It was a practical exam today.
Much to our guilty pleasure, it was online.
So for microbiology (love of my life), we wore a lab coat and cap (looking like surgeons on their way to urgent heart transplant).
Then went to the kitchen and mixed cornflour with sugar and salt, so-and-so, and put curd (as a source of bacteria) in it.
I put up an act of doing serious sh*t, satisfied with my teensy-weensy psyche.
And we were done. Clicked pictures. Marks assured.
I didn’t get it until evening when my friend asked me ‘what’s your plan?’, 'What after pharmaceutical sciences?’, 'You don’t even like pharmacy, what are you going to do after college?’
And yet again, I was reminded that I don’t like what I do.
When I study, I feel out of place, and I look for peace and content in the little moments, like those in the micro practical.
Sometimes those moments lurk amid good grades, luring me into thinking that maybe this is it. This is what I am supposed to do for the rest of my life. (God! This idea horrifies me)
Maybe I have made a huge mistake of choosing this as a career, and I’d have to do a lot more to get out of this field.
I don’t know how much time am I going to hide behind things I don’t like, but do good at.
I wish I would have been a little less selfish about money aspects and thought of what I actually like doing.
When I had no words other than 'I don’t know’, I knew I am a mess.
If you have to choose between what you like and what you are good at, please learn how to be good at what you love, and then choose it.
Much better than having a break-down like me once in a while.