Yuuri Shibuya will stay only Takahiro Sakurai character who don’t destroy me.
Yuuri Shibuya will stay only Takahiro Sakurai character who don’t destroy me.
@lightcreators sent: ❝ im not good at making friends and i dont think about you ❞ ( from nagito komaeda )
“ While it’s preferable that you kept all thoughts of me out of your head, if that’s truly the case, then I wonder how you came up with the idea to tell me this in the first place? You had to have thought of me at some point. ”
“ That’s rather paradoxical, Komaeda. Perhaps you can’t make friends because you can’t even make up your mind. ”
Sign of obvious embarrassment perceived in bottom of his eyes — nevertheless, compared of his Ultimate co-patriot whose talent was identical there was an emotional distance, an invisible wall revealing more of a grimace than a feeling of reassurance. It was a difficult exercise, for someone used to staying in the background, be present meanwhile feeling inexistent into a class, to be able to express his emotions properly — except if he really adored the person so that action was less harsh. ❝ It was appropriate to tell you bottom of my mind ! ❞ Joy overcome soon previous unease features. ❝ Well … I have always had this curiosity … as a senior … ❞ Putting his hand on his chin as finally some strength, a laugh welcomed his last sentence. ❝ That harsh ! I have some circumstances which go against me … while you have nothing to worry about yours, Togami-kun. ❞ Realizing he pushed behind one remark along that answer, another addition was proclaimed. ❝ My mind is based mainly on my talent. Perhaps it is difficult to see things from another angle nevertheless all my thoughts are based on making hope emerge everywhere ! It’s the point to be a Ultimate, right ? ❞
❝ I heard you met with Kyo. He’s a member of the Sohma family. He can be a bit of an irrational kid, but he’s a good kid. ❞
It was pleasant to receive lovely sentiment to experiencing to ne a high school student — even if condensed into an exterior view, into fragmented and shattered imagery barely exposing his potential; even if it’s remained illusions in accordance with circumstances … even if his presence was reclassified as a simple observer. Maybe did he touched main characters life thanks of chance however impact of his influence had to be measured yet … if such thing was necessary. Bigger schemes always attracted better his interest than middle problems easily to be solved. ❝ News goes fast ! In my opinion, I hadn’t see something yet turn him close to irrational though I might understood under the lines he is a little … hyperactive ? Honestly, I’m not worried. Having company can only do him good, breaking false imposed codes. It seems his family must have influence here ? ❞
“They consider me to be a bad kid, cause apparently all bad kids not only dye their hair but also get into fights too. For attention also. Not because people are jerks and all that stuff.” Kyo side eyes him with heavy sarcasm laced in his voice. Who was this kid? He seemed all prim and proper like. Kyo didn’t really vibe with that seeing as how the world didn’t leave him room to be any of those things. Angry was his usual disposition and he would hold onto that. “Gee aren’t ya so lucky. I wish I could be ya.” He rolls his eyes and then at his request he stands, stretching his arms. “Fine. But don’t be surprised if I end up gettin’ ya lost. For all ya know I’m tryin’ take ya money.” He wasn’t, but that was the usual sentiment people thought about him anyways. “I could use ya name though. If we gonna be hangin’ out together. I’m Kyo. Kyo Sohma.”
Amused laugh gently and uncontrollably escaped his lips to representation of a ‘bad kid’: they probably not much have same definition since acting as an asshole was part of the description ; for be well-concerned about it. ❝ Oh, only someone searching for attention by being different had to be bad ? ❞ Mockery resonated between every word, appreciating that strange sensation to know this. Sadly, it won’t be appropriate, would he, if he sending clues about be an embodiment of villain ? Rarely contentment pictured at his highest on consciousness, flattering his ego. Somewhere else, he exposed an opened door of redemption not completely accepted, however he spared people of density of his cruelty. Too busy about search victory on divine sphere. ❝ Your teaches use insignificant details and impulsive behavior to bring you into that mass. Nothing dangerous. ❞ A polite expression was returned. ❝ I wouldn’t recommend being in my place. Though, thanks for the sentiment. ❞ Quiet observation of the other boy stayed, meanwhile returning into comfort of indifference. ❝ I will not take it personally and you will not do that anyways. It’s better with a name ! Nice to meet you. Lelouch Lamperouge. ❞
“Oh really? Well ya could’a fooled me. But I guess I’d love to live in ya little world there where people like me are common. Maybe I’d get in trouble less with the teachers.” He replies back, caramel hues narrowed and untrusting of this stranger he came across. Though he didn’t really ask to. He had been busy reading his book, sitting and minding his own business. “Landmarks? Well ya in the right area or whatever. There’s a special tower nearby. And a few famous statues. Why–ya lost or somethin’? Ya some sorta tourist or what?”
Seriously ? He thought he might be intrigued about his hair color, for someone , who lived such various panels of events that someone else might not have managed to hold ? From a second, oldest habits of a dead name had to be recollected, wrapped his personality : Lelouch Lamperouge would be an appreciable teenager able to laugh over insignificance ; meanwhile Lelouch vi Britannia was focused over enjoy opportunities. It wasn’t first time he had, for a while, switching back personalities, reorganized introductions before pride expansion returned welcomed his companion. ❝ I don’t think a town like this exist — sadly. Besides, are you sure your teaches consider you’re a troubling element because of it … or problems came from somewhere else ? Wish I could empathized with the sentiment. ❞ He was troubling something larger than his own school. ❝ I don’t remember having a problem with my teachers ! ❞ Even if he didn’t showed fully his abilities in class. ❝ Though I can understand popularity issue! ” He bounced back. If one day, he known he would have an occasion sharing long time ago class memories. Another reassuring laugh appeared, managing to polish his introduction. ❝ Sort of. Do you think it would be possible to show me the city ? We will be able know each other. ❞
OVERWORKING is something ren is all too familiar with. saying someone should rest from is easy. easy as in saying it rather than doing it. ren could see the annoyance and he could nothing but a sympatric glance in return.
he’d walk over to behind the counter towards the fridge. he opens it to see if there’s any content that he could make a good soup with. “ all it takes is for a wolf to only catch one once, ” he replies as the ingredients are taken out. the paper and pen are used to write a note for sojiro so the other knows he’ll restock it. “ can tell from experience. ” ann particularly always got on his bones for it ever since februari.
“ i’ll make you something. in the meanwhile you could do other, small stuff. ”
He probably had lied again. On current time, his mind was mostly paused compared to amount of hyperactivity he usually taking somewhere: always observing which kind of move that could be used, always planning next actions for having a complete scheme for operated in the chessboard … an endless procedure who never rest, never found kind of peace since the result remained priority. At least, it was true for a determinate period, remembering exactly which. There was also in consideration a retrospective of all previous moves, a careful study of allowed opening, and a constant refusal to looking back certain memories put in a fallow ground … Another annoyed pout resonated immediately over that unimportant detail ; when despite a desire to sound nice, grumpiness purple eyes showed a hatred over the situation. Such a pleasant irony again, right ? How even imagine having a mental break would be possible, when the past constantly torment him in corner of his mind and without cautious on his present he might be worried over the future? For a long thoughtful minute, he pretended not seeing the vigilante seeking how to help. Gesture internally he appreciated still stayed unseen externally — it seemed terribly ridiculous.
As much he didn’t wanted to act impolite and unpleasant ( two characterizes who expanded at the moment it concerned worry over his little person, when it didn’t touched directly his pride before ) there was in same time no ambition to admit from his opinion he didn’t deserved such goodness. Surely, it frustrated his being to be forced by his body to back away, to take it easy and to change altogether his plans — however, circumstances were different of how they were previously. Laughing civilly to the remark, he played along his explanation. ❝ It’s downside of perfection : be stopped by ourselves … ❞ He noticed before offering an curious inquiry. ❝ Oh ? You too fall to intellectual exhaustion ? ❞ Since Lelouch expected lasted advice, features were forced to stand still. ❝ You aren’t obligated — ❞ It was mentally impossible for him to accept a nice gesture. Maybe, someday, when remembrances about how it was so easier to destroying someone’s life in one second will lower down, maybe, he might consider himself into same perspective plan of others. Accept to receive help. Admit honestly when emotionally he cannot take it. Another sigh. ❝ I would undoubtedly find something interesting simple to do. ❞
DESPITE NAGITO’S CLAIMS, Makoto gets the immediate sense that there’s definitely a reason— but luckily ( or…unluckily for them, depending on how one might look at it ), Nagito isn’t the ONLY one to have had that exact experience.
“AH, well—” Head tilts slightly to the side, as if embarrassment had kicked in right after he already perked up with the question, a little too late. “I guess I should admit I HAVE done something like that once…it was an accident! I…don’t really know how I managed it, to be honest.” Most of what he remembers is feeling completely and utterly stupid. “I guess we just tend to get ourselves in these kinds of situations a lot, heh.”
