why do people in dnd each occupy a 5ft by 5ft square, how far apart do you think people need to be? why are dnd minis afraid of touching
dnd minis standing five feet apart in a dungeon cuz they’re not gay
look, if the guy to my left has to do the turbo-macarena while charging a bolt of flesh melting while the guy on my right is doing every bruce lee move at the same time and the guy in front of me is flourishing a broadaxe like hes doing yo-yo tricks im going to give each of them enough floorspace to not liquefy myself
fuck a “personal bubble”, stay out of my
So glad that non-scouts can appreciate the term blood circle properly.
I want a high fantasy movie where everyone talks with Southern US accents instead of British ones.
The Dwarves though, they can get Minnesotan accents.
ok but picture this: elves with brooklyn accents
“Hey HEY I’m castin’ here, what’d’you – listen, my pop and I serve the Great Tree goin’ back six hundred fuckin’ years so if you got a problem with our fuckin’ magic you don’t fuckin’ come down here into our fuckin’ grove to gimme shit about it.
“Right? You don’t see me fuckin’ goin’ into your shitty man-stables and tellin’ you how to milk horses, do ya? So instead you come down here, disrespect me, disrespect my pa, and how ‘bout you stop fuckin’ disrespectin’ the Great Fuckin’ Tree that grew whens’t the world was young and carries all our fates ‘n its boughs, okay?
I can’t decide what’s better: elves being a tricked-out version of humans, or the races having similar appearances but completely different physiologies.
An elf goes to a human hospital and the doctors are like holy fuck. You broke our blood typing machine.
“Sir, the results are in, and technically you are a fungus.”
Elves evolving from either a cat-like species or a squirrel-like species makes the most sense to me. Everything about them suggests that, like humans coming from apes, elves also came from arboreal roots. But unlike proto-humans, which were diurnal persistence hunters, elves’ ancestors are likely nocturnal, agility focused, and also not at the top of their food chain. While probably omnivorous, their larger, wide-set eyes and larger ears suggest that they had to have a greater awareness of predators than humans. (Which does give me the extremely satisfying mental image of long elf ears twitching and turning like cat ears at the slightest sound.) Their ability to basically not sleep also suggests a heritage of needing to be constantly alert to danger. The longer life span and lower birth rate might also be indicative of it being much riskier to stop and reproduce more frequently, requiring an extremely well-defended home before young proto-elves were worth the risk to the group.
Point is, there’s decent evidence to suggest that the most elves have in common with humans is that they’re mammals, and otherwise evolved from completely different types of creatures suited to a wildly different ecological niche. You couldn’t get a blood transfusion from an elf anymore than you could from a raccoon. The fact that elf-human hybrids exist probably has more to do with wonky magic shit than anything biological.
My personal favorite fantasy-world theory is the one where, ok, every race has it’s THING right? Like every race has its own variety of innate magic. Elves have moon magic, dwarves have metal magic, gnomes have rock magic, dryads have tree magic, mermaids have water magic… except then there’s humans. Who have no magic innate to their race. Sure they can learn some and become sorcerers or witches or whatever, but they’re not just BORN with it like all the other races are.
But the one thing everyone somehow ignores is that you pretty much never see an elf/dwarf hybrid running around. You see half-elves, you see half-dwarves, half-orcs, half-dragons, etc, sure, but what’s the other half? The other half is always human. To the point that if you ever did see an elf/dwarf hybrid, you’d have to wonder if at least one of their parents was already half-human.
Humans are the one race with the ability to interbreed with all the others. Human magic is sex magic.
bard is a combat class which is true bc I’ve never met anyone in marching band that didn’t want to throw down
playing tuba in marching band means you can power walk 2 miles backwards on your toes in 16 minutes whithout bending your knees while carrying a 35lb blunt metal object with your arms held at right angles and blasting every extra gulp of oxygen you can spare without asphyxiating to make sounds loud enough to deafen the dead in an an act of pure unchristian violence, your bard is the party member who will teach you how to kill god by example
The Eternal Flame Falls is a small waterfall located in the Shale Creek Preserve, a section of Chestnut Ridge Park in Western New York. A small grotto at the waterfall’s base emits natural gas, which can be lit to produce a small flame. This flame is visible nearly year round, although it can be extinguished and must occasionally be re-lit.
actually on the subject of swearing. heres a funny dynamic. villain that says things like “woops!” “oopsie” “uh oh!” and a hero that just straight up says “shit” “fuck” to which the villains like “HEY HEY LANGUAGE!” and the heros just like “dude you kill people????”
That’s actually not a terrible entry to thirst after. I mean, you could technically count it as necrophilia, but its consensual necrophilia, so you do you.
What the fuck
Of all the reblogs and additions to this post, this is the one you’re shocked by?
Consensual necrophilia is not a phrase I thought I’d hear. Then again this is tumblr, so maybe that’s on me
Hot take: the term consensual necrophilia also applies to vampires, since they’re undead creatures. Wanna fuck Strahd? You’re in the same boat with the lich fuckers.
