I’ve been wishing and talking about korea for 10 years and now I can’t believe I actually live here! This six months has been a whirlwind… Turn back one year ago when I was stuck in a poisonous job in London was when I decided to change my life to become an English Teacher and what better way to start is gaining experience in the one country I felt I had a strong connection with. Coming here has changed my life. On my page I’ve wrote countless posts about my anxiety and boy has Korea tested it. I’ve been put into situations my old self would run away from, but I’ve stuck through it and I feel I’m slowly finding a way to calm it. I’ve met some amazing people! My co-teachers are the most patient and understanding people and I’m so thankful towards them. Also I met two amazing people who I hold close to my heart who have helped me through the tough times and are making this experience memorable. Now I can’t forget about the kids and teaching. I love teaching it’s become a real passion of mine and I want to develop my methods and skills to teach English effectively. The korean kids with their bright passionate personalities make it 100 times more enjoyable! I’ve just always had this feeling Korea would match my personality and it does.
I want to just take the time to talk about the BTS performance at the Billboard Awards. Your homie is deeply agitated by ARMY at the moment, and this is exactly why I can’t fuck with the fandom, and won’t be taking on the title with my chest.
Y’all get pressed over the dumbest shit.
Why is it that everyone is so heated over the camera work done by the Billboard’s staff during BTS’s performance? You guys all do realize that they span between the performers and the audience with everyone that performs? Do you guys realize that the act of doing so has a purpose behind it?
The awards given by the Billboards is granted after keeping track of the impact that the invited, nominated, and awarded artist’s have on the music industry on both a national and international scale. BTS was invited, nominated, and awarded because they have a global influence, and a powerful stage presence. They won that award because of the audience that showed up to watch them perform at the Billboards that night.
The Billboard Award’s most important and most powerful people is the audience. The reason why they pan the audience between performances is to give the viewers who are watching it via television to get a minuscule visual of how incredibly powerful the performers, artists, and celebrities on the stage are. The fact that the audience was so in tune with, coordinated, and active with BTS is incredible in comparison to other fandoms present in that audience that night. And that’s why they keep panning towards them. Stop fucking raising your blood pressure over stupid shit like “I want to see the choreography!” and sending hate towards the camera crew because they keep turning the camera away from BTS. Why can’t you be fucking happy for them? Why you guys always have to make shit so difficult? And why do you guys keep getting mad at the wrong fucking things? Here you are, a moron, getting angry because you don’t want to see the audience. Because you want to see the choreography (which, mind you, is very much available on YouTube if you watch their fucking MUSIC VIDEO), when BTS is facing micro-aggressive racism and objectification during their stay in America.
Actually, lets drop BTS’s Army, and lets talk about ALL Kpop Fandoms - why do you guys get angry over the dumbest shit? You guys really out here getting heated over cinematography, outfit choices, hair cuts, your idol’s love lives, and people talking bad about your idols, but don’t even realize that there are BIGGER problems to worry about. Your idols are being sexually harassed and assaulted, cyber bullied, stalked, objectified, sexualized, overworked, under-payed, in debt, are suicidal and/or depressed and not receiving proper treatment - and 6 out of the 10 things I’ve mentioned there alone are done and/or caused by THE FANDOM ITSELF.
As I lay awake at 2am in the morning thinking about how I’d just gone to the dentist for her to do nothing and give me a ‘treatment plan’ that obviously needs attention even though I had told the practice I was going abroad and would need some treatment. I didn’t say a word about the misunderstanding that had accrued or even expressed my concern,I just nodded along. Now I lay awake thinking about all the things I could have said. This is just something small out of the countless things I stay awake and stress about. It ranges from visa problems to does this person even like me? I have this crippling fear of conflict and pleasing people. I need to find a method to slowly combat this whether it’s writing my thoughts down or adopting simple methods to care less, speak up and stop being so sensitive. This is the year of taking care of me.
jonghyun: is there anyone, from our blue night family, that is crying alone?
not crying of pity, but asking, “why am i living like this?” is there anyone that is feeling uselessly sentimental and guilty?
don’t be like that. i hope you think those bitter days of crying alone are the most beautiful days of your life. you’ll realize with time that your life is actually, pretty alright. i promise you. i’ll write you a guarantee!
the most beautiful thing in the world is right now, this moment, you. don’t ever forget.
today’s closing song is boohwal’s “friend, do you know? (친구야, 너는 아니?). until now, it has been blue night, this is jonghyun.
For all the people who didn’t know him… Jonghyun was everything you could wish for in and idol and more. Beyond his talent, no one could talk to him without gushing about what a good person he was. He was just that lovable and kind. Jonghyun was always outspoken about mental health, lgbtq rights, and inequality. He was always the first one to cry, but he was also always the first one to laugh. He poured his soul into composing and writing music. He suffered from insomnia, but always gave 100% energy on the stage. He liked silly jokes, ballads, and staying indoors. He had one of those voices that could make you cry just by listening to it. He was so kind, gentle, open, and talented. His life was short, but I won’t ever be able to forget him.