So I told two of my close friends that I have been self harming and that was hard. It’s super bad now. I broke up with my boyfriend and ever since then I have been self harming everyday. I have been using my x-acto knife. Now tonight I harmed myself so bad that I’m bleeding a lot to the point that there is blood on my hands. I have never hurt myself this bad before. Tonight I’m not even that depressed. I’m just hurting myself for the fun. I feel like crying. I don’t know my feelings. I need help. I don’t want help. This is bad. I keep on thinking oh no, oh no. Oh no. This is not good. Someone save me. Please. I need help.
After cutting tonight I feel better. I’m not back to normal but at least I don’t want to die… that’s I lie. I always want to die. But like now i don’t feel like I’m actually going to eat a laundry pod. I still feel depressed but not as depressed. I don’t know what has caused my depression this time. I don’t like it.
Here we are together
Three of us united
United only physically
Your phones beep continuously
Neither looking up until something is spoken
You smirk and share glances
I don’t say a word
It’s not worth it anymore
We will never be together again
It’s time to take care of myself
Time for me to leave you in the dust
I will stand for it no longer
So I haven’t self-harmed in a while. The other day my friend and I tried to get drunk sadly all our connections were dry af. But we had a pussy drink but it didn’t even get us tipsy. So I probably won’t be able to self harm, vape, or drink for 4 weeks so I’ll be pretty safe from myself from now on.
*having unprotected sex (this can but doesn’t always mean self-harm)
*rubbing your skin a lot
*drinking a lot
*banging yourself with objects on purpose to the point of leaving marks
*carving symbols or words into your skin
* interfering with healing
* poisoning oneself
* biting oneself
* inserting stuff under ones skin
I don’t want to go to a mental hospital for my self harm because that will ruin my chances for college.
I feel like such a shitty girlfriend to be self harming behind my love’s back. He knows I used to self harm. He has seen the scars. He told me to never do it again. He made me promise and now I keep on breaking that promise. It’s so hard to stop. He doesn’t know that I started back up yet. Hopefully he will never know.
My boyfriend was so pissed about me going out to drink the weekend because I kept a secret from him. He told me to promise him no more secrets. I promised him that with all the cuts on my body
So this is going to be a blog about my mental state and my habits. So I will be going by Jane Roe in this blog (I yanked this name from the court case Roe. V. Wade.)
So I’m very dedicated to school. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I am in high school. I am always willing to make new friends. I enjoy art, sports, and school. I have a fucked up past. One of these days I might post what happened about my past.
I have depression & anxity. I’m a depressed mess.
I don’t want to write about my self-harm on here because I’m afraid that people would track me down. Call the cops. They send me to our mental hospital and I get my chances to go to an actual decent college ruined.
Well fuck it I might as well post a bit on here. I have suffered with self-harm for quite a while. So I might write about on here. It is currently 11:43 p.m. I should probably go to sleep.
Well good night loves