GENRES: fluff, domestic!au, trip!au, established relationship, again FLUFF
WARNINGS: mention of food
author’s note: hi!! hehe, i’m back with another oneshot hehe, this time it’s a full fluff with no warnings, i’ll leave a playlist under this !! i wrote it cause i needed to take a break from all the angst, it might seem a bit rushed but it’s just because i’m very very tired these days. anyway, i hope you’ll enjoy it!
« mark ! mark wake up ! » yuta excitedly said, slightly shaking the other’s heavy body.
the sun lazily filtered thru the white curtains, a glimpse of the lapis blue sea greeting them from behind.
it was the first morning they’d spent there, and who was yuta to blame mark for being so tired? they came all the way there for the older’s birthday and mark had been in charge of organizing everything, from buying the tickets to packing the luggages.
now, hand under the pillow and body sprawled on the white mattress, he looked just like an angel, with rosy cheeks and parted lips, he was the prettiest human he’d ever laid his eyes on, yuta thought.
but he also had set his priorities straight long ago, and when a pearly beach was waiting for him outside, he couldn’t bear to wait for his lover to wake up!
so he slowly began to shake the other’s body awake, whispering sweet praises and encouraging words in his ear, hoping that it’d make it easier for him to wake up.
it was almost 10 in the morning when mark finally opened his eyes, glancing at the impatient silhouette of his boyfriend sitting next to him, yuta had already made breakfast and washed himself, trying to match the colors of the landscape around them with a white shirt and light blue pants, making him look like some kind of angel, or maybe it was all in mark’s - still sleepy - head, as he gazed at the boy.
« you’re finally awake ! hurry up and put something o- you know what? you can keep your pajamas, just come with me !! » mark couldn’t even answer him before a hand grasped his wrist, tugging him down the mattress and dragging him out of the house.
the light almost blinded mark, whose eyes were barely open as he followed the boy down to the beach, the fresh air coming from the ocean ruffling his hair even more, making him look like a baby chick who just got out of the shell.
« mark mark ! isn’t it beautiful ? » yuta asked, not really expecting an answer, as he kept tugging on the boy’s t-shirt and pointing out every little thing that caught his attention.
at that, mark would simply nod and slightly smile, not even bothering to glance at the things he’d point out, too busy admiring the boy next to him, all smiles, shiny eyes and ruffled hair.
thinking about it, mark was pretty sure he’d never seen anyone holding so much sparkles in their eyes as yuta’s, it was as if they were reflecting the sun crashing on the lazy morning waves, lighting up his skin and making it look as if he was /actually/ glowing.
« yeah, yeah they’re beautiful…very beautiful. »
mark started regretting waking up as they kept walking and walking and walking, as the sand kept growing warmer and warmer and warmer and the sky got bluer and bluer and bluer, mark’s head started spinning, maybe he should’ve had breakfast before letting the other dragging him on the coast.
as if yuta could’ve read his mind, he stopped on his tracks and turned back to look mark in the eyes.
« are you tired ? you look tired. should we sit down ? i brought some fruit ! » he smiled widely, tugging at his beach bag and taking out a pair of papayas and some mangos, which mark accepted gladly, sitting down over a huge palm tree, where yuta immediately followed him.
as mark started to eat, sinking his teeth into the plump sweet fruit, he didn’t notice yuta staring at him in silence, studying every little detail in his pretty face.
he found out mark had some freckles, they came out when he’d get exposed to the sun, and he also had a pretty mole on his temple, which made it really hard not to kiss it.
mark’s lips had a natural pout and now, chewing the fruit, they looked even rounder, pink and shiny.
yuta smiled at himself, relaxing over the palm’s trunk, he shifted his gaze over the blue intense sea, reflecting the even brighter sky, naked of any cloud, he let the bright colors swallow him whole, closing his eyes for a bunch of seconds and breathing in the clean air.
mark kept enjoying his fruit, feeling the energy come back at him in a rush as he looked down to yuta’s silhouette next to him, he thought of how heavy the fruits must’ve been for him to bring all the way there, jumping around in ecstasy and exploring every little crowd he saw on the way.
he took a moment to study the boy next to him;
with his long -almost white- hair crowding his heavenly face and his eyes closed, yuta looked like he was impersonating the landscape:
slightly tanned skin and blueish shorts made him look like the wet sand and the waves, while his hair were just like the dry, warm pearly sand they stepped on not too long ago;
mark was so absorbed in his thoughts to not even realize that yuta had been staring back at him the whole time, mischievous eyes gazing up at him through his thick dark eyelashes, he looked like a prince who came straight out of a fantasy book, and as he clasped his hand with mark’s, sticky from the fruit, one, and leaned in to plant a kiss on his lips, the latter felt like he was about to combust, heart beating like crazy at the thought of what he could’ve possibly done in his previous life to deserve to be there, just him, yuta, the beach and a couple of juicy fruits to keep them alive.
he could’ve gotten used to it, he thought, smiling happily on the blonde’s lips, hiding away from the sun under the shadow of the palm tree that watched over them.
warnings ! health illness, terminal illness, mention of hospital and recovery, implied? major character death.
mingyu and wonwoo found themselves standing amongst the tall trees and pitch black darkness of the night. their eyes are fixated on the sky above them. flushed cheeks, a result of the cold breeze that could only be minimized to a faint blush because of the bonfire, hid behind warm padded jackets as mingyu kissed wonwoo’s knuckles. he’s always been so affectionate, sweet as every candy shop in the world combined; it took months for wonwoo to get used to it, and even now as they’re pushing four years into their relationship, he still can’t deny the fact that even the faintest touch of their fingertips makes his head hotter than lava.
their stargazing session is interrupted only for a bit, as wonwoo fills the comfortable silence with what could only be an unneccessary scolding towards mingyu.
« we’re supposed to be watching the sky, gyu » he murmurs under his breath, referring to the knuckle kiss the younger boy did. he doesn’t look at him, he can’t, because he knows there’s a flustered expression on his face and mingyu wouldn’t let him live for that.
« does that mean i can’t touch or kiss you the whole time? » mingyu said, pouting. but wonwoo can clearly hear the smirk on his face; the little brat knows wonwoo doesn’t have a reason to stop him from being affectionate other than the reason that it makes him shy. wonwoo’s expression remains stoic, but eventually he huffs in defeat.
« hyung? » beams and snuggles up to wonwoo before they go back to looking up at the sky.
« hyuuuuung~ »
wonwoo grunts in response.
« i love you~ »
wonwoo’s chest warms up, and he feels like smiling giddily like a mischievous child as he glances at mingyu as he tried to shrink himself into a size small enough that he could curl into wonwoo’s chest. « what’s with the sudden confession? »
« just say it back. »
« i love you, too. »
mingyu hummed. « you need to say it back more often, hyung. »
« you already know i do without me telling you » wonwoo retorted, voice bordering on a whiny tone.
« but i still want to hear you say it more often » mingyu whined back. « do you seriously want me to go through fifty years of my life without being told by my boyfriend that he loves me? »
wonwoo scoffed « just fifty years? you’re gonna live longer than that, gyu »
« no, i’m not » mingyu grinned meaningly, « i’m saving up the other fifty years for the next life! »
the older man shifts so his torso is facing his boyfriend, staring at him. he’s heard mingyu say a lot of stupid things, but this one definitely topped that list for being the most far-fetched he’s ever heard.
« please tell me i didn’t just hear that from you. »
« what? why do you think so many people from historical paintings look so similar to celebrities today?» mingyu beamed. « besides, doesn’t that sound so cool? »
« how so? »
« the thought that beyond this life is another one, and that there’s a chance i’ll meet the same people i knew in my previous life » mingyu smiles. « there’s a chance i’ll meet you again. »
wonwoo stared into his dark eyes, taking in the sight of the hundreds of universes in them.
he thinks about the stupid theory about life that mingyu is talking about and he mentally scoffs. he thinks about the idea of passing away in this life only to be born again and meet him in the next life. he thinks about their potential first encounter, their first conversation. he thinks of their next first dates.
he thinks about the idea of living multiple lives and having to start falling in love with mingyu all over again, and he smiles softly.
« what makes meeting me in other lives so special? » he asks. « you already have me here. »
at that, mingyu takes a few seconds too long to answer, holding back a grin. wonwoo knew that look all too well; when mingyu has something to say that he thinks is so mind-blowing and moving, he’ll bite back a grin and hold back from saying it too early. he says there’s a ‘timing’ to saying these kinds of words to get the full effect on whoever would hear it from him. most of the time it’s just simple things, though, but wonwoo waits patiently and listens anyway.
finally, he spares wonwoo the impatience and speaks up. « you once said you wanted to be a cat in the next life. » and there’s that smug look on his face, as if he’d just found out the cure to cancer.
wonwoo has to take a moment to process what he just said. he remembers the one time he’d said that but as a joke, mostly, and their other friends had laughed because that was so wonwoo.
« well, don’t worry! » mingyu said « because i’ll find you in the next life and i’ll take care of you and cuddle you all the time~ »
it’s so nonsensical, and yet mingyu looked so determined and serious about it that wonwoo can’t help but want to believe him. « i’ll keep you to your word, then. »
mingyu nodded and linked their hands together. wonwoo’s gaze softens, and he grips tighter on mingyu’s hand.
« hyung, why are you here? »
wonwoo blinks, the call of his name pulling him back to the present. there’s a pale hand reaching out to his, and he grips it with both of his hands in a desperate manner.
« gyu.. what happened? »
his eyes trail over to his boyfriend’s skinny body that lay on the bed. the pastel blue shirt he wore desperately clung to his prominent collarbones, and he had become so small that everything around his body seemed to swallow him whole.
his heart was deafeningly loud in his ears. whether it was the result of his abrupt sprint earlier, or because of the dread that filled him as his gaze slowly approached higher and higher towards mingyu’s face, he didn’t know. it beats dangerously faster, so he slowers the travel of his gaze. and it lingers on the hand wrapped around his.
mingyu’s words from months before struck him like lightning, echoing like a faint whisper beneath the loud beating of his heart.
« i won’t be gone for long, hyung. i’m just off to a business trip of some sort. »
« you don’t need to come with me, hyung, i’m not a baby! »
« i’ll be back soon. i love you, hyung. »
he choked on a sob. « you lied to me. »
mingyu chuckled weakly « i didn’t want you to worry. »
« bullshit. » he sternly retorted, and out of familiar habit, he looked up at mingyu’s face. the large gasp of air he took pierced his lungs and, for a moment, as he took in the bare nakedness of mingyu’s head and watched the boy look away in humiliation, his heart stopped beating.
two months. he’d been looking for mingyu for two months. by the time the first month with him not having returned from his trip rolled by, wonwoo instantly knew something was wrong. he belatedly found out mingyu didn’t even have a scheduled business trip since that time.
he couldn’t contact his phone number. mingyu’s friends kept pretending they didn’t know anything about his absence and when wonwoo overheard about their 'trip’ to daegu, he’d believed his gut instincts and followed them.
and the surprise that was waiting for him in his and mingyu’s hometown truly caught him off guard.
« you’re his partner? » a man in white asked, and the deep frown that settled on his features made wonwoo squirm in his seat. they sat just outside of mingyu’s room, giving him time to rest.
« he’s been receiving chemotherapy for two months now » the doctor stated abruptly. « it’s actually a good thing he finally decided to do it. i’ve been trying to convince him, but he just won’t. »
wonwoo swallowed hard, fiddling with his fingers. he feels too small in his seat, feels too vulnerable and cramped inside that local hospital. he watched various people come and go, nurses walk back and forth in a normalized sense of urgency, notes the almost permanent crinkle on the faces of patients and their families from their stiff frowns. he can feel the doctor’s gaze on him. he was suffocating.
« how.. » his breaths came in short puffs. he looked down, letting his hands squeeze through the gap in his thighs, shrinking on himself. « h-how bad is it now? »
there was a long - and exhausting - pause.
« it’s gotten worse than last time. he’s at the last stage.»
when he came back in mingyu’s room, the boy was chatting with the others. the room was filled with enough chatter to make it comparably livelier than the rest of the building. despite that, however, wonwoo quickly noticed the way mingyu’s face darkens in a split second before he puts on a smile again. there’s an unmistakable grimace he failed to hide in the corners of his smile.
wonwoo cleared his throat loud enough to have everyone in the room glance at him. mingyu beamed at him, and wonwoo softens before he glances back at the other boys and silently tells them to get outside.
the boys exchange glances before they do as he asked. seokmin, soonyoung and seungkwan look at him with guilt; minghao has a tight smile on, patting mingyu’s shoulder before following the others; and seungcheol stops short in front of wonwoo, opening his mouth to apologize.
« wonwu, we didn’t want to hide it for so long from you- »
« cheol. » wonwoo cut him. « don’t you have something to do this afternoon? it’s okay, you can leave; gyu needs his rest anyways. »
seungcheol lingers hesitantly with his mouth agape, before he nodded and left the room.
mingyu smiles cheekily as wonwoo approached him. the older man sits on the vacant seat next to mingyu’s bed and takes his right hand, his thumb tracing circles over taehyung’s knuckles.
« why aren’t you telling the guys that you’re tired? » he asked him.
« i’m not tired, though. »
wonwoo sent him a deadpan stare, which made him sigh in defeat.
« how could i tell them? they feel so bad for everything. i felt like telling them i need to rest would be making them feel worse » he pouted.
« well, now that it’s just the two of us, you will go to sleep. no buts. »
« fine, fine. » mingyu rolled his eyes at wonwoo’s sternness and tucked himself under the blankets. he rolled to the side where he was facing the wall, his back turned to wonwoo.
« i’m sorry, by the way.. »
wonwoo stared at his back. he hated that his mind could somehow trick him into seeing no movement from mingyu’s body, despite the fact that the boy’s shoulders still visibly rose from breathing; he hated that he couldn’t always be there to watch the boy’s every breath.
« it’s alright, gyu.. » he muttered, resting his head next to the boy’s back. he closed his eyes and revelled in the soft puffs of air that came from mingyu’s lungs.
« i-it’s not alright.. i lied to you. »
« hey, now’s not the time to be upset over lies or whatever » wonwoo whispered, more to himself than to mingyu. « you know i was going to look for you anyway. »
« still.. you were upset. »
wonwoo felt the bed shift, and he looked up to find that mingyu had turned to him now, their faces centimeters away. « i’m not upset, just.. confused » he said. « i assumed all sorts of things that could’ve been why you disappeared. »
« are you gonna keep lying to me, too? »
silence fell as response to mingyu’s question. he stared into wonwoo’s eyes, determined to search for the answer himself. for a moment, wonwoo nearly forgot that they had been talking and not just basking in each other’s presence. he missed this. for two months, he had missed the way the rest of the world seemed to melt away and all that mattered was the galaxy that swam in mingyu’s eyes, pulling him in and holding him in that warm gaze.
finally, he spoke. « could you blame me? »
mingyu pouted again. « so you were upset. »
« but not at you. »
mingyu pursed his lips, looking skeptical. « i couldn’t stay mad at you forever.. » wonwoo stated. « i was upset about the world. »
« you’re always upset about the world » he joked, giggling quietly. wonwoo reached out to poke at the corner of his smile before cupping his cheek.
« i am. but i was more upset today. » he tried to smile, but it ended up falling into a crestfallen expression as he once again took in mingyu’s form. how had he turned into this in only such a short time?
