I haven’t made a Criminal Mind post in a while, and that is mostly because I’ve kind of stopped watching it, and have fallen back into random YouTube videos. But I felt like making another one as they get a lot of love.
Spencer Reid and Penelope Garcia carried the show and you cannot convince me otherwise!
Also if I don’t have a relationship with someone like Garcia and Morgan, then I don’t want it.
So I know no one gives a shit about my opinions on movies and my last post about the sequel trilogy [ST] But honestly I want to continue talking about these crap movies. So now that we got that through, lets start.
1) Jar Jar Abrams start this movie by basically ripping off the concept of the OT [Original Trilogy] The First Order [The empire] has taken over with a dark side user [Kylo Ren in this one, and Darth Vader in the OT] with a more powerful dark side user in the background pulling all the strings [Snoke and Creamy Sheeve respectfully] With an opposing side that happening to be small in numbers, [The Rebels and The Resistance(What they’re resisting, no fucking clue, but it sounds nice)]
2) Rey Palpatine (I refuse to use the other name) is the protagonist of this story, and just so happens to live in a desert planet, you know like Luke. And happens to be the most laziest character Jar Jar and Kathleen Kennedy ever created. She’s kind, and friendly and her only flaw is that she doesn’t have any family. She’s a scavenger, yet has so much proficient in the force, you would think she’s been training for decades. She has great skill in flying ships and fixing them, that you would think, it would at least be a throwaway line. But nope, she has no reasoning for knowing how to fly or fix ships and the only reasoning we really have is that, Jar Jar wanted it, so he put it in. And throughout this movie and following ones, she picks up skills like their pokemon cards because fuck hard work. Now Rey pisses me off, not just because of her lazy character, but because during all the movies, nothing ever fucking happens to her, she doesn’t get hurt to an extreme degree like Finn, She doesn’t go through a huge revelation, all that happens is that Rey loses Han (someone she barely knows) then she magically beat Kylo,( who if you don’t remember has years even decades over Rey in training) and then decides to find Luke. And that leads to the third problem…
3) The movie is too full. for being a movie that is 2 hours and 16 minutes, yes I fucking looked it up, this movie seems to drag on and not develop any of their concepts. Because while I fucking agree that Rian Johnson left fucking nothing for Jar Jar to work with, at least his story had some character development, and yes it dumb and breaks the world but I’ll take what I can get. All the main characters in this movie all ends up the same as they start off with. Rey is a happy and kind character with no past, turns to Rey is a happy and kind character with no past and force abilities. Kylo Ren is tangled up Christmas lights drenched in yogurt and acid, and turns into a tangled up Christmas lights drenched in yogurt and acid, who ends up Killing his father. But if you remember is haunted by that death by TLJ [The Last Jedi] Poe Dameron is a self assured Spit-fired Pilot and ends up a Spit-fired self assured Pilot who’s Not dead. Even the characters who do get develop, Finn and, oh my god, it’s only Finn, get’s completely rewritten in TLJ and gets the story arc redone just terribly. We can’t even talk about Han, Leia or even Maz, because Han doesn’t change and then dies, Leia doesn’t get enough screen time to show anything about this character, and Maz is supposed to Yoda in a yellow and female clothing, and they do shit with that too because it leads to this..
4) Maz Kanata and holy fuck, she’s literally the reason Han is dead. Maz yells very loudly to the entire cantina that Han Solo is here, which leads for the First Order to be notified. She somehow has Luke’s lightsaber [It doesn’t get explained, not even in the later movies] and somehow Rey is drawn to it, and leads to Maz giving advice, but you know the shitty type because it ends with Rey running away in the forest for her to get caught by Kylo. She tells Finn that he shouldn’t leave, and that it turns makes him severely injured. And if you don’t remember she does the same to Han, and he ends up dead. And her cantina gets fucking destroyed after being their for centuries, yet she couldn’t give a fuck. and it shows the true issue, Jar Jar and Kathleen Kennedy in extent doesn’t give a fuck about characters and just wants to to get from point A to point B with a lot of flashing lights.
