episode 3 of my podcast with my best friend came out over the weekend. please give us a listen!
i’m back from a long hiatus from tumblr to say that i finally released the pilot episode of my podcast with my best friend dante. go check it out!
Build-a-Bear Employee: please,,, I can’t fit any more stuffing into this pikachu
Me: You fool….. Make Him Fatter
i worked at build-a-bear in downtown disney and one time a guest came with a grinch and had me force 6 custom sounds into him which was just him breathing really hard and saying “MERRY CHRISTMAS” into each one
the thing is, he had me stuff them into the arms, which were stick-thin
so the seams were coming up and i was having to repair his now lumpy grinchy arms
this took like 45 minutes and all the while the kid was legit trying to remove my kneecaps, his mom was even telling me that she warned someone this would happen and they sent her straight to me ROFLMAO
after he was stuffed to the brim and i could hear the soul of the plush screaming at me for what would be the next eternity the kid dressed him up like batman
but his mom was like “NO HE HAS TO BE CHRISTMAS” so he put a santa hat on him and also a little plush gingerbread that smelled like actual gingerbread and it ended up looking like this
i clocked out an hour and a half late it was like 1 am
homophobes are not allowed to use computers because the inventor of the computer was gay
People think this is just a joke but Alan Turing was the inventor of the computer and his sexuality was illegal in his time (which was not even 100 years ago) and he was arrested. They put him on drugs that destroyed his genius brain and committed suicide a year after being covicted. He was gay and a war hero as well. He helped to break enigma which was a German code that they put all their messages through. He shorted WWII by two years and saved so many lives in the process.
Friendly reminder that if not for Alan Turing you wouldn’t be reading this post and we might be ruled by the nazis
The Alan Turing statue on my campus
wait fuck this is soooooo important always reblog
I don’t mean to be fake deep or anything but people have a weird definition of work ethic. Work ethic means you do the job that is asked of you, fairly and to the best of your ability. It doesn’t mean sacrificing your health (mental or physical) for a faceless corporation that won’t even remember your name three weeks after you quit. Don’t be a martyr for a job.
Don’t be a martyr for a job that can replace you in less than a week.
Okay now that I’ve finally quit Denny’s let me tell you guys about the bizarre fucking otherworld it is
- The music and the room temperature are controlled by corporate. Corporate plays a lot of pop covers of Disney princess songs I’ve never heard before. I now have a dance routine to the K-Pop sounding version of Let it Go.
- Our sign flickered fast and red and demonically for a week and the repairman said he couldn’t find anything wrong with it.
- People did drug deals in, like, broad daylight in the middle of the parking lot multiple times a week.
- It’s open 24/7. We had a backup generator none of us knew about until there was a massive storm one night and we looked out to see a tree knocked over and our lights the only thing on for miles. You could weather the apocalypse with no idea the apocalypse was even happening.
- Regular customers included:
- A man convinced the chemtrails are real who gave me six separate pieces of literature on the subject
- A little person named Kevin who told me “sometimes I call myself a dwarf when I’m feeling whimsical”
- An actual group of Neo-Nazis
- An actual Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band (they played for us)
- Twins who came in separately on the same day and I thought they were one woman changing outfits rapidly for the longest time
- A Scottish landscaper who told us we “couldn’t prove he doesn’t know Simon Pegg”
- I have more these are just off the top of my head
I can’t believe I forgot
- two line cooks got into a really heated argument about whether Vin Diesel is bisexual or not
- I asked an elderly man if he wanted to use the AARP discount and he said “No, I’m not a socialist”.
This is Kjell Lindgren. He’s a NASA astronaut who just got back from 5 months on the International Space Station. There are two reasons why this picture is hilarious:
- His wife is flawless and makes bad space puns to make him do household chores.
- I have that shirt. Thousands of people have that shirt. That shirt is available at Target. Which means actual astronaut Kjell Lindgren, with his wardrobe already full of NASA-issued and logo-emblazoned clothes, was at Target, saw a NASA shirt, and was like, “Yes, I am buying this because this is what I want to spend my actual astronaut salary on.”
tl;dr NASA employs a bunch of fucking nerds
It gets better.
Courtesy of Wikipedia, here’s the poster NASA released for his mission to the ISS:
NASA confirmed for a bunch of fucking nerds
*wipes single tear*
They’re just too beautiful.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.
NASA personnel are, like, the top nerds. The alpha nerds. The absolute nerdiest nerds. The nerds other nerds look to for nerdspiration.
THIS IS ADORABLES :D
I strongly recommend a visit to the following website (https://spaceflight101.com/iss/iss-expedition-posters/) that has all of them.
Everything started off all vanilla but a Expedition 16 they showed that they were truly Masters of The Dork Side of The Force:
Some other amusing posters they approved:
This week’s current issue in mental health: the price of medication.
With numerous people sharing stories about how medication was the first step when they were getting help, we wanted to point out how the cost of these treatments is prohibitive especially for people without insurance.
This is the Lucky Ace. Reblog to recieve a wad of cash that is oddly specific to your current needs.
I reblogged this shit two days ago y’all… what kinda sorcery is this. Oddly specific too …. I’ll take it tho 🤯
I think I did it wrong
This might be…interesting. though, you gotta admit, the card looks kinda cool.
Bandersnatch sounds like British slang for pussy
and yet “family-friendly” disney still hired him to play doctor strange. what a disgrace
this post is like getting smacked in the face twice
Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite
beepboop. censorbot approved
“Me, refusing to leave: sir, this is my emotional hell” is a funnier text post than my original one, good job censorbot.
Does anyone know any good apps/websites that tells you when the best time to post is? I’ve read articles but I want the best time for my account.
I’ve been struggling with this forever. A friend just sent me this Instagram tool that automatically posts for you at the best time. I’ve seen a huge boost in engagement over the past week. I’m pretty sure it posts when the majority of your followers are online.
Sorry forgot to link it. iPhone app here
you can also change your instagram account to a business account and check your insights, but yeah, this was a pretty good app promo
—Honor roll student
— 2 years babysitting and childcare experience
— 1st chair clarinet player
— Wants to go to college to be a pediatrician
—Star high school Athlete
—Plays Volleyball and Basketball
—Recommended by neighbors
—Gold Award Girl Scout
—Claims to be able to heal diseases and predict the future with magic powers.
— Immune to poison and resistant to bullets
— Favorite pastimes include orgies and alcoholism
— Might have sex with your wife
this is why the ussr happened
Clark Kent is not a coward, he just hates Superman. The reason he runs off every time disaster occurs is cause he knows Superman will be there soon and he can’t stand the guy.
Oh lord, the idea of a running gag of Clark having to come up with more and more elaborate reasons to hate the most beloved guy on Earth would be comedy gold.
“I loaned him thirty four bucks three weeks ago and he STILL hasn’t paid me back”
“I saw him littering once”
“He’s friends with an asshole like Batman!”
“We’re not friends anymore AND HE KNOWS WHY!”
“HE KEEPS HITTING ON MY WIFE”
Dove chocolate and Dove soap are two different companies who havent sued each other because they have different trademarks lol
Damn and I really all this time just thought dove (the soap people) had a meeting one day and were just like “…. we might fuck around and make some chocolate”
This is exactly what I thought
I think it’s nice to finally see a high-ranking official actually resign in protest of President Trump’s actions rather than burying their head in the sand and waiting to be fired and humiliated via Twitter.
I also think Secretary Mattis’s letter of resignation to the President is probably the most respectful and professional way I’ve ever seen someone basically say, “Fuck you and your crazy bullshit.”