« gyu.. » and then the boy’s smile fell too. dark shadows loom over his face, exposing the protruding bones and sagging skin and the weak form of the boy that used to be all smiles. wonwoo figures that his despair was painfully obvious, reminding mingyu of the state he was in, of the sick fate life had decided to give to such a bright boy.
and with that thought, while watching the way a dark, defeated expression on mingyu’s face, wonwoo teared up; and when he spoke, it had been the most pitiful whisper he had ever heard come out of his lips.
« why did this have to happen to you? »
about half a year had passed and wonwoo felt like he was the one dying.
he quickly moved out of seoul to live in with his parents so that he could visit mingyu in the hospital more easily. he would wake up early in the day to cook for the boy, having heard him whine a while ago about how hospital food sucks and he would do anything to have 'real food’ again. mingyu, despite whining about wanting some junk food and not the usual healthy stuff, pretty much inhaled wonwoo’s homemade meals, what with having gone two months without the taste of it.
their other friends still felt guilty and kept looking at wonwoo like dejected puppies to the point it felt like they were just deliberately annoying him at this point. finally, after some time, he’d finally said « i forgive you» many times enough to convince the boys that they were okay and all their usual dynamics went back to normal. it all felt like the usual days they spent in their youths, laughing and fooling around, barely even remembering that they were in a hospital most of the time.
but then sometimes, they’re excused out of the room. wonwoo would watch through the glass window on the door as they crowd around the boy on the bed. and again, they’re all reminded of the truth; behind all of the nostalgia-inducing conversations and the pranks and the laughter, the boy on that bed isn’t getting any better. like an illusion that they’d all built in their minds slowly faded away, they become painfully aware of the white walls, the scent of cotton balls and alcohol, the medicines mingyu took after meals and the faint bruises on his body.
« i wanted to talk to you because.. we found out that the cancer cells have spread too much. » the doctor looked down at his feet. « the only thing we can do is give him painkillers and continue his chemio sessions, just so he could at least live the rest of his life painlessly. »
wonwoo became aware of the ticking bomb inside of mingyu.
and that’s when he felt like he was the one dying; when he felt like dying in mingyu’s stead.
maybe mingyu had felt it too. he felt the gloomy cloud that the others carried around whenever they saw him under treatment and he blamed himself for it. and taehyung always, always went out of his way when he thought he was being a burden.
because one day, he suddenly disappeared.
wonwoo gaped for a few seconds at the empty space on the bed where mingyu used to be, his mind shutting down on him. « i-i’m sorry, i fell asleep » seokmin muttered from behind him; he was supposed to be the one looking after mingyu the night before. « i don’t know where he went. i just woke up.. and he was gone. »
he wanted to say it wasn’t his fault, but when his mind whirred back to life, nothing else mattered anymore; not even the tupperwares in his hand that contained taehyung’s meals for that morning as he immediately dropped it onto the floor. he dashed out of the hospital, ignoring seokmin’s voice calling for him.
he didn’t even know where he was going, and he repeated that to himself, calling himself stupid over and over in his head as he sprinted. he’d phoned mingyu’s home, his parents’ home, and any house around their old neighborhood where he could have possibly went. but he got nothing. mingyu hadn’t gone anywhere familiar.
his mind kept thinking of anywhere, anywhere that mingyu could’ve gone to. but it wasn’t until he reached a more secluded part of the roads, with the sight of the local beachside becoming more visible as he went down that path, that the last idea popped into his head.
he continued straight down the path until his feet met with sand and gravel. knives dug into his chest every time he heaved. his eyes desperately raked through the place, seeing nothing other than smooth sand and the vast masses of water that reached out to infinity.
and then he saw him.
wonwoo didn’t know whether to sigh in relief or cry as he spotted the boy’s familiar form from behind. he was sitting on the sand with hands curled into his lap while his feet were stretched out.
« mingyu! » he called as he ran a short distance towards the boy. « what were you thinking? you had me worried sick »
when he didn’t get a response, wonwoo sighed and kneeled down next to him. he reached over to mingyu’s lap to seize his wrist. « come on gyu, let’s go back.. »
his hand froze, hovering inches above the boy’s skin. mingyu’s palms were turned upwards, tan skin glistening in gushing red liquid.
wonwoo gasped as his gaze trailed to the glass shard that rested on one of his palms. then to the boy’s face, and he felt his stomach drop as he saw it.
mingyu was staring at nothing, looking as if he was feeling nothing. wonwoo’s chest clenched at the sight of his tears freely flowing down his cheeks like a dam that broke free from its boundaries; like he had cried a lifetime’s worth of tears. he thought he’d felt true sadness whenever wonwok sobbed, but this.. this mingyu, that cried but couldn’t make not even the tiniest sound of agony was even worse. he had never seen mingyu in such pain that it would literally break him.
wonwoo cautiously took away the shard of glass from mingyu’s hand, then took the boy’s frail form into his arms. « s-sorry, gyu » he whispered, feeling hot tears prick his eyes. « hyung is sorry. i wasn’t able to watch over you. »
he wrapped his arms tighter and tighter around mingyu but he still felt like he wasn’t embracing the boy’s body close enough; it felt like mingyu was barely in tune with his own body, detached and lifeless. his tears now stained wonwoo’s shirt.
wonwoo was relieved that he was able to find mingyu soon enough, that he hadn’t lost him.
but as mingyu breathed almost robotically into the older man’s neck and his arms hung at his sides, the older man feared that he had already lost him long ago.
« why.. »
wonwoo froze, feeling more than hearing mingyu breathe the question out. « w-what was that, baby? »
« why.. are you sorry? » mingyu said. « why are you guys always feeling bad, when it’s me that’s dying? »
wonwoo’s eyes widened. so he had heard everything. «gyu.. »
« why.. why me? »
the older man engulfed mingyu tighter, if it was even possible, and he clenched his eyes shut as loud sobs began to wreck the boy’s body.
he brought mingyu back to the hospital and had the boy’s injuries tended to immediately. by the time mingyu was back in his bed, he finally came back to his senses and apologized for worrying everyone.
« it’s a good thing the food didn’t spill when i dropped the tupperwares » wonwoo chuckled sheepishly as he presented the food to mingyu. « it’s time to eat, gyu »
« i want to get out of here. »
wonwoo paused and glanced up at mingyu, unsure if he’d heard him right.
« i want to get out of here, hyung » mingyu repeated.
« why? » wonwoo didn’t know why he wasn’t trying to refuse mingyu. maybe he was tired of seeing mingyu like this; worn out and drained of his energy. sometimes, he also wondered if maybe having the boy stuck to his bed like this wouldn’t be true to mingyu and the way he lived his life.
the boy sighed and looked to the side. the golden rays of the sun that dripped onto the window pane behind mingyu framed the side of his face. « i just miss being able to walk under the sun, you know? eating and hanging out with you, with everyone. i miss being a normal guy.. » he said. « sure, the food is nice in here and i got pretty close to the staff. but i feel like just seeing the outside world like the sun, the plants, the sky, in this room feels so.. artificial. »
he glanced at wonwoo with hopeful eyes, and once again the older man feels himself fall captive to the swirling masses of stars and the warm honey-like gaze; the same gaze that contained no one else but wonwoo like a precious artifact in a museum, displayed for mingyu to forever appreciate and adore its beauty, despite the fact that wonwoo was nothing more than probably a rotten apple in the trash to the eyes of other people. he’d hold wonwoo in his eyes with such amazement, like he was seeing a successful man in him. he always handled the sudden special treatment with nonchalance; shrugging and rolling his eyes like he wasn’t floating on cloud nine when mingyu proudly belts out the songs that wonwoo had self-composed. he became the person he is today mostly because of mingyu, who saw him in such a positive light, passionately listening to his dreams and rising him up to help him reach that goal. if mingyu hadn’t given him that hopeful gaze, didn’t bat an eyelash or didn’t feel like his songs deserved to top the charts, because he always thought that he didn’t deserve this much respect and adoration from someone like mingyu, maybe yoongi wouldn’t even have a reason to keep going with his otherwise bleak life.
remembering that, wonwoo realized he could never say no to his mingyu.
« can we go out, hyung? »
wonwoo smiled at him. « where should we go first? »
after having permission to release mingyu from the hospital and sharing tearful goodbyes from the staff and their friends, the pair drove off with the camping van that wonwoo had rented. mingyu wasn’t sure where to go, so wonwoo decided they would go on a spontaneous road trip.
« i’m so excited! » mingyu cried out as he practically bounced on his seat, but not without being reprimanded by wonwoo, who was firm about no excessive movements on the car and having seatbelts on.
« geez, it’s not like i’ll fall off my seat or something » the boy scoffed.
wonwoo deadpanned as he buckled mingyu’s seatbelt on. « still, be careful or you’ll make me regret going on a road trip with you. »
soon enough, the car was driving down the highways with the windows pulled down, due to mingyu’s demand to have the wind slapping against his face. expectedly, mingyu started to search for music on the radio and sang along loudly to each song he was familiar with. wonwoo watched the boy act as though he was in a music video with a huge smile on his face.
« come on, hyung, sing with me! » mingyu exclaimed. wonwoo laughed before complying and soon he found himself singing even louder and more passionately than the younger.
they stopped at almost every restaurant they could find, wonwok letting mingyu stay longer at his favorite fast foods since he knew how much the younger boy missed them. sometimes, mingyu would just want to stop at some of the quieter roads with miles upon miles of grassy fields at the side, just so he could either take pictures of the wild flowers or take a rest on the grass and stare at the sky.
eventually, the sun began to set, so wonwoo parked the car near the woods where they could stay for the night. he brought out the folding chairs for the two of them and placed them in the woods where he had set up a bonfire. mingyu excitedly clapped his hands before seating himself next to the fire and putting his hands near it to warm them up.
wonwoo then brought out their food next, and they ate in silence for most of the evening, until mingyu tugged wonwoo somewhere else deep in the woods.
« we’re going to get lost. »
« we’re not! i memorized the path we took, don’t worry» mingyu reassured him, doing nothing to help lessen wonwoo’s worry.
after a few minutes, wonwoo found himself standing in front of a small lake in the middle of the forest. the moon shone right above the lake, reflecting its light on the small ripples in the water. trees circled the lake like a wall, hiding its existence from the rest of the world. it was like a secret haven, untouched by any human being and they were the first ones to have discovered it, and he could tell by mingyu’s smile that the younger loved the thought of that.
« it’s like a pretty little hideout! » mingyu exclaimed, pulling wonwoo down so they sat next to each other in front of the lake. « we can stay here for awhile, right? »
wonwoo sighed « only for awhile. »
mingyu hugged his knees close to his chest and sighed happily. « this is just like back then.. » he said. «the last time we spent the night out. »
« yeah » wonwoo smiled. « remember? you promised me back then, that you would take care of hyung because you knew i wished to be a cat in the next life..»
mingyu nodded. « i thought that way because i figured out » he chuckled. « you know, i realized that sounds really stupid. »
wonwoo stares at mingyu.
« but i wasn’t really serious about my whole talk about us in the next lives or something.»
there was a thick silence in the air as mingyu paused. wonwik didn’t know what to say, and before he could collect his thoughts, mingyu spoke up again.
« when i ran away to the beach and.. hurt myself, i thought it was for the best. i thought that if i just disappeared then, since it’s going to happen sooner or later, it would be easier for you guys to forget m- »
« don’t say that. » wonwoo interrupted him sternly. «we’re not letting you go that easily, gyu. you said it yourself, that you would live for at least fifty years before anything happens to you. »
« and i also said that we would be reborn in the next life » he looked at wonwoo with a frown. « just because i said some things doesn’t mean life will give it to us. »
there was it again. the look of hopelessness in mingyu’s eyes, shadowing the usual brightness in them that wonwoo adored. he feared that he would cry if he kept staring into them, so he reluctantly looked away.
« i think it’s better that the world gives us only one life.. » he continued « i think.. i deceived myself too much into thinking that i would have other chances of loving you better. i took this life that i have with you for granted. »
« so does that have to mean you don’t deserve to live? because you wanted to spend a thousand lives with me? » wonwoo asked. « i thought that crap was childish, but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t want that.. because i do. and i think you deserve to live, gyu. you have so much love to give that it wouldn’t be fair to just let you spread that love in this one chance. »
mingyu smiled at him at that, leaning forward to hide his face in wonwoo’s chest. « it really isn’t fair » he murmured. « i really wanted to go around the world with you, show you the breathtaking places that i promised you. »
he gestured to the lake in front of them and chuckled bitterly. « but it turns out that this is all that i can give you. »
wonwoo thought it was beautiful; their trip so far had been nothing short of perfect. it was everything for him to be able to spend time like this with mingyu again, and he wanted the younger boy to know that.
he’d planned to say his thanks but as he lifted mingyu’s face up to glance at it, he saw the moonlight casting over his features and felt like he had literally inhaled his words back to his core. almost half a year still sucked so much out of mingyu; his cheekbones were almost prominent with how thin he was, his skin was a sickly pale color, his hair that the boy loved grooming so much shedded, and his lips are almost always chapped and dry.
still, it didn’t take away his natural beauty. and however he looked, wonwoo would always see this man in his arms as the most gorgeous person in the world.
his heart somehow always thought faster than the actual organ that did the thinking whenever he was around mingyu, and he blurted out the first thing it desperately wanted to tell the younger man.
« i love you. »
mingyu wore the prettiest flustered expression wonwoo would ever witness on a human.
« i love you so much, baby » he repeated, cupping both sides of mingyu’s face. « i don’t give a fuck wherever part of the world we are. it’s you that matters, gyu. you’re my home, and a goddamn mansion or an easy trip to the top of mount everest wouldn’t match to the comfort and satisfaction i feel when i’m with you. everything is always perfect when i’m with you. »
a glassy look took over mingyu’s face and tears eventually fell down his cheeks as he pulled wonwoo towards his waiting lips. he accepted it with just as much eagerness, desperately clawing at everything he could touch that was part of mingyu; as if he could slip away anytime. the kiss they shared was a messy clash of gurgled sobs and teeth, but none of them minded. they leaned towards each other like magnets, feeling their hearts beating rhythmically against each other.
wonwoo softly shushed mingyu’s sobs and wiped his tears away with his thumbs, which was quite a difficult thing to do, as mingyu’s tears kept falling to replace the ones that the other boy tried to wipe away. eventually, after a few minutes, his sobs had subsided and he huffed a deep sigh as he snuggled close to wonwoo. the older man kissed the side of mingyu’s face while murmuring endless 'i love you’ into his ears.
« i love you » wonwoo said for probably the umpteenth time that night. mingyu glanced at him with a pout, and if wonwoo noticed the growing blush on the boy’s face, now wasn’t the time to say it out loud to embarrass him.
« you already told me. »
« and i’m going to do it again. i’m not gonna wait to be reincarnated to be able to tell you again » wonwoo smirked.
mingyu chuckled a bit, before his smile began to sag. «hyung, this is probably going to be my last night, huh? »
« last night? of course, we’re driving off to a new destination tomorrow- »
« you know what i mean, wonwu »
« you don’t have a specific date. it doesn’t have to mean this night is the last. »
« but what if it is? »
wonwoo glanced at taehyung to see a look of defeat on his face. he never liked that look on the younger. «go get some rest, gyu » he urged the boy. « you’ll need it for tomorrow.»