Miseries over disasters welcomed his existence at each passing hour: a learned symphony to facing constantly despair … for the sake of hope. Coincidences were strange, tasted differently under his lips into a possible opportunity to be reach out or something extraordinary for once ! Too many strange experiences will be left to count about how many times he avoided death, how many time luckily he remained untouched by external circumstances by his mere presence — however, there was a problem: no bond he will create with someone was guarantee. Eventually their luck will run out meanwhile him will increase: simple math equation. Gaze filled of excitement, regardless of previous innocence into casual sentence, frozen indifferently, cannot helped to be perceived slowly in regards of the other Ultimate Lucky. A compassionate — almost faked, considering sometimes wondering emotions of another party was terribly difficult — smile welcomed embarrassment he received under his features, when genuine wish wanted to reassure him. ❝ Oh really ? ❞ He bounced back amusingly. ❝ Accidents have a love over us ! ❞ Nagito noticed with an inappropriate enthusiasm, bring one of his fingers on his own chin. ❝ Indeed, it’s weird to choke right in a glass of water — like what, even water is deadly — mh, it’s a sign a big luck awaiting us ! It’s always sign of a big hope that will saluted us ! ❞ Short careless grin. ❝ Does that kind of situations happens often ? ❞
He might be a god—-something far above her, and yet, she would argue there was no such thing as a neutral ground. She can appreciate his restraint in not mocking her, and yet she considers his euphemism. ❝ There are shades of the rainbow then. I can appreciate such an outlook, but regardless—if you have an opinion, once you involve yourself—-there is no neutrality. Even making a decision is a decision—an act within itself. Therefore, you are not neutral. ❞ It was circular logic perhaps, even a reach… Or convoluted. But to do nothing is the same as doing something. Perhaps he was so high up that he considered her outlook to mortal even. But Elsa was by no means a mere mortal. ❝ I would say that even now, you are not neutral. After all, you’re, speaking to me. You are in this place. That in itself involves you in my affairs, does it not? How can you observe the tale being told here when you are here right now influencing my decisions and thoughts by us merely having a conversation? Your effect will linger and every action creates ripples that may lead to choices I might not have otherwise considered by merely meeting you. ❞ Some call it the butterfly effect. Tiny differences that lead to different paths and choices. Elsa looks at Hades, the god of the underworld, but she does not look at him in order to curse his name or to place blame. Rather, her eyes are full of curiosity.
❝ I suppose, that alone makes us different. You see thinks in neutrality even when you are inserting yourself into the story. But, you’re not linear by any means. You’re something mortals like me would term incomprehensible. But, I do not see it that way. I think with time, perhaps with repeated interactions, eventually, even someone like me might be able to scratch the surface of your thoughts. Though, the thoughts of something endless like you go far beyond what I might see in my life time. But, that does not mean I cannot try. ❞ Even if they exist on different plains, it was the first time someone like Hades could even match Elsa in thoughts. That was being generous. After all, an engaging conversation such as this, would pass an afternoon for her, but surely it was but a drop in the bucket for her current guest. ❝ Humans dread to go to the underworld because it means a finite ending to our existence. But, there are different cultures, some that do not see death as an end, but as a beginning. Personally, I have never given it thought beyond my own wish for my end. ❞ A sensitive topic she had not discussed with anyone before until now. There was an irony to it, discussing it with the ruler of the underworld. ❝ I see it—-saw it, as a means to end my own suffering. Perhaps, that in itself is what might blind me. As in the end, isn’t death neutral? It takes no sides, and for finite creatures like me, it might truly be the neutrality you speak of. But that is the act of death itself. You are a thinking, feeling being. Would you not say, your thoughts have influenced what you say and do in a particular moment? Or is that something above even a god? ❞ Perhaps he will see the line, the reasoning behind her logic. ❝ My death is neutral, but the act of my choosing it as a means to escape my suffering, isn’t that not neutral? ❞
Unfortunately for rest of humanity and souls he cared, playing an intellectual long-term chessboard with the Emperor of Britannia generated a clinging over offering his perspective. Another long ago forgotten misunderstood left in atmosphere and around decades: wishing to not be remember, as his right to exist, as his right of actions, his neutrality must be justified within arguments. There was no existence on that problem before: argue between a bridge of different point of view, exposing disapproval in front of witches, for so long, he forgotten there was no need for explanations. Disapproving perspective into their conversation reflected a pleasant sentiment. Nevertheless, sadly, his kindness had reached his breaking point with others protegee — having a baby immortal, regardless to be Emperor, trying to explain life to the literal God of the Underground, wasn’t well received despite how many sarcasm he answered back for remain polite. Eventually, he decided to show his personality by slowly destroy his view on Lelouch meanwhile respecting his anchored opinions into that welcomed playground of sharing intellectual — though it didn’t sounded as a conversation most of times, he was refusing to listen, receiving harsh remarks back … when exasperation was replaced by mockery since long.
Oldest coping mechanisms were on verge to breaking down immediately. He loathed that horrible emotion to having to recollect to collective memory who he truly was. He disliked even the notion to even correct them into their misunderstanding. He preferred since a while playing with that. As a disapproving pout appeared slowly into features, ocean eyes recollected he presented himself as a good man associated to a villain consideration for sake of the story — whole complexity of duality. ❝ These shapes of rainbow might not interfering with the others colors, regardless how different they were. Besides, as much I cannot argue involving yourself might generated the influence, it’s depending how large that impact will have — how far this influence will go. ❞ He had so many examples to go, most of them implying Lelouch, however there was a moment of hesitation before bringing them up. ❝ A player can have many roles. A player could still remain an observer if he want. Speaking to me, yes, increased border of your perspective, increased a view you thought you know. I will not argue my presence will have consequences. However, these actions are yours first. ❞ If before no gentleness will be received in return, for be too heavily personal with soul he was used to do that, as much he wanted proving his neutrality, he remained attached to that ground. It wasn’t a case about which one was right or wrong : he didn’t care of souls cannot accepting certain truths, wanted some reassurance into how they perceived something — his presence will recollect it exist. ❝ Shadow of my presence itself moved mountains … in a bad sense. ❞ Realization was … he cannot expressing density of his feelings over that. ❝ Neutrality require to not listening my emotions when I am feeling personally involved with someone, to let them doing their own choice even if I know they are wrong and they will regret it later — when I mustn’t interfere regardless. If I wasn’t neutral as much you believe I’m not, weight of my existence will be further larger upon souls life. I am authorized to bless them indirectly with circumstances. I am authorized to show them a path they can take. However, I am not allowed to change their decisions nor to deny them. I cannot pretend one act been realized didn’t exist. I cannot pretend I wasn’t aware of result of their choice. ❞ Frustration trembled within a condensed tone.
❝ It’s is possible to act as a neutral party meanwhile be a player into a story, trapped endlessly into an observer position. Though, it’s became difficult recently to not adding my feelings on this. Eternal lockdown on emotions are a necessity. ❞ Flattery silence exposed slowly. ❝ You will appreciated the hardship to understood surface of my perspective, discovering a little more of basics. As I appreciated the effort. It’s pleasant to arguing over views. Incomprehensible is quite the term. ❞ Amusement didn’t managed to return as casually as before. Since decades had passed without acting without illusions, no many elements concerning his persona had to be corrected. ❝ Mortals misunderstood the Underground as a whole : since others belief added to the run, it’s often referred to a place of eternal burning and constant suffering for few places in which it’s the case. Some mortals though wrongly it’s a Tartar without end or simply focus on darkness within the realm. Besides, at your surprise, the Underground isn’t truly an ending, it’s a door of another beginning … a bridge between two worlds and something else interesting with souls. ❞ Calmness tone reflected simplest he was speaking on his realm, when voice betrayed a deep affection. ❝ Do not confuse me with Thanatos. How souls deciding to end their existence, into what kind of circumstances it had to happens … isn’t sadly on my powers. I cannot interfered neither on that. Which caused me unpleasant suffering for say the least over someone I really wanted an interference save him — once more, Thanatos will welcome your soul, without consideration of the being, without care about what kind of existence that soul suffered, all he care is fact you’ve welcomed him. You might be surprised Thanatos is less inclined to emotionality as much I am doing constantly. There is no second chance with him, no way to changing back a determinate decision. So, I would prefer you’re not seeing Thanatos as a pleasant example of neutrality — this fellow has passed stage of weariness; also disapproving how compassionate I could still remain over humanity … even towards souls who escaped him fated to another path of a mortal, with others requests about the aftermath. ❞ Warmness features higher slowly with empathy exposing without restraint. ❝ It isn’t something above even a God — it’s main source of influence of one of us : influence with our thoughts. Besides, others circumstances influenced me likewise, as souls choice on their life. Showing mortals emotions created a most understanding link over both perspective — you wouldn’t be able to looking me in the eyes, to feeling comfortable, if you seeing instead a divinity into full presence. Our greatness makes us inaccessible so I adapt to the situation. I’m unconcerned about how Thanatos will take your soul. ❞
Hades was a being of many thoughts, inumerous. Elsa cannot fathom to understand the thoughts within his mind, try as she might. There is simply something about him that leaves him unknowable. However, she has gleamed that he is similar to her in many ways. his final words confirm such a thought within her mind. They are similar in many ways. They hold similar thoughts and mannerisms which leaves the queen thinking, ever analyzing. Though he might be something incomprehensible, it was the pursuit of human knowledge to try and understand that which one does not. Where other mortals might shy away in fear of the unknown, Elsa embraced it. Having lived her life in sheltered arms, hidden from the world, Elsa knows loneliness and suffer. She knows of the love of a family and the feeling of losing it all. Shattered in pieces, a broken reality. She understands the feeling of having nothing, of hitting rock bottom and having to work her way up. The feeling of nothingness, of hopelessness, having her back against the wall. She understands that people have misunderstood the god of the underworld. Much the same as people misunderstood her. What happened on her coronation had been the result of an accident, tragic and nothing more.