5) Han Solo: Character Assassination. A character who developed into a man who was ready to risk it all for the rebellion. A character we loved in the OT is now broken down into his New Hope person all over again. Who apparently has scammed everyone in the galaxy? Um, Jar Jar, I know it might seem strange to you, but a smuggler needs people who trust him to get jobs and therefore receive income. But I guess I shouldn’t expect much from the same man that think a Smuggler would want to be easily known or recognized. Also Leia and him are either broken up or divorced and that makes me feel really happy to know a couple that I loved are no longer together and one of this dead. Because Han Solo is just there for fan service and to shoot his gun, because that’s what he’s here for to go pew pew. Oh and to die, that what all the OT fans wanted, One of the main three characters killed by their own child.
6) Subtle doesn’t exist in this movie, everything is given the delicacy of a hammer. We find out that Kylo or Ben, (I really don’t fucking give a shit) is the son of Han solo, by Snoke just saying, the droid is in the possession of your father Han Solo, like no shit I assumed that when you mentioned the Millennium Falcon. Who would you think I thought Kylo was the son of, Chewbacca? Finn’s story arc is the only one that makes you think, and brings a new aspect to the movies, and to the Stormtroopers. I just fucking wish we could do the same for the others Stormtroopers, because the other are killed with no regards that most of them, as Finn states were sold into this at a young age. Good job Resistance for killing all these people who was forced into this with no regards. How does a series that came like a decade before you (Star Wars: The Clones War Series) manage to develop the concepts that stormtroopers or clones are not mindless drones better than you. (The Rookie episode in the first season helps flesh out all the clones and they only have 25 minutes per episode, get you’re shit together Lucas Films) And these are only the examples I could think of, off the top of my head.
7) Rey is a great example of Sexism, but instead it goes the other way around then usual. All the male characters are laughed at and or ridiculed, but all the females are perfect and don’t need to change. One of the last scene is a great example of this, Kylo Ren, the one with years of training and two powerful masters who trained him, gets beat by Rey, someone who has no skill with a lightsaber and didn’t even know she could use the force until Jar Jar decided to pull it out his ass. Even Finn who has at least close quarters fighting skills under his belt couldn’t beat Kylo, and has to be saved by Rey. Now I will admit to being a feminist but Kathleen version completely differs from mine. Because while I believe both men and women are both capable of reaching the same level of skill, Kathleen think women should be able to do incredible things without working for it. And it clear by her stupid “The Force is female” Like shut the fuck up, the force was never given a gender, why the fuck are you doing it now? I also found out that most of the Crew in Lucas Film, happens to be female. and it’s clear who’s doing that. Again I am a feminist but I hate when people just have diversity for the sake of diversity instead of the person’s capabilities. It’s very vindictive of the Feminist movement, The Black Lives Movement and LGBT+ agenda as well, as we’re trying to make people see them as just like everyone else which they fucking are (I will not stand for any form of bigotry and if you don’t like something simply because of someone’s race, gender or sexuality, you are shit human being) , they just so happen to not be a straight white man. And that they have the same struggles as everyone else. Also we already had strong female characters in the series without the big emphasis on the fact that they have a vagina. As from the basis, Star Wars was never about gender and because of this we got fully developed character we could relate to.
Now Dishonorable Mentions
A) This movie is fucking 2 hours and 16 minutes long, yet it feel so unfinished
B) Jar Jar Abrams deep seated love for mystery boxes and how it get more screen time then the actual Character it involves (Rey)
C) The movie could’ve been great, they’re was definitely potential but it was dwarfed by mystery boxes and Visuals
D) Rey is not a Mary Sue in this Movie, she becomes one by the end of TLJ but she’s not yet. So I guess it one positive.
E) Jar Jar inability for world Building, and doesn’t even fucking tries to explain how the First Order even began to rise.