« but what if i don’t wake up- »
« you will wake up. » wonwok cut him off with a stern tone. mingyu looked at him in surprise. « you will. i’ll make sure you will. »
« hyung.. »
« i’ll wake you up tomorrow, okay? » he smiled. « and the first thing you’ll hear when you wake up is me saying 'i told you so.’ »
mingyu smiled back, and wonwoo softly sighed in relief as he saw the anxiety disappear from the boy’s face.
« i feel sleepy now.. » he said. « can i sleep on your lap?»
« of course, baby. »
« you won’t leave me? »
« what makes you think i will? » wonwoo gently pulled mingyu’s head to rest on his knees, pecking his lips. « i promise, gyu. »
a look of total calmness and peace took over mingyu’s face before his eyes closed shut. wonwoo occasionally held the boy’s face in his hand, taking in the moonlight-soaked beauty in front of him. mingyu always looked the most beautiful when he was asleep; his expressions were at peace and seemingly void of any pain. sometimes, wonwoo couldn’t help but wonder if mingyu was in a world completely opposite of the one they were living in when he was asleep, a world with no tears and hurt.
when he thinks that way, he gets the strongest desire for mingyu to have the best slumber he could get, so he could spend more time in that safe little space in his dreams.
so he cursed himself when he had the urge to keep mingyu awake for the rest of the night.
he felt so selfish for wanting to see mingyu’s eyes opened wide.
because though he didn’t say it out loud, he’d also worried that once mingyu closed his eyes that night, they would never open again, and that night would be the last night wonwoo would ever stare into them.
wonwoo loved the thought of mingyu forever in a safe, painless little world, but not the thought that mingyu would have to leave him all alone in the ugly world.
he really did think it was childish to somehow have a little bit of belief in reincarnation. it was a fantasy that should’ve ended long ago when you were a kid. and yet here wonwoo was, listening to the tiny voice in his head that asked« but what if? » as he admired mingyu’s sleeping form, he wished that whatever entity above would grant him at least one more life to live with the boy. he never believed that any supernatural entity existed, but for mingyu, he was ready to beg any and all gods. even for just one day — of only him and mingyu and endless laughter; with no pain and fear of an impending tragedy — he would swallow his pride and go down on his knees.
he whispered into the cold air of the night all of his wishes; that if this really was the last night, he hoped to be able to meet mingyu and fall in love with him all over again in the next life. so even if he lacked at some things in this life, let the next life serve as his chance to improve himself. if he hadn’t told mingyu enough that he loves him, then he’d spend the next life breathing the words like it was his lifeline. if he hadn’t held mingyu’s hands all the time, or if they didn’t go on enough dates, then he’d forever be grateful to make up for it in another life— because it meant that mingyu would be there with him, and he wouldn’t go to sleep with the worry of not waking up the next day anymore.
and if fate didn’t want to give him that, wonwoo wished, with a little more hope and belief that it was more possible than the mere childish dream of being reborn, that, at the very least, mingyu would wake up tomorrow.
WARNINGS: major character death, mention of blood, mention of weapons, cursing, mention of wounds and heavy heavy angst.
author’s note: hi!! i’m back with something different this time! i’ll keep it short because it’s almost midnight and i have school tomorrow. i’ve had this story in my notes for years now, it’s one of the first i’ve ever written and today since i didn’t have the strength to write something new, i decided it was time for her to be translated! so here she his, just something i couldn’t stop thinking about after watching not today’s mv for the first time. the pure wave of panic in jeongguk’s eyes when he hears the shotguns and turns around has been in my mind since 2017. said that, i hope you’ll enjoy this as much as i did when i wrote it!
ashes and snow mixed with each other, becoming one, as they slowly fell back on the boy’s pitch black locks and sweat dripping face of jeongguk, hiding behind a car, the rifle well clasped in his hands, ready to be used.
that was going to be the final match,
they had sent him the live coordinates, and the team had immediately left to the suburbs, armed from head to toe, determined to capture once and for all the gang that had been haunting their city for months now.
in the silence of the night, light up only by the moon and the streetlights, as well as the various led lights of the abandoned building, the sound of a weapon being loaded echoed.
jeongguk clawed his ears, indicating the others to follow him, flattening against the vehicle, he begun to walk to the source of noise, stepping out in the parking lot in front of the building, whom was completely empty If not for a single figure, quietly dangling in the middle of nowhere, a gun in his right hand and a red hair band between his ashy blonde hair, locks comfortably falling on his eyes and cheekbones, he looked like the most dangerous of angels.
he had always been like this, as far as jeongguk could recall, his aurea would make the most turn their gazes away, they feared him, and yet were so fascinated by the presence of that tall, beautiful creature, radiating such confidence and power, there were rumors going around the campus that a gaze of his would be enough to light you up and leave nothing but ashes behind his back once he was gone.
as their eyes met, jeongguk felt the ground under his feet almost disappearing;
that look of his had been the cause of his destruction, so deep and expressive, seemed to be constantly staring into his soul.
he saw him grin, perfectly conscious of the positions of his, and jeongguk’s allies.
the dark haired turned around, stumbling into a bundle of pink locks, none other than his first officer and best friend.
« jesus, jimin! » he hissed,
« Quick, go to the other side, we’ll take care of this mess, take seokjin with you, if the situation gets complicated here, come back, if not, stay there, got me? »
jimin nodded before slipping silently in the night, side to side with the oldest, who took a last glance at jeongguk before he disappeared into the darkness.
once he was sure that they had obeyed his order, the raven haired returned to pay attention to the figure, which in the meantime was looking at his nails, waiting for some sign of him, which didn’t come, forcing him to speak.
« damn jeongguk, years of living together and you won’t even say hello? »
he flicked the tongue on the roof of his mouth, disappointed, as he added:
« have they not taught you manners? or did a cat feast with your tongue? yet when we were together, you’d always have so many things to say….» he let out a short laugh, no hilarity, and then went back to looking at him, eyes lost into the darkness of the parking lot.
« well then I’ll have to teach you everything again i guess. »
and from there it was complete chaos.
his comrades came out from the shadow, hair bands in head and guns in hands, they started shooting.
being repaid by the policemen, who jumped out of the cars, the black bullet vests dirty of snow and ashes and the guns ready tightly between the hands.
but taehyung wanted him,
and he wouldn’t waste his bullets on anyone else.
there he was, standing there in the corner, leaning over a car, he waited for jeongguk to arrive, who didn’t delay to please him, popping out of the car, his dark eyes on the oldest, who stared back with an excited, curious look in his ones, like a young sherlock holmes who was presented a stimulating case after months of withdrawal.
jeongguk armed the gun, ready to fire, sweat was dripping on his face, from the forehead where dark hair stick, to his chin, biting down his cold lips, he closed his eyes for a moment, overwhelmed by the situation, he dissociated by reality for a couple of minutes;
as he came back to his senses, he froze to the spot, taking in the sudden silence around him.
as he suddenly came back to reality, dropping his weapon, starting to turn around, he realized that he was alone, his mates, twenty, twenty-five brave men like him, were laying down in pools of blood that dyed with crimson red the pearly white snow.
at that moment, chest quickly rising and falling and head spinning around,
he thought that if the expression “the sky fell on him” really existed, then by then he would’ve already been dead under the weight of the dark deep sky.
he fell down on his knees, hot tears making their way from his burning eyes to his dirty cold cheeks, followed by sobs, which gradually turned into a rag, then into a scream.
he screamed until his throat started to ache, until he felt like he had no more voice to let out, tearing the nocturne silence apart.
once he recovered a little bit of lucidity, getting a hold of himself, he looked up, eyes full of hatred, towards the blonde boy, who was already looking at him, feeling almost sympathy for that child who had just lost his entire team.
he approached him, kindly laid the barrel of the gun under his chin, followed by one hand on his shoulder.
taehyung lifted his face with the weapon, causing their noses to touch, he gulped, conscious that what he was about to do would only complicate the situation, but unable to hold back.
he softly laid his lips on jeongguk’s, capturing them in a kiss that soon led to despair and anger, leaving the younger in a total state of confusion;
jeongguk felt ashamed, he felt absolutely an ass as he kissed the other back, choosing to forget for a second everything that was going on around them.
taehyung’s lips still tasted the same, they weren’t sweet, nothing of his was except for his face; it was more as if a lightning bolt just fell over him, it gave him goosebumps and made him feel free; taehyung had this power over him, of making jeongguk feel like the freest of people, it made everything seem possible, even the most far things.
jeongguk sighed into the other’s lips
returning to when they were two completely normal high school kids, to when they were on the same side and their biggest problem was what movie they were going to see at the cinema on the weekend.
he closed his eyes, letting the other swallow him into the kiss, feeling tears stain his cheeks with their transparent, warm liquid.
he thought that if that was his end, then it could have been way worse.
the magical aura of that moment was abruptly ripped out by a hiss, followed by a whisper, then blood.
jungkook’s arms trembled, stretching out with around the older, trying to hold him, face crossed by the panic of someone who had never faced that situation, not on his skin.
he started calling for help without realizing, embracing the blonde’s body in his arms, who in the meantime was looking at him through his eyelashes, face contracted in pain.
he stretched his hand out over jeongguk’s cheek, wiping out a tear, then turned it down to his lips, releasing them from his teeth.
« j-jeez, how many times have I told you to not to bite your lips? you’re just gonna ruin them. »
his voice put some lucidity back in jeongguk, who shifted his gaze back over him, grimace getting slowly replaced by a slight smile.
« good boy. »
the dark haired tried to speak, but not a sound came out, leaving him hanging on a painful sigh, while the sirens of the police could be heard in the distance, he was unable to think of anything else except the body that was growing colder and heavier in his arms, staining him with musky red blood.
« t-taehyung?» he said, voice high key shaking, receiving a positive sign from the other, who slightly nodded, struggling to let out any words over the growing pain.
« yeah gguk, im pretty sure that’s my name. can you /please/ smile for me? i deserve it, don’t I? if I am to die, I want to take your beautiful smile to the afterlife.»
but jeongguk couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t smile, he chuckled off a sob as he felt him grab his hand and lay it on his chest.
he saw him look up on the night sky before speaking once more, his voice reduced to a flexible whisper.
« Isn’t she beautiful?»
the younger looked up, meeting the presence of the moon, who looked at them quietly from the dark sky.
he nodded, charmed.
« yes… yes, it is, it is beautiful. »
he unconsciously put his head on the older’s chest - growing colder and colder by the seconds - he crouched by his side, grasping him as if his own life depended from it.
his chin started trembling and silent tears wet the fabric that was completely red on which his head was laying.
he felt the older’s heartbeat slowing down over and over and over, until it became almost an imperceptible sound.
then every noise stopped, the moment the blond parted his blueish lips, letting one last word out, which he had taught to him the full meaning years before, and that had been suspended between them for years.
« i love you. »
and he died.
quietly, while the battle was raging around them, and jeongguk cried silently, without knowing that in the distance there were other people doing the same thing, including namjoon, who had been for years like a father to taehyung, and couldn’t stand to lose him like that, along with hoseok and yoongi, who, respectively, sobbed and watched the scene, cheeks wet and burning eyes.
and so, on that cold night of february, the moon became silent viewer of the massacre, whose worst loss was without doubt the love of two boys, the victim of fate, as unpredictable as cruel.
a week later.
he looked in the mirror, fixing his tuxedo and the last buttons of his shirt, sticking his jacket and fixing his tie.
jeongguk sighed, passing his long finger over his eye bags, a memory from the previous heavy and tiring week.
he sighed, repeating an encouraging mantra in his head, hoping it would work.
« come one jeongguk, you can do this, you have to do it.»
then he came out, finding, parked over the gate, seokjin’s black car and the latter, which slightly waved at him, followed by jimin’s wide encouraging smile, the pink hair combed with gel.
« come on, gguk, we’ll be late!»
seokjin started the car, not even waiting for the other to fasten his belt, heading to the cemetery.
he had the smart idea of putting on some music, distracting the younger from all the thoughts that were nagging him, making that journey unfairly carefree.
he parked silently in front of the dark gate, removing the keys from the car and getting out, followed by the pink one and at last by jeongguk, who, a little reluctantly, abandoned the tepor of the car to dive into the cold air of March, slipping his hands into the pockets and locking the car, reaching with a few falcats the entrance of the cemetery, observing the two colleagues who, having preceded him, were already halfway across the street confabiling each other.
he got lost looking at all the plates covered by ivy, climbing to the trees, without realizing he’d reached his destination.
to wake him from his thoughts, it was the sudden appearance of three other figures, as elegant as them, who were approaching him, the bandana replaced by a fancy hairstyles held in place with gel.
« thank you for coming.»
the tallest of the three, what jeongguk remembered being namjoon, gave him a brief look, full of meaning, before he joined seokjin and jimin, followed by the guy with mint hair, yoongi, and the one with red fire-locks, hoseok.
they sat there in silence waiting for the seventh component to arrive, which jeongguk found himself carrying, head in the line, gulping heavily as he tried to hold himself together until they reached the freshly made hole, in which the mahogany coffin would’ve been buried in a matter of minutes.
at that point, tightened in their suits, the six boys, too young to go through all that, melted into sobbing and crying, leaving jeongguk alone with his thoughts.
the snow was gently falling on the rooftops of the city, decorated by coloured lights and christmas carols, who accompanied jeongguk, held tight in his black coat, to the place which he visited every christmas.
he kneeled next to the marmorean plate, cleaning it out of snow and laying a deck of black roses, the rarest ones he could find, and their favorite from day one.
he gulped, squeezing in his jumper.
jeongguk breathed in. it was always as hard as the first time.
« long time no see? i guess. i actually see you everyday, everywhere, everytime i close my eyes you’re there, smiling at me, teasing me, and more than everything, gasping for air between my arms.
jeongguk spoke up, voice getting louder by the seconds.
« jesus christ i fucking miss you alright? yeah you’d say, of course i do! of course you already know right? as if i hadn’t been telling you the same thing for over than eight year…funny. it’s just that…jeez it’s not easy to stop missing someone, and i just…i just can stop missing you, it’s feel like a crime to wake up and not think about you first as i wait before opening my eyes… oh baby i’m a wreck without you, can’t you see? i need you here to stay, i need you here again, and it hurts so fucking much sometimes i’d rather not wake up, even if it meant dreaming of your pale skin and blueish eyes. darling when i’m fast asleep i see this person watching me…saying, is it worthy? well damn i don’t know anymore. there is something and there is nothing in between and in my eyes i only see you, and everytime i try to embrace you you disappear and it’s getting so hard to bear–» he gasped for air, breathing in and out slowly to try and calm himself down.