❝ Personal reasons? I know of those all too well. ❞ She allows winter hues to close, head hung low as she avoided Hades’ gaze for a single moment. ❝ But you long for mortals to understand you and to be understood—–I do too. ❞ Her eyes reopen to gaze into Hades’ own. ❝ Even we mortals misunderstand intentions often, don’t you think? Because we often get caught up in a single angle, that we cannot seem to actually understand what is going on. We ignore what goes on around us. We’re often single minded to the exclusion of all else. ❞ She thinks of the people who sought to execute her, and yet, her own single mindedness comes to mind. How she ran away from her problems and turned a blind eye to all that was wrong. She’d thought if running away would solve everything, then she’d avoid her past failures and mistakes. How naive and wrong that had been. But, there was a reason Hades had come to her, picked her story out from among the many ‘chessboards’ that he had come to cross paths with. Elsa, would not disappoint him by throwing out trivial thoughts and boring knowledge.
❝ Boredom… I cannot imagine living so long that boredom would become an issue. But, that is a folly of the human condition. We’re limited in our thoughts because our lives are linear. ❞ She holds up a hand, a silent gesture that tea may be brought for the both of them. ❝ Do you have a preference for what tea you would like? Or perhaps, tea is a trivial thing and this conversation si more than enough? I dare not presume to know your thoughts. I merely offer a refreshment. I…do not know what gods enjoy beyond watching the stories of mortals. ❞ A servant stands by her side, waiting silently. No doubt the palace staff have grown used to the supernatural atmosphere they work in. ❝ Where there are generous spectators, there is no doubt, less welcoming ones. Perhaps you will be so kind as to confirm my thoughts? Should I be wary of any more presences? ❞
Likewise, when he presented himself in front of the Emperor of Britannia, note within purple eyes echoed palpable to touching an incomprehensible infinite : Lelouch disliked this immeasurable distance between them, into a time when his heart suffered silently, when his mind aspired to a happiness who escaped from his hands, when his consciousness recollected he still have to pay in exchange for his crimes. How many days, how many struggles he suffered since this moment never disturb exact remembrance of this instant, when insignificant details upon a mortality perspective into future immortals were perceived at this presence. Still, there was a largest difference of consideration into similar first introductions — the Emperor of Britannia had feel threatened by presented metaphoric shadow who protected density of dead, loathed to have another enemy playing games into biggest schemes … and refused, regardless various elements indicated it, to facing right a mirrored shape of his personality, an pleasant and twisting higher spheres of his future. It remained a horrible recollection. Discrete softness embraced his lips within lighter amusement. He supposed by confessing himself to one of his protegee, to opening the box to a third party knowing at least one players, his heart would have to recover slowly.
Usually, no particular desire to exposing frontally his divine nature, in front of another soul was carried away — fearing this impressive posture might remembered too badly they weren’t into same perspective, nothing could match his experience, that youngest features hidden something higher. Elsa wasn’t the type to seeing a challenge of pride or power however he did losing ability to blindness over humanity view: he appreciated her attraction to the unknown he was, he esteemed she accepted their mutual hopelessness and nothingness emotions … though confessions only begun. No caring was taken over timidly and social difficulties to watching over him. It changed him of determinate hatred purple eyes not wanting to kneel. It changed him of similar gaze from ocean gaze who watched an opportunity within divine shape, craving constantly for his attention. Playing within misunderstanding of the other party been an automatism, removing that element out of his behavior will stayed difficult — he learned with Lelouch he cannot expressed emotionally his mind … as the kid learned him in contradiction to not lie.
❝ I have confidence that you will be able to listen to my words. Surely these confessions in relation to another guardian who protects you, by revealing all these other facets, can also help you. ❞ Moment Lelouch’s name have been referred, speaking to, various emotions between tiredness and sadness associated to sternest and brutality will echoed within each sentence. It was welcomed none of them were interested to adding an unnecessary comedy between each other. Gentle smile congratulated her remark. ❝ Rare are mortals able to understand my view. Signals always get lost into confusion they created themselves, deaf to message within it. ❞ Half-mocking smile reflected kindness over what he truly thought of … humans. ❝ I wish it since decades. To be understood and them understood me. A wish still not yet realized. ❞ He noted with a smaller sigh before bouncing back, amusingly, towards next sentence. ❝ Mortals be trapped into single view is sadly one part of their problems. Duality is another, catch up complexity too. Surely, a mortal will see things from a subjective point of view before see useful of objective one ! However, their inability to learning is also tiring to have same message repeated over and over — ❞ There was an automatism mockery smile. ❝ — even twist how that message is send destabilizes them. ❞ He wasn’t one offering candle of compliment over humanity. He restrained most of remarks for not sounding terribly rude and insulting over them, however, a certain lack of faith reflected within features. Smile who slowly calmed down, returning into warmness. ❝ Couple of immortals, shining with their mind, remained kids discovering sphere they living within … if they’re inclined to listen. Decades are behind me, when what could be surprising for a beginner is a similar interpretation. ❞ Amusement increased into lips. ❝ That sense of linearity is pretty funny : a simple gear that can easily move. ❞ It was left to interpretation, noticing on a corner of his attention presence of servants into the room. Uncaringness of mortals generated that complete indifference over them. ❝ Without wanting to offend you, mortals will not be able to satisfy the tastes of the Gods in their own leisure. Without offense also, you wouldn’t be able to satisfy my desires even if I wished so wholeheartedly. Thus, too receive a tea is enough: you have the choice to give me what you consider the best. Politeness must be respected in your principles, it is always pleasant, it adds a little more to the conversation. It awakens good old memories of a certain place that I enjoy going from time to time. ❞ Managed to offering small talk appeased equally his mood — less welcomed to turn depressive to recollections of his arrival. Increased features with gleaming ocean eyes confirmed, by the gaze, her question. ❝ You’ve discovered Lelouch in your hands. Considering what happened before, you might receive eventually his accomplices. Both of them will found an excuse outside that Emperor for being here, though, within their difference, you might fall another interesting door into your home. Themselves will introduce as close to that boy. ❞ Short instant of silence as suspense breathed. ❝ There is someone from another universe, that who will recognized immediately as an immortal, who will add his stone quietly within complete understanding and empathy. He’s been watching for a while, for having also interfered in one of the places that Lelouch and I had in common, and he will not be able to claim a policy of no interference for your sake. See it as an additional perspective to mine, although he is young, it’s one of most realistic. Also since he doesn’t travel alone, you will have one of his partners, who is at the border of worlds and who will want to be useful without imposing his pain on yours. Eventually you might even meet directly that kid we have speaking so much. I greatly appreciate their care to be discreet, thinking that I don’t notice them, nor that I suspect that they will be tempted to show themselves when I show an obvious sign that their presence is possible. ❞
“I, well yes i’ve always treated people as my pawns. Moving them into the positions I wanted and watching the roles they played. I always wanted or rather had things go my way and let no one stand in my path. But that was before all this happened.” It’s why Astre had everything in his control and why he was so good at manipulating and keeping his pawns in check. Everything had happened so suddenly that the former earl didn’t even get a chance to react with anger or lash out at the form of his twin brother.
No he was too focused on being in shock. His twin was supposed to be dead, the manor was his and things…….things were just supposed to carry on as they should. Arms went to fold over his chest as a light scoff escaped him. “No. It was because I was not fit to be the heir. Ciel was the stronger one and me I was often confined to my bed or had to watch him and the rest of my family from the bedroom window playing outside.” Even when it came to trips he couldn’t leave the manor with fear of him becoming ill.
Astre listened as Alois continued to talk waiting until the last word was spoken. “Proud and attached to my strength yeah. But you never saw me at my weakest point Alois. I can’t be out in the rain, if I become upset really emotionally upset i’ll get ill. That’s why I always put on a strong performance when Lizzy or her family was around.” He let his eyes lock with the blonde’s before leaning back.
“Ciel probably wasted no time in closing down my company. He has already turned everyone against me as I said. I mean yes I would be interested in playing on his weakness but he always has the Undertaker by his side so good luck getting rid of him. But truly my twins weakness was me, it was always me. When we were kidnapped he was the strong one and kept me protected. So how would you play around with that?”
