’s driving, wishing he could hold his hand, but there’s nothing he can do about it.