hey vampires, demons and other terrors of the night it really isn’t necessary to go to all the effort of kidnapping me to your castles and forcing me to be your bride i’ll come willingly if you just ask
Did the guy who burgled pewdiepie like know it was pewdiepie’s house or did he just take from some fancy ass lookin’ house and now that guy’s watching the news sweating profusely like oh shit what if it was me
when i was in grade 5 some kid told me the song “wake me up when september ends” was about 9/11 and i believed him until like three years ago
i cried so hard when we watched the lion king in first grade that my teacher called my parents and sent me home early
in high school i was questioned by the principal over drug use because i accidentally left my notebook in the bathroom and a teacher opened it to a drawing of an anime character saying “all i want for christmas is weed” but really i was a repressed nerd and never smoked a weed in my life
i made a joke about anal fissures in front of my extremely religious roommate and i thought she was gonna yell at me but instead she asked what an anal fissure was
i thought hatsune miku was a real person
in grade 8 i got in trouble for saying vagina in science class so the teacher made me fill out this stupid discipline worksheet and one of the questions was “how do i feel about what i did”
Had a realization in a dream I just had that this isn’t real and I can just do whatever I want and so I started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small I woke up sleep paralyzed
I was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing I did was use them to torment the nearest man
And the actual God woke me up and put me into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what I’ve done
we are already living in the cyberpunk future and i know this because within a span of 3 days we went from this tweet:
to thousands of people making phony images and replying to them with their passionate desire to have them as a tshirt to overload the bots with nonsense and junk and send out warnings to shoppers like this:
remember when Koko the gorilla died and everyone on here was sad about it and then someone pulled receipts proving she had a nipple fetish and her handlers would encourage people to be topless around her? i fucking love this site where else am i gonna see a callout post for a dead gorilla
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