Astre wanted to take back everything that suddenly got stolen from him. So badly. But he also knew it wasn’t going to be easy either.
Once upon a time, back when nothing changed dramatically into his life, back when he thought he was the only one associated to his name, not fulfill absence of a ghost — he would have taken pleasure to seeing an honest and most fragile personality part of Astre. Happier he wasn’t only made on indifference, coldness, disinterest, gloom, hatred and revenge — though less unable than today to answering to this correctly, to be respectful towards such aspects of himself he repressed. However, into their current circumstances, constant reminder to be an imposter himself was projected back right away into his face: first confessions he received was a recollection of what he suffered before. Once too, as a self-proclaimed king who wanted gaining properly this title, people were interesting into their pawn perspective: easily to be moved on, surely will give them whatever he desired, supposedly mentally ready to doing anything for have what he wanted — until realizing he had no game master abilities ; others always gained something out of him. He wasn’t someone able to expressing a powerful position, when facing the role, he lost his entire means ; when facing an opportunity he can’t stayed with a standing head in front of the problem —with fact following down to have been used as a pawn. Name he taken responsibility of justice suffered lowered treatment meanwhile managing to pretend acting as assigned role of someone disposable for better manipulate concerned who manipulated him. Compared to the original, simplest reality to be disposable generated a dense trauma he still wasn’t out — terrified to seeing this scene happening again, sick to permanent pain laying into his chest into the reminder. Perhaps regardless their discussion, he still could enjoying pleasant comedy he was offered: trying to holding on over a lie … A decomposed discomfort pout destroyed first his expression then into a somber thoughtful one. Glad to have switched way over situation … when it became personal confessions. Could he still imagining Astre remained trapped in bed all day ? Could he still imagining Astre seeing the outside world by a skylight ? No — however he empathizing over feelings he might have feel : being insufficient, jealousy, frustration.
❝ All this time, you’ve have been compensate your role by power then ? Be in control for reassure yourself you’ll always in control too ? ❞ Tone changed, when implicit aggressively pictured despite best intentions. There was no ambition to referring his perspective for the moment about him. If once, he would take first occasion to pulling a nightmare on Astre’s life, they were others names trapped into a long-term grudge, who reflected, without even need to act, also original desires. ❝ It must have been quite a downfall for your pedestal be destroyed ! ❞ He mused mockingly, having removed enthusiasm, when anger rest laying into ocean eyes showed he wasn’t even played anymore his name. It remained this funny irony when a boy who seek perfection into imposture for feeling his role on the chessboard was emotionally tormented within it … when removed of this lie, some character traits were more obvious, some truths were more cruel, that gave him the perfection that he wanted so much — nevertheless unable to contain his emotions. ❝ Cruelty apart — I cannot imagine how envious you must be of your brother. ❞ Compassionate sentence resonated within a little laugh, when despite his words, his expression showed he knew. ❝ Must be horrible for you to seeing gaining anything you could hope for, when you’re the one struggled, pushed behind and feeling incompetent into your own ground. ❞ He had same problem with the underground : too much bored at the minute, having difficulties to caring in long-term, unable to doing right actions he should be … besides the underground weren’t known for be kind. So he pretended the best he could, playing with immensity of illusions for hopefully not be perceived by these mans … tragically, if he wanted the Underground paying attention to him, receiving favor treatment of a Underground with a big u letter, he must in exchange taking care of little one. ❝ I didn’t know you have such thing in you until you came here. Quite a hard life you have ! ❞
Playfulness was left with reassurance, no wanted to dwelling too much over interesting details. Cannot helped to sending flattery over this wonderful performance in front of an illusionist. Then, reminder of circumstances was another recollection somehow past repeated itself differently. ❝ Undertaker ? ❞ Confusion over the name appeared a little, recollecting into his memories. ❝ Ah … well … I don’t usually seeing deaths that I’m causing so mh … ❞ He dismissed that with a gesture of his hands, preferring not speaking about that at all. ❝ Though I’m somewhere death guardian — ❞ Wish the God of the Underground pay attention to him escaped his lips, without equaling original on that part, when shorter sadness pictured back, still in conflict about … everything around that. ❝ Ah. If it’s you, it’s sure we need another strategy. I might punching your brother in the face if I see him if he did close your company — I always loved checked around your new things … And with everyone against you … guess just speaking to them won’t be enough. Maybe best plan is to attack him directly although without it going back to me … although I suspect that he will suspect me … which will be not good since I am protecting you. ❞ He rambled with embarrassment. What would do real Alois Trancy ? Barely using the underground as a mean ? Bet something ? Doing an alliance ? It was his next words who changed another time completely his expression. He stared blankly at him, blinking, realizing he didn’t poorly listened what he thought he heard back then. ❝ Kidnapped ?! ❞ Swallowing, he allowed one confession, aware truth of the chessboard had to remain … locked. ❝ He did the right thing for you … he wanted you be happy and him suffering all the consequences … it’s why he protected you I guess. It’s why I can imagine he wanted so much his brother to feeling safe. I’ve been kidnapped too, you know. And no one came to save me. ❞ He cannot talk about fact becoming the Earl Trancy was finality of that ‘kidnapping’ afterwards a hell he will not speaking about. He cannot neither talk about his little brother when as a big brother, he wanted take all pain for them both if at least a smile will always remain on Luka’s face. Sudden silent tears exploded. Forcing his entire being to swallowing back a dormant hatred however recollection of blood, remembrances of everything he sacrificed for the result, memories of pain shattered him apart. He passed his sleeve over his face, taking deep breaths. ❝ I can imagine same thing happened to you … give up this light of hope to have the black hole of darkness … wanting to be desired by darkness … so much these assholes deserve to die ! Am I wrong ? ❞
🌸 . @lightcreators | jim macken sc . 🌸
❝ Brotheer, I got some money for us ! ❞ quick steps towards his brother as there’s some coins in little hands of his. He has been selling his flowers for an entire day, and apparently was worth it ! It was not a very fast method but still, this is something.
Heavier tiredness overwhelmed entirely lonely features — he loathed to stayed away of his brother, opening his eyes the morning and seeing him gone, trying to make their situation better … when he was seeking to doing exact same things … minus a consideration for all these adults who disapproved their existence, who always pushed them behind, who offer them further darkness … Compared to his brother, if he managed to survive until he came back, if he managed to steal something — a smaller happiness moment filled his heart. Soon replaced by his unconditional hunger, cold sensations on his body, lack of sleep towards worries about next day. Will this even end one day ? Did the outside world disliked them that much to remain cruel to them every day ? In front of his brother, reassurance and joyful expression were always addressed : his brother was his little sun, the one who reminded him there was hope somewhere, the one who allowed to holding on … when he was away, sadness taken over. Crying silently during hours. Attacking that outside world with violence, punching, wanting so badly to destroy everything. Half-listening, half-believing shorter conversations he heard with people. Adults cannot be trusted, all they were doing was to betray. Pale hands, half-trembling during hardness of current days, watched these little coins: at least, he wouldn’t have to steal for a couple of hours … or even less. Sometimes he was seeking to travel outside the village, however an overwhelming fear repressed to going too. ❝ It’s magnificent ! They always shining so much — but yet still so few … ❞ He commented slowly. Aware about it’s was rare when they had so many money in first place. ❝ Are you alright ? No one bothered you ? No adult try to doing something bad to you ? ❞
Gilbert had just finished putting the groceries away, his back facing Oz as he folded the paper bags for future use. Raven grunts in response to his name being called, turning his head to find Oz looking particularly amused … too amused. The tone he used only further convinced Gil that Oz was certainly up to no good.
“ What is it, Oz? ” He’d already been hounded by Alice a little earlier for dinner — practically as soon as he stepped through the front door. “ I haven’t started dinner yet if that’s what you’re going to ask. ” he says as he’s already rolling up his sleeves to wash his hands.
