if i ever see any of you in public, the code is “i like your shoelaces”
that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything
this post is old enough to be enrolled in kindergarden. hope you love it in the school babey learn to read i love ypu
this husky is mad because he wants to take a bath but isn’t allowed to
let my poor baby take his bath
If y'all really knew. If y'all really knew what utter drama queens huskies are this wouldn’t surprise you at all.
This is my life.
Literally my husky is the same way. He’s only a few months and he’ll cry to go back outside after being in the house two seconds.
I once ran out of my house in my pajamas at 2 in the fucking morning because I heard a dog screaming like it had been hit by a car. As I’m pelting towards the road barefoot I see an open garage with two people standing there and a husky in the back of a truck. I slowed down and asked them if that noise had been their dog.
Heavily embarrassed they admitted that it was. The reason for the godawful tortured sound the dog had made?
“We took his running harness off.”
And that was the moment I vowed to never own a husky.
I frequently pet sit for a friend’s husky, who is completely normal and unremarkable for her kind with one crucial exception.
She is dumb as soup.
(You didn’t hear that from me: her owner thinks she’s a genius, bless him.)
Anyway, my dog Tribble thinks Arya the husky is one of her very own adopted babies, so she stays with us fairly often. Reasons I have heard this dog dissolve into a screaming, wailing meltdown include:
- I followed my buddy up a mildly steep hill and now she’s gone and I can’t figure out how to get down
- That one cat won’t be friends with me even though all the others will
- I hopped up on the sofa and the hardwood floor next to it is much more confusing than the laminate I have lived on since I was two months old and I don’t know how to get down
- I’m mildly bored and my buddy yelled at me when I tried to bite her neck for the zillionth time
- I want to play with that potted plant but you said I couldn’t
- I’m overcome with joy because you took me on a walk to the hardware store
- I want that biscuit but I forgot what sit means and now I’m frustrated
- I haven’t seen you in two weeks and I forgot you weren’t dead and I’m overjoyed
- You are not petting me enough
- You are not petting me at all
- I got lost four times in five minutes on the off leash trail and now you won’t let me off again for a while
- There’s a brush and I need it
- You made eye contact with me and didn’t immediately drop everything to pet me
She’s a very good dog, and she’s a sweet dog who is never offended by anything, but the screaming has singlehandedly ensued I will never, ever, ever own a husky. I like having functioning ears too much.
To be fair, you and your friend may both be right: huskies, like border-collies, are just intelligent enough to develop Exciting Cognitive Neuroses, much like a toddler, which frankly dumber dogs will skip because they don’t actually have quite enough extra cognitive space to think up ways to be utterly fucking ridiculous.
I kind of suspect this is going on here in part because of the dog being so very specifically upset that the one cat won’t be friends, despite all the other cats being friends, and also the overcome-with-joy bits: you’ll notice they’re very similar to what makes toddlers randomly cry for no reason.
Where a bulldog doesn’t care about the difference between laminate and hardwood, a husky is just smart enough to get VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HOW THESE ARE SUBTLY DIFFERENT AND POSSIBLY IT MEANS THAT GETTING DOWN WILL BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE AAAAAUGH! and get hysterically anxious about it.
“Smarter”, in animals as in humans, does not actually always mean “more sensible.” XD
I was feeling very lonely this evening and now I’m laughing down to my belly so thank you for this post
When you see a spider by your foot:
this fucking gifset gets me every time
I think you’re looking for “when you walk into a strip club” on that last one
*shows up 15 months late with starbucks* anyway here’s my vine compilation
Fuck, Millennials are fucking hilarious
I always feel better about youths after a good vine comp.
“Do you speak any Japanese?”
“I’m Chinese I don’t speak any-”
“‘Cause if you do, I’ll sleep with you right now.”
“Bitch cone get me, not only is he ugly but his dishes talk!”
“Who you talking to Belle?”
“Uh… No one…. bitch that was his plate!”
i never want context
Oh my god, they sprang this on us in our old church years ago, and my family has never let this joke die.
Okay, here’s the stupid gender essentialist metaphor:
Women are like spaghetti because their thoughts noodle all over the place. Men are like waffles because there thoughts are in boxes. Men aren’t bad listeners, they just can’t keep up with a conversation when women are noodling topics so fast and they have to keep switching boxes. Also, when a woman asks a man what he’s thinking and he says “nothing” women just don’t understand that some of a man’s boxes literally have nothing in them, haha!
Anyway, if you think me and my brothers and my mom don’t constantly give each other sad, tragic faces and say “I’m sorry, my waffle box is empty today” and “noodle faster!” and “you are failing at being a waffle” and “I can’t be clearer, I am a plate of spaghetti” pretty much indiscriminately in all directions all the time…. you would be wrong.
Occasionally the context of a Dadaist post makes it even better.
Important discoveries being made over here.
oh my god😂
[audio transcription: So I’m sure we’ve all seen the videos recently of these things *squeezes the honking chicken several times* little chickens. Um. Well, so I discovered recently that if you pull the head off and then pull the noisemaker out it’s the right size that you can stick it in the end of a trombone mouthpiece. And then *deep breath* *the loudest, most horrible blatting noises* Yeah.]
Has science gone too far
Prank a school by bringing this to the school band. Not the practice, but the actual preformance.
HOLY SHIT, IT WAS THE ORIGINAL ONE
MAKE A WISH
the first post ever on tumblr
I WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE A REMAKE OF SOME SORT HOLY FUCK
WHO THE FUCK KEEPS BRINGING THIS BACK
reblog this because it shows up every blue moon
I FOUND IT ✊
I WAS SO SCARED IT WOULDNT BE THE ORIGINAL
Who first posted this?
I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO END WITH A MEME OR SOME SHIT NO IT’S THE REAL ONE OH MY GOD
Wishing I’ll do well on my finals ✨