Question: could you do jessie's girl by rick springfield?
so when I saved this ask as a draft, I wrote some comment here about how even though I enjoy “Jessie’s Girl”, it’s one of the most mediocre songs in existence.
…and then I listened to the song all the way through for the first time in five years.
holy shit, it’s so gay
I love it
now, it’s not openly gay, don’t get me wrong. but it is undercover gay - “Jolene” gay, if you will.
like, why does Dolly Parton spend so much time talking about how Jolene is so beautiful? why does she obsess about her skin, her voice, her hair, and her emerald green eyes?
(it’s because gay)
meanwhile Rick Springfield over here starts off the song with the words, “Jessie is a friend” (nice plausible deniability, Rick) and then proceeds to spend the rest of the song getting upset about Jessie’s new girlfriend, and what Jessie is probably doing with her:
“And she’s watching him with those eyes
And she’s loving him with that body, I just know it
Yeah, and he’s holding her in his arms late, late at night…”
look at this poor boy working himself into a lather over how jealous he is!
it’s such a baby gay mood, too - “Jessie has a girlfriend, and I’m jealous! But wait, why am I jealous? …I guess I must have a crush on Jessie’s girlfriend? That makes sense…right? Right?”
honestly, it’s pretty clear at this point that Rick doesn’t want Jessie’s girl - he wants to be Jessie’s girl.
this whole song is just poor, oblivious Rick Springfield being deeply uncomfortable with the fact that Jessie is in a relationship, and then awkwardly professing his love for a woman whose name he doesn’t even know.
(if he does know her name, he certainly doesn’t care enough to mention it. he doesn’t say it even once in this song that’s supposed to be about her.)
to Rick, it doesn’t matter who this girl is - she could be literally any girl on earth. what matters is that she’s Jessie’s girl, that she’s the one Jessie’s talking to, and loving, and holding in his arms late, late at night. that’s the only reason Rick cares.
I mean jesus fuck, Rick even says he feels “dirty” when they act cute with each other, and he talks about staring at himself in the mirror constantly, wondering why he’s not good enough, comparing himself to Jessie.
and truly, that’s the gayest situation of them all - finding a reflective surface in which to stare at yourself, and then sadly considering why you’ll never live up to the expectations people set for you.
(and of course, realizing that your best friend is hot.)
anyway, TL;DR: the song “Jessie’s Girl” by Rick Springfield is an unrealized gay anthem; buy my silence.
(and sure, I’ll remove every other beat from it. stay tuned.)