So these are both “Aw Fuck I’m outta real food” meals BUT ALSO: if you’re learning how to cook, these are great “baby steps” meals to learn how to cook basics into something enjoyable without “wasting” anything expensive. Though I maintain that even cooking screw-ups are valuable in terms of lessons learned.
Also they’re great for when you get absorbed in something and you realize your blood sugar is dropping and you need to make something Quick.
I don’t think of myself as a cook at all, but I looked through this list and was like “if you have [center] and [any item on a surrounding ring] how do you sit there thinking you’ve got nothing to eat?” Like, I buy a fair amount of staples knowing that I’ll be able to quickly assemble them into something tasty if I’m hungry and don’t have anything instant (or in a leftovers container because I made it earlier in the week specifically to eat for a week): butter, cheese, noodles, and more.
It still impresses people how I can go into random kitchens with no food in them and emerge with Filling Snacks for Five People. This is the secret: knowing how to assemble Cupboard Meals. And these charts are incredibly well-laid-out too!
I want genre movies with all the genre conventions but set in historical period pieces. I want paranormal horror in the mesopotamia. I want an ancient greek heist movie. I want a scifi invasion film set during the 1500s, I want fast and the furious type movie but set in 1800s napoleonic france.
Quote from @SwampAdvice on Twitter (written by frequent collaborator on The CryptoNaturalist Podcast Leslie J Anderson).
Here is a secret about things you love. If you put them down you can always pick them back up again. You can always paint again, sew again, hike again, play music again, read that book again, watch the movie. “But it’s been so long.” The thing you love doesn’t care.
Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .
You can not just say this without dropping the whole story
My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.
The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn’t read the things written by Hand, because he wasn’t wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he’s like:
“Oh, sorry sir you can’t do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)”
The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen’t take the document with him.
The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:
This is a robbery
Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead
I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).
So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.
A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:
Her: how can I help you today?
Him: I’m here to get money
Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*
Him: all the information is on the paper
Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper
SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.
Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.
ONE HOUR LATER
Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.
To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”
Her: I am so embarrassed
FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-
Her: I feel so dumb!
FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)
After your first Games, I thought the whole romance thing was an act. We all expected you to continue that strategy. But it wasn’t until Peeta’s heart stopped and he nearly died that… I knew I misjudged you. You love him.
*sigh* well it was bound to happen eventually… has anyone paid to follow ariana grande’s tumblr yet? What about Obama’s? ngl I’ve considered paying $4.99/month just to see what the hell Gordon Ramsey is doing here.
YALL WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID THIS ONE HAVE TO BE THE FIRST POST TO COME TRUE WTF WTF WTF
i think the hardest part about this job is not being able to say What The Fuck
During my sophomore year biology class, we all had to dissect worms. One of the kids in class ate one. A few minutes into the class, the teacher was like, “oh, by the way, make sure not to touch your mouth. These worms are covered in super poisonous formaldehyde.”
The kid who had eaten the work went pale. The kids at his desk huddled around him for a whispered discussion about whether or not he should admit to what he’d done, or keep his mouth shut and hope he survived it. He eventually decided that he did not want to risk death, put up his hand, and very timidly informed the teacher of his little snack.
The poor teacher. She just got this look on her face, like she was considering switching careers immediately. Anyway, she ended up calling 911. I don’t know how things went down at the hospital, but the kid survived.
Right. We’re going to have words about that last tag there.
“But where’s that light coming from” BITCH IT’S FANTASY WHO CARES
Ok but also from a like, theatrical storytelling perspective, there’s a thing called “willful suspension of disbelief” which is basically the concept that in order to let ourselves be immersed and enjoy a story, we need to turn off our knowledge that it’s all fake anyway.
like yes, we all *know* it’s unrealistically bright for a night time war, but it needs to be so we can SEE the story being told, and the lighting designer used blue light to show it was night time. We KNOW that Sir Ian isn’t actually a wizard but we SUSPEND that DISBELIEF because we want to be entertained.
theres the moon, theres the stars, in this fantasy world the stars might be four times as bright or there might be two moons
or, considering this is a land without electric lights, its assumed that everyones eyes, including those of the viewers, have adjusted enough to the darkness that yes normal ass moon and stars provide sufficient illumination to actually see that the elf king is not wearing sweatpants like youd be able to tell or who the hell was that who just got stabbed thats kind of an important detail in an action scene
Elijah Wood said he brought this up with Andrew Lesnie, cinematographer on LOTR, once and asked him where the light was coming from in a particular scene, and Lesnie just smiled and said “same place as the music”.
