Because they’re scared.
And not just any gun: they bring big Rambo-variety machine guns, basically weapons of mass destruction. They’re not scared for their lives, they’re scared for the limp dick state of their masculinity.
A soft no is still a no.
I’ll retweet a million times
THANK YOU. I’m at a loss here. I’ve got a creeper in my DMs on Facebook and I really don’t know how to make him stop. He’s a sweet guy, and I see him a lot at conventions (he’s a photographer, I’m a cosplayer) so I can’t exactly block/cut all ties with him because then I’ve set myself up to be approached by him in person. But I’ve said as blatantly as I can that I am not interested but he’s still sending me messages like “Good morning beautiful” and sending me inappropriate memes. I know he’s just lonely, but that’s a scapegoat people use to excuse their behavior. The soft no didn’t work. A hard no potentially puts me at risk at my next convention and the worst part, he’s goaded me into feeling sorry for him if I were to give a hard no.
And men call us manipulative.
He’s not a sweet guy.
He’s intentionally ignoring your signals because he’s looking for a way to bully himself closer to you. He’s a photographer who knows you’re a cosplayer and he knows how awkward it would be for you to cut those ties. You said yourself he’s goaded you into feeling sympathetic towards him. He knows what he is doing.
In your tags, you said that advice was welcome, so here I go. I strongly advise you to, next time he sends you something inappropriate, to say “Hey, I’ve been trying to figure out how to say this, but it seems like when I gently said that I wasn’t interested, you didn’t understand what I meant. I didn’t want to cause any awkwardness or hurt feelings by saying it again more clearly, but at this point I don’t know what else to do, because you’ve been sending a lot of stuff like this even though I don’t send any back. Thanks for understanding that I’m handling this as gently as possible! Hope we can be professional and chill when we inevitably run into each other, there’s no hard feelings on my end about the miscommunication.”
And that last bit? Is a lie. You should absolutely have hard feelings about this person who intentionally and repeatedly attempted to manipulate you when he knew it wasn’t welcome. But to reduce drama, I advise not calling him out on how blatantly shitty and predatory he was. Just pretend like you think it was a misunderstanding and that now that you’ve been more clear, OBVIOUSLY he will stop.
That… is worded really well. It avoids him feeling like the victim, which men tend to lash out when that happens. (Obviously I’m generalizing, every gender is capable of this, but predatory men have been perfecting their skill longer in patriarchal societies).
I really appreciate the advice, that’s really helpful. Best case scenario I would like to remain cordial and somewhat friendly at conventions, so no awkwardness ensues, but that is entirely up to him and how he responds. Thank you again!!!
Thanks. I write for a living.
Final advice: give him as little follow-up chat as you can possibly manage. In all necessary future chats, avoid apologizing and avoid accusing.
Don’t apologize because you don’t have anything to apologize for, at all, and because you don’t want to give him an opening for acting like you have. Don’t accuse because even though he deserves to be accused, it gives him an opening to act like he’s been victimized by you or by circumstances, which he hasn’t.
Also, in case you feel this way: don’t blame yourself for getting into this situation, because you did not ‘get’ into this situation. He made this situation and arranged it around you until you were stuck in it. He did so carefully in a way that he could claim innocence on if called out.
He is a male cosplay photographer who is hitting on female cosplayers. You owe him nothing.
Thank you for this.
Another option, if you feel it’s safe, is to say “Just so we’re clear, I do not consent to [have sex with you, date you, receive sexual compliments/videos/images from you, et cetera]” (insert whatever behavior you want stopped. “I do not consent” is legal language, and it creates an official, legally binding, objection. If you say “I don’t want that,” someone can easily convince themselves that you’re lying, playing hard to get, or otherwise don’t mean it; if you say “I do not consent,” you have created a status of non-permission that neatly sidesteps all questions of whether you “really mean it.”
Ideally, record or screenshot yourself saying this, including his reaction or any other indicator that he’s read/seen/received it.
(Also, this isn’t reassuring in the slightest, but don’t worry too much about making an enemy. You already have one.)
“‘There are rules that must be followed. If you have benefited from the state treasury, you cannot pay dividends and you cannot buy back shares.’
”'And if your head office is located in a tax haven, it is obvious that you cannot benefit from public support.’
…“France is the third country to enforce such a measure amid the economic downturn caused by the coronavirus crisis.
“On April 8, the prime minister of Poland, Mateusz Morawiecki, said large companies wanting a chunk of his government’s roughly $6 billion bailout fund must pay domestic business taxes.
”'Let’s end tax havens, which are the bane of modern economies,’ he said.
These countries are not plagued with corrosive, greed-enabling Republicon-types in charge.
I was in line at Aldi and this girl with two toddlers in front of me had her card declined and she looked so fucking sad and said “let me call my husband real quick” and it was only 18 dollars, so I just paid for it, and she was very sweet and then as she walked off, the lady behind me said `”You know that was probably a scam, right?” and like, even if it was, like what a sad fucking scam, right? 18 dollars at the Aldi. If you’re “scamming” me for some Tyson chicken and apple juice and cauliflower, then just take my fucking money.
“A scam” people are fucking wild.