Adult’s world always have been discovered though observations outside peephole of a door: a fragmented reflection of responsibilities they constantly lived ; a shattered perspective of density of things he wasn’t aware about meanwhile empathize within results into their features. A little voice giving remembrance he should have been treated as one some time ago, minus ten years of shift. Meanwhile, somewhere, his heart was somehow happy … to have remained into youth — losing everything he knew before, losing entirely of his landmarks without possibility to gain them back … but spared of agony he could perceived into people around him. He was nothing of a hero ; nothing of someone able to do a difference so far : his existence was what it’s is, into present time, to make closest friends happy, to eventually lowered down fiercely their hidden sadness. Curiosity always generated that instinct of discovery, even into a place he often go as Gil’s apartment : too respectful for truthfully meddling but seeking entertainment into a book, a recollection of noblesse somewhere, something awakening remembrances of the manor … rediscovering always same place as an eternal game. Unless Alice was too focused to bring his being into intense conversations, to turn embarrassment obvious into his features …
His mind matured despite how permanently innocent he wanted to be seen. As understanding about how delicate one existence can be, considering how lucky he was to not to have to complain about tragedies that could resonated if it’s disappeared, such perspective wanted to be stayed untouched. Still pretending innocence will never be altered regardless circumstances; giving insouciance illusions — while enjoying every little opportunity to exposing his blindness had been slowly destroyed. Noblesse status wasn’t something he wanted to bring on with Gil : even if he didn’t cared about social consequences to fight over equal treatment ; he preferred adapting towards a removal of past luxury he known before. Even if he missed that life. ❝ Happy to see you ! ❞ He admitted gently with reassurance, when green gaze indicated he still wanted to annoy him but ignored the way. ❝ I was wondering what kind of books you should recommended me — although it’s smaller than the library of my memory, you must know better than me which books to choose. I like to visit your apartment, I always discover things ~ ✩ ! ❞
Shoulders squared as his whole body suddenly freezes as Oz pounces on him followed by a yelp in surprise. His guard immediately subsides the moment he hears Oz’s laughter booming into his right ear. “Oz—!! Wh—what are you doing?!” His cheeks have taken a light shade of pink while sighing and muttering under his breath something about how he could’ve dropped the coffee grinder if it weren’t for him. Thankfully it was only the grinder in his hands and not another, possibly more hazardous type of kitchen utensil.
“You need to be more careful. … And that wasn’t funny.”
No enough words into his language will be accurate for expressing affectionate sentiment — exposing gratefulness of someone presence … was something he noticed to be horribly complicated. He didn’t wanted something else in return. He didn’t wanted becoming the attention. He didn’t wanted that gesture be linked to anything else going on into circumstances or about a possible unknown future when it was about goodbyes or unexpected tragedies. Oz desires just to be an instant: eternal and important, imposing and comforting, warm and understanding. Once, he believed self-sacrifice was an expressive means: taking everything on his shoulders, searching darkest sadness doors, pushing behind value of his own life … faithful no consequences will appear. Perhaps perception of his existence remained a light shiny speck of dust among many, slight movements generated by his actions or how he pictured himself into big schemes did generated aftereffects: he thought he could protected others by staying into castle of his own self … without daring to look on empathizing sentiment of how these concerned people will react on it. He generated constant worries without mean to — however, there was no desire to cry, no desire to still confessing everything he should have reacted on. Someday his lips will found right words for a view who changed. Still, meanwhile, he could sharing a loving sentiment — without limitations, without sentiment of insufficiency.
Thought, resulted reaction wasn’t what he expected. No something he will dwell on. Completely proud to have surprised Gil — it became difficult to find nice ideas to bully him with — laughter increased over his pink cheeks into strange face he was making, rubbing against his back. ❝ Me ? Nothing strange ~ You have a warm back ! ❞ Apparently, none of the words will came out. No even an ‘ giving you affection ! ’ ; not a note about how he missed such thing. Considering he was horrible at taken his moments, he forgotten altogether current place Gil was, with coffee cup, when intrigued cup get an idea — otherwise a message to be passed, he could meddle a little as always, right ? ❝ Ooooh. I have been terrifying you with a hug ! It’s too gentle for you ? ❞ He provoked, uncaring about if starting point of the gesture within underline will be understood, with mischief, enjoying his height for take the grinder into his hands, changing position by go somewhere else. No caring about how he might like, he watched inside . ❝ That’s a lot ! ❞
Thoughtfully features were, usually, hidden. Nothing about deepest thoughts, consciousness about various emotional turmoil others lived … wanted to be seen … wanted to be acknowledged. Disliking in the same way to remaining that quiet observer on people side, to embracing them within light on their existence — before eventually going out of reach, before he was unable to catch them … Density of past traumas barely desired to receiving adequate treatment : what use to screaming about absence of a father loathed him when even his noblesse status was a travesty, sometimes feeling as an good-looking appearance and center point of a play he didn’t know the content ? What use to recollect what he would have desired for the future, when another concept, delicate and cruel as time, removed all possibilities he could have created, having to create that path himself ? What use to confessing uncomfortable about a metaphoric position, by moments, he seemed to touch, when sometimes there was internal indications he somewhere knew where lay his crime ? Speaking over his feelings, especially in front of people he cared the most, will remained constantly the most complicated task : if he dared confessing some of his emotions, himself will not allowed density of his thoughts to be exposed, to ironically sounding experienced meanwhile having to learn everything he didn’t know of the outside world … as if the white rabbit dreaded what he was going to see if he arrived on time ; watching the clock move in unexpected directions ; knowing full well he couldn’t afford to be late or want to hide in a hole in front of the truth.
Gil, obviously, will not have been fooled by gaze’s look. Gratefully, enthusiastic hands touched the hat with pleasure, as it was a gift — returning into a spontaneous half-faked mischief when illusion to be his master could awakening once more … likewise as they were kids … likewise when he was the noble and the servant without consideration of social class … before he turned to be the adult. Watching somewhere a clock as similar gesture sounded mostly ironic as time passed, he answered playfully, with a tone betraying a mixture of seriousness and childishness. ❝ — a chocolate cake ! ❞ When it concerned meals, honestly he had still so many to discover he didn’t knew. When it concerned sweets, depending of moods, he could pick up what he had to rediscover. ❝ Please ! ❞ Sadly, pretending to acting as ‘ master ’ will remain an complicated task, whirl with the hat. ❝ It will be a good opportunity seeing what biggest world propose ! I have little opportunities … ❞ There was no particular desire to bouncing back on why : barely his existence have been peaceful from now. Besides, when he could even pretend to be in society ; less naive to darkness hidden around that realm.
❤ + lightcreators :) | positivity meme from ages ago i’m too lazy to dig up
I absolutely love Roxane and we’ve been friends from blog to blog. Roxane is absolutely the most loving, patient, and enthusiastic roleplayer I’ve met upon tumblr. We first met when I was REALLY into umineko and we’ve been friends since that day. Roxane has been there for me every step of the way and the replies she always gives me are AMAZING. I don’t know how she can consistently write such novellas but I wish I could do that! Her creative energy and her willingness to listen to ANY PLOT is amazing. She’s just such an easy going go with the flow rper and I feel that that’s a special and rare breed among the rpc. people are so hung up on plotting and what not that people forget that rp is for fun and roxane is just really easy to plot with, to pose ideas to and her enthusiasm for every plot is so refreshing and her messages never fail to make me smile. just how excited she is to reply and receive replies makes me so happy. I absolutely love and cherish her as a partner and each of her muses are well developed past canon and I enjoy seeing her on the dash and each of her replies. I in turn enjoy reading and replying to her because of how in depth we go!
honestly, roxane comes recommended from me with love. She’s amazing. Please follow @lightcreators
“I wish my family could’ve been that way. Constantly enthusiastic. Sadly all I have ever received is quite the opposite.” The Tarygerean family was notorious for either their mad man ways, or the fire they command from their dragons. The fall of her family would forever haunt her. Even as she stood the last now from the rest. The remaining true dragon and hopefully—one day heir to the throne that she knew was her true birthright. Still these little moments, where she was not hindered by politics, or by any outside force–were truly nice. To sit and talk with someone like Frodo who seemed so curious to her. She wasn’t quite sure exactly what he was to be called but all the same, she was quite curious. She mused herself briefly to think what her dragons may make of him. A morsel smaller than the rest. A quick gulp perhaps. But that was too morbid for her to even speak.
“Hope is indeed a very fragile thing Mr. Baggins. I must admit—that is one thing we can both agree on. For all the times, all the places—I’ve been freeing others, I knew that if I failed not to—to liberate them from their chains, what hope I had instilled would surely shatter into a thousand pieces. Like a fallen piece of a beautiful dinner plate.” Though it had been some time since she had seen such beautiful things. Things that she was too young to truly remember but memories from Jorah helped to paint a picture in her head of what those times were truly like. How she longed for a different reality. A world that did not have to be so dark and terrible. “Being an idealist isn’t too terrible. To be optimistic not a sin, but I can understand where it has its faults. If one believes that nothing bad can happen to them–then when it happens, one could easily be taken off-guard. One could easily be driven to darkness the moment anything upsets their path. It is good to know and to see–where one’s true priorities lay.”
There was an uncontrollable blink, realizing too late he shouldn’t have used that word. Processing to notion of answer he had been receiving, forced repressing was imposed to his mind: how indelicate to thought a permission to referencing generally this topic will be emotionally well accepted, when a reference mostly to his uncle was welcomed into that term of ‘family’ … Maybe should he expressing elements about a found one, instead, though none of them were related to his universe, though joyful will not be an accurate description and none of them were his species ? He disliked to even bring that subject on. However, could he pretending now, even for his own reassurance, even for pretend sometimes to forget that truth ?
