Can you guess what time it is
Can you guess what time it is
Hop hop hop go the playful peahens
Aziraphale was asleep. This was rare. In fact, Crowley had never seen the angel sleep in all the millennia they’ve been acquainted. He’d been convinced since their time in Rome that Aziraphale simply never indulged in this particular human pastime as he did with many others, and yet there he was, sprawled out on Crowley’s bed as though he belonged there (Crowley certainly felt as though he did belong, looking pristine and perfect among Crowley’s fashionable little throw pillows).Crowley couldn’t cope with this.
A world where humans have no innate magic but our pets do.
Cat magic is pretty raw and they mainly use it for getting into places they’re not supposed to. They can be trained if you’re patient, and will sometimes do favours for their owners out if the blue, but only if they want to.
Dogs have been bred for specific magic over the centuries and each breed can do certain things. Showing off your magic is an essential part of a dog show.
Horses come in horse, pegasus, and unicorn, each with their own magical talents.
Fuck knows what birds can do, I don’t trust birds.
For an obvious example… dalmatians have been bred for fire magic. A properly trained dalmatian will run into a burning building and all the fires around it will go out. Caution is necessary, of course, because they can also do the opposite. Their favourite toys are often a bit blackened, and puppies must be kept in fireproof surroundings, with extinguishers in easy reach.
The Pekingese’ magic is camouflage - they can change colour to match whatever they touch, whether a blanket, a mossy rock, or even a reflective mirror. This ability originally enabled them to hide in a robe, so their owners could take them into places where dogs were technically not permitted. The classic image of a pekingese is of it sitting outside a building, appearing to be part of the stonework… until it reveals itself to growl at an intruder.
Portuguese water dogs are canine silkies - in deep enough water they transform into curly-haired seals, and when they climb back out and shake off, they turn back into dogs.
Cats are often thought to be selfish and troublesome, to only use their magic for themselves, and for random but odd favours.
This is not the entire truth.
Cat magic is largely Watch and Ward, which is only observable in what does not happen. Cats are known to protect sleeping humans from danger simply by being present, their lamp-like eyes acting as a sort of n’est pas possible upon all possible intruders, from pests to more deadly threats.
Pitbulls over the ages were bred to emit magic to calm children and help them sleep
Collies can multiply themselves for a short time to corral animals
St Bernard’s turn into snow and can feel where an avalanche is going to happen hours before the event
Anatolian Shepherd can shapeshift into other animals around them to blend in
corgi magic is banned in most public areas, and one of the few dog magics not to be demonstrated in show- allowing your corgi to perform magic in public can be punished with up to $1000 in fines, even before the costs of damage to people and property
Golden Retriever magic is sometimes considered “disney” magic, as they typically attract waterfowl and game birds. this is not always the benefit one thinks it would be, as some lines have a penchant for attracting swans! some, however, attract vertebrates of a different sort. one remarkable individual was given an honorary degree in wildlife biology for her prodigious ability to attract frogs and toads, and is currently hard at work in Costa Rica.
no. you must live for her. she demands it of you. how else would you be able to appreciate all these great amphibians she’s finding?
A cat’s protective aura gets stronger in response to affection and respect. If you bond strongly enough with one, you can actually FEEL the magic working, soothing fear and anxiety. They also work in dreams, catching and killing nightmares. Some can do this from several rooms away, while others like to work more closely and will sit on their owners’ chests or heads while they sleep.
Yes please to all of this.
Rat magic: a mysterious multiplication of SOMETHING–food or other valuable resources generally–which can be pretty handy if you don’t mind the nibble marks.
Beagle magic is mostly low-grade telepathy, which is very handy for coordinating a pack hunt, but also makes individual dogs prone to neurosis.
Some cats, like their behaviour of presenting a prey, also sometimes present their owner with a small magical favour. Sometimes this involves a transmuted treat. Sometimes this involves a clumsy owner growing whiskers
What the hell do Corgis do that it is illegal for them to do their magic in public?
Birds know things, obviously. At least, the storks and the herons and the egrets do. For the price of a meal they will tell you secrets. Maybe not the ones you want to hear, so you must be careful when deciding to ask.
Parrots are mischief makers. They make small objects disappear- pen caps and car keys and one sock from a pair. They are good at creating illusions.
Waterfowl have only passive magic, auras that do myriad things; geese bring the change in seasons with them when they flock. Swans bring peace and hubris in equal measure. Ducks have as many different effects as there are bodies to carry them, and flocks must be comprised carefully to avoid conflicting auras or, worse, compounded ones.
Corvids have seeking magic; if you have lost something, they can find it. They can. They probably won’t, but they can. There’s no trick to befriending them, beyond catching their attention and hoping they like you. Sometimes they will bring you things you aren’t seeking; then perhaps they are seeking you.