« are you you enjoying yourself there right now? do you have a family? did you find someone to share your destiny with? i hope so, because, you see, I tried, I have a family now, of course, it’s not like having you, but you have to settle sometimes, right?» he sighed, feeling stupid. « jesus….remember that promise we made ourselves? that we would walk together to the end, well, here I am, even if you can’t answer me, I am here walking next to you… Merry Christmas taehyung, i…i love you, i still fucking love you so much and it’s killing me day by day.»
gulping, he rose up, dusting the snow from his knees and walking to the gate, tears prickling in his eyes and chest painfully rising up with every breath he took.
he started sobbing, hiding his face behind the sleeves of his coat as he walked away, unaware of a figure who had watched him from behind a tree the whole time, his translucent lips bent over a blurry smile, eyes full of imaginary tears of those who had never stopped dreaming, of those who had never stopped loving.
genre ! fluff, a bit of angst i think, surely nostalgic, spirited away!au.
warnings ! mention of pills, mention of coma.
taehyung stepped into the meadow with the gentle breeze as his guide. with every step he took, there were wild flowers and soft grass there to cushion his feet. the air smelled sweet; the aroma of roses and lilies drifted in the air lightly and the sweet fragrance tickled his nostrils. the boy felt his lips stretch into a smile as his gaze rested on the peach colored sky. faint streaks of clouds were brushed into the distant horizon, and he spotted the vague outlines of birds soaring high up in the limitless sky.
he walked further, his legs carrying his towards a large oak tree that stood serenely by a calm river just a couple of meters away from him. something told him that he was there waiting.
taehyung arrived at the roots of the tall tree, but there was no one around. maybe he was somewhere else? he walked up to the river and looked down at his reflection in the crystal water. there were little pebbles of varying colors lying at the bottom of the shallow river. a smile touched his lips at the sight of several little fish swimming past.
taehyung stared at the creatures in wonder for a while, until he heard some shuffling behind and then he realized that his reflection wasn’t alone anymore.
« how’d you know i’d be here? » the man asked in an amused tone.
he simply shrugged. « i had a feeling. it was pretty obvious though. »
« you’re the one who said you didn’t like playing hide-and-seek. »
« yeah, i like it when you’re not scaring the lights out of me all the time. »
« but you know, i haven’t heard you scream in a long while » he chuckled, moving closer to him. he snaked his arms around his waist and rested his head on his. he made no move to turn around. he watched their reflections in the river and grinned when he saw his cheeky smile. « i missed you » he murmured.
« it’s only been a day » taehyung laughed. « and sorry, i’ve been a little more busy with homework lately. finals are coming and i need to study. »
« you still need your rest. »
« i rest a lot more compared to my friends, you know » he pointed out. « but sometimes i wish i could have more time here.. time just seems to pass so quickly. »
« i feel the same, but i understand. i guess it’s just something we will have to live with for as long as i am unable to physically meet you again. »
« you never told me why. »
« it’s a reason that i myself don’t know. »
« i see.. »
« well, what do you want to do today? »
« i don’t have much time here. i set my alarm to wake me up in fifteen minutes because i still have work to do. »
« but you’ll be back tonight, right? »
« of course » he smiled. « i’ll be back. »
« well then, i think our time is almost up. so i’ll leave you with this before you leave. » he let go of taehyung and turned him around before leaning in and gently planting a tender kiss on the forehead. « good luck with your duties. see you soon. »
« don’t miss me too much when i’m gone » he giggled.
and then, the world around him faded away.
taehyung woke up with a start to the beeping of her alarm. groggily, he reached an arm over and made a slip-shod attempt to turn it off by whacking it. after three misses, he managed to turn it off and keep lying down in bed for a moment more before swinging the covers off and standing up. taehyung stretched a bit before heading to his study table. stacks of notes were piled on it, along with his pens and highlighters strewn here and there in random corners.
taehyung felt dread rise in his chest when his gaze fell on the readings that he had been looking at earlier before deciding a nap would help him to concentrate. statistics and numbers had never been his sort of thing. to be honest, taehyung felt that his brain could explode from the overloading of information.
a knock came on the door, then his door creaked open as his mother peered in. « tae, do you need me to make you some warm milk? you look tired.. »
« just woke up from a nap » he replied. « or how about some coffee? »
« if you drink it so late, you won’t be able to sleep later. i think i’ll just get warm milk for you, okay? »
« okay~ thanks, mom. »
« no problem. just don’t stress yourself out too much.»
« what makes you think i’m stressing out? you’re the one always complaining about my extravagant sleeping habits. »
« that’s true. then if you’re not that tired, why don’t you get that warm milk by yourself? »
taehyung pressed his palms together as a prey and pouted. « please, mom? »
his mother only shook her head in response with a smile on her face before leaving.
taehyung grinned triumphantly to himself as he walked towards his desk and plopped down on his cushioned wheeled chair. he spun it around, sitting in it limply as he stared blankly into space. humming to himself, he allowed his mind to drift briefly to the man from before. already he could feel a small ache in his chest; taehyung longed to see him again. time was always too short in her dreams.
but no, he wasn’t just a figment of his imagination. he was sure of it.
after leaving the spirit world, yoongi practically disappeared. he never showed a sign of crossing over to meet taehyung again, nor was there an opportunity for him to return to the spirit world. he had returned to the same place where he had entered the spirit realm after getting sick and tired of waiting for yoongi, but all that met him was a moss-covered wall.
it was as if everything had just been a dream.
taehyung would have thought just that, if it weren’t for the strange purple hair tie that he remembered was given to him by a certain kind, old witch he met before, and his strong gut feeling that the vague memories in his head weren’t conjured up by his brain.
and just like that, three years passed without an indication of yoongi’s presence or existence, but then one night, everything changed.
that night, taehyung had gone for a hot bath after club activities ended at eight in the evening. his mind had been blank — he had been too tired to think about anything else other than how soft and fluffy his bed was — and so immediately after showering, without bothering to head down for dinner, he had immediately stalked into the bedroom, switched off the lights, and plopped onto the bed. with his wet hair stuck to his forehead and moisture from his wet towel seeping into his pajamas, he had conked out almost instantly.
correction, his body did, but not his mind.
taehyung had no idea how or when he arrived at that place. all he knew was that yoongi was there, and they could finally meet once more, at the same place they first met.
and that was enough for him.
ever since then, every night without fail, taehyung would enter the spirit realm through his dreams, and every night without fail, he would meet him.
they never ran out of things to talk about or things to do, because every time taehyung seemed to want a change, the next time he came, yoongi would change the setting of his dream. jungles, piers, modern cities, his house, you name anything, and he could bring you there.
taehyung had shared this with his close friend who would never stop teasing him about getting a boyfriend, thinking that he would receive due support in his relationship.
he would have preferred it if his friend had just told him an outright « no », but instead, he received a worse reply « tae, i think he’s just a figment of your imagination. i mean, you can’t possibly think he’s real, right? you’ve only met in your dreams! »
but taehyung stubbornly held on to the belief that he was real. having his parents turned into pigs hadn’t been just a dream; it had been a living nightmare. even if he couldn’t remember most of the details, he clearly remembered the name and the face of the boy who had saved him from it all.
and the promise he made was still vivid in his mind « we’ll meet again sometime.. i promise. »
perhaps when he said that, it didn’t necessarily point to a physical reunion, but taehyung didn’t mind. at least he got to see him again.
« finals are officially over! » taehyung exclaimed and leaned back against yoongi’s broad chest in contentment.
he chuckled and wrapped his arms around him. « i’m glad. this means we’ll have more time together, right?»
« yeah, it does. » they were currently sitting on top a hill, which overlooked meadows and plains and winding rivers, though with the lack of light, it was hard to make out anything but vague outlines and shapes of the mountains standing in the far distance. all they could see was the shimmery blanket of night in the sky, with the diamonds resting above shining little light down on them.
« beautiful, aren’t they? » yoongi murmured as he rested his chin on the other’s head.
« i could sit here all night and watch them.. » taehyung replied. « they’re so pretty. i wish i could go right up there and pluck one out of the sky. »
« and very conveniently, you have a dragon who can fly right next to you. »
taehyung giggled. « don’t be silly, yoongi. the stars are too high up there. we’ll never reach them. »
« we could always try. »
« it’s impossible. stars are in space, and we can’t possibly go there. »
« what is ‘space’? » he asked.
« it’s a place above the sky that we see now. »
« is it very big? »
« it’s boundless. there’s no end to it. »
« do you suppose heaven is up there? »
« mmh.. i don’t think so. to be honest, i think dreamland is heaven itself. » taehyung had dubbed this strange place ‘dreamland’ long ago, since he could only come in his sleep.
« and i suppose i’m an angel living here. » he chuckled.
« yeah, you’re an angel. one who can fly even without wings » taehyung grinned.
« then what does that make you? » he asked.
taehyung thought about it for a moment. « i guess i’m just a passer-by. just casually passing by heaven every night in my sleep. »
« a passer-by loving an angel? strange, don’t you think? »
« well, strange things happen in heaven all the time. »
« indeed, they do. strangest of all is the fact that you can enter. perhaps you’re an angel without knowing it?»
taehyung turned his head around and giggled at the sight of his playful smirk. « i could never be an angel. i don’t have wings. »
« i can change that. » taehyung felt his arms pull away from him and the boy’s bare feet shuffled behind him as he stood up. he turned around, not knowing what to expect.
« get on » the mighty dragon seemed to say. he didn’t need to say it twice. he lifted one of his legs, allowing taehyung to step on it so that he could hoist him up on his back smoothly. once taehyung was on top of his back and holding on to his horns securely, he began to move forward and climbed up into the sky, drawing closer to the stars above.
taehyung shuffled into the kitchen while rubbing his eyes. « morning mom, morning dad » he said while yawn.
his father, who was reading newspapers on the couch, peered over at his son with a small frown. « you look terrible. didn’t sleep well? »
« yeah.. »
« but you’ve been sleeping so much after finals ended» the mother said from the kitchen. « eight hours of sleep every night, even naps! are you falling sick? »
taehyung sat down at the dining table and propped his chin up on his elbows. « i’m fine »
« what’s the matter, my kid? » his father had put down his papers and walked over to sit next to him. « got something on your mind? are you worried about your results? they don’t get released so early. »
taehyung only huffed. « it’s not that.. i’m fine, really. nothing’s bothering me at all. »
« mmhmmh » he replied, clearly unconvinced. « need me to bring you to the doctor’s? »
« no thanks, i’m perfectly fine.. i’ll be going back to sleep now. »
« already? » the mom shots a disapproving glance in his direction as he emerged from the kitchen with two hot bowls of ramen. « it’s already one in the afternoon and you just woke up, for god’s sake! »
« it’s a saturday. i think i have the time to spare to catch up on my rest » was all taehyung said before trudging back into his bedroom.
taehyung closed the door behind him, muffling the disapproving comments from his parents and then he jumped onto the bed, burying his face in the pillow. « what’s going on? « he muttered to herself in angst. « damn it, this isn’t funny, yoongi. »
taehyung closed his eyes again, sighing and trying his best to fall asleep again. truth be told, his body really didn’t need any more sleep; it was fully awake. but he had to go back to that place and find him.
for weeks, taehyung hadn’t been able to meet yoongi, for some kind of twisted reason. he had even resorted to taking sleeping pills just so he could try to enter that place again.
but each time taehyung closed his eyes, he only saw darkness.
it was as if he had just disappeared altogether.
like everything had just been.. a dream.
the brown haired boy took his books up and stuffed them into his backpack. slinging it over his shoulder, he sighed and made his way out of the lecture hall. « tae, do you want a lift? » a friend of him called while waving to get his attention.
« no thanks.. » taehyung replied with a tired smile. then he was gone; quietly made his way out of the dark, quiet campus. not wanting to have his friends catch up to him, he walked briskly out by the front gate and walked down the same road he always took back home.
looking up at the dark blanket of night, taehyung felt tears prick his eyes at the sight of nothingness. it was empty, like a void.
« you promised.. » he murmured shakily. « you can’t just up and leave like that, not when you promised me.. »
he fingered the bracelet on his wrist, continuing to brood in his thoughts. it was not her imagination; it hadn’t been just a dream. everything they had gone through together, they were all real. taehyung felt a familiar ache rise up in her chest as something caught in his throat. had yoongi left because he wasn’t good enough? or was it because he was no longer qualified to stay there?
taehyung shook his head. no. he was just a passer-by, he had always been one.
he was just a boy passing by heaven.
just then, a loud, blaring horn snapped her out of his thoughts. he turned to his right, and only saw a bright, glaring light fill his entire line of sight.
GENRES: angst, smut, fluff, best friends to lovers, college!au
WARNINGS: smut ! mention of alcohol, mention of oral sex (receiving and giving), mention of sex, mention of bruises, biting, mention of traumas mention of panic attacks.
author’s note: hewwo hewwo hewwo ^^ i’m back again since seventeen seem to always give me the inspo to write. this time i wanted to try and write nsfw content for the first time. it was a bit hard and it took me some time but i still got it done in less than 24 hours. i really hope you will like it, as always i project myself into the main character but i’m sure you’re used to it by now. i’ll do my best to learn and improve so i’ll be able to deliver even better descriptions and make you enjoy what i write even more! but for now, you’ll have to stick with my poor english and zero experience in nsfw stuff. enjoy 🍓!
wonwoo sat down panting.
eyes fixed on the wall in front of him, tangled in his sheets, he could feel the cold water drops running down his neck and back, making his shirt stick to the sweaty skin.
it was always the same dream, and he was tired.
everything would start with him going to a party, or the library, the setting would change but the story wouldn’t.
he’d be minding his business and then out of nowhere a girl would bump into him, staring him up and down, then everything would escalate quickly.
her hands running down his skin, her lips on his neck slowly sucking the oxygen away, he’d slowly start to suffocate, his skin lighting up in flames, and then he’d wake up gasping for air, like a terrified prey.
just like now, grasping at the sheets to free himself, he almost forgot about the huge body resting next to him, cheek squished on his pillow and lips slightly parted, he was glad his roommate had such a deep sleep that not even a nuclear bomb could wake him up.
wonwoo slowly got up from his side of the bed, heading to the bathroom to refresh himself a bit, trying to figure out how to get rid of the stupid dreams haunting his mind every night.
hands on the white pearly sink, he stared at his reflection in the mirror, slowly frowning.
large pupils and dark eyes, he slowly breathed in, his swollen lips slightly parted;
his breath fogged the mirror, annoying him even more, to the point that he gripped at the sink, hurting his own hands.
he was tired of that situation, barely could bear it anymore.
he had no one to talk to, he felt humiliated, embarrassed even, to the point that opening up to anyone about this awkward secret of his would feel like ripping a part of his body off.
shaking the thought from his head, he splashed himself with water, intertwining his long fingers thru the raven locks, brushing them back with water to free his forehead, the water droplets running down his face and neck, making shivers run down his spine.
i’m so fucking tired
he thought, taking the sweaty t-shirt off and throwing it on the pile of laundry, accumulating on the shelf day by day since neither he and his roommate cared about it, they only washed them when they actually needed it.
so now he was there, standing in front of the mirror in all of his twenty-something stressed self; he grabbed a towel to wet it and passed it on his shoulders and back to cool himself down.
wonwoo slowly closed his eyes, leaning his back on the cold wall; breathing in, he kept on passing the cold towel on his chest, running down to the sweaty abdomen and then up again on his shoulders and arms, slowly calming down as his nerves progressively relaxed.
but it didn’t seem to work for more than a couple of minutes, as the cold effect of the wet towel faded, so it did his apparent calmness, getting replaced with a new wave of anger and frustration.
getting up from the wall, he threw the piece of cloth somewhere on the bathroom floor, gritting his teeth and slowly breathing in an out in an attempt to calm down.
he needed to drink, everything would be good he thought, he wasn’t in the right mindset to be picky about alcohol, and so he quietly tiptoed inside out of the bathroom, heading to the small kitchen to grab the first bottle he felt: once the fingers grabbed its glossy neck, he backed up to the bathroom, closing the door behind him, and straight up got into the shower, opening the bottle along with the cold jet of water.