F) Poe Fucking Dameron, and the amount of time that is dedicated to him. I love him but come on, just make it someone like Han, as it could bring up the relationship between him and his son, which could then bring more emphasis when we reveal their relationship. But no lets bring up a character who we all assume is dead until about the end. And then does absolutely fucking nothing.
G) And Lastly when we see Han die, we don’t get a scene of any of the characters we give a fuck about and who knows Han mourn his death, instead we just have two characters who had about 15 minutes of screen time with Han, and Chewbacca. And it doesn’t get better because Rian Johnson decides in the second movie that we don’t need a scene of Luke mourning over the man who fought side by side with him and is his Sister’s husband. No Instead we get a scene of him drinking tit milk.
So that’s it, well for now, I’ll make another post for this if I have any more issues. But that it for now. I would also like to make it damn clear now, as I’ll probably continue this, that me tearing apart a movie is based soley on the technical aspects of it. And that if you enjoyed this movie, you are entitled to it, but you cannot defend this movie’s writing , because as I hoped I made clear, the writing is very much shit.
Ready for a rant on The Rise of Skywalker, because I fucking forget some of the things I want to say, so let’s continue
#1. Jar Jar Abrams must’ve hated Rian Johnson movie, because not only does he fix Anakin Lightsaber, but Kylo’s mask, and if you remember it was both destroyed when Holdo does the Holdo’s maneuver. So both Kylo and Rey must’ve really wanted these pieces so bad, they manage to get all the pieces. Oh don’t forget when Rey went to ‘The most unfindable place’[ actual quotes from TLJ, holy crap!] When Luke Skywalker catches the lightsaber, he says and I’m not shitting you, 'A lightsaber deserves more respect’ RIP to TLJ remember when Luke literally chucked the lightsaber, Jar Jar really hated TLJ.
#2. Oh and on the mention of the Holdo’s maneuver, because apparently Holdo is a hypocrite. Remember when Holdo kept yelling at Poe for his fuck ups, as it’s bad odds, because apparently her move was a one in a million chance! And don’t give me the crap that it was only Holdo’s chance, because don’t you remember the OT [Original Trilogy] where they can just jam their ship into other but I guess lightspeed jumping right at the ships was the best choice!
#3. Rose Tico wasn’t in this movie and honestly I was pissed, because as much as I loath the writing in TLJ[The Last Jedi] I found her character interesting and someone they could develop but JJ doesn’t even remember this character, she has to scan ship’s interior structure. Can you tell why I hate this movie, they don’t fucking develop anything, and its the last movie.
#4. Poe Dameron character was also destroyed in this movie, remember the fun loving character from the Force Awakens, well apparently he’s always grumpy because that doesn’t completely destroy his basic character. Then again, Poe is just another example of a meat puppet, they have no motives or personality, they just have to do what the director wants them to do.
#5. For anyone who is trying to defend this movie or heaven forgive, the characters, can I please ask you to rewatch the OT and then try to make those comments again. I have no qualms of people having opposing views but I will state my views and you can either agree or disagree, it will not affect me in any way. But I will not except people using the Issues of The OT as an excuse for the the New Trilogy, the issue’s in the OT are either miniscule or don’t ruin the movie going experience, for the New Trilogy it does!
#6. I just had to let that go as I make an amend, The writer of the ROS did state that Ashoka Atonna, was in fact dead but she could appear in other Star War product, I honestly don’t care because she’s not gong to be the same, but I will admit to my mistakes, that her death allegations are more on the fritzs.
#7. Kylo Ren finds out that Palps is apparently the voice of Darth Vader in his head, and it doesn’t completely shatter his world because if you don’t remember, Kylo is doing all of this to live up to the legacy of Darth Vader. So Anakin didn’t try at all to tell Kylo that it wasn’t him, and totally abandoned his family okay. But I will admit I found the scene cool, if only it wasn’t in this movie.