Doves and pigeons descend from the last remnants of the caladrius of yore, and they still know how to heal. Those soft coos are not just for show.
Peacocks see the future, which is why they scream. If you can find the right eye to look into, you will know the future, too. This is not particularly a blessing. The hens are the keepers of prophecy, and if you are listening well, they will whisper words from them on a cold winter’s night to keep themselves warm.
They took in some people from a clothing store next door too. The employees could have gone home but couldn’t bring themselves to kick the customers out into the snow because some of them had an impossible three hours drive home and would have gotten stuck on the road in their cars so the employees and their boss opted to stay.
The woman who reported on the incident trekked alone through piles of snow on foot. She couldn’t bring a cameraman so everything was filmed with a small handheld camera.
They ate food from the cafeteria (meatballs of course), watched a Christmas show and football before getting to pick any bed they wanted in the store. In the morning they were served cinnamon buns and coffee/tea.
Just a cute little story to brighten your day.
Was outside in the side yard by the orchard, hand-clipping some nice grass to bring to the barn penizens and Stan was up helping me by demanding I give him choice pieces of grass rather than pick any himself, and a golf-cart type vehicle comes rattling down the road, driven by a guy with a dog in the back, and he slows way down…. down…. and stops…. and stares. And I’m like hm I have to assume he sees me, and Stan, and he has a dog, I hope the dog stays in, and then he called me by my name, and I realized oh no this is a neighbor that knows me that I should probably know.
I invited him to drive down the driveway instead of shouting across the front field, and he came rattling down to say hello. I remember who he is, even if I don’t remember his name. He was the neighbor down the road who kept peafowl for years and years, and eventually gave his last bird to my neighbor friend Pete. He says he’s been trying to catch me at home, because a friend of theirs wants to buy peafowl. I said he’s in luck, I have a bunch of peafowl for sale.
So we chat for a bit in the yard, about the birds, about past birds, and he says you know, my wife and I listen to the police scanner, it’s sort of a hobby, you know, and I still remember when you moved here, and there’d be calls about a child screaming for help down your road. It’s just the peafowl, we’d tell them it’s just the peacocks down there. Same thing happened to us when we moved in with our birds before that. I like their call, I like hearing your birds call, but some people think it sounds like a kid screaming for help and they call the cops.
So that’s good to know I guess. I never had cops show up at my place asking to see murdered children OR peafowl, so I guess thanks to my neighbors for assuring the cops I was just keeping large birds full of scream.
COVID is slowly becoming a “third world” disease. While first world countries are hoarding vaccines, having doses for populations many times their size, third world countries can’t get any because pharma companies want to sell to the first world countries first. Even then, first world countries will receive them first. While rich countries recover from COVID, they will forget about the pandemic while many other countries live the absolute worst moment of the pandemic without being able to vaccinate their population.
Watch also when some first world countries finish vaccinating their populations, they will turn to third world countries and “donate” or sell surplus vaccines. People in these countries will go “Oh how sweet! The government is donating vaccines to the poorer countries <3” when it was their hoarding that led to many, many third world citizens dying before they could even get vaccinated in the first place.
african and latin american countries are also pushed by pfizer to give up sovereign assets as part of their vaccine agreement
Yo europeans, sign the fucking petition, get the european commission to lift the patents
This is not a bullshit useless change dot org petition by the way this is an actual thing with legal consequences. If this petition gets to a million signatures, the european commission HAS to examine it.
They need not only a million signatures but to pass thresholds in at least seven member states - which only Belgium has done so so far. Especially if you have Italian, Irish, or Cypriot citizenship, please sign. Sign it in general, but try to circulate if you can to anyone with those nationalities specifically.
231,195 / 1,000,000 signatures as of 10/28/21
237,730 / 1,000,000 signatures as of 11/28/21 and the Signatory Deadline(it has to be signed by this date) is January 8th, 2022.
PLEASE sign, especially if you’re from one of the countries that has not reached it’s threshold. (France, Sweden, Greece, Germany, The Netherlands, Austria…basically every country except Italy and Belgium)
Minimum thresholds must be met in at least five more countries in addition to the 1,000,000 signatures requirement.
The countries closest to reaching their minimum threshold are Ireland(89% of required signatures), France(75%), The Netherlands (75%), Spain (69%), and Cyprus (46%). If you or anyone you know have citizenship in these countries, please sign it, encourage them to sign it, and pass it forward.
If the requirements are met, the European Commission will be forced to examine this and take legal action. Real change is a possibility if enough signatures are collected.
