@prolix-principality

Good Omens: Crowley, Aziraphale
Single chapter; 1,243 words.
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“What were you thinking… planting a tree just today under a flood?” he said, smiling.
“I wanted you to see him when you came back.” Crowley plunged deeper into the tub, pulling his hair back in and letting them float like red ribbons behind his back.
“A magnolia huh. Why?“.
Crowley muttered something in a very low voice.
"I don’t hear you, my dear.” Aziraphale was starting to undress, and his pale white-pink skin glowed, almost translucent in the steamy air of the bathroom.
“Like your skin” Crowley replied, now with only his eyes out of the water.
~
Warning: mild typos, tame

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley
Single chapter: 5,521 words.
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He really is beautiful, laid out like this. The lithe grace of his body, even at rest, the sheaf of red hair falling across his face, practically begging for a hand to brush it from his brow. Aziraphale knows (no, wonders, he reminds himself, in this story he doesn’t know at all) exactly how those silky strands would feel between his fingers. Wonders if there’s anyone, on earth or elsewhere, who knows what it feels like to touch Crowley like that.
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Warning: nsfw, brief food/alcohol mentions, somno, hypothetical dangers, noncon roleplay (sorta), plug-n-play genitals, gag

Homestuck: Tavros, Eridan, Nepeta, Tabitha (OC), Mr. Heifer (OC), misc characters
Single chapter; 9,636 words.
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Tavros Nitram, a man from a noble family meets Eridan Ampora, a stranger who seems to have a serious affinity for boats. Friendship is formed.
But of course, being Tavros Nitram, he could never really have anything go the way he wants it to. Nothing at all.
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Warning: nsfw, some ableist language, brief mention of guns/vomit/a slaughterhouse, familial/physical abuse, mention of pregnancy, unwanted marriage, bittersweet ending, slightly confusing dialogue

Hades (2018): Theseus, Asterius
Single chapter; 4,602 words.
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Something felt not right. The beast’s breathing had only grown more heavy with Theseus standing before him; every inch of those muscles had drawn tense, and his ears were pricked with what Theseus could only assume to be animalistic interest. There was an electricity between them and it only mounted in the silence. This was how heroes felt before their trials, Theseus was certain. The anticipation, so palpable, and the line that drew him to his opponent, like there was nothing else in the universe but them. Excitement leapt in his chest as the minotaur’s hesitation must have caved to some other desire, for the beast shifted, his powerful limbs pulling him into a stand. But as he did so, his legs parted, revealing what he had been so fervently hunched over.
Theseus nearly dropped his sword.
~
Warning: heat/rut, breeding kink, mentioned violences, brief choking, insufficient lube/pain during sex

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley, A Nightengale
4+ works; 4+ chapters; 16,840 words.
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Crowley and Aziraphale get down to the task of interpreting Prophecy 5004… as well as fill each other in on just what happened to them this afternoon, banter, reminisce, banter, philosophise, and banter.
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Warning: illustrated, footnotes, food, alcohol, mentioned canon character death/fire/violence, implied plant abuse, (brief!) hypothetical gruesome injury/violence/flaying/decapitation/tooth damage, (brief!) choking on liquid, (easily skippable) discussion of sex,
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Podfic Available - ShinyHappyGoth

StarGate SG1: Daniel, Vala
Single chapter; 100 words.
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in the garden i did no crime. - “raspberry swirl”, tori amos
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Warning: food

Fansplaining on Twitter

open to responses until March 1st!

Good Omens: Crowley, Aziraphale, misc characters (mentioned)
Single chapter; 4,978 words.
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Aziraphale flattens her features into her bitchiest unimpressed look. “Trying to tempt me to sin, wily serpent?”
Crowley groans long and absolutely without any hint of a whinge, whatsoever and flops her arms dramatically over the back of the sofa. “Angel, come on.” Despite herself, she feels a genuine pout tugging at her mouth. “It’s cold outside.”
~
Warning: nsfw, food, alcohol, urine mention

StarGate SG1: Sam, misc characters (mentioned)
Single chapter; 100 words.
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i’m just a girl, all pretty and petite, so don’t let me have any rights. - “i’m just a girl” – no doubt
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Warning: mentioned off-screen violence, (brief!) nsfw/sexism mention