However, what I think the real treasure we’re all sleeping on is liches….in love. Just immortal wizard gals being pals.
I am absolutely here for the immortal undead lesbians
IS IT STILL NECROPHILIA IF YOU’RE DEAD TOO??
I don’t think so?
Ok next topic is a dragon and a human beastiality for the dragon?
both are sentient, so its just interspecies sex.
…I am now reminded of that argument I got into about whether or not a half-dragon would have a cloaca.
This post is an entire dungeon of bad decisions at this point
I think you mean legendary decisions
Legendary for being bad
This is not what i expected when i started this blog
To be fair, i wasnt expecting a whole lot when i started this blog in 2014
But it definitely didnt include 10k notes of thirsty monsterfuckers
11 approaching 12 thousand
Fuck you’re right
ok but can we just talk about abberations cuz like they’re intelligent and adults but their minds are inscrutable to humans. so like does that mean you can consent to sex with them? cuz you’re on wayyyy different levels of intelligence? but also they’re an adult with the capacity to give and understand consent? but could a normal sentient’s mind comprehend consenting to sex with them? help me out here i’m confused.
If both parties are sentient, its just interspecies sex, stop trying to overcomplicate things. Just because one species is better at calculus does not complicate the less intelligent species’ capacity for consent.
true but in most fiction an abberation’s mind functions in a completely different way from a non-abberation. essentially what i meant to point out was the potential issue of blue and orange morality
Are you seriously trying to start a philosophical debate on this post?
Like, I admire the chutzpah, dude, but it doesn’t matter if one species has a totally alien concept of everything. If both parties know what they want, communicate what they want, and agree with each other on it, its fully informed consent on each side and therefore just regular interspecies sex. Sentience is sentience, even if the way it manifests is wildly different.
honestly? i was drunk out of my mind both times i saw this post. also you make a very good point and are correct that flavors of sentience aside, as long as both parties are sentient and consent it’s fine. i apologize for drunk me’s ramblings.
… you get philosophically argumentative when you’re drunk? Thats a mood, my friend
what even is this post
Not sure. I lost it somewhere and I’m not sure where. Did it change from one subject to another or is it just me not understanding?
D&D logic & arguments
this post is a disaster and a tragedy and the essence of both D&D and Tumblr, what do y’all want from me
I’m reblogging this legendary post not because I have something to contribute (if it can be said on this subject, it already has been), but because I want to be part of its vast and enduring legacy.
Is this post my claim to fame
Is this my internet legacy
Is there a return policy
Can you return internet fame
No your fame is now eternal and I shall repost this every year.
Why do Goblins have to eat trash? Why can’t goblin cuisine simply have a strong emphasis on fermentation and controlled spoilage?
Like fermentation stinks to high heaven and you typically hide it away in dark and cool places. It fits lore wise for a creature that lives in a cave and is described as unclean.
Anyway this has been food for thought
concept: a setting where every race has a different preferred method of food preservation and each of them is pretty sure that everyone else is ruining their food - goblinoids are masters of fermented foods, elves make exquisite sundried fruits and jerkies, dwarf cities have enchanted walk-in freezers hewn from living stone, gnomes can pickle anything, orcish smokehouses are legendary.
humans and halflings don’t have their own signature food preservation methods, but are notable for being willing to eat everyone else’s trail rations.
Goblins also have an EXQUISITE mushroom cuisine. A single package of genuine goblin-grown shelf mushrooms can be worth more than gold in some regions.
Okay, yes to all of this, but consider: FUSION CUISINE.
Some adventurous gnome starts using elf-dried berries and herbs in their pickling vat. Some curious orc discovers what happens when you smoke goblin-fermented fish. An elf defies all tradition and starts adding both orcish curing seasonings and goblin-made vinegar to their jerky. A couple of dwarves and halflings working together accidentally invent ice cream and nobody knows how.
We must remember the library of Baghdad and Cordoba
Remember. The library of Alexandria always made copies of all thier texts and sent them out to other libraries. So we didn’t actually lose that much with the sacking of the library of Alexandria because copies existed elsewhere. The library of Baghdad was thrown into to river when Ghengis Khan invaded. As far as I’m aware, most works stored there were unique. Carthage also had a significant library that was obliterated along with the rest of the city by the romans. We know very little about the Carthage culture as a result.
if anyone wants a full list heres how they happened:
basically they all stem from a massive eruption of a volcano on the island of santorini off the coast of greece. the ash then floated over to egypt which kickstarted the plagues
1) blood: the ash carried the mineral cinnabar, which has the capability of turning water red
2) frogs: the ash also had many toxic and acidic substances so naturally, all the frogs are gonna flee the river
3) lice: given what was going on insects would have burrowed into dead animals/peoples skin and laid eggs, which then hatched
4) beasts: everything is getting poisoned from the ash and toxins, causing animals to freak the fuck out/die
5) pestilence: toxins again
6) boils: the ash would have caused storms that carried acid rain which when it fell, would irritate peoples skin causing boils
7) hail: the storm again
8) locusts: again with the insects and the amount of dead bodies and such which attract more insects. a lotta insects basically.