There is a Canadian equivalent to this petition and it ends this Saturday, December 4. Send this to your Canadian friends.
hello! Are there any fanfics which has Aziraphale x Crowley and Beezlebub x Gabriel?? <33
Hi! There are loads of fics with Aziraphale/Crowley and Beelzebub/Gabriel! Here is just a selection for you…
Love in Limbo by TheOldAquarian (T)
Aziraphale and Crowley are racing to stop the apocalypse by scheming to get Gabriel and Beelzebub together. It’s not going to be easy to spark a romance between an angel and a demon who have seemingly nothing in common, but luckily, falling madly in love with an archenemy is something Aziraphale and Crowley have experience with. If only they could admit it to each other before the end of the world.
The Garden Party by StarryEyedForAnArchangel (M)
The traitors are enjoying life after Armageddon’t on a beautiful sprawling estate, showing up the historical fashion humans with their historically accurate duds.
Two Bureaucrats are doing the same, trying to enjoy their own lives that they’ve made up.
Hell is a place on earth by phlintandsteel (T)
“And think about joining the neighborhood watch, we meet on Wednesdays!”
Crowley immediately turned around as soon as Gabriel let him out of their little encounter, so he just waved the newspaper over his head noncommittally as he headed back into his house.
“Who was that you were talking to?” Aziraphale asked, nodding at the kitchen window while he poached their eggs on the stove.
Sometimes it’s cosmic, sometimes it’s cocktail weiners by myladyclegane (M)
All executive chef Anthony J Crowley wanted was a cider and some time with the girls(of the Golden variety) after his double shift, what he gets is playing savior when his best friend and next door neighbor (and desperate crush) has to unexpectedly host a last minute game night for his awful co-workers.
Love no one must speak of by deaddarkness (M)
They couldn’t be any different from each other yet whilst good and evil will always hate each other in ways, some how over time unusual feelings and attraction arises for the two bureaucratic representatives Garbiel and Beelzebub a foreboding desire had come to the surface after the stalling of the end of days. Though they aren’t alone…..
Bohemian Rhapsody by Joseph_Amadeus (M)
They meet when Crowley decides to write a book and gets some help from his best friend’s brother-in-law.
Or how Crowley writes a book for Aziraphale
- Mod D
Blueberries for the babies!
I need you all to know that Stella has a Very Low Tolerance for snow. She will come out and hang out for a few minutes but by god if the snow continues to be there on the ground existing she gets really upset about it and has now attempted to fly away from it three times since it arrived. Thankfully wherever she lands, she starts hollering her disapproval so I can go retrieve her but. she sure does hate winter already. I don’t know how to tell her it’s barely started or that it’s going to just keep happening every year.
I would like you to know that Stella found her own reflection in a window on the mystery door, and she started sweet talking to it and could not figure out why the other peahen in the window was not following her away from the door. She kept walking away a few steps and then running back like oh no where did you go and I didn’t get my camera out in time to get the first half of her doing this, but I managed to get her stepping down and then getting very excited when she saw her siblings and bouncing around. She reminds me of when Artemis was young.
I think if more people learned to ask “okay, and?” or “so what?” when people try to judge them for trivial things, they might have a better time in life. This includes judging yourself if you’re wondering.
Peahen Painting Commissions by Artemis P. Fowl
Have you ever wanted a peahen to paint you a picture? Have I got some good news for you! Artemis here is opening limited-slot commissions for a painting made by her very own peet (peahen feet)!
Details and pricing for her 2022 run are below the cut.
Please read everything before messaging!
There are currently 3 spots left! We’re going to have a really interesting time with this round, I’m excited to try some of these combos!
2 spots left!
A retiring blue mama spending some time out time exploring after she was mean to some babies (they all left for their new home last night including Blaze and Skunk!) and LLM21099 hanging out next to my warm computer.
Sometimes I have the energy/time to walk around the property collecting birds from where they’ve wandered looking for tasty things, but sometimes I just want to shake a bag and have them all come running to me.
Thankfully, I planned ahead and taught them the orange bag has the best treats, and they only get them once in a while; just enough that they remember it’s a really high-reward treat. They even sort themselves correctly into their own pens so I don’t have to.
TIL that Gothic literature makes a distinction between “terror” and “horror.” Terror is the sense of dread and apprehension that precedes an experience, horror is the sense of revulsion after an experience.
Someone described the modern difference as such: Fear is knowing that a werewolf is hunting you. Terror is when you see it and it charges at you. Horror is realizing that your feet are stuck to the floor.
I’d like to thank the brave sniper that stopped that final comment
The new Ao3 wank I can't escape is that it sounds like the site has 1.5 million in funds and someone in a finance meeting said that could keep them running for 2-3 years. This is a "suspicious" and "unheard of" amount of money for a nonprofit to have, and I'm hearing all sorts of overblown takes about how it's proof that OTW is run by a bunch of clueless and incompetent people and no one should donate to them again. e.o
1.5 million… so… like 3 high level developers for 1 year.