wonwoo closed his eyes again, going back to his previous position: back on the wall, he slowly brought the bottle to his lips, chugging down the cold liquid:
the alcohol slowly made its way down his throat, burning it inch by inch, it took him a solid couple of minutes before his senses got numb, and five for his head to start spinning, forcing him to sit down, looking up at the ceiling with half-closed eyelids, wet eyelashes fluttering on his cheekbones.
he liked taking showers when he felt off, because the water hid his tears, and it made him feel less pathetic.
so now, tear after tear, he found himself sobbing out of anger, gripping at his hair to try and stop himself from breaking down in such a pathetic state, chest shaken from the sobs and soaked trousers.
what the fuck wonwoo please get a fucking hold of yourself you pathetic stupid fuck.
he was tired of feeling like this, he was tired of this weight crashing his chest every time someone got close to him, he was tired of feeling the oxygen disappear from his lungs at the feeling of a stranger’s finger tracing down his body line, and having to stop them as they went too south, feeling like he’d die from fear.
he had this problem since he was a kid, the fear of someone touching him, the incredible discomfort of skinship, he’d hide behind books and big glasses and used them as a shield from everyone who tried to get near him.
that didn’t stop people from crushing on him, since middle school, when he became the tallest in class and his voice dropped off a couple of octaves, and then again in high school, when his shoulder got broader and he started taking care of his body, that’s when he met his roommate, and also when he became his best friend.
mingyu was the exact opposite, with his sun-kissed skin and puppy-like eyes, mixed with his natural confidence and genuine personality, he was the school’s heartthrob without even trying.
it was him who approached wonwoo first, one day at the gym, he saw wonwoo getting tangled in a rope and ran to help him out, which ended up with them exchanging numbers, they were still in high school then, and had no idea that they would find themselves sharing an apartment in the same campus a bunch of years later.
just the way wonwoo didn’t think he’d find himself drunk-crying in the shower looking like a complete fucked out idiot when, the only thing he wasn’t, was fucked.
as for mingyu, he was doing amazing, he had such a bright and sweet personality that no one could ever hate him, not even one of his classmates when he’d smile down at them and open the door for his house after completely railing them.
they were okay with it, because, in the end, mingyu was so sweet, genuine, and confident that it didn’t matter if he’d treat you like a one night stand, since he was also oh so good with aftercare, it was a one way to heaven and everyone was willing to take their turn.
wonwoo gulped, just the thought of someone touching him below the waist made him sweat and there he was, losing count of the bodies he had passed down, wonwoo envied the way mingyu took a thing such as carnal union that lightly, he wished he could do the same, then maybe he wouldn’t feel like a complete, hopeless loser.
he was so lost in the thoughts, and burning feeling of the alcohol down his throat, so sure that no one would bother him at that hour, especially not mingyu since he had basketball practice so early the next morning, that it took him a few minutes to acknowledge the steady knocking on the door, and the voice, muffled by the shower and his growing headache, repeating his name, everytime a bit more concerned.
« wonwoo? wonwoo for fucks sake can you open up? it’s literally 3am in the morning what the fuck are you doin-»
mingyu shut up, eyeing up and down the unsteady figure of his roommate, gripping at the doorframe to stay on his feet.
« i thought you were sleeping » wonwoo mumbled, his voice forcing its way out of his lips, he stared back at mingyu, dilated pupils and glossy eyes.
« and well i thought the same about you. what the fuck are you doing drenched and drunk in the bathroom? jesus christ you reek of alcohol…» mingyu tried to make his way into the bathroom, he had messy hair and swollen lips, his clothes were wrinkled and he still carried the smell of his freshly washed sheets.
it was obvious that he’d much rather be asleep at that moment, but when he looked at him, wonwoo saw he was genuinely concerned, willing to put his sleep second to listen to him ranting, and the moment he looked at him in the eyes, he realized that there was no turning back, and as the first word slipped out of his mouth, he knew that no secret was going to remain unsaid that night.
« i’m sorry. »
wonwoo look down at his hands, sitting on the bathroom floor in all of his drenched and sad glory, while mingyu slowly stroked his hair with a dry towel, massaging his temples.
« why would you be? i’m the one who’s sorry her–»
« you should be sleeping, mingyu. and i should be doing anything but this to try and solve my problems. »
« but i don’t like it when you keep things from me, especially when they turn you into such a mess at 3am in the morning.»
mingyu sounded calm but his voice was firm, he kept on stroking his hair almost in a motherly way, while wonwoo rested his head on the toilet between the other’s knees, now staring up at him from there.
« i know…but…that’s- all of that is…such an humiliating thing, i didn’t want to drag you into it, i just have to find the right person at the right time and a huge amount of alcohol, it can be that hard, can it?» wonwoo asked, his words coming out as insecure and unsteady, he was so afraid and it was getting on his nerves, making it hard to even focus on the other’s actions.
« of course it can, we’re all different, sex is a very subjective thing, it can’t be the same for everyone, i just wish you would’ve told me sooner…»
« how could’ve i? you’re so different than me-– everything you do…it all comes so easy i- i would’ve just felt pathetic…childish, to be a junior and Still a virgin? to be a junior and still a virgin and having panic attacks over it? trust me it’s not as easy as you may thin-» wonwoo started gasping for air, feeling his eyes but with tears and cheek burn in shame, he went back to stare at the floor, hugging his legs and sniffing.
« hey nonono woo… woo look at me please?» mingyu got off from the toilet, kneeling down in front of him, he looked at the boy in front of him, feeling his heart sink a bit at the sight.
wonwoo was curdled up in a ball, trousers drenched in water and a towel on his humid head, long silky hair falling down his eyes and caressing his cheekbones, making him look like a pouty porcelain doll, tears running down his red cheeks and plump lips pouted in shame.
« woo…please look at me, i promise you it can’t get worse than that, you got it out of your chest, and that’s all that matters okay? now please…» wonwoo stiffed as he felt mingyu’s hands cupping his face, thumbs caressing his cheeks in circular motions, making his eyes flutter closed.
« please look at me, i just want to help you alright? just tell me how…i don’t want to see you like that woo, it breaks my heart and i don’t think i can’t take it…so please, talk to me okay?» he shifted into a more comfortable position, keeling down over him, he waited for the other to speak up, as he was willing to take any answer and do his best to help him.
wonwoo’s voice came out flebile and fragile, just like a scared mewl.
« i…i want to get rid of this weight gyu…i want to feel free…i want to have fun…i want to overcome this block….»
« that’s perfectly fine woo, just tell me what kind of person you’d rather me setting you up with, i know almost everyone here, boys, girls, theys, just tell me wha- »
wonwoo shook his head, gripping with two fingers at the soft cotton of the other’s shirt.
« no i…don’t want a stranger…i’d literally die on the spot…don’t wanna…»
« then what? what can i do? i…can try to loo-» mingyu quieted down for a couple of moments, slightly frowning as he thought of something, something that lowkey scared him the fuck off but seemed like the best answer.
« do you trust me wonwoo?» mingyu looked up at him, nervously licking his lips as he fixed the towel on his head, brushing a raven lock from his eyes.
« o-of course i do, we’ve literally known each other in forever…you’re the only friend i have…why are you asking?»
the raven haired stared back at him, confusion obvious in his face as he tried to understand what the other was thinking about.
« i-i’m asking because i thought of something but i need to have your complete trust or else i’m afraid i’ll screw everything up and then it’ll be a mess and then i’ll be the one getting the fuck drunk in a stupid shower instead of sleeping. » mingyu breathed in, heart pumping hard in his chest and eyes scanning wonwoo’s face from his hair to his chin.
« you’re scaring me now…but yes, yes i do trust you, i’d trust you with my drink, with my life too, there’s no doubt in that-»
« would you trust me with your body?»
there was a moment of silence.
« i-i’m sorry…what?»
« i said » mingyu gulped, looking away to the door, « would you trust me with your body? it’s not like i’ve never seen it before, but i need your complete consent before i do something you could blame me for forever. so, i’ll ask again: do you trust me with your body, wonwoo? i figured out i’m the only one that knows you the best, the only one that can help you get through this, but it has to come from you, i won’t do absolutely nothing unless you tell me to, alright?» mingyu took the towel off his head, throwing it at the other side of the room, he then looked at wonwoo, waiting crouched on the floor like an obedient puppy, trying his best to make the other feel safe, not to rush him.
the room suddenly got painfully quiet, wonwoo was still staring at him with wide red eyes, just as his cheeks, burning, not in shame anymore, but in fluster, as he felt butterflies…of fear probably, building in the pit of his stomach.
but mingyu felt safe, maybe it was his expression, maybe the fact that he was almost as wide as a drawer, maybe the fact that he’d known him for as far as he could remember, but he didn’t make him feel nauseous, he looked reassuring, despite the palpable nervousness of his expression, wonwoo knew he was doing everything he could to help him, and it kind of relaxed him a bit, just enough to slightly part his lips and answer.
« i-i do. »
mingyu abruptly looked up at him, trying his best not to look too shocked, he was sure the other would refuse, maybe even cry again.
« i do trust you mingyu, more than anyone else in the world, and if i really have to choose, i’d love to trust you in this too, just…be patient with me please, as you can see, i am Very nervous and Very scared and i have this thing in my stomach that feels like i’m going to explode in any min-»
say no more, mingyu was quick to grasp him by the shoulders and embrace him, nuzzling his face in the other’s neck, a wave of relief hitting him: the hardest part had been done, now he was back on a territory he knew, kinda…wonwoo was still something new to him, as much as he knew his body, he didn’t know anything else about how to make him feel good, but he was willing to do his best, and silently appointed to write an apology email to his basketball team for the absence he was about to make.
meanwhile, wonwoo was thinking of how life after death was.
caged in mingyu’s embrace, feeling his hot breath on his neck and his long slender fingers pressuring on his back, wonwoo was more than sure that those were going to be the last moments he’d spend on earth.
he was burning, but not in his usual way, he didn’t feel like suffocating, it was more of a crave, as if his body was craving to burn more, for the other to lit him up to ashes; he had never felt this way before and it fucking terrified him, but it felt so heavenly, so relieving to be in his arms, that wonwoo couldn’t help but breathe out, relaxing into the other’s embrace, hand grasping at the back of his shirt to keep him close to his body.
it felt nice. and he wanted more.
it didn’t take long for mingyu to realize it; as soon as he felt the other relax into his arms, he planted a small kiss on his neck, earning a subtle gasp and feeling the grip on his shirt grow tighter, so he looked up at him, tilting his head on the side, eyes glimmering with a glimpse of satisfaction.
« don’t you think we should get comfortable? you see, i’m not a picky one when it’s about taking someone, but it’s the first time for you, i don’t want you to break your back on a stupid toilette, am i right?» he asked, rising an eyebrows as he waited for the other, as red as a tomato, to answer.
which he did, eagerly nodding, still feeling the ghost of his kiss on his neck, as if all of his nerves decided to move from his body and concentrate where, not long before, the other’s lips touched him.
« let’s go then. » mingyu got up, not giving the other time to think as he lifted him in his arms and walked out of the bathroom, planting a kiss on his head as he let him down on the bed.
« look at you, suddenly so small, as if you weren’t buffer than me the first time we met, just how the tables have turned…»
wonwoo gulped, backing up towards the head of the bed as mingyu grinned down at him, his head still tilted to the side, he slowly got on the mattress, studying the other’s reaction in the dim light, he’d always thought of wonwoo as the prettiest person out there, he loved his cat eyes, now looking at him with a glimpse of fear and excitement, and his natural pout, lips slightly parted as he took in small breaths, afraid that if he’d been to noisy he would’ve ruined the atmosphere. he also loved his cheekbones, so he ran a finger down one of them, tracing the lines of his face, caressing his burning cheek as he kneeled once again between his parted legs, supporting himself with a hand on the wall, he bent over the other, staring down at him through his thick eyelashes.
« has anyone ever told you how pretty you look with your cheek flushed and plump lips parted? if i knew it would end up with such an heavenly view, i would’ve asked you way sooner »
wonwoo blushed even harder, he tried to talk back but as soon as he opened his lips to speak, the other was quick to shut him up, with a kiss, making his heart almost jump out of his chest.
mingyu’s lips tasted like strawberries, probably because of the weird addiction he had to everything strawberry flavored, even now, mixed with the alcohol still in wonwoo’s system, the strawberry taste was so intense to leave him dazzled for a moment, making his head spin so that he had to grip at the messy haired’s shoulders, making him bend even more towards him.
mingyu’s kiss was slow, even gentle, in the limit of gentleness of a 1.88m tall man large twice as him, but still gentle, it felt as if he was exploring his borders, measuring and studying the territory. it felt nice.
wonwoo tried his best to kiss him back, when he first agreed to it, he was moved by an unknown desperation that now made him shiver, but still, mingyu was so good, so at hand that wonwoo felt like he should’ve taken a course to prepare him for this moment. he was afraid he wouldn’t live up the other’s expectation, and that made him stiff up a little.
mingyu felt it, and as he slowly parted from the other’s lips, licking his own with a pleased sigh, he brought a hand, previously laid on his left hip, back to his cheek, gently stroking the red-ish skin in hope to help him relax.
« tell me if you think we’re rushing things, i don’t care how long it takes alright?» he told him, softly smiling down at him.
« i-it’s not that…» wonwoo mumbled, embarrassment building up again and making him turn away.
« then what’s wrong?»
« it’s just that…you’re so good at…this » wonwoo shook his hands towards him, indicating the whole situation.
« i’m sorry i suck so much…i’m probably annoying yo–» mingyu almost kissed him again on the spot, feeling a little bit of anger build up inside of him, but instead he looked away, running a hand between his hair.
« you don’t suck wonwoo. you’re actually doing great okay? and it’s okay to suck, you can do whatever you want tonight, i’m at your desire, there’s no wrong, no sucking- i mean /that might take a bit but/ that’s not what i wanted to say, just know you’re doing amazing alright? now, i am going to kiss you again and i want you to relax and enjoy it without worries, please?»
wonwoo nodded again, feeling as stupider as ever for worrying when he, in fact, had never done anything like that before.
in a matter of second, mingyu’s lips where back on his, this time kissing him in a strong, almost hungry way, making him grip at his hair as his hands found his hips and pulled him closer to his body.
wonwoo intertwined his fingers with the other’s soft locks, pulling at them from time to time and quietly gasping everytime he’d answer with a muffled moan, curling his toes at the sound.
next thing he knew, mingyu was taking his shirt off, almost never leaving his position, arms around his waist and heart beating chest to chest.
wonwoo seriously thought he would die the moment his lips went back to his neck, leaving a trail of sloppy butterflies kisses from his ear to the roots of his neck, he inhaled abruptly the moment mingyu lightly nibbled on his skin with his fang, he’d always had a thing for them, but from admiring them to feeling them on his own skin, it was completely different.
he couldn’t help the pathetic little sounds that left his mouth as soon as the other started working on the skin of his neck, marking and licking it as he pleased, enjoying every gasp, every whine and squirt of the other’s body under his touch.
as if he thought it couldn’t go worse for him, he saw the stars when he felt him go south, leaving a trail of kisses and kitten licks on his way from the neck, to the collarbones and down on his chest, caressing the sides of his hips as he lowly hummed something to himself, a song that wonwoo was sure he would’ve recognized by then, if only he wasn’t so immersed in the feeling of someone actually Kissing his skin.
it felt almost too much to bear when he reached down his abdomen, he started gasping for air, eyes watery and pupils huge staring down at the other, who looked up at him with a devilishly smirk, eyeing him as if wonwoo had been the feast he so long fasted for.