Anyone up for their heartstrings getting tugged today?
I’ve just realized something in the Tolkien fandom that has given me a strong case of the feels.
And it’s all Pippin’s fault!
We as a fandom know that Pippin is a Took, who are the Thains of the Shire. The problem is most of us (myself included) mistook the Thains as a form of hobbit monarchy. Believe it or not, this is actually wrong.
According to Appendix A, hobbits are the subjects of the Kings of Gondor and Arnor. So if that’s the case, who then is the Thain meant to be?
Here’s where things gets interesting…
“They chose a Thain to take the place of the King, and were content; though for a long time many still looked for the return of the King.” - RoTK, Appendix A
In other words, the Tooks aren’t royalty: they’re Stewards of the Shire. Pippin isn’t a hobbit prince, but the son of the Steward.
Ooh ooh ooh! This looks like an excellent excuse valid reason to talk about one of my favorite topics, matriarch trees!
So, when you see trees in a forest, they stick up outta the ground, some distance from each other, and you’re like ‘these are unconnected critters,’ right? But! The thing is! Just like the trees in the picture are connected above-ground, trees in a forest are normally connected below-ground. There’s this whole complicated thing involving a symbiotic relationship with fungi, but we’re gonna simplify it to this: trees connect to each other through their root systems.
And they use it to share resources, across the whole forest.
If there’s a tree over here growing in soil with a lot of, like, potassium, they’ll pull up more potassium than they need, and send it out through the root system to other trees that are living where there isn’t much potassium.
And one of the coolest things? Trees communicate their needs. If a tree is sick or damaged or starving, they send chemical messages out through the root system that tell the other trees to send them more food and tree-equivalent-of-immune-system.
Trees will share so much of their resources, they’ll even keep trees alive that are almost entirely dependent. Like this tree! The tree above is getting some energy from its leaves, but no other nutrition of its own. And it wasn’t able to link up to the shared root system. So the other tree reached out and hooked up to it directly, feeding it all of the nutrients it needed!
You see it more commonly the other way around: in an old-growth forest, where the roots are well-established, you can find stumps where a tree was cut down a century ago… but if you scrape the stump it’s still green wood. The tree’s still alive, without a single leaf. Because all the other trees in the forest are feeding it.
I promised to talk about matriarch trees, so here’s where we get to them.
In a very old forest, you have very old trees. You have some trees that are so very, very old, their own roots cover entire regions of the forest. Their leaves reach up to the sky over everyone else. And after so long, they’ve developed to where they can take in way more resources than they need.
So what do they do?
They feed baby trees.
Baby saplings in an old forest can’t reach up to the sun. There’s no light down there. And their roots are too small and shallow to dig down to the nutrients they need. So the matriarch tree will draw energy from its towering canopy, and nutrients from its massive, ancient roots, and feed them to the little trees that are too small to feed themselves. For anything she can’t get on her own, she’ll act as a central hub, taking in spare resources from the rest of the forest and giving them to the little ones.
And one of the best parts - she won’t just do it for her own species. She’ll connect to all kinds of trees, because they’re all necessary for the ecosystem to work. She’ll adopt the whole forest’s children.
Sometimes in forests you’ll find a spot where there are a lot of small trees in an open space around an old, fallen tree. People generally assume they could find more light there, or maybe the soil’s more fertile from the decomposition.
They’re her children, and she’s spent centuries keeping the whole forest alive.