This happened to me, too. A woman had used WIC for the majority of her stuff (which I say from personal experience is such a long and embarrassing process) and to buy the remainder of her groceries, which included diapers and wipes, she used a card, and it got declined. I bought the other $30 of her groceries because hey, I’ve been there, and now I’m not. She was extremely emotional and began to cry and even hugged me. My mom called me on the drive home and could tell I had been crying myself, asked what was wrong, and when I told her what happened, she berated me for being “duped.” I couldn’t believe she could be so disappointed in one of her children for doing something- nice? Is that the hill you want to die on? Getting mad about people needing groceries?
I once paid for a woman’s bill at the vet…it wasn’t a big one, but she was trying to pay for some medication for her dog, and her card was declined. And her lip started trembling, and she says “I don’t get paid until Tuesday, would he be ok until then?”
So I just told them to add the $20 something onto my bill, and I thought she was going to break down crying right there.
And I don’t care if it was a scam or not. Just do nice things for people sometimes.
Do good recklessly.
I think “Do good recklessly” would be fantastic word art to hang on one’s wall. Artistic people, go!
So this has happened to me but from the other side. Several years ago when my oldest was around three or so, I had my debit card decline at Walmart. It wasn’t a scam or a mistake, I was genuinely broke. Out of money. I checked my bank and discovered I had something like 7 dollars left to my name and a hungry kid and nothing to eat at home. So I sat there trying to come up with the best way to stretch that tiny amount of money to feed my kid. Not even to feed me. I can live on popcorn or something if I have to but my kid was three and he had to eat. So there I am trying really hard not to cry while I slowly take things out of my basket to get it down to under 7 bucks, when a lady tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up and she smiled at me and started putting the things back in my cart. I opened my mouth to tell her that I didn’t have the money for them but she stopped me right away and said “Don’t worry about it. It’s gonna be fine.” Then she handed the cashier her credit card and said “Ring up all of it.” My kid got to eat because of her. I got to eat because of her. I had laundry soap and deodorant because of her. She could’ve just ignored me silently struggling in that line. She could’ve decided I was a scam and gone home feeling good about avoiding being duped. But instead she chose to help me and she saved us. So maybe the person struggling in front of you is trying to put one over on you or maybe they are just sad and broke and trying to figure out what to do. You get to decide which you want to believe and what you want to do. But I’ll tell y’all, no one has ever been more beautiful to me than that lady in that line who saved me and my baby. Be like her. Be beautiful.
Do good recklessly
DO BETTER. BE BETTER. STRIVE TO BE BETTER.
DO GOOD RECKLESSLY
One time, my dad and I were living the grocery store and there was a guy outside asking for money to buy some stuff to take home for his kids. It was around Christmas time. My dad asked him if he could give him groceries instead of money, and the guy immediately said yes, so my dad gave him one of everything we bought (meat, rice, some chocolates, milk, oil). At that time, my dad hadn’t gotten his paycheck because the company he worked for was going through a tough time, but he didn’t care, he saw an opportunity to help someone and he did.
Another time, my dad gave 50 bucks to a guy who said he needed to buy medicine for his kids. I told my dad he was probably going to spend the money on alcohol or something, but my dad said that “whether he was lying or not says something about HIS character, but hearing someone in need and choosing not to help when I have the means to says something about mine”.
I never forget that.
“whether he was lying or not says something about HIS character, but hearing someone in need and choosing not to help when I have the means to says something about mine”
louder, for the people in the back
More ways to donate! Thank you so much and please stay safe and proud 💜🙏
The situation is terrifying and everyone with even a little bit of common sense is worried sick. The government tried to push for this before but the mass protests made them back off. Now such gatherings are impossible due to the coronavirus so they are abusing the circumstances.
There are some ways to help.
https://kph.org.pl/ is a polish org focused on fighting homophobia and intolerance (They don’t have a site in english i’m afraid)
https://act.wemove.eu/campaigns/abortion you can sign a petition here
So I’ve been reading up on this in the last half hour, and it’s extremely dire. The party is pushing a bill that would classify any attempts at teaching students sex Ed, especially through a lens that includes the LGBT+ community, as paedophilia.
Large swaths of the country have been declared “free of LGBT propaganda.”
Judges are defending hate groups as they actively and aggressively campaign against the rights of the LGBT+ community in the streets.
Additionally, there is age-old vitriolic hate against refugees only gaining strength.
I tried looking into organizations which directly deal with these crises in Poland specifically, but I’ve had no luck.
If anyone has more information on that, sound off please.
Meanwhile, I think it’s important that people know about and are talking about this.
op, do you have any links to lgbt organizations in poland that people could donate to? i found some by googling around but bc i don’t have any firsthand knowledge i don’t want to thoughtlessly link some and then find out they’re known to be shitty (peta, susan g komen, etc). if you know of any that you trust or that you’ve seen doing meaningful work on the ground and can add them i’d be happy to reblog again so those w the ability can donate
Please this is important!!!!!
Please, read my message.