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley, misc character (mentioned)
Single chapter; 948 words.
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Aziraphale sees himself, really seems himself, for the first time after his surgery. No more bandages to hide under. He gets to see himself as he truly is
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Warning: food mention, surgery aftermath, body thoughts, vague mention of unsupportive family

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley, Gabriel, Newt, Anathema, Saniel (OC), Neriah (OC), Tracy, Shadwell, Trinal (OC), Raphael (OC), Michael, Uriel, misc characters
16 chapters, 70,543 words.
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The paths of two angels and a demon collide in front of the careful eyes of the cathedral. One, flightless and isolated, a shell of his former self who longs for Earth. The other, so cruelly set in his purity that anything else is unbearable. And the demon, on a mission that could change everything about the nature of Heaven itself.
All one can do is breathe. The other can only hope.
~
Warning: food, alcohol, multiple character deaths, murder, violence/bodily injury/hitting/hair-pulling/blood/torture, attempted rape, intentional maiming/broken bones, shame/stoning, emotional abuse and manipulation, memory tampering, fire, “wh/re”/ “g/psy”, unexpected and unwanted touch, home invasion, (brief!) mention of skinning/sex-worker disparagement, (brief!) hypothetical suicide/sewage/vomit, non-graphic sex mentions, bile, binary gender language, a little hazy on the timeline, minor typos

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley, misc characters
2 chapters; 8,048 words.
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Aziraphale follows the trail of a book onto a pirate ship and is attacked with a dagger forged in Hell. Lucky for him, the pirate captain’s an old friend hereditary enemy.
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Warning: illustrated, food/alcohol mention, minor character death, mild violence/bodily injury/blood and wound care, infection/fever, memory loss/delirium, mentioned loss of limb

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley, Hastur, misc characters
6 chapters; 23,875 words.
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After Nope-mageddon, Aziraphale feels more confident and relaxed. He no longer feels like he needs to keep Crowley at arm’s length for their own protection. He can finally tell Crowley that he cares about him more than “friendship” can describe.
But he doesn’t want there to be any chance for miscommunication. But directly talking about feelings in the past with the demon tended to be uncomfortable, so he would need to be a little subtler than that. Of course, human flirting wouldn’t work. They already enjoyed traditional human dating activities together, but only as friends. Aziraphale needed something that Crowley couldn’t possibly misunderstand.
Well, perhaps he could research what counted as demonic methods of courting someone. That should be familiar enough for Crowley that he would understand Aziraphale’s intentions. What could possibly go wrong
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Warning: food mentions, alcohol, mentions of canon-typical death, various hypothetical violences/self harm/decapitation, graphic threats, non-graphic discussion of sex, bodily injury/discorporation, misunderstandings, (brief) insects/maggots

Hades (2018): Asterius, Theseus, misc characters (mentioned)
Single chapter; 1,501 words.
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Frankly, the paradise that was Elysium was not anywhere near as quiet as Asterius thought it would be.
Today was proving to be a loud day.
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Warning: nsfw, mentioned voyeurism (accidental), comparisons, (brief!) “slave”

Good Omens: Crowley, Aziraphale, Hastur, Ligur, Bee (Beelzebub), misc characters (mentioned)
3 chapters; 11,050 words.
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Fed up with his colleagues mocking him for his non-existent love life, Crowley lies that he has a boyfriend, then lets his imagination run wild. Much to his surprise, mere hours after describing his “boyfriend”, a man perfectly fitting said description walks into the plant nursery where Crowley works. Assumptions are made. So is a convoluted plan. Ezra agrees to pose as Crowley’s boyfriend for a few weeks because what harm could it do? It’s not like they are going to fall in love for real, is it?
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Warning: illustrated, food, alcohol, outside amatonormativity, unexpected kiss, (brief!) hypothetical drowning/suicide, plant abuse, confusing dialogue, mildly confusing typos

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley, Gabriel
Single chapter; 5,358 words.
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At 11:03 every Friday, Aziraphale gets completely distracted from his work by the appearance of a certain insanely attractive and flirtatious window cleaner.
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Warning: brief food mention, nsfw thoughts, heights and potential dangers, some unpleasant physical symptoms, invasion of privacy, inappropriate behavior in a workplace

