the fact that i am constantly saying strange and unpleasant things is just part of my charm
my future husband: stop crying you foolish little man just tell me what’s wrong:
me: I,, ,,,, hnnn,,, hhwhghhhh,
husband: *grabs my waist* TELL ME! *tearing up, pleadingly* PLEASE! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG
me: *shakily hands him this faded photograph* yyyy’’’mnnf hhfhg,g,,
TIL the Bible contains a passage where it says it became dark in daytime during the crucifixion of Jesus. It was discovered a total eclipse did actually occur in Jerusalem on 24 November 29 CE at around 11AM. This fact got dismissed by the Church because the date is not in accordance with Easter.
historians: we found out the actual date Jesus was crucified!
Catholic Church: how dare you question our appropriation of pegan hollidays?
Okay but could you imagine being a Roman, nailing up some dude who’s like “I’m the son of god, bruh” and then the fucking sun goes black. I’d shit
Take your anxiety meds with Red Bull to create SLOWFAST, the hot new emotion teens are raving about!
SlowFast™: It Feels Incredibly Bad.
“But wouldn’t they just cancel each other out?”
They are both working so very much and I cannot stop it.