#8. I don’t remember if I mentioned this but Hux, my God! He was awful in this movie, he’s the spy and we don’t get any reason besides Hux hates Supreme Leader Kylo. Really I think Jar Jar was just pissed off that his character was turned into a mockery, so he just placed him as a spy to place the hero on their journey and help them when Finn and Poe were about to get executed. It would make sense if Hux tried to destroy the First Order from the Inside, as he would still hold his power, but what do I know
#9. Lando appears, for Fan service because what other type is there for this trilogy. And not only does he kill a random villager, and no gives a fucks about it. But he’s also fucking here, he just decided to live here after his and Luke’s mission, how many years ago? What about Bespin, the place you literally sacrifice the Rebellion for. We find out that Leia had notified Lando about their arrival, but that brings another question, why didn’t Leia told them to meet Lando as he literally the only person who has more information on the Wayfinder. But who cares because his entrance was awesome, and Star Wars were all about the battles, it was definitely not because of the characters and relationship, no it was definitely the pew pew aspect of it.
So I read the Colin Trevenou, or whatever his name is, script and honestly I really enjoyed it, of course it’s just the basics, but the concepts seemed interesting and wasn’t copying the OT. It was both original and made sense within the expanse of both the SW world building and even the two movies before it and honesty I wished they could make his version into a movie, I think I could at least enjoy it. But hey, that’s not how the cookies crumbled.
Now of course Dishonorable mentions!
DO is voiced by Jar Jar Abrams, but also he’s just there to give Sith information to the heroes.
An actual Honorable mention- George Lucas appeared in this movie, and one second of him was just a masterpiece, but seriously I just want George Lucas to buy the property of SW again
Back to dishonorable
Kylo chokes slam one of his followers into the ceiling because he questioned the fleet of ships Creamy Sheeve[ Palpatine] is willing to give him, because Kylo can’t except anyone challenging him.
The stupid scene of everyone but the characters were supposed to be connected to, mourning Leia death, just cut it out and keep the one with Poe, for God sakes. It so simple.
The plot Armour these walking infections are carrying, literally they cannot die even when one explodes, how is anyone invested in characters who we all know the director won’t touch because they’re the hero? [Except of Finn, he deserves so much more than this bullshit!, also come on Disney, you can allow a lesbian kiss why can’t we pair Finn and Poe?]
How did Palpatine get his resources, as Exegul, is stated to be a desolate place? Did he just steal resources, if so? Why is there no mention anytime of missing people, and resource, I know Jar Jar and Ruin Johnson doesn’t like world building but come on how does half of the things you write work! The last time we saw these characters, the heroes won! They shouldn’t be the minority or not know anything at all?
But who cares it’s just a stupid Star Wars movie, right? I will make one of these for FA and TLJ, just you wait, those two movies are not spared of criticism.
I’m sorry but who can take The Rise of Skywalker seriously, when, one! Emperor Palpatine is around after exploding twice! And even though his fucking ships can’t go up! He decides to sent a text message to everyone that’s hes back and is going to take over the galaxy. And that he apparently pooped out a very powerful force user[Snoke]
#2. Poe fucking Light Speed skipping, when it’s stated in the OT[Original Trilogy] that you can’t do it! And the fact that Rey, [Hermit crab] could’ve done it better, it’s from Chewbacca!
#3. Rey, Poe and Finn acting like they’ve known each other, when this is the first time we get to see them interact with each other.
#4. Passana, not only do they act as if the celebration will cause an issue, when they have no where specifically in Passana to go! Kylo Ren fucking pulls a necklace off of Rey’s neck, which causes many questions now!, but for the fact that they were going to be sighted anyways so why do it! Let’s not forget that Rey couldn’t levitate 6 people when the beginning literally shows her levitate herself with several rocks with no apparent struggle! But no it’s fine because they find the mcguffin, and Rey just heals the creature, who just so happens to be covering an exit!
So many fucking conveniences!
#5. Rey after finding the Mcguffin, leaves and almost gets plowed by Kylo, who if you remember doesn’t want to kill her!, so why the fuck, would he want to run her the fuck off! I guess it’s just for the visuals! Then Kylo explodes and doesn’t