My name is Oliwia. I am 17 years old and I come from Poland. And you know what? I’m fucking scared for my life. I am terrified for the lives of others. You probably heard about what happened last year in my country. “LGBT free zone” stickers, massive beatings in the city of Białystok at the pride parade.
This year is even worse. But not only for the LGBTQ+ people.
People are scared to go out and be themselves. Because if they show their true identity, they will be in massive danger.
PIS „Law and Justice” (the political party that rules our country at the moment) considers the removal of one of the legal abortion laws. We’re talking about a situation when the fetus is badly damaged. Very clever of them if we look at the fact that it is almost 98 percent of legal abortions in Poland. X
The leader of the anti-abortion initiative, Kaja Godek, argued during the parliamentary debate that the defense of life is enshrined in the constitution and described any abortion as “torture.”
“Abortion is a pandemic that is far worse than the coronavirus,” Godek said. “It produces more victims and all of them die.” X
There is also very “nice” clip of her saying “Lesbians, gays and other perverts, stay away from Poland.” She also fights to ban all pride parades across the whole country. X
If that didn’t convince you yet, how fucked up the situation was, how about criminalisation of sexual education? Yeah..I know..
PIS is trying to make a law where you can go to jail for even 3 years for teaching children about sex and other important stuff they have to understand at some point in their life.
“The proposed change will provide legal protection for children and young people against sexual depravity and demoralization, which is developing at a dangerous pace and affects thousands of the youngest Poles through the so-called sex education. Responsible for “sex education” of the environment enter other educational institutions in Poland, awakening children sexually and promoting homosexuality, masturbation and other sexual activities among students.” X
You want more? Okay. What about a boy named Jan from Jordan who has posted a modification of the emblem on Facebook, adding LGBT rainbow colors in the background. He’s 16. “I wanted to show that it is worth loving and respecting each other without prejudice" The case was reported to the Police. They arrested him and told him he has to say sorry for what he’s done and threatened him that they’ll send him to a correctional institution. X
People here are scared, I am scared. I don’t have the power to do anything yet because I’m just a kid in the eyes of adults. And you may ask “what can I do?”
And all I’m asking for is this:
Please be loud and stay proud of yourself. Talk about the situation in Poland. Talk about how fucked up this is. We can’t let PIS just get away with all of this. Not again. Please. I’m literally begging you. I love you all so much, I don’t want to be silenced and be afraid to go outside. I don’t want the history to repeat itself.
I’m tagging some of the pretty popular and trustworthy accounts, if you can, please reblog this and please don’t give up.
Right now, the UK government are trying to run one of the most insidious and disgusting propaganda campaigns. The Department of Health and Social Care were caught creating 128 fake Twitter accounts to defend the Prime Minister, to undermine scientific advice from the WHO, and to deflect from the government’s catastrophic failures in this country.
This is the Britain we live in now; a government propped up by sock puppets and lies. Were we not in lockdown, many of us fighting for our lives then we would need to be in the streets and demanding the arrest and prosecution of a government more interested in securing power than protecting the lives of its people.
America is so fucked. Fake bot supporters are have long been accepted as just business as usual with our politics…
I’ve never seen being an American explained so well.
living in the united states is supremely fucked up cause we’re one of the richest, most powerful juggernauts on the planet, but your average citizen has relatively infinitesimal access to that wealth and power, and very little they can do to improve things.
being poor in the US still makes you rich by some global standards, but often times The American Experience is like….. you’re a passenger locked in the baggage hold of a very long train that’s going very fast. and the people driving the train are running it off the rails and shouting CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKERS CHOO CHOOOOOOOOO as they thoughtlessly bulldoze this train through everything in its path. you want very badly to get off the train or bludgeon the conductors with a crowbar, because you don’t like where it’s going, but you’re handcuffed in a duffel bag and the conductors have barricaded themselves in the engine cars with all the food, medicine, and tools that could be used to help you out.
and UNDERSTANDABLY the rest of the world is like “what the FUCK is wrong with that train??? it must be stopped! there are so many people on the train why is nobody breaking into the conductor’s booth and stopping it??!” but most of us are just squirming for basic survival in the last few cars while billionaires sit on top of the train sniping anyone brave enough to crawl up from the cargo hold, all while shouting that you’re lucky to be on such a luxurious, successful train at all.
I would like to send a shout-out to every asshole who patronizingly told me 3.5 years ago that I was “overacting” and “hysterical” and “pessimistic” and “dramatic” and that I just needed to calm down because “we’ve survived before, and we’ll survive him too” when I said this fucker was going to kill us.
Ladies, gentlemen, and folks otherwise, I present to you the dishonorable, fascist president doing his best to un-unite the states of America.
Coronavirus-panicked dad locks son out of house after spring break trip
“Sensible Dad Who Follows CDC/WHO Recommendations To Keep His Elderly Parents Safe In The Face Of Massive Pandemic Maintains Quarantine When Idiot Son
Fixed it for you.
Oh thank God this the case, I thought this was gonna be about homophobia
Full story, dad also packed up some groceries and gave son $300 as he went back to his college apartment to quarantine himself. Dad is 100% on the ball, even son was a completely reckless idiot who went to party at a texas beach for a week.
thank you for full story, Dad is Good Dad