i know i have said this a million times but i don’t understand how you are unwilling to forgive people for saying the wrong things but claim to be a prison abolitionist. the bedrock of abolition is forgiveness, or at least in the system it seeks to create. we are asking, essentially, how to we move past transgressions, serious transgressions, without condemning a person to subjugation? often, subjugation that lasts their entire life? how do we seek to provide consequences, redemption, and healing from harm, all while placing that harm in context and without doing more harm in the process?
if you are asking, as is often the common crime at the center of online abolition dialogues, that women forgive their rapists, or at least be fine with them walking around freely, why is it ridiculous to expect you to be forgiving of much lesser transgressions? if you cannot forgive or endorse forgiveness in general, in the case of the latest celebrity fuck-up, rita moreno for being dismissive and defensive toward the concerns of afro-latinos, people in her own community, especially as a marginalized person herself, then why should any woman abide by not calling the police on her abusive boyfriend? why should she have to think about his safety? if you are not going to forgive, say, doja cat for literally being self-hating and self-harming (let’s be honest), why should women be forgiving of men who sexually harass them? if you are not willing to forgive letitia wright for posting an offensive video, why should women forgive catcallers? or be concerned about them at all?
i keep saying this, i know, because every day there is a new woman we should be unrepentant toward because she was careless or rude or cruel or unthinking or uncaring or non-empathetic, or hateful - states of being that everyone will be at one point or another - but at the same time there is a neverending list of systemic and structural male cruelty and terrorism that we should simply just move past, lest we be carceral. but which is it? should we be forgiving or should we be unrepentant. i do not seek to support any movement in which men are afforded forgiveness above all, but women are condemned regardless
i mean, right now, we are talking about chimamanda ngozi adichie, a woman who did nothing wrong and who was actually harmed, who people are arguing is an evil person, a murderer, a bigot, irredeemable, and unworthy even of self-defense. yet, many of the same exact people are willing time and time again to DARVO women on abusive men’s behalf. and i am just saying it does not add up to me