When I have kids, I’ll hype them up for Christmas, Santa, holiday movies, house decorated and all.. then Christmas Day there won’t be a damn present under the tree and when they ask what happened, I’ll sit there cryin ass down and tell them…
“I guess Santa don’t love you” Take a long ass pause then, “But I do! Now go in the cybertruck and see all the gifts we BOUGHT, cause Santa don’t love y’all like we do! so fucking that jolly ass fat man!”
In this scenario I’m rich rich of course. Ha
I don’t really have much friends, as high school came to a close I only had a hand full. Now a few years since then, I’m my own companion. For the most part, I’m learning more about myself; I’m mainly interested in the toxic, negative traits I may portray. Im trying to become a better self.
Within these years I’ve managed to realize, I don’t like wasting time. time is something I can not get back. I’m quick to stop associating myself with anyone new in my life who has the unwillingness to learn, see things in other perspectives and not so close minded. I rather not spend anytime on negativity. Therefore when it comes to others I’d rather just cease communications rather put energy into blocking them. My energy is no longer spent on the person, and though this may have others come to the conclusion I’m being childish, but I just don’t wake up one day and decided you’re problematic, toxic, or simple minded. After chances upon chances, from open discussions to just listening to the party speak… I’m cool.
I don’t know if I’m at one with my emotions though. I do believe that’s why I find it so easy to stop associating myself with others. I cold heartedly, do not care for them anymore. Therapy is something that’s always in my mind, but let’s face it, that shits pricey. You can’t say, “but can you put a price on your health” when the medical is a trillion dollar industry. Anyways, I’d love to go to therapy!
I still go crazy trying to understand others. Their actions, why they do what they do, say what they say… no matter how much I continue to not care and focus on myself, I don’t understand the motives of others around me and I fear that the most. There’s a look everyone has when there’s something they want to say but don’t. And the moment I see this reaction in others I get sad, because I’ll never know what your true intentions are or what’s really on your mind. This drives me crazy. Not only does this drive me crazy and gets me emotional, but the doubt I have grows and therefore I’m now conflicted with wondering can I even come to you and talk without judgment or am I even able to get your advice?
1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?
2: What is your full name?
3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?
4: Have you ever dyed your hair?
5: What’s your eye color?
6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it
7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
8: What would you say is your best quality?
9: What are you really bad at?
10: What talent do you wish you had?
11: Are you nice to everyone?
12: What do you think about the most?
13: Things you like/dislike about yourself
14: What is your least favorite word?
15: What is your favorite word?
16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?
17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?
18: A reason you’ve lied to someone
19: Are you lying about anything right now?
20: Have you kissed someone older than you?
21: Do you believe in love at first sight?
22: Do you believe in soulmates?
23: Are looks important?
24: Opinion on relationship age differences
25: Would you date someone off the Internet?
26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?
27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?
29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
30: Have you ever liked your best friend?
31: How does someone win your heart?
32: What turns you on?
33: What turns you off?
34: Do you get jealous easily?
35: What is your definition of cheating?
36: Do you forgive betrayal?
37: Have you ever been cheated on?
38: Have you ever cheated on someone?
39: How often do you listen to music?
40: First concert you attended
41: Last movie you watched
42: Favorite type of movie
43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?
45: Do you fall in love easily?
46: Do you think people say I love you too much?
47: What’s your favorite holiday?
48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?
49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?
50: What’s your “type”?
“Some will love your outside and some will fall in love with your actions, but they aren’t meant for you. Hold out for the one who falls in love with your inside, the broken pieces and all. Not because it is wrapped by your beautiful shell, but because it feels like home.”
I have yet lost to lose someone close to me. I don’t know how to deal with death, or comforting someone who has. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to say everytime someone brings it up. I don’t shy away from the topic, I’m just at a loss for words and or expression 🥶
I will note.. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or something but too many people feel comfortable bringing up a death around me. Even after knowing each other for a short period of time. And I promise, I’m uncomfortable now.
I have this problem, where I lack some social cues and get stuck by not knowing what to say, therefore I won’t say anything.