« what’s with that pup? nervous much?» mingyu eyed him up, tracing invisible lines of fire on his skin, from his ribs to the start of his apollo’s belt, disappearing under the soft grey sweatpants he was wearing, still slightly wet from the shower he had taken before.
wonwoo gulped nervously, staring at him in silence, he tried to be brave, stretching an hand towards him to lightly pull at his hair, licking his lips.
« i-i’m not nervous…don’t stop please»
« wouldn’t even for all of the treasures this planet has to give pretty thing~» mingyu planted a kiss on his lower abdomen, making him widen his eyes in fear.
« don’t worry babe, it’s not like i’m going to eat you- i mean…not like /that/ at least.» he smiled sheepishly, securing himself on the mattress before he slowly pulled at the sweatpants’ hems, debating or wether or not taking them off or leaving them on and waiting for the other to beg for it.
and it didn’t take long for it to happen, it took a matter of seconds before he felt the older whining and pulling at his hair, eyebrows furrowed in discomfort as he felt himself getting hotter and hotter as seconds went by.
« m-mingyu–… please…» it came out as a screeching plead, as he grimaced out of pain.
suddenly he felt the cold hair hitting his legs, as the other threw his trousers away, looking at the growing bulge between his legs and almost laughing at how sensitive the other had to be for him to take it that little to push him on the edge.
wonwoo looked down at him, feeling the anticipation lump his throat, making it hard to breath.
« you look like you’re about to pass out pup, and i didn’t even touch you yet… quite endearing if you ask me» he smiled up at the raven haired, having zero intention of making him feel uncomfortable over his resistance, he wanted to make him feel as good as possible, and in order to do that, he needed wonwoo to have confidence in himself, to feel good about himself.
« now woo, i’m going to briefly explain you what’s going to happen alright? i’ll make you feel good, i’ll do my best to have you pleading and crying out of pleasure because that’s the best thing i know how to do, and i really want you to enjoy this, but in order to do so, i need you to feel good about yourself first alright? i need you to feel confident and maybe even a little bit in charge, so why don’t you take the lead from here? you see, i’m a big fan of giving, but i don’t mind watching at all.”
wonwoo looked at him with wide eyes, suddenly taken aback from his request.
yeah, he did please himself from time to time, it was a natural thing and he didn’t mind doing it. but in front of someone else? it completely changed his perspective, it completely changed the situation, he wasn’t sure that his heart would take the view of the other looking at him while he pleased himself, it made his heart skip a beat just by thinking about it.
« h-ho- wh-what? you want to watch Me? a-are you sure about it bec-»
« i am the surest person you’ll ever meet right now, but i won’t force you, it’s your time, you get to decide everything, i’m just suggesting » gyu grinned at him, sitting more comfortable on the bed, fixing his position to be sitting next to him, giving him the perfect exposure to his toned chest and abdomen, wonwoo swore he could’ve died at that moment and nothing would’ve mattered anymore.
he took a moment for himself to admire the boy sitting next to him, to study his face, his expression, the few locks sticking to his forehead and the few droplets of sweat on his chest; he looked beautiful and wonwoo really wanted to kiss him, so he stretched a hand to cup his cheek, making him turn to face him, took a deep breath and went in for a kiss, capturing the other’s lips the best way he could, whining lowly when he felt his hands grasping him from the hips to move him on his lap.
wonwoo kept kissing him as long as he felt oxygen in his lungs, until it turned sloppy and he had to part from him to breathe in, he felt confidence slowly building inside of him, from the way mingyu’s cheekbones lit up, from the way his now swollen lips slightly parted and his eyes rolled half closed when he let him go, he slowly found the courage to bring his own hand south, from his hip to the soft fabric of his boxers, gulping as he unconsciously bucked his hips to relieve the pain.
mingyu noticed it and subtly smiled, relaxing himself on the pillow, sitting comfortably with his hands on the other’s hips, watching him in silence as wonwoo didn’t even realize what was happening, too busy slowly finally relieving himself, the free hand keeping him sitting straight as he slightly arched his back, letting out muffled whines, eyebrows furrowed and eyes closed. mingyu studied his face, from his burning cheeks to the plump swollen lips that he was biting into as an attempt to muffle the noises.
as wonwoo kept going, he started to lose stability, curling up on himself until the other took him by the shoulders and let him rest with the forehead on his shoulder, slightly bucking up his hips to leave him a gasping mess, caressing his back and whispering praising nonsenses in his ear, slowly watching him crumbling and turning into a moaning mess.
when wonwoo finally reached his high, mewling and lightly biting on the other’s shoulder, he realized that in the rush to please himself he didn’t even take his boxers off, and was now sitting on the other’s lap with stained boxers and stomach, making him blush again in embarrassment.
it didn’t look like a problem for mingyu though, he only cared about one thing at that moment, and it was to hear those heavenly sounds again and again and again until the sun was to rise upon them.
« i-i’m sorry i- i made a mess…»
« you’re beautiful »
wonwoo looked up at him, batting his eyes and gulping as he felt his eyes burning again with tears and his heart beating faster and faster.
« do you really think that? or are you just speaking out of an erection?»
mingyu looked at him with the most lost expression that he’d ever seen in his life, almost bursting into a laugh.
« listen i /do/ have an erection right now, but i still thought you looked beautiful, you /were/ beautiful even before while crying under a wet towel, the fact that my dick is aching has nothing to do with it, but i’d be glad if you could help me with that.”
wonwoo blinked at him, blushing even harder than before, he looked down at his growing bulge, staring at it for a bunch of seconds.
« damn »
« yeah i know now speed up speedy gonzales and help me with it»
his words were enough to make the older relax a bit, wonwoo decided that he had nothing to lose anyway, and so he tried to get a hold of himself, getting off of the other’s lap, he slowly made its way downtown, kneeling down to stare at the boy’s growing clothed bulge, tilting his head on the side.
mingyu just stared at him, anticipation running through his veins and spreading goosebumps all over his skin the moment the other grasped at the hems of his pants, slowly taking them off, leaving him only in a pair of tight black boxers, which he thanked god for, fearing that he might’ve forgotten to take the patrick star ones off.
they looked at each other in silence for a moment, before mingyu’s hands ran through the other’s hair, caressing his temple with his own thumb, wonwoo unconsciously leaned over his touch, closing his eyes for a couple of seconds before going back to stare at him.
« you’re doing great woo, better than anyone else i’ve ever been with, don’t back up now okay?» mingyu whispered to the other, in hope to help some confidence build up in him, which eventually worked, since it took just a bunch of seconds before the other left him a gasping mess, boxer down to his ankles, leaving a trail of kisses in his inner thigh.
the older’s long fingers grasped his hips, keeping him in place as mingyu shifted with anticipation, trying to muffle the small noises leaving his mouth the more the other’s lips got closer to him, occasionally nibbling on the soft flesh and planting hot kisses on the marks he was leaving.
the moment wonwoo’s lips finally reached his length, ghosting over the sensitive skin, all his sense started tingling, making him bite harshly on his bottom lip, pulling at wonwoo’s hair more harshly, impatient t feel more than just the ghost of his lips.
« w-woo– jesus christ pleas-e…hurry up…» the last words came out as a chuckled whisper, shut down by a warm feeling spreading inside of him, the moment wonwoo built up the courage to take him inside his mouth, slowly bobbing his head up and down, raven locks tingling his eyes and cheekbones.
the younger gasped for air, a hand grasping the sheets and the other roughly pulling the wonwoo’s hair, looking at him through his thick eyelashes, blushing cheeks and swollen pink lips slightly parted as he started to pant harder and harder.
wonwoo dared to look right back at him, eyes hooded and hungry for him, mouth never leaving his growing cock and creating a pool of drool on his mouth and chin.
he thought he’d feel embarrassed, looking like a slut, bending himself in front of another person, someone that knew him that well and had been by his side for so long, he thought he would feel humiliated, but right now, taking him fully in his mouth, the only thing he felt was the burning hot skin under his hands, along with the other’s fingers pulling his hair, which made him feel like he could die at any moment, low moans and desperate growls vibrating from the back of his throat to mingyu’s length, causing him to shift and squirt in pleasure.
when mingyu thought- as much as he could think in that condition- that wonwoo would be used to this, he slowly started to buck his hips towards the other, gently thrusting inside his throat, one hand stroking his cheek and the other at the back of his head, pulling his hair and guiding his movements.
soon enough, gagging sounds started to feel the room, they were like music to his ears, as he breathed in slowly and let out a soft ‘fuck’ along with a couple of other curses, as he reached his high and wonwoo finally let go of his cock, a trail of saliva and cum connecting his chin to it.
mingyu looked down at him, he took a moment to admire his state:
wonwoo’s hair were as messy as ever, his eyes were half closed and tears were crowding in them, swollen lips parted and stained with saliva and shiny cum dripping down his chin; he had rosy cheeks and as mingyu took in the sight of his friend, he realized he had never seen anything more beautiful before.
« i-i’m sorry it…it was my first time….i…woah that was….harder than i imagined, You were harder than i imagined » wonwoo slightly whined, massaging his jaw and licking his lips, looking at the other boy.
mingyu on his side, sprawled on the mattress, legs parted and chest quickly rising and falling, couldn’t care less about the sloppiness of his actions or his blowjob skills, he just wanted to take him there and now.
« c’me here. » he demanded, voice low and raspy from the moans he hadn’t let out before. not receiving any answer, he took the matter in his own hands, literally: he stretched them out, catching the other from his waist, turning him and pulling him back on his lap, shamelessly pushing him down on himself, arms tight around his waist and jaw cutting the other’s.
« your jaw hurts mhn? poor thing can’t even take me whole yet…but it’s fine, from now on » he slowly whispered in the other’s ear, lower and lower as he kept going « i just want you to relax, not worry about anything else than my touch, alright? we’re almost there baby, just a matter of seconds and i’ll show you how it feels to be filled up and taken down»
wonwoo gulped at his words, pushing himself back until his back touched the other’s warm chest, shifting uncomfortably as he felt his bulge under him. he slowly nodded, intertwining his legs with mingyu’s long and tanned one, and breathed out, closing his eyes.
from then, it was mingyu who took, once again, the lead.
his hands ran down the other’s sides, caressing his arms, ribs and chest, down to his pale and toned abdomen, fingers tracing doodles on his warm skin from his cheekbones to the hem of the boxers that he slowly pulled down, exposing him to the still breathable air of the room, he took a moment for himself to admire him.
yeah, maybe he was a bit into watching, shamelessly staring, but he just couldn’t help it when he saw something beautiful, he felt no embarrassment while studying his body, taking him in his arms to pull him down on the mattress, hovering over his exposed body to study it better.
wonwoo harshly breathed in when he felt the other’s lips back on his neck once again, leaving another trail of wet, sloppy kisses from the back of his ear all the way down, until he was kissing the other’s legs, his inner thighs, the little mole on his knee, every single inch of wonwoo’s body hair was hovered in ghosts of kisses, caresses and marks, purple shades decorating his porcelain white skin.
« fuck » mingyu whispered, his forehead now pressed on wonwoo’s.
« has anyone ever told you you’re breathtaking? » wonwoo suppressed a shy laugh, locking his arms around the other’s neck, caressing his back and shoulders as he did the same with his hips and waist.
« does my mum count? »
« you’re unbelievable »
« unbelievably awkward?»
« no, unbelievably beautiful, sexy, endearing and many other things, but not awkward »
« i’m not going to get you ready, i mean i know i should but i’m so fucking horny right now that i physically can’t afford to do that, but i promise you i’ll take it easy, and make sure you won’t be broken in two by the end of the night.»
« i-i’d really appreciate that » wonwoo whispered, feeling nervousness spreading in his body as he realized what was about to happen.
they looked at each other in silence, breathing on each other’s lips; one of mingyu’s hands rose to his cheek, caressing his cheekbones with his thumb, wonwoo leaning over his touch.
« can i kiss you?»
« oh my god yes please »
after that, everything got blurry and messy;
it started with mingyu’s lips devouring him, his warm hands pulling at his waist, leaving him breathless and gasping for air.
it started with mingyu slowly diving into him, making him mewl out in pain as he slowly filled him up, keeping him close to his body and kissing the crowd of his lips and his temple as an attempt to distract him from the pain.
it started with mingyu’s slow, gentle thrusts, both hands on his hips to keep him in place, making him curl his toes when he started to dive deeper into him, crying out in pain and pleasure.
it started with wonwoo seeing the stars, pulling at mingyu’s hair with a strength he didn’t knew he had, legs around his waist and back arching under his touch, listening to his unholy noises as he finally reached his high, sweat dripping from his forehead and getting mixed with salty tears and warm drool.
it ended with mingyu whispering sweet praises in his ear, holding him close as he ran his slender fingers on wonwoo’s warm skin, kissing his temple and slowly rocking him from side to side as he waited for his breath to steady down.
it ended with their bodies tangled together, sun filtering through the shutters as mingyu held the other closer to his body, stroking his hair and admiring the peaceful expression he had while sleeping.
mingyu breathed in, as he realized two things at the same time:
one, he didn’t want to wet his dick anywhere else than wonwoo, nor kiss or mark any other skin that wasn’t wonwoo’s pearly one.
and two, the solely thought of wonwoo holding someone else, and a stranger hearing his moans, whispers, whines, made him burn with rage and discomfort.
but for now, as he softly planted butterflies kisses on his cheekbone, slowly falling back asleep, nothing else mattered but the boy in his arms and his steady breath.
wonwoo stretched out, eyelids half closed and aching body, he yawned and curled up against the warm body next to him, relaxing until realization hit him.
never, not even once in his glorious virgin life, he thought he’d end up fucking /getting fucked/ by his bestfriend on a weekday.
but here he was, wasn’t it funny? the way he crawled next to mingyu to feel his warmth a bit more, the way he felt his heartbeat growing faster and faster while admiring his sleepy features, or the way he almost choked on his own saliva when he tried to get up and got a glimpse of the mess they’ve made, from the marks all around his body to mingyu’s sprawled naked body tangled in the stained sheets.
it made him blush, and it made him realize he didn’t want it to be the last time, neither he wanted someone else to repeat those actions with.
he felt safe with mingyu, he felt at home, and now, lazily putting a pair of boxers on and limping to the kitchen counter to make himself some coffee, he almost slapped himself out of embarrassment thinking of how pathetic he must’ve looked the night before, curled in a ball of shame under the shower jet, he had been so fucking dramatic, so extra for something that happened so naturally.
when mingyu finally woke up, he was greeted with the heavenly view of a very much busy wonwoo, making breakfast and dancing to the beat of the music he was listening to, which caused him not to notice when the other got up from the bed, put on a pair of briefs and greeted him with a back hug, planting butterflies kisses on his neck and shoulder.
« ‘morning woo » he said, wonwoo turning to face him and turning off the music, cheeks heating up as the other pushed him to sit on the counter, caressing his thighs.
mingyu sheepishly smiled up at him, fangs peeking out his lips and eyes almost closed, he leaned in to kiss him, taking wonwoo by surprise as he kissed him back and intertwined his fingers with the younger’s messy hair.
« good morning mingyu, you’re glowing »
« and you look like someone splashed a bowl of grape jam on you, but that doesn’t make it less beautiful to look at»
« you’re unbelievable » wonwoo said, eyes shifting away from the other as he built up the courage to ask him something.