9) darkness: the ash covered the sky, blocking out the sun
10) slaying of the first born: given that children’s bodies were found in higher numbers than others, some archeologists think they may have been sacrificed to stop all the destruction, but they aren’t 100% sure about that. this is just me but I would say another possibility is that babies/kids are a lot more susceptible to toxins and shit, so while an adult may have been fine or gotten a bit sick, it might have been very dangerous/deadly for kids or babies
the volcano would also attest for the parting of the sea weirdly enough. the red sea was in fact the ‘reed’ sea, and was very shallow, probably waist deep or so. given the amount of shit dumped into the ocean from the volcano, this wouldve caused a tsunami to head towards egypt. the water would get sucked out from the reed sea right before the tsunami hit, letting people pass it easily, then the actual tsunami would hit, fuckin up anyone who tried to follow.
another theory is that the red water was caused by algae, which would cause the frogs and stuff to jump out as well. the algae also carried substances toxic to animals so if they ingested any they’d get sick and die, so more insects. in this theory there was a sand storm coincidentally that caused the rest
Fun fact! Water actually turns “blood red” when it is contaminated by sulfur creating sulfuric acid. And scientists have discovered that around the time of the plagues a volcano went off that disturbed Egypt’s environment. So the plagues are scientifically proven. The other parts of the plagues are explained by the sulfuric acid river making the animals leave the river and escaping into the human population.
I am so happy that when my friends see stuff about the Minoans you tell me. *beams gratefully*
I like the above described explanation. I wouldn’t hold onto it too tightly as the Unquestioned Complete Truth – the Exodus has been linked to various time periods in Egyptian history, such as the start of the 18th Dynasty, or to Ramesses II, and the eruptions of Thera have been re-dated several times – but it’s certainly plausible enough to build a historical fiction novel around.
I don’t think I’ve ever found a more appropriate opportunity for this reaction pic
Y'all need to look up what this dude did.
He was too tired to drive on his way to a match so he let a black hitchiker drive for him, then when he got to the arena walked in with his arm around him to the boos of the crowd, which he decided to embrace and make worse by kissing the guy on the cheek.
He then went whole hog into the persona hanging out in black neighborhoods, going to black bars, and getting arrested on petty charges then going to court after hiring a black lawyer paying his fine and then doing it all over again.
Wrestling was not as popular and the viewing was segregated but the promoters were only selling about half capacity for the white section while the black section was sold out and people were still clamoring in to see him but they couldn’t because of segregated arenas.
The owners of the arenas and the promoters eventually decided that business is business and started slowly desegregating their theatres and every time this guy showed up they were selling out all their seats, to the point where this guy and one other held the record for attendance that held until the late 80’s/early90’s.
Question: Doc, what are the top five items food banks LOVE to receive? I'm doing a collection soon and want to ask for specifics.
MONEY. WE WANT MONEY. MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY. WE CAN DO SO MUCH WITH IT. WE HAVE ACCESS TO DEALS YOU COULD NEVER. MONEY
I’m only going to talk about food items but if your food bank takes personal items, a lot of times diapers, feminine hygiene products, etc, are very very welcome.
1) Canned chicken and beef
looooooove this stuff. It’s expensive, it lasts forever, it tastes good and it can be used a variety of ways. This stuff is fucking catnip to food banks, it’s so hard for us to provide proteins.
2) Fancy nut butters
Peanut butter is a standby for food banks as a shelf-stable inexpensive protein, but if we have a family with a kid with a peanut allergy that’s not going to work. Non-peanut butters are expensive and it’s something we hardly ever see donated. (we also like peanut butter, but that’s easier for us to buy ourselves than non-peanut butters)
3) Canned or packaged tuna
You may notice a trend here in shelf-stable proteins. And yeah. That’s basically it, so I’m not going to keep harping on it. But this stuff is a godsend.
4) Easy breakfast things for kids (Granola bars, instant oatmeal, and the like)
Whatever Donald Trump tells you, most people who get food from food banks are actually working their asses off and so they have to leave Obama to raise their baby or whatever, and they don’t have a lot of time in the morning. Things like this that kids can make for themselves are expensive. (Another trend you may be noticing–donate shit that costs a lot of money. That helps us more than all the shitty green bean cans in the world) But they are so helpful for busy working families where the parents may not have a set schedule and sometimes little Amanda is making her own breakfast before she runs off to school. Don’t let kids go to school hungry.
5) Shelf-stable juice
This is one people never think of! But if you show up with a bunch of (preferably reduced sugar stuff) bottles of juice at my door, oh man, you are gonna get so many check mark and okay hand emoticons. This stuff is great for kids, and it doesn’t require refrigeration until it’s opened, so it works great for food drives.