Good Omens: Beelzebub, Dagon, Hastur, Mephistopheles (OC), Asmodeus (OC), misc characters
Single chapter; 888 words.
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Hell’s best temptation agent absconding with an angel has left a mess for the C-suite executives at infernal HQ. Meeting transcripts reveal how demonic leadership is adapting to this unexpected challenge.
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Warning: food, mentioned discorporation/canon character death/bodily injury

Good Omens: Ezra (Aziraphale), Crowley, Anathema, Adam Young, Griane (OC), Hastur, Ligur, Beelzebub, Juliet (OC), Michael, Tracy, misc characters
23 chapters; 95,124 words.
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Ezra and Lord Crowley continue to build a life together, as the world swirls on around them. Does a dark prophecy threaten everything?
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Warning: non-graphic/implied sex, food, excessive alcohol, violence/torture/public execution, magic/compulsion, (brief!) mentions of death in childbirth/suicide/eating someone/drugs/insects, symptoms similar to dementia, brief nightmares, mistreatment of staff, unpleasant character deaths/grief/discussion of war, baby swaps, (past!) parent/child death, mention of (past!) dubious consent, typos
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Sequel to Faeted, Part One

Good Omens: Ezra (Aziraphale), Crowley, Beelzebub, Gabriel, Griane (OC?), Hastur, Liger, Michael, Uriel, Tracy, Anathema, misc characters
18 chapters (plus an announcement); 62,962 words.
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Ezra fell is an English professor at a prestigious academy for boys. Crowley is the lord of the Unseelie court in the lands without sunrise or moonfall. Somehow fate will bring them together.
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Warning: illustrated, implied sex, food/alcohol, magical captivity/roofies/compulsion/torture, kids in potential danger, non-graphic animal torture, character death, insects/spiders, (brief! unclear if hypothetical) mentions of being eaten alive, various threats/mentioned decapitation, physical violence/fighting/head trauma, abuse/psychological violence, “pet”, power imbalance, fighting/arguments, symptoms similar to dementia, pica/eating things that aren’t food, minor typos
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Sequel Available - Faeted, Part Two

Good Omens: Crowley, Aziraphale
Single chapter; 388 words.
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“M’not doing anything wrong, am I? Can’t a bloke kiss his fella in the park?”
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Warning: illustrated, tame

Good Omens: Crowley, Aziraphale, misc characters
15 chapters; 31,244 words.
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Anthony Crowley, proud owner of Eden (Producer of Fine Flowers and Bouquets since 2008), didn’t expect to find love in his life. Ever. He had his plants, and what more could a florist want? But when Aziraphale Fell, a slightly fussy, altogether chaotic bookshop owner wanders into his shop looking for a bouquet, he begins to question what he really wants at all.
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Warning: food, brief alcohol, plant abuse, allergies, potentially dangerous behavior, (brief!) mentions of spiders/death/cancer/drugs (weed), hypothetical murder, unpleasant metaphors,, (past) parent death/parent related trauma/abuse, self-deprecating thoughts, discussion of sex, brief! disordered eating, fire, misunderstandings, interruptions, mildly confusing POV swaps

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley
1 chapter; 7,633 words.
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“It’ll be great! I know allll the tricksss,” he insisted. “I’ll get you sorted. You’ll be counting celestial sheep in no time. My gift to you, now that we’re retired. Retirement’s made for a lie-in.”
While it would be a stretch to say that Aziraphale’s good sense caught up with him in that moment, some amount of higher brain function kicked in and started frantically underlining possibilities.
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Warning: food, alcohol, dreams/nightmares, anxiety

Good Omens: Beelzebub, misc characters (mentioned)
Single chapter; 851 words.
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During a rare quiet moment in post-Notpocalyptic Hell, Lord Beelzebub ruminates on how things have come to this point.
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Warning: mentioned cult/violations/Falling