« we need to talk–»
« i like you » mingyu stated, leaving the other speechless.
« i’ve actually liked you for some time now, never really thought about it, i always thought of you as something that had always been here, took you for granted sometimes, but after last night…i kind of realized that i don’t want you to just be a still presence in my life, i want to be able to claim you as mine, to kiss you every time you look so damn good with your glasses on, or to hug you when you lift your hoodie and i can’t help but stare at the defined lines of your abdomen, to play with your hair when we watch a movie together and to, again, kiss you until we both drop with the first morning lights.
i-i’m sorry if that seems too much for you i- i just felt like you deserved to know after all of this, i don’t want you to think of me as a one night stand or just some chore you had to comple–» before he could finish, wonwoo’s lips were on his once again, kissing him until they both ran out of oxygen, foreheads resting against each other.
« you are Very /very/ Stupid to think that »
« i know i’m sorry »
« and i was very very stupid to think that you’d fuck-zone me »
it starts with taehyung’s fingers pressing into the soft skin of a fig. pulling apart and breaking it into two; exposing the flesh. he’s careful with it, setting one half down onto his plate, raising the other to his lips. before taehyung bites into it, his eyes meet with someone sitting across the hall.
and as quickly as he meets eyes with him, taehyung looks away, taking a bite from the half still cradled in his fingers. the taste of the fruit is sweet, and taehyung tries his best to keep his eyes away away away. he can feel the gaze from here, piercing and curious, and taehyung chews until his jaw starts to get sore. there was this unspoken aura that draped itself around jungkook’s shoulders thick like a cloak. that was his name. jungkook. he was two things.
𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤.
if there was a feeling that taehyung had while he was in the same room as him, it would be intimidation.
it starts with taehyung’s shaky breath, and jungkook’s strong and steady one. they are laying in a field of grass, sandals covered in dirt and sand from running across the beach and taehyung’s eyes glance sideways as he hears movement. jungkook shifts, turning to look at taehyung and there’s that gaze again, just like the beginning.
𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴.
« what is it? » taehyung speaks the words softly. he had barely caught up to jungkook during their race. jungkook was physically perfect, the gods gifted him as such. and taehyung? oh, taehyung was as normal as one could be in a world of gods and monsters and everything in between.
« nothing. » jungkook replies.
« surely it’s something. »
jungkook laughs, and it sounds like chimes in the wind.
taehyung feels his heart start to beat in an irregular rhythm. it would always get like this when it was just the two of them. sometimes taehyung wonders why out of all the people in the world, jungkook chose him. taehyung, with his less-than-average fighting ability, and his dark sun kissed skin that made him stand out just a little more from the rest. it wasn’t in the good way, either.
« stop looking at me.. » taehyung mumbles, his cheeks starting to flush.
it starts with taehyung’s back arching slightly, his hips lifting into jungkook’s touch. taehyung can’t quite remember how they got here, how it started. the edges of his vision are blurry, drunk off the feeling of jungkook’s warm hands moving over his skin. jungkook’s bed feels bigger than it usually is, the room darker as if they are in a vault, locked away for no one else to see.
jungkook’s lips press themselves to taehyung’s inner thigh and taehyung inhales so sharply, if it was a blade it would cut his throat.
« jungkook » taehyung covers his mouth with his hand, scared that someone might hear.
« mmh? » jungkook lifts his head for the briefest of moments, hands sliding up taehyung’s sides, lips still at his inner thigh. jungkook indulges himself, and bites down on the soft flesh.
taehyung whines, covering his face with both hands now, his entire body warm and flushed. he’s embarrassed to the core, but his body responds to every touch and kiss that taehyung wants more but he doesn’t think his mind can take it.
« stop thinking » jungkook mumbles, his lips so dangerously close to there that when taehyung glances down he’s sure his heart stops.
jungkook grins, confidence making his chest swell and he drags his lips along the length of taehyung’s half-hard cock, eliciting the sweetest of sounds from taehyung. it’s a sound that jungkook would never want to forget. a sound that he wants to hear all throughout the night.
if the gods were watching, even their cheeks would be tinted pink.
it starts with the beating drums for war. the sound of feet stamping into the sand. of spears against shields, and agamemnon boldly declaring that he will win this war.
taehyung is terrified.
« scared? » jungkook asks. to him, war was a curiosity. jungkook wondered if he was as great a warrior as his teachers had said. a great a warrior as his mother thetis had said.
« i don’t know.. » taehyung replies. his hands are trembling, and taehyung isn’t worried about his life being lost here.
he’s worried jungkook would lose his.
they would sit with the soldiers, until the horns were blown and the first march would begin.
it starts with taehyung pulling the helmet off his head, with hair stuck to his forehead and sand stuck between his toes. his hands are still trembling, they never stopped. jungkook was a beauty on the battlefield, that taehyung couldn’t help but stop to watch.
it nearly cost him a few times. jungkook would chastise him. tease him.
«watch yourself, don’t me! »
and now they sit in jungkook’s tent.
taehyung wipes the sand off his arms with a damp cloth, and jungkook had already picked up his lyre, fingers gently plucking at the strings. before all this, jungkook would make music. he would sit and play, and taehyung would sit and listen. now such things were a luxury. instead, jungkook would use his hands to fight, and taehyung would try his best to help.
but taehyung was pretty sure jungkook did most of the work anyways. in the battlefield jungkook had already made a name for himself. the greatest warrior. perhaps they would go home early after all.
« come here » jungkook says after a while, after the last note he plays falls deaf in the air.
taehyung takes a few small steps, before sitting next to jungkook on the pile of blankets and pillows they had made for a bed.
« i want to go home.. » jungkook speaks the words softly, his hand moving to hold taehyung’s.
« me too.. » taehyung squeezes jungkook’s hand so tight that jungkook makes an amused noise at the back of his throat.
« kiss me » jungkook whispers.
it starts with jungkook refusing to fight, and taehyung deciding that wearing jungkook’s armour would be a good idea.
taehyung musters all his courage, and surprisingly he sounds more like jungkook than he thought he would. with his helmet hiding his face, the troops follow blindly to the sound of taehyung leading the charge. the war had been going for too long, and the soldiers seeing jungkook’s armour despite not knowing who was in it, gave them hope.
taehyung just wanted the war to stop.
jungkook refused to fight after he fought with agamemnon, and jungkook not being on the battlefield made things look bleak. so taehyung takes matters into his own hands. if they won today, then they could go home. they could be back in the comfort of their grass fields, and tasty figs. taehyung could be back in bed with jungkook. in a bed that was too big for the both of them, and a room that got so dark it was like a vault.
except taehyung wasn’t as prepared as he thought he was. he thinks back to when he wasn’t worried about losing his life.
as taehyung takes his last breath, spearhead buried deep in his chest, the last thing he thinks of is jungkook, and how lonely it would be in the afterlife without him.
it starts with jungkook crying out so hard that the gods peer down from olympus with their brows furrowed.
« taehyung.. » he chokes out the words, tears clouding his vision as he sees the love of his life wearing his armour. if he wasn’t so full of pride this would have never happened. taehyung, beautiful taehyung, lifeless in his arms. taehyung, so sweet and careful, with a smile that made jungkook so happy, was gone.
jungkook feels two things.
𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸.
war is disgusting, jungkook thinks. he holds taehyung’s hand so tightly, buries his nose in taehyung’s hair and if he could, jungkook would turn back time far enough to the moment that when they were told to go to war, jungkook would say no.
he makes sure taehyung is buried properly, so that if he sees him in the afterlife, he would hold him and never let go.
it ends with jungkook finally meeting his match. an arrow through the heel, a blow so final, that jungkook can’t help but hold excitement at the thought of seeing taehyung again. he tells whoever is by his side to make sure he’s buried properly and he closes his eyes, eager to be with taehyung after being alone for so long.
the afterlife is.. different.
taehyung makes a home close by the entrance in case the other half of his soul comes to join him. hades finds it amusing, but gods always did find mortals amusing anyway.
when jungkook arrives, there is a light so blinding, and so consuming, that time stops for a second or two. taehyung’s soul bursts, and the feeling of having jungkook by his side again is nothing he can describe. it tastes better than the sweetest figs back home. felt better than the sea breeze by the beach.
« you’re finally here.. » taehyung says. a part of him should feel guilty, because jungkook is dead, but the rest of him feels joy. he’s no longer alone.
« i can’t be without you for long. » jungkook replies, and when taehyung hugs jungkook, when he feels that familiar warmth and smells that familiar scent, everything falls into place.
if there was a feeling that taehyung had while he was in the same room as him, it would be love.
☀︎︎WARNINGS: mention of domestic violence, mention of bruises, mention of violence.
author’s note: hello <3 i’m back with another fluffy angst. i was eating an orange while my dad was screaming to my mum and brother and i got the inspiration. the rest is purely fictional tho. for a better context, the place that i imagined was similar / taken from steven universe. i just love the light effects so much and the coloring is amazing, i love it so much. i want you to read it while thinking about oranges smell and a warm agust sunset. i made this thinking about a platonic relationship but it’s up to you to decide! i hope you’ll like it as much as i did <3
“usually my dad’s screams last an orange. i’d watch him walk around the house angrily while screaming and gesturing at my brother, my mom, and anyone who would get in his way at the moment. i’d just swing my legs, sitting comfortably on the kitchen table, peeling my orange, and eating over the sound of his screams. sometimes we’d look at each other, then i’d do my best not to betray any expression, hoping that he wouldn’t have anything to say to me. most of the time it would work, and i’d just stare at the view of his shoulders as he walks away, then i’d go back to my orange. but sometimes I’d stare back a second too long, maybe I wouldn’t hold my emotions enough, so instead of his shoulders, I’d see the shadow of a hand or a foot, and suddenly the orange would be nothing but a crushed pulp on the ground.”
this was one of those days, he said to himself, swinging his legs into the void while he looks at the sea from above a wall: it’s almost sunset, and the pink and violet of the sunset match the shades on his skin, making it look like a colorful yet bitter painting of despair.
he slowly closes his eyes, enjoying the quietness of the place, healing after all of the noise he had to stand at home.
or so he tries, until a too well-known noise comes to his ears.
« WONWOO !!!! » he screams, running towards him, waving his arms around.
mingyu has always been pretty, to him at least, since the first time he saw him, playing basketball in the school’s gym, and it’s not news, they’re still in high school, but everyone reminds him of his looks as soon as they get the chance, telling hem that one day he’ll make it big.
but to wonwoo, he’s always been pretty outside And inside, and now, messy hair and skin glowing under the sun, he’s even prettier than usual.
he hears his voice again, calling for him with such an excitement that only puppies have, wonwoo greets him back, hiding the bruises under his sleeves.
« good afternoon to you too mingyu. where are you running to?»
« to you of course » he rolled his eyes, jumping up and sitting next to him, enjoying the warm breeze.
« i tried to call you the whole day but you straight up ignored me, am i that annoying?» mingyu pouts at him, jokingly putting up a scene.
« i promise you i wasn’t ignoring you, gyu. i just had lots of homework to do, some of us actually need to study you know? »
« yeah, and i feel sorry for you…must be hard to have such a small brain »
« oh shut up you idiot » wonwoo sighed, turning back to face the beach, bringing up his legs to hug them and slightly flinching as he hits one of the bruises.
« hey woo, wanna swim? the weather is perfect today» gyu asks him, the same expression of a labrador who wants to go out.
« i think i’ll pass today, but you can go! i’ll watch you from here » wonwoo slightly smiled, chin resting on his knees.
« but i want you to come with meeee pleaseeeeeee » mingyu clung to his arm like a little kid, making the other flinch in pain unintentionally.
gyu looked up at him confused, clinging again on his arm and watching him thin his eyes in pain, looking away.
« what’s wrong woo? did you get you hurt?» he sounded concerned, hand still around his bicep
« d-don’t worry about it, i just stumbled on the door earlier…it’s fine, i’m fine»
« then why won’t you look at me?»
wonwoo stiffed, an unpleasant feeling filling the pit of his stomach: guilt.
he always told mingyu everything, the good and the bad, he never kept anything from him before, well, obviously, everything but episodes like those.
« you always avoid my gaze when you’re lying, has anyone ever told you you’re a really really shitty liar?» gyu pouted like a kid, slightly frowning as a thought took shape in his mind.
« could it be tha-»
« i really am okay mingyu, stop asking please » wonwoo tried to persuade him, brushing off the nervousness with a little laugh.
« but i don’t think i believe you » gyu answered, still looking at him in the hope to find his eyes.
« well i think that’s a You problem, i’m saying the truth-»
« then why won’t you look at me?»
« because i don’t want to.»
« but you never avoid my gaz-»
« JESUS CHRIST WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?» wonwoo finally snapped, looking back at him with piercing black eyes and grinned teeth.
« i just want you to look at me while you tell me the truth…i don’t like it when you lie…» mingyu bit the inside of his cheek, he never intended to make the other angry, but he also didn’t like it when people lied to him, especially since he was the last to judge another over the truth.
« well fine then, i don’t feel like swimming today because all of my body- and i mean Every Single Inch of my body Hurts like hell and you’re making it very hard for me to enjoy some fresh air before coming back inside. » wonwoo breathed in, frowning even more and staring at the sea.
« was it your dad?»
wonwoo stiffened beside him, holding his breath for a couple of seconds, he wished there was a button to disappear from there, become invisible or something.
instead, he just kept silent, staring at the beautiful view in front of him, while mingyu tried to understand his expression.
« i actually had a hunch but you didn’t let me finish, i guess i’ll take your silence as a yes…can you look at me?»
gyu waited for a couple of minutes, thinking of a way to get the other to acknowledge his presence beside him.
« is it the first time he does it?»
still no answer, but he could sense the stiffness in wonwoo’s posture, the way his shoulder closed up as if to protect him, he somewhat curled up a bit, making it even harder for mingyu to see him in the face.
« does he do it often?»
this time he got an answer, a slight shaking of the other’s head, telling him that, luckily, it wasn’t a frequent thing, which made it bearable.
« mhnm….i see….i’m sorry if i forced you to open up woo…i just…i want to be as close as possible to you, i want you to trust me with every little secret you keep inside, and most of all, i want you to come to me when you need help or confort, i want to be a still point in your life but i don’t think i’ll ever be able to achieve such goal if you keep acting like a stray cat to me…» mingyu’s words came out rushed, they left him out of breath and he finished the sentence in a whisper, and still, wonwoo noticed the slight flinch of his hand, the way he closed it as a fist; he noticed his posture got stiffer, his eyes lost the playful light they usually had, and became two sharp daggers, staring at him.
« i’m sorry if i made you feel pressured to tell me, i won’t ask anything again but instead wait for you to tell me, but please, keep it in mind okay? come to me first if anything happens, alright? i promise you i’ll be by your side from dust ‘til dawn if you let me.” mingyu was a pretty loud person, he had a deep pouty voice but always talked as if he was selling fresh fishes in the morning, so he didn’t hear wonwoo’s muffled sobs at first, just when he looked at his eyes, and saw them puffy and teary, he realized something was off.
he couldn’t even finish the sentence that a pair of marked arms flew around his neck, hugging him close to the other’s chest.
wonwoo’s voice was tore from the sobs and the pain
«thank you so much gyu, you really are my safe place»
wonwoo kept him closer to himself, burying his face on the other’s hair, closing his eyes.
the sunset light turned them both into golden statues, just like a painting they perfectly fitted into each other, mingyu’s skin glowing like caramel and wonwoo’s as light and shiny as porcelain, marked by violet and red-ish doodles.