I have this problem, where I sometimes lack complete empathy and don’t know what to say; therefore I won’t say anything.
Mhmmm maybe I lack much self esteem, and I really say nothing because I’m not ready for what might come after if they don’t like my response? No ? Yes ? I wouldn’t know.
These past weeks have been a lot. I won’t say stressful because I am succeeding by not allowing things to stress me out, but I’ve just been non stop busy with a full schedule everyday. Work and school along enough transitioning from one horrible job to another is over whelming. Not to mention catching a cold, and other side talk I might’ve had to complete on days. Next week needs to hurry up. I believe Brit thanksgiving my schedule will be granted a well deserved breather. 🕉
I don’t know if it’s just me or all black men, but everytime I talk of something I’m passionate about that I wouldn’t mind insight on and I’m telling the topic to someone; while doing so I can already see there disinterest. Their disapproval in the face.I’m not the type of person to having a new idea or switch my ideals at the slightest breeze, or to bother people for the matter. Therefore to feel you can open up to someone and get a blank stare back, or nothing much said is very hurtful. I’ve got from that no one will share the same excitement for something you’re passionate about; many won’t care about it either. you have to a remain faithful to your path. Nobody got you like you got you. Not everyone’s path is the same. If it’s not want someone’s use to
Every night I go over my day whilst in bed; its mainly when I decided how my day went, if it was good, productive, and so on. By going over my day it’s also when I learn a lot about people by remembering social interaction. I’d swear my long term memory something different lol. Regardless, by going over my day and conversations I’ve had, I always learn from them. Time and time again I catch myself misconstruing someone ignorance for an act of kindness; and I feel so stupid. Many times I don’t pay much attention to the choice of words people use till much later and this leads to much overthinking. An over analyzation if you will…… I’ve switched topics 🥱
My mind remains a jungle, hoping to be able to express all in clear words one day 🕉
#Peace #Follow #Blog #Vibe
I’ve matured greatly since high school, and if nobody else see’s it I sure do. I no longer seek trouble, nor am I the loudest in the room. I continuously try my best to do nothing out of spite. No more wasted breath or wasted energy on countless of meaningless, trivial task and people. I’m learning to take people’s actions and words as they are. Everyone is right to their opinion, it just matters which of those opinions will l let effect me. I used to coward; I needed to know everything, needed to know what those were thinking. I would overthink constantly and before realizing it, I who was once very out spoken had become mute. I knew I couldn’t trust no one. Everyone had their true intentions, and everyone was talking behind my back. Nobody was willing to tell me what their thinking. Depression began to smother me. I would look back at who I was not even wanting to be that person anymore. I was trying to find myself while in such a dark place. Trying to unlearn bad habits, practice self care, and better understand others by listening to understand. Somewhere along I realized…I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care what people thought of me, I didn’t dare what they see when they look at me, I didn’t care if they were taking to me or not. This realization wasn’t a good one. Though good came from it. I further realization no matter what you can’t please everyone. Some will try to understand you, some won’t. Some will not judge the book by the cover and some will.
I’m working on myself everyday. Arguments are futile, showing emotion such as rage are futile. Peace is what I value above all. My time, which cannot be restored as well. I’m trying to have no room in my heart for hate. 🕉
Your parent ever ask you to bring them fast food? What do you eat on the way back? Because the fries are nonexistent by the time I get home 😂
“If I am not for myself, who will be?”
It’s been a very productive day, I watched three movies lol. I’d recommend all of them. Thought one, American History X, yeah took breaks during that one 🥴 was trying to watch.
Dont give me that shit that weeds a drug. It aint no motherfuckin drug. I’ve done the research. Its just a plant. It just grows like that. And if you just happen to set it on fire there are some effects.
Everyone loves talking about topics their passionate about; I love talking about topics I’m passionate about, and it’s good to have people who will listen and actually give input on how you can go further; or even offer educational advice on it. As well as listen to learn, to understand, not just listen to reply with your already finger to trigger response. We can tell when someone passionate about something. Never discourage them.