❝ — uh … my uncle made me discover immensity of the world with stories … ❞ Hesitation following down his voice, turning merely into a whisper, internally regretting to have even have to developing such recollections about childhood. It was no use to even searching into remembrances a fragment of his parents, of his education — he didn’t remember. It will be so unwelcomed to suddenly have a panic attack for simplest reason he recollected once he have been living with his parents, once he had parents — forced to dealing with this terrible void. ❝ I’m afraid I don’t have any memories about … beginning of my childhood … ❞ Tone loathed to not going straight away to the point, to admit fact about his life, but it was possibly that one subject when better he take longest roads. Biting his lips with strength, confession was exposed. ❝ I lost my parents … and sadly all memories were burned. ” Clement metaphor to having bitterness and powerless smell of fire replacing anything else. ❝ An accidental witness of tragedy … ❞
One of a few : how many tragedies he survived between timelines was also a unkind reminder. Though, sometimes he hoped be able to pretend to act like a witch remaining indifferent and managing to not showing emotions, their difference of that topic recollected he will always be sadly the most emotional one. The flied led to the conversation, on same path, will turn delicate. ❝ Expectations forced on titles, especially when power is involved, created lot of damages. I’m sorry for your family, though. It’s not really a pleasant environment to growing within. ❞ Curiosity was tamed. As naturally empathic, he might feeling too much personally concerned with circumstances about her education and her family: reputation of her name guessed already a kind of idea … still … appeasing such wounds weren’t simple. His shouldered healing abilities were limited to understanding he might evolve into someone perspective. Besides, attachment was another sensitive factor. Apparently, he wasn’t emotionally ready to notion of her next words. Did he hear correctly some slavery factor ? ❝ Did people in power taken all rights on the weak ? It seems … hope is lacking around various countries for little you told … easily breakable and must be further protected from destruction ? ❞ Mostly rhetoric questions : he understood more or less subtexts ; swallowing back displeasure. Especially not something that could be solved within a good plan. Mostly an overall problem filled with war, death and plotting, for the sake of power, who made people tear each other apart. How to bounce back nicely … ❝ Power brings out the deepest darkness in beings. It’s a source that always asks for more — no matter how many disasters it generates on the way. It’s a source of continual lust that seeks to be stolen by others. As soon as it’s a question of suppressing one’s will on something. I dare not imagine how your consciousness must be consumed by your experience. ❞ Subtly, he turned innocent view into a hidden leader perspective, a past experienced of power he loathed it. Regardless if it’s a weapon. Regardless if it’s a title. Regardless if it’s was even a note on his behavior. ❝ Find a adequate balance depending circumstances we in — I do agree that believing remain untouched will bring surprises to concerned facing troubles. Mh, darkness is everywhere, most brave path is to avoid succumb to temptation of offer bring by this force. Seeing priorities allow to place yourself into right place without demanding too much. ❞
All Jon had ever come to know was the absence of such therapeutic means. He endured ugly names, ugly looks, and even uglier thoughts about himself over the years. He had made some peace with the idea that he would never amount to much. All because of his parentage. All because of his father, Eddard Stark. The ugliness would never truly relent. Yet he called upon another’s words that he should wear his bastard title like a shield. So that none could truly hurt him. Since he had joined the Night’s watch, Jon had liked to believe that it strengthened him to believe as such. That his training and command there had begun to allow him to let go of the pain that had troubled him most of his life.
“I have been afraid of many things in my life I’m afraid. Not even just the paths ahead but my present as well. The things I’ve seen—-I imagine even some one like you would not want to see.” The blue eyes of a White Walker for instance, staring you down with coldness that sent even the bravest of men running away with their tail between their legs. That is if it let them get that far. “Purest insane madness sounds like you could belong to the dragon family.” He jests yet all the same he does feel for him. Jon had always had a huge heart and it perhaps prevailed because of younger siblings. Those that looked to him to help raise and play with them growing up. “Pain though. It is a huge part of living isn’t it? Pain either makes or break a person doesn’t it? There is no real way of knowing what could come around the corner next.”
Consciousness to speaking to a soldier, without be dwelled on, wasn’t forgotten. Some recurrent details like these, appearing too often for be merely accidental, preferred not be mentioned. Often, recollections about how his best friend was included into a constant war ( regardless of disregarding human treatment ) were pushed behind — part of his memory wanted to forget he turned his best friend to becoming a specific terror following some hitch into simplest desire to find him again ; than himself turned his allies into weapons in which he was one of them … when eventually he increased resources of his fellowship for change pre-established story. How overwhelmed by darkness that place was, neither an intention of allusion was decided. Regrettably, internally fighting against blackness temptation tolerance lowered down — recognizing process on villains — Though confessions were openly expressed about delicate status on his mental health, compassionate gaze understanding layers of suffering hiding within other man. Expression didn’t move to revelation back he watched some none wanted to see. On this, there was two options: it concerned humanity ability to be at their worst and better he didn’t know; it concerned something else possibly not pleasant but at least it will be another reminder of horrible presence. Betrayal of his emotions born from empathizing. He cleaned his throat, returning into indelicate position to have to weight his words.
❝ That kind of feeling is … shared. ❞ Since this timeline, fear have been predominant emotion. Fear about previous timelines trapped into his head, inviting to a existence of a uncontrollable loop when memories could be triggering by specific instants, bring many questions about how many life he might have lived without remember it or how uncertain future timelines will be. Fear about the logic error created by Featherine, needy condition for existence of his best friend, meanwhile an awareness his selfishness will put in suspension an universe. Fear about his soldier mission concerning the Ring, not wanting to let a chance to get consumed by such power and wanted to twisting a little the tale for using darkness against darkness ; meanwhile having to create perfected distortions with innocent moves towards others players, foreshadowed, since he will be a distance for not repeating the past. Fear about uncertain factor who destroyed his happiness in one go the past timeline, an uncontrollable Time War, in which he refusing his universe turn victim. ❝ Be a survivor left undetectable marks. ❞ He commented, when drop of his tone indicated he didn’t wanted to live it another time as chessboards were cruel.
Regardless embracement, there was a self-mocking laugh to himself about strange … compliment. ❝ Somehow ironic when I’m acquainted with a man igniting with fire … ❞ Remembrance of his danger was also a reminder about how Anakin was so complicated about emotional balance. Main concerned who also, for perceived a negative feeling into his soul, was feeling smaller. Expressing emotional detachment for a good reason, he noted seriously. ❝ It’s traumas aftereffect. In consequence, I use awareness to don’t impact others. Most of time, I prefer forget … that detail. ❞ Another prolonged silence born. ❝ For be reducing, pain either make a hero or a villain — depending how their tolerance goes with it. It doesn’t change personal tolerance. It might be part of living … it’s not supposed to be continually present … although some lives are like cages where one desperately searches for the key. ❞
Merry: Frodo acts smart but in actuality he’s just a weirdo who won’t admit that his uncle disappeared mysteriously
Frodo: my uncle didn’t disappear mysteriously.
Merry: he did so!!
Frodo: no he didn’t.
Boromir: I’m sorry, I’m confused. I did not think there was any mystery about Bilbo’s whereabouts? We all saw him a week ago? In Rivendell?
Merry: well, yes, we all know where he is now, but for seventeen years before that his whereabouts were mysterious
Boromir: ah, I see
Frodo: no they weren’t. I knew where he was.
Merry: don’t try and pretend you knew where Bilbo was that entire time. I know for a fact you didn’t.
Frodo: alright, then, so I didn’t know where he was geographically but I knew where he was philosophically and isn’t that the important thing? :)
Merry: …..WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
Frodo: means what it means
Merry: It doesn’t mean anything! How can that be the important thing if it doesn’t mean anything!
Gandalf: no no Frodo is quite right, I often find myself knowing where I am philosophically but not geographically and it is the most important thing
Merry: but what does it even mean?
Frodo: where are we right now?
Sam, looking around himself: right here Mr Frodo!
Frodo: there. philosophically.
Merry: that’s just not knowing where you are
Gandalf: no it isn’t
Frodo: do you never know where you are, philosophically?
Merry: I always know where I am geographically!
Gandalf: well that just goes to show that you haven’t been to a lot of places
Merry: no it doesn’t-
Merry: alright. let’s say I believe you. Where did you think Bilbo was, philosophically?
Frodo: around :)
Frodo: was I wrong? :)
Merry: ……..I’m going to scream.
Everyone walked with regrets didn’t they? As Eleven heard him say those last words he only wished he could bare some of that weight for him. He only wished as his last life did, to bare the weight of whatever troubles he endured. To help him carry the impossible life it seemed such a young man lived. During his last life he remembered the vast journey’s and experience’s that Luke had taken him on and he—himself had spoken of. That the universe out there had not been entirely kind to him. He had to face his father—Anakin, being a monster, and attempting to save the man behind that mask. He had to face being the last of a seemingly dying breed and saving those who still had hope. In his opinion, Luke deserved so much more than he was given. But perhaps it was not his call to make, even as a celestial—his powers were not that of Gods, even if his people seemed to act as such at times. Gods over time, Gods over the choices that others might make or not make.