« do you wanna swim now?»
« are you fucking dumb i literally look / and feel / like a war survivor right now »
“all he saw was a….he didn’t even know, the only thing he was sure of was the tears burning on the back of his eyes, that he tried so hard to push back.”
☹︎PAIRING › hong joshua x nb! xu minghao
☹︎GENRES › angst, oneshot, fluff, platonic
☹︎WARNINGS › mention of blood, mention of scars and bruises, mention of self harm.
author’s note: hellou hellou hellou, i’m back with another angst where i project myself onto the main character ! this time there’s no playlist tho:( i got the inspiration from my stress back acne that popped up out of nowhere some days ago because of my anxiety and stress over school. this is also a bit messy i think, but i’m going to call all of them messy because english is not my first language. i hope you’ll enjoy it anyways <3 tell me what you think abt it! also i want to specify that i am non-binary myself, that’s why i did it, to feel closer to the character i was writing about.
there was blood.
there was blood leaking from his skin, but he didn’t care, instead, he kept carving his nails on everything he came across that wasn’t perfect, all the acne that came out on his back as a result of the stressful past weeks he had gone past.
he felt stupid, sure, he knew he was going to regret his actions as soon as scars were going to appear on his skin.
but as for now, he couldn’t care less about the future, he kept carving and scratching his shoulder, his back down to his scapula, paying attention to leave it a perfect mess. in the end, all he got from it was a red burning shoulder and a suffocating sense of guilt.
his eyes slowly traveled to the mirror, staring at the reflection. all he saw was a….he didn’t even know, the only thing he was sure of was the tears burning on the back of his eyes, that he tried so hard to push back.
slowly hugging himself on the chair, arms around his legs and chin on his knees, he tried to push back the sobs, hoping that no one would hear his pathetic noises and barge into the room to a shirtless puffy, and messy minghao. he didn’t want them to see him like this, he was always joyful, so sweet and bright, he couldn’t let them see him at his lowest, not with a scratched shoulder and red eyes, as if he just survived a pack of hungry wolves.
talk about the devil, as soon as he tried to let a sob out, he heard a voice quietly calling him from behind the door. « hao? you alright? the others are packing up to get something to eat, I figured out I might as well ask yo- hao? » minghao didn’t answer, too busy keeping his mouth shut to prevent any sob coming out, which unfortunately alarmed the older one even more, who knocked again on the door, sounding more concerned than before. « hao? minghao? everything okay there? why aren’t you answering? ».
he wished he didn’t sound so fragile answering. he wished his voice didn’t crack before finishing the phrase. he wished he didn’t have to curl himself behind the chair’s backrest to hide from the other’s eyes when he slowly opened the door to peek inside. « hao? are you there? l- what are you doing there…» he sighed, getting closer and closer as seconds went by, following the bunch of red-ish locks peeking behind the chair. then everything got confused, but one thing minghao remembers clear is the older’s expression dropping as soon as he saw his condition.
shua stopped talking, he completely shut down for a couple of seconds, trying to figure out how to move; his heart was pumping and he could almost hear it from the neck, but still, he tried to seem calm for the younger’s sake. he went to close the door, then back to the younger, he looked at him with the most reassuring expression, still, when he took his hand to guide him to sit properly straight on the edge of the bed, minghao could feel the tension from his grip, the subtle breath, the nervousness in his walk.
a moment of silence followed, in which ghao fidgeted with his fingers, debating on whether or not speaking up, afraid that his voice would sound even worse than before, or that the bruises on his back would ache when he tried to talk. « you don’t need to talk about it hao, don’t worry » Joshua’s voice broke the silence, he sounded serious, his back facing the other while he picked a freshly washed t-shirt from the drawer.
hao stared at his shoulder in silence, biting the inside of his cheek, hoping that his silence would count as an answer. The next thing he knew, Joshua had disappeared in the nearby bathroom, just to come back armed with a bunch of different creams and bandaids.
he slowly approached the younger, placing all the medications on the bed, to then sit next to him; he stared at minghao’s face with a kind, reassuring expression, afraid that if he moved too fast, the other would get scared like a cat and hide away again.
« hi. »
« can I medicate you?»
«….» minghao’s eyes traveled to his hands, studying the long, slim fingers, wondering if they could’ve hurt him in any way if he let him touch his skin, wondering if they would’ve hurt just like silver for a vampire, or fire, burning him down to ashes.
« yes please…but be careful…» he said instead, gulping and staring at him.
« ‘will. can you please turn around? I promise you I’ll be as delicate as possible » shua smiled at him, picking up one of the meds so that the other would know what he was going to use.
minghao nodded, slowly turning his back at him, he stared down at his feet, peeking out of the bed, and wondered if he would ever be able to dance again without feeling like some kind of impostor, like he was hiding behind the mask of a dancer to justify his actions, which neither he knew what was he came to the conclusion that he barely knew a quarter of the things that went over his head, and agreed with even less of it; with time, he had learned to just let the thought pass, ignoring them and pretending they didn’t exist. he just focused on dancing, on the feeling of his feet barely touching the ground, on the emotions he felt while moving on the stage when nothing else mattered, and the perception that others had of him slowly disappeared in the wind.
all of his thoughts abruptly stopped when he felt Joshua’s fingers lightly caressing his bruises, putting cream on them in the hope they would quickly heal.
his touch felt somewhat calming, reassuring, minghao realized he hadn’t felt that way in a long time, and slowly relaxed his shoulder, quietly enjoying the positive attention.
it went like that for a bit, just the sound of their breath and the feeling of Joshua’s fingers working miracles on the other’s bruises, until he found his shoulders and back being almost completely covered in healing cream.
« Can I move now?» he shyly asked, not because he was intimidated by shua, but because a significant part of him wished to stay like that for a long, long time, just enjoying the other’s attention without worries.
« no, I still have to cover it, or else it will smudge everywhere- » ghao heard him trafficking with all the meds, just to feel his hands lightly patting his arms.
« can you rise these for me please?» he asked, reassuring him with some pats on the arms.
«I need you to keep your arms open so I can bandage you well, can you do that for me hao?» ghao slowly nodded, mumbling a positive “mhnmhn”, while opening his arms like a plane, scrunching his nose over the light pain the bruises caused him.
Joshua opened then a pack of bandaids, and started to pass one on his shoulder to his chest and over his back, then again repeating the action on both sides until minghao looked like a war survival.
the result caused ghao to chuckle lightly, which reassured shua to the point he gasped for air, relaxing with his back on the wall.
after both chuckles died down, shua pushed the medications aside, slowly guiding that’s arms up to slide the shirt he previously took out of the wardrobe over them, covering the bandages to protect them.
after he was done, a moment of silence followed in which none of them wanted to move, especially minghao, who just wished he could stay in that position forever, even tho it was getting a bit uncomfortable to sit, and he was getting a bit sleepy.
the “bit” soon turned to A lot sleepy, and he found himself struggling to sit straight, but unable to lean on the other without hitting the bruises.
« ghao? »
« yea? »
« you look like you’re about to fall asleep »
« well, that’s because I am falling asleep, why?»
« you seem uncomfortable, do you want to lean on me?»
«I can’t, my back hurts like hell»
« well that’s because you’re dumb, but it doesn’t mean you can’t lean on me, just turn around you dummy»
Minghao found his cheeks growing hotter and redder at his words, he didn’t like when others made him pass as the stupid one, so, without adding anything else, he simply turned around and placed his head on the other’s chest, shutting his eyes closed.
It would’ve been way easier to fall asleep on the spot if it hadn’t been for the muffled chuckles that Joshua suffocated and Ghao heard from his chest.
« what’s so funny now?»
« Nothing, I just find it very endearing how you act like a child sometimes, it’s cute.» he answered with a wide grin on his face.
Minghao didn’t say anything, instead, he went back to the other’s chest and closed his eyes, trying to relax.
A couple of hours went by in a flash, Minghao remembered falling asleep to Joshua’s heartbeat and napping for at least a couple of hours, sometimes with only one eye closed, sometimes drooling from how deep he was sleeping, he even talked a bit in his sleep, or so Joshua said, confusing words that haunted his thoughts silently, that only he knew about.
In the end, lazily watching the sun setting down, still in the other’s arms, minghao thought that he could perhaps get used to this, even to the point of calling shua his cuddle buddy, the more he thought of it, the more it made him happy.
But first, there was something he needed to get off his chest.
« shua? »
« mhn? » a sleepy voice said.
« I…I need to tell you something»
« go on hao, I’m listening »
« I actually didn’t intend on telling anyone this soon, but seen the circumstances, I figured out I might as well tell you»
« you’re making me worry now, what is it?» Joshua looked down at minghao’s redhead, wondering what could possibly be bothering him.
« I thought about it a lot and…I was thinking of trying out with they/them…?»
« Are you getting into a poly relationship or sumn?» his voice now sounded pretty confused, reflecting his emotions as he couldn’t understand where ghao was coming from.
« no stupid! I meant the pronouns, I want to try going by they/them, it makes me feel safer…»
«…oh» Minghao looked up at shua, trying to grasp any sign of reaction from him, fearing that he might reveal himself to be not supportive as ghao thought.
Instead, Joshua hugged him tighter, careful not to hurt him, and kindly smiled at him to reassure the other of his thoughts on the matter.
« thank you for telling me that hao, I actually think they suit you a lot you know? It sounds very pretty. Now, do you want to get something to eat? It got late and I bet you ate nothing for the whole day, plus I want you to come out and breathe some fresh air, is that fine?»
Minghao smiled brightly at the other, feeling a wave of happiness washing over him (or them, he was still trying to figure it out) for the first time in days.
«I’d actually love to eat something, do we have pizza?»
❝ there was no joy in his expression, just a heavy bundle of pain and anger, as if he finally lost hope that they would see him as the good guy, too blinded by their fake beliefs to think out of the golden cage they were trapped in. ❞
† PAIRING › hong joshua x yoon jeonghan
† GENRES › heavy angst, oneshot, cult!au.
† WARNINGS› major character death, mentions of blood, mentions of knives and daggers, religious trauma, strong language.
author’s note: okay so, this was very rushed because i was listening to music and i came up with this, it’s still pretty messy so i’d call it a drabble?? but i hope you’ll still like it <3 i projected all of my religious trauma in this hehe. also! you can find a quick playlist i made with the songs i listened to while writing down here!
jeonghan’s hands were trembling, everything around them seemed to rotate and fall, just like the tears from his face, salty reminders of the sins he committed, sparkling just like the stars that he used to see in the other’s eyes.
« listen to me shua- » he pleaded so pathetically that not even he could bear the sound of his own voice.
« no matter what they said to you alright? that’s all fucking bullshit, we’re not sick or twisted for god’s sake, if the heavens ever were to speak, they surely wouldn’t tell us that loving is a sin. »
« we were born sick my dear… » the other kept his stare fixed on the marble statue in front of them, his hands were dripping blood from holding- gripping the golden cross at the edge of the table like his life depended on it. which, ironically, was exactly what he thought.
« well then i’ll be damned if i give a fuck, shoot me right now i couldn’t care less! in fact- » he got up, opening his hands just like the Christ behind him, letting out a dry laugh.
« i couldn’t give less fucks of your stupid words, of Their stupid words. may i be blessed right? fixed, stripped o-of this- this sin that ruins me everyday right? they fucking brainwashed you shua, now c’mon and look at me right in the ey- »
« I FOUND THEM, COME HERE »
from that moment, everything felt unreal, starting from the group of people that stormed inside the church, to the side of a knife caressing his neck, keeping him in place;
he saw his lover looking up and praying; he knew they weren’t going to hurt him, or so he hoped, nothing would matter anymore if they took his life.
« keep him in place. jeonghan, you idiotic brat, you really couldn’t keep that mouth shut am i right? you really had to-»
« take me to church, i’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies, i’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knives- » jeonghan smiled devilishly while singing to him.
« offer me that deathless death, oh good god! let me give you my life! » he mocked, locking hands on a fake prayer, he made sure that shua’s eyes were closed, too busy praying to pay attention to his sinful lover, who knew he wasn’t going anywhere that night.
he yanked one of the men away from himself, crawling then to the pastor’s feet, looking up at him with a fake pleading stare.
« i’m sorry father, i truly am…..truly…. »
there was a moment of silence,
in which everything seemed to stop,
in which his now fake tears rolled down the cheekbones, to the chin and then falling on his neck and collarbones;
a moment in which he started to smile, a painfully hilarious smile, as if he wasn’t able to take anything seriously anymore, just like his eyes, there was no joy in his expression, just a heavy bundle of pain and anger, as if he finally lost hope that they would see him as the good guy, too blinded by their fake beliefs to think out of the golden cage they were trapped in.
« i truly am sorry that you’ve ended up believing the words from an old boring book and worshipping a fake god, losing both sanity, pride and soul, but see… » he said, slowly getting up, he lessened the space between his and the pastor’s face, still smiling from cheek to cheek, he turned the palms of his hands to face the ceiling, raising his shoulders.
« we’re all gonna die in the end, my love. but when i go- » he turned to face joshua, who was looking at the statue in front of him, cornered by a bunch of guards praying with him, jeonghan smiled, he knew the other was going to be alright, and that was all that mattered to him.
« when i go, don’t cry for me dear- » he continued, caressing the pastor’s warm cheek with a finger.
« because where i’m going, there’s no such thing as slaughter, and everything you preach as right, see- where i am going, none of that matters, we’re bound to live in eternity as one alone, so nothing you’ve preached here will matter. but before i go, i have a last question. » he asked, pushing a dagger on his waist. « do you really think i am going to listen to one of your nonsen-» he ignored him.
« was it at least worthy? all those killed, all those poor souls you extirpated like weed just because they weren’t like you, all those families left without a father, a mother, a brother, all those lovers left alone….was it worthy staining your hands with blood forever? because my dear, i may be a sinful wench, i may be the worst you’ve ever seen, a crazy bastard, a crooked soul. but you see, none of that will matter one day, while your hands, those will stain blood forever, no matter how much you try to wash it off, they will stain and stink and it’ll slowly poison you from inside, so, good luck with that.» he chuckled, looking at the pastor getting paler and paler by the second, he glanced at joshua, who gulped feeling his gaze upon him.
« and to you, my dear, my sun and light, be careful who you side with, there’s more sickness and crookedness here than you might ever think.» he then pushed it, it wasn’t an epic scene, blood started leaping from his side, and his body pathetically fell on the ground, getting heavier and weaker by the second, then everything got blurred and nauseous.
they say while you die, you get seven seconds in which all your life flashes by your eyes. jeonghan thought it was bullshit, and now, staring at the intimidating white statue by him, more than his life, he saw all of his regrets flashing by.
was it really worthy?
was there a way to turn back time?
would he do it all the same then?
funny, he thought, how crazy a man had to be to see all of his mistakes flashing by and still decide to pick them all, make them all… and yet, the first thing he thought about was joshua, his golden wavy locks, his plump lips, candid smile, his infinite love for the god he oh so worshipped, still, it had been just a short sparkle of time he spent with him, and even so, even thought it’d been the death of him, he was glad to have died for him, he realized how the most dangerous thing is none of the ones he was taught about in his youth, at the end, the only one we are all willing to live, kill, die, is love.
he did it all three, and was now happily facing the consequences.