Good Omens: Aziraphale, Crowley, Pepper, Adam (Young), Lucille (OC), Effie (OC, mentioned), Matt (OC), Anathema, Newt, misc characters
23 chapters; 64,243 words.
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“You’ve lost the children!”
“We’ve lost the children.”
“The children have been lost.”
Pepper Galadriel Moonchild-Fell does not want to be sent to live with her distant, career driven mother. Adam Crowley does not want to be shipped off to military school by his slightly satanic grandmother.
They both think that their fathers should stop being idiots and fall in love already.
No one is going to listen to a pair of eleven year olds though.
~
Warning: nsfw, food, excessive alcohol, intoxicated sex, fighting/bodily injuries/assault, (brief!) mention of throttling/spiders/vomit/excrement/medication/plant harassment, water, children in unsafe situations, hypothetical/fictional unpleasant deaths, tied up (not the fun way), intimidation/unwanted touch, some sexism/cissexism, (past!) parent death, multiple car crashes (one fatal, past), brief gun/ableist language, somewhat confusing POV switches, minor typos

Hades (2018): Theseus, Asterius, misc characters
Single chapter; 2,389 words.
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“Hail, monster!” he shouts, puffing out his chest as far as it can go, letting his spirt form glow bright and luminous. “I, king Theseus of Athens, have come to challenge you once more!”
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Warning: food mention, main character death, body invasion/immobilization/captivity, non-graphic sex mention

Good Omens: Crowley, Ezra/Aziraphale, Anathema, Newt, Agatha (OC), misc characters
13 chapters; 37,528 words.
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When middling angel Aziraphale is assigned as guardian to one Anthony J Crowley, aging playboy and heir to an industrial fortune, he finally has the chance to prove himself to Heaven and earn his place on Earth. Armed only with the compendious yet vague Binder of Guardian Angel Protocols, he must learn to trust his own instincts if he is to stop Crowley from self-destructing.
Anthony Crowley has been living his life in the shadow of a tragic incident from his past. He never expects help to come from the most unlikely quarter: a dowdy, yet intriguing, bookseller named A.Z. Fell.
Neither of them expects to fall in love. But on this crazy place called Earth, anything can happen. Can’t it?
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Warning: nsfw, food/alcohol, major character death (and beyond), (brief!) cancer/drugs/gun/bodily functions/self harm/eating disorder mentions, 2020/Covid-19 & riots, thoughts about cults, vomit/unsanitary conditions, body thoughts, toxic parents, belated discussion of STIs/“clean”, past parent death/drowning, transphobia, car accident (no one hurt), suicidal ideation, water, minor typos

Good Omens: Crowley, Aziraphale, Anathema, Tracy, Sandalphon, Beez, Newt, Hastur, Ligur, Uriel, Dagon, Michael, Gabriel, misc characters
12 chapters; 43,684 words.
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Anthony J. Crowley, owner of a failing joke-shop, and Aziraphale, bookshop proprietor with an overbearing family, meet as contestants on a blind dating show. They form an instant connection as roommates but soon find themselves at odds as they compete to win the top spot, and the favor of the same lady.
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Warming: (easily skippable) nsfw, illustrated, food/alcohol, unpleasant metaphors, mentioned abandonment/sexual harassment/animal excrement/urine, abusive/toxic family, manipulative behavior, exceedingly awkward situation, past death mentions, body thoughts/shame, brief violence, fire/arson, brief dream/mention plant harassment, jokes about (potential) prostitution

Good Omens: Crowley, ‘Phil’ Aziraphale, Mum (OC), Michael
Single chapter; 2,090 words.
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Crowley’s mum would really like them to have someone special, so she tries to arrange introductory meetings between them and eligible women. At one of these, Crowley maybe makes a different arrangement of their own.
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Warning: food mentions, brief potential misgendering, “cult”, implied plant abuse, brief thought of death

Good Omens: Crawley/Crowley, Aziraphale, misc characters
17 chapters; 27,081 words.
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The first time Crawley meets the angel, the celestial being is twisting its shining white robe in its fingers and looking wretched. It hardly spares him a glance as he shifts from snake to human, and Crawley is a touch put-out. It’s taken some practice to be able to do it so fluidly.
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Warning: nsfw, food, (sometimes excessive) alcohol, brief vomit mention/excrement, mild violence, death mentions/decapitated (statues), unexpected kisses, manipulation/fighting/betrayal, description of Falling/mild body horror, memory tampering, brief suicidal ideation, smoking (cigarettes), choking
~
Podfic available - Podfixx

Good Omens: Crowley, Aziraphale,
Single chapter; 416 words.
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He’s going for the milk when he sees the words Crowley’s left for him on the fridge, just at eye level, so Aziraphale wouldn’t miss them:
morning angel
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Warning: food