“You are not made out of stone, I do not imagine every weight you bare to be possible to behold onto you. Goodness, every time I speak to you–I wonder how well you’ve become at hiding that impossibility of it all young man.” And to that, is why Eleven still bore that fatherly love for the skywalker family. He did not wish to see him faltered and torn down by things that were either out of his control—or too impossible for even himself to attempt to solve. Even as a time lord he himself made tough choices and endured things that he dare not speak of. Things that haunted even his immortal mind even all sitting next to the loss of his people. The people that were taken from his grasp as he stood by unable to truly help. “Compromise you say? That sounds like an awful way to experience the world. To constantly adjust your own feelings around what surrounds you huh? Sounds simply exhausting.”
“You believe these things to be true then? That your possibilities are limited. That no matter what you attempt to endure—or change, that you will simply not know happiness? Happiness is not fleeting, young man. It is a part of—well, every day life. A vital emotion.” He is passionate now as he speaks, his palms resting on the hips of his trouser pants. Determination reflects in dark brown hues, strands of bangs caressing across his forehead while he spoke. “You humans—all of you. Attempt to simply endure and endure and endure. Well I can see why you are so exhausted. Because you aren’t allowed a moment’s breath? Or perhaps you do not believe yourself so deserving.” He sighs. “No matter what out come you may face, not everything is set in stone. At least no tin my experience. If there is something you do not—like, you cannot endure—it is not a fault or a disgrace to say so. To hold a metaphorical cussing against the world and declare you will hold your ground.”
Rarely exposure of profound torments were confessed — not into this current timeline at least. The man he have been before, the boy knowing there will be a understanding complicity from his father mutually conscious about their tricking play ( which generating reality into a normal parental dynamic … even though he already knew details Anakin wasn’t aware of ) and their role as Game Master, has been allowed to expand his feeling anytime he wanted : there was a shoulder awaiting for him, there will nothing compromising their happiness in between … and he thought, still embraced wit illusions, it will impact no one. That kind of lifestyle turned comforting to have comfort of people around him. He never bother to ask Han Solo about his opinion: it was certain his best friend regretted his past mentality, when he was a witch but still human. Something he wasn’t at all anymore. Anything from a human view disappearing completely on his being. His consciousness wasn’t mean to remain locked into a limited view, to pretend he will impact nothing — and realizing that in middle of a terrible adventure hadn’t be the best. He might not speaking directly about Alice however he might bring some references to that chessboard — without confess everything he see and hear about humanity doom cruelty, without expressing amount of trauma still clear about that dark side of witches side he preferred never knowing in the first place. Swallowing a big time, some time was left to reconsider circumstances. Every time his heart dared to be seen a little into the inside, every knowledge who have to leave was consciously exposed: precise drip to avoid prolonged burn. Sadly, he saw effects on truths on Frodo as counterarguments to doing same thing again: even if both shared similar torment, both wished silently found peace, his influence had generated reactions.
❝ Unfortunately, my weight is real and increase into different ways or get recollected otherwise. ❞ There was an emotional detachment concerning his own pain, since it had been hundreds of years by know he was lowered down this by not paying attention ; by not remember it. More than one time, mental tiredness aching his soul to possibility his father might never embracing who he had been, might never recognized him or his sister, never be able to accept all previous responsibilities … or even considering cruelty of his timeline he might losing him again forever into another way, when constant death as a piece into chessboards doesn’t helped to be encouraged. Every time, he had to shut down his inner child in need of his father to bring emotionality. Even if he wanted reacted emotionally as he feel inside, he wasn’t allowed to — it would only be a barrier. ❝ Maybe impossibility do a have a liking on me, Doctor. Also avoid collateral damages: clench my teeth in silence and not to let anything show, not to crumble despite everything that could happen to me. ❞ His fault had come to … not doing that … when for once into his entire lifestyle he didn’t managed to get neutral ; he didn’t managed to stop himself to interfering into something he shouldn’t … An amused smile completed lasted remarks he heard. ❝ Quite that. Still my adaptability to a person I am speaking to isn’t the problem, it’s natural for be understandable from their current view — it’s rather a neutrality into every circumstances, especially ones when I’m directly involved, who is hard. My feelings cannot compromise a situation for wanting something out of it, for example. My emotions cannot interfere into path chosen by someone I love and I cannot force them against free will value. Besides to have to compromise anything without a payment I would have to give in return. Happiness isn’t a free commodity for me, Doctor: I had to bet for get what I want. Meaning if one time, my bet is wrong, I am losing everything on a round. Without be able to taking it back ❞ Saddest features passed through his eyes during a little moment. ❝ I find comfort in my responsibilities, to be constantly busy, to not feeling even an instant that painful weight around my shoulders — honestly, if you ask me, Doctor, I don’t remember a time when I didn’t acted for someone else … ❞
Shadowing indifference reflected then to the notion of human. He will still not correct it, however, compared to various circumstances when it appeared, lack to be personally involved exposed into his static expression — before cannot be helped to laugh uncontrollably. ❝ Oh, come on, do my little tiredness on my features expressed that much that I’m exhausted ? You’re really think someone else suffering the same amount of pain will be able to stand, to carry on despite everything ? ❞ Sadly, he cannot talk of Anakin, afterwards Dark Vador recollections trauma, wasn’t able to move on from the couch in which his depression almost destroyed his couple with his wife — by time they first met. ❝ Even if for you, it’s looks the case, that the point: I cannot stop regardless. ❞ Though, he gained a point over some notes he made. Speaking about himself especially about his problems on his shoulders always turned into some kind of amusing debate — appreciating to be so hard to handle. Even if today, he was less inclined to play riddles and wanted to open his heart partially. ❝ Still I have to admit it’s a mixture of not be allowed a moment breath or don’t believe to merit it. Though, my break places … would hardly be common place for rest. ❞ He cleaned his throat. Visiting afterlife were his means to be in holidays — still anyways working but in different manner. ❝ I enjoy these moments for found back old acquaintances and discuss before I see what I could do to help … well … unless you are someone in particular who love instead comment about how amusing my existence is. ❞ Then, warmness around his features born to his comforting sentences. ❝ I appreciate the sentiment. However, assuming I found myself into a situation I cannot endure another weight, no one can’t hold it at my place. One of my friends, who have feeling responsible for whatever could happens to me, decided to partially endure with me same weight, same responsibilities, same impossibility in addition to his own weight for my sake — without expect in return since love animated it. This weakened his strength more, made him completely unstable and he sometimes feels a stranger. He even reacted in order to change the position of pre-established dice to want to give another result, another chance, to finally want to give me happiness I deserved — feeling then responsible that the situation was worse than before, realizing then what kind of horrible suffering I have to endure … this is what genuinely knowing my grief can cause in others … I cannot claim that speaking freely could not create similar damages. I can’t be sure others aren’t going to want to lose their souls for me. That is why I allow myself very little to talk about it. I don’t want this to happen again. I was lucky to be in charge of the main concerned, to forgive him, to understand the meaning of his actions … ❞
Memories as a Padawan were partially forgotten — without blaming his Master who have done anything he could for handling his uncontrollable behavior and justify his act, while slowly accepting his decisions against the Jedi Code and slowly accepting his independence need, these recollections were associated to suffering associated to complicated circumstances. His escape mean to misery — besides a possible dead end from the start, for be as the lower echelon of society — always sounded as another golden prison when he still wasn’t seeing as a person : his abilities, his dormant powers, the legend built around his name, details that implicated him to be a worldwide savior … For too long he had swallowed back bitterness, pushing blame on this entire unkind universe on people he loved … without reacting on the matter, without searching another approach of that past.Even today, he disapproved lot of things hanging around into Jedi means into their education; deciding instead to act on own rebellious and revolutionary ways instead to await for some kind of approval.
Previous traumas doesn’t make the task easier. Before, he had been emotionally compromised by the position for caring deeply for his protegee. His understanding about personal feelings on his Master — mostly about how he was difficult to handle so turn things easier for him, also be a little more grateful for all the efforts his Master was doing, accepting also he was flawed — reduced personally a difference of barrier he should have. He needed a parental figure into his existence meanwhile he suffered to be unable to deliver the same thing to someone else. Something he cannot exposed in front of the Jedi Council.
No recollections about his children be young was present into his mind. No illusionist remembrances could appease his heart on something he didn’t lived — generating a certain paradox on the matter. As much he preferred handle himself most correctly possible now ( without be unable to doing his job to point he had portion of time he remained in the background, swallowing back breakdown ) respectfully, he refused to guilt others over his emotions. Find a compromise with circumstances to act as he should be, taking pleasure on that meanwhile be certain others were happy. It was too late concerning his personal experience — it was that complicated thing.
Not constantly present into the Jedi Temple for having others stuff to handle — most likely seeking exactly what amount of improvisation he could do with card ‘look, I am the Chosen One, apparently it’s give me free pass for change whatever I want once I enforce I’m the Game Master let’s me doing my job to made your life better’ though no indication he disliked about that position — he knew patience will be a quality when he will pass time with his Padawan. Preferring not to think about what reflection he might give to his persona ( self-hatred with a vivid inferiority complex remained cause of have negative view ) for doing his best.
