game: this weapon has +6 damage and +4 defence from your current weapon
me: but it ugly
My players response to recieving the message: “Whats [your character] biggest fear”
Lucie, once again a wonderful addition
[image id: screenshots of discord messages that read
- uh oh!!!
- stop, i hate you
- hmm well mind is that message /end id]
“I can be real evil” are words you never wanna hear from your DM, especially while your character is unconscious
For the Spotify Wrapped #42
i tried to write the word “authorized” on something and ended up writing “authorizard” because i was thinking about pokemon and my brain decided i needed to write “charizard” instead
Honestly you don’t even have to change the genre much. Guy probably went through quite the ordeal because of all the people trying to get to Indy.
Day 1: “Professor Jones, hate to bother you but there’s an assassin trying to kill me, do you have…yes I see it…*gunshots* just to make sure, is there any paperwork I can file or should I just call the police?”
Day 85: “Oh fucking try me, I have 84 papers to grade because that lazy asshole went off to fucking Burma in the middle of fucking finals week, if you don’t leave right the fuck now I will awaken that ancient artifact in the corner and turn your intestines into fucking snakes.”
also, don’t forget: the movies are set in the 1930s-50s
so please imagine this 20-year-old girl who’s had to practically fight god to convince everyone that, no, she would NOT be happier with a degree in home economics and yes, she DOES want to be an archaeologist. she’s had to deal with male grad students trying to steal her research and constant patronizing questions about whether she can really handle the dirt and insects out in the field. even Indy, who stands up for her when the department leadership tries to pull Some Bullshit, sometimes treats her like a glorified secretary just out of habit
when the bad guys show up, they are therefore faced with a young woman who exists in a permanent state of simmering rage. she has a sensible wool skirt and practical oxfords and a baseball bat and you can fuck right off if you’re trying to pull this nonsense right after one of her professors just called her “sweetie” for the dozenth time
One time I was DMing a campaign where the players walked into that tavern every campaign has and one of the patrons was a Mindflayer wearing a very bad human disguise who insisted his name was Johnald Humanman. And they were just like “Oh, okay. Well, that’s his business” and didn’t interact with Johnald Humanman at all.
I planned for a lot of eventualities but I never planned for a D&D party being polite
shout out to suzanne collins for normalising, and honestly even romanticising, body hair on girls/women. shout out for writing a lead female character who honestly likes her body hair and is sad when she has it forcibly removed.
shout out for describing it in a pleasant way (“soft, curly down”) rather than something unsightly and vaguely embarrassing.
honestly just shout out to suzanne collins
the best thing about having a dndbeyond subscription is the fact that i can make as many characters as i want for no other reason than just because
why is this morning already so stressful wtf
I just watched The Room (2003) for the first time with some friends and I. I cannot. this broke me
the pizza? the one that Lisa orders? the half-hawaiian, half pesto-and-artichoke?
that’s my favorite pizza
that’s the pizza I order every. single. time.
what does this mean?
like, have all of the pizza places I’ve ordered from for the past decade thought I was referencing The Room? have I been getting silent judgement from the local Dominos without my knowledge?? is this why that guy at Mod Pizza laughed at me that one time??
how did I, a person who had never seen The Room, choose this as my favorite pizza? is this fate? happenstance?
what does this say about me?
I’m having like. an existential breakdown over this
is this….tearing you apart?