Witch: Ah, so you’ve come to me.
Maiden: Yes. I need your help.
Witch: Unwanted baby?
Witch: Want someone dead?
Maiden: What? Of course not.
Witch: That’s all I know how to do. What do you need?
Maiden: I’m starting to see why you were shunned from the village.
Witch: Yes, I’ve killed a lot of people. What do you need?
Maiden: There’s a pox in the village.
Witch: It wasn’t me this time.
Maiden: I know. Can you fix it or not?
Witch: No. I’m not licensed for that.
Maiden: What do you mean you’re not licensed for that?
Witch: I got kicked out of the herbalist’s coven.
Maiden: For killing people?
Witch: For killing people.
Maiden: Great, now what do I do? There isn’t another witch for at least three towns over.
Witch: And he’s an enchanter blacksmith type. Makes protective amulets and beefs up swords. Makes really good horseshoes. Can’t fix poxes. Makes a mean rabbit stew though. And…
Maiden: And is very good at sex and hard to kill, yes everyone knows that. You tell us repeatedly. Even though we kicked you out.
Witch: It’s important. How are you not dead yet, by the way? You’re an adult and you haven’t bought anything yet so you should be dead by now.
Maiden: I’m not into people that way. Your weird sex based spells don’t work on me. That’s why I’m the one that came.
Witch: I would branch out but I’m barred from taking more classes at the guild. Because of the murder.
Maiden: Right, well I’m gonna go before you poison me.
Witch: What about the pox?
Maiden: I do have a mild form of it so you’ve been exposed too. Someone of your age is much more likely to die from it.
Maiden: I’d suggest you find an accredited friend that hasn’t been convicted of unnecessary murder.
Maiden: I have come a long way to find you.
Enchanter: One second. (throws a sword over his shoulder where it crashes into several metal tools and starts glowing)
Enchanter: Okay, what do you need?
Maiden: There’s a pox in my town.
Enchanter: (pulls an amulet out of his pocket and holds it over her head)
Enchanter: You don’t seem to have it, but it’s touched you.
Maiden: I got better. Can you help?
Enchanter: I enchant swords. Why are you visiting me?
Maiden: Because the only witch in our town is…
Enchanter: Wait, don’t tell me. Are you from Ravenfalls?
Enchanter: Tabatha. Of course. That quack.
Maiden: She only kills people and does abortions.
Enchanter: Oh no she doesn’t do abortions. She just drowns babies. I don’t even think she knows what a fetus is.
Enchanter: Yeah. Terrible cook too. Normally herbalists are pretty good at cooking but she’s just…
Maiden: The worst. I know. Do you at least know who can help? All of our elders and babies are dropping off like flies. People are strapping chickens to their arms. It’s a mess.
Enchanter: (clicks tongue a few times) The nearest guy that specializes in pox is in the mountains. Not the coast range but the big angry looking pointy ones to the east. What were those called again?
Maiden: The Death Mountains?
Enchanter: Yeah, those. Unfortunate name, really. They’re almost tolerable in the spring and summer. Don’t know why they live there though.
Maiden: Can you teleport me there?
Enchanter: Why do people always ask that? Look I don’t know what you’ve been hearing from Tabatha or traveling merchants but that’s not safe for living creatures.
Maiden: Then what do I do? By the time I get back half the population will either be dead or still have birds strapped to their arms.
Enchanter: I hate to suggest this but you could like… with a shapeshifting dragon? And then ask for a wish?
Maiden: I’m not into people or dragons that way.
Enchanter: Then I guess I’ll see if I can do something for your horse’s shoes but that won’t be nearly as fast.
Herbalist: I really can’t do anything for the chickens though. People will do strange things when they’re desperate.