For this reason, he wasn’t surprised she wasn’t here when he came. Starting some simple intuitive holo acting like games, appreciating silence into the Temple — avoid questions ; he lived his celebrity by absolutely not be interested by it and doesn’t appreciated to be famous — he searching her into various corridors. He wasn’t good at that. Into his traveling, most of time, he picked the wrong way opening trouble. Into a game, he would certainly pick first a deadly move. For someone impulsive, been forced to think around logic on a situation was something funny — but all time he acted normally, for some reason, a wonderful game over welcomed the end of the game. Removing a library since all books were useless from someone of his age, he followed path that should be the right — better train when he will not be killed on the spot for be wrong — smiling warmly to finding her on that particular corridor, touching slowly her shoulder. ❝ Interested by fresh air outside, right ? ❞ Since educating children was something completely unknown, instead to force for the training room first, he compromised. ❝ Do you want some sweet, appreciating a little the garden ? Lot of games await for you inside ! ❞ Parental figure feelings taken the lead ; reason to ask Obi-Wan about emotional distance.
The Time Lord would forever be grateful that in no matter what life it seemed, that he would forever be connected to the Skywalkers. They were all precious to him. Especially Anakin. The beginning of it all it seemed like. A path that he would never truly understand. So many divergences, so many endings it all seemed like. Yet the one that scared him the most—the one that kept him awake, was an ending where all was lost. He was behind a mask, and lost to the Time lord’s sight. Lost to him in darkness. That was what he truly feared. So to sit with him like this, to appear even in a new face—-he wanted to keep him safe. That sentiment was now engrained in all of his lives it appeared like. Eleven would do his best to make sure that they were never without his person. He would always be here until the very last.
“What happened to me? Oh well you see—” Eleven paused. “I was—helping, I was helping Earth as I always seem to do. Drawn to that place forever and always. With help from my friends. Friends passed and present. And well, I took a hit. A hit that cost me more than I could admit. But that was that. I ended up well—-I ended up, having to regenerate. Something my people do when we’re near death. Our get out of jail free card. Though it’s always–a little dicey, regeneration is. We never know how we’re going to look until we do. So the fact I’m so handsome and charming—is well, a good luck of the draw!” He teases and then at his next question only laughs. “I love red hair. I suppose it’s always been an envy of mine that I don’t have it. Some have suggested I find other means to attain it but I simply cannot. It would be cheating in my eyes.”
“Ah Luke yes. I haven’t yet seen him, not with this new face of course. But to hear you are closer, ah. It heals my hearts indeed. It makes me happy. I do hope he likes my new face as well though!” He laughed to himself. It would be weird there as well. But the fondness he had for him, beyond just the fact he knew his father—it would always be there. It ached just as it had to see Anakin again. To make sure he was still—himself. Despite what terrible things he dared to see in his past life. “Obliged to make them understand eh? That is quite good in my opinion! Those sticks up their asses could never understand or even dare to see–the weight they put on you my good lad.” He reaches over and pats him gently on the shoulder. A fatherly affection that he couldn’t help but exude. “How is Padme doing then? Is she also happy to see her husband finally free of all that nonsense?”
A slight understanding about trap his universe was trapped in … had been briefly acknowledged. How time seemed to take longer to pass, lived within some defined rules he wasn’t aware about, consciousness about something wrong be permanently present — partially, he still didn’t wanted to seeing it however instead of remaining passive, imagine somehow it would change something, he was acted slowly as an engine able to restarting his timeline. During his various travels with his son and their mutual best friend, Anakin noticed far too much how Luke weighting anything that could happens, feeling responsible for everything — and wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. There were no blame about some unpleasant and undesiring truths coming out from his mouth. There was no particular grudge about been left as the last people knowing what going on when he had was most concerned on the affair. Even regardless to be still unable to reaching his son’s heart despite his efforts receiving nothing of the sort than guess — end up somewhere reassured his friend complained, Han Solo had to play puzzles for recognized behavior’s betrayal
The Doctor, outside from his own case, always turned into a complicated topic. His ancestor had preferred not comment, not even touch the topic, not even wanting to give his opinion — which was an indication he had knowledge of something … but not wanted to pull him with the truth. Indifference was most likely the word he will use concerning his son reaction — when his gaze reflected he was aware of what happened, than he was in contact with him — condensing his view into a ‘ not worry ‘ mentality. Underneath, there was something else … into same complex relationship he had with another powerful person he wished not be in connection with. Han was the only one smiling at the reference. In retrospective, first time this Time Lord have been appearing, he really needed help. As name indicated, he managed to eventually unblock part of his mind, enough for doing effort to digest all the troubles coming from him. Still, even if he could feel death loved both, he didn’t seeing himself presenting his little detail of having two souls for same person: recent one having luxury of second chance and previous dead one.
Carefully listening to the Doctor, a short happiness about him finding friends was a good thing. Back in his first period, he would have be confused to the planet Earth — but since he had been visiting that planet into another universe into specific spots, he could understanding that part. His pout still, cannot helped to increase, about be right concerning death’s scent. ❝ You’ve always have been fond on Earth — must be a message from your ship to sending you into my universe for let you recover. ❞ He smiled a little, seeking to play down current circumstances on his arrival. ❝ At this rate, you have a trick for cheat death even if the result is out of control. ❞ Something that could apply to him as much as the Time Lord. Differently. ❝ I’m glad you have fortune goodness with you … ❞ It’s not my case, was he wanted to confess but he refrained himself. ❝ Mh, maybe time will offer this to you at some point. You can’t really control the dices, right ? ❞ Though, for some reason, the Ancient disagreed with that.
He would have wished say same thing for his daughter however recent revelations generated further distance between them — if once he could seeing her passing within their apartment, she gone completely from now, taking news otherwise with her mother, passing news via Han. She didn’t wanted to be involved with him at all. At first, it was honestly hurtful since he was unable to understand what he could have doing wrong, but the Ancient expressed how his own apologies weren’t enough and will never be enough into their current circumstances so it’s wasn’t especially against his soul personally. Han reassuring him she protecting him into her own ways. That time was still necessary for creating sort of bond — which she couldn’t now. On the other side, his son was another complicated story: even by growing closer, distance between them only growing higher. Which was supposed to be most pleasant consideration of father into his lips sounded even more as a strangers reunion between them — he always get a hard time to imagining that magnificent and intelligent boy could be his son meanwhile Luke had real difficulty to have him be present as an emotional support. That he came from him and not for the soul of his past self who complained twice a day about realizing his son tricks to hijack attention, showing clear complicity who hadn’t changed since period when tragedy happened. Of course, he appreciated each moment to be called as a dad, still there was awareness a pit stayed for be the person react as one.
❝ I’m sure he will act … same as usual. Be happy to seeing you without paying too much attention to the fact you’ve changed. ❞ Luke was most likely the man asking ‘which one ? ’ instead of be surprised. ❝ I’m certain he will love your face ! ❞ Especially if he already know what going to happens … after all, their various traveling were enough evidences coincidences were strange for be not be deliberate. Evolution of his mentality bring a more compassionate and thank level about having another parental figure — Obi-Wan had taken and will take entirely the role, more conscious about emotional fatigue coming from immensity of the job, pulling him limits and rules, searching a comfort he could have. The Doctor, on his side, added further warmness, expanded his independence. Even staying unconscious about what it means to be a father since he doesn’t have feeling to be one, he saw many various stables and healthy figures as helper. There was another parental figure he preferred not bring to the scene: even after accepting reality of fact, embraced legacy, a breaking remained. Luke had decided to take all damages for his sake.
❝ I realized I had to be the one doing them a clear stop — not awaiting someone else doing this. ❞ He still hadn’t digest his son take all complains, all the consequences to seek same result for him. Warm small welcomed his next sentence, allowing himself a disapproving remark. ❝ I’m too much important for image I bring to the Jedi others stuff are simply a detail. Unless it’s Obi-Wan so they’re always in trouble since he face them to reality. I dislike to be a pawn to their eyes. As the spokesperson for the Jedi, they gave me the power to transform things from within. I’m enjoy it knowing that they can no longer even humiliate me for insubordination. ❞ Anchored joy could be hear about that point. ❝ I will be so pleased you follow me next time they need a reminder. ❞ He mused playfully, smiling even more to touch of his shoulder. ❝ She is fine. Have been helping me during some of my travels, reassured at least this problem of the Jedi Council is finished, and always supporting me. ❞ Then he considered it was better he was also concerned expressing that detail. ❝ Our relationship deteriorated when you first met us. We were feeling strangers for each other. She was searching to make my mental health better but was conscious nothing would be like before. Luke had doing all the necessary from both side for avoid us to crumble together. I realized mistakes I made. I slowly also understanding reasons who push that strange distance. Mh, I also thanked my son for the gesture … even if unfortunately once again it’s impossible to make him withdraw feeling of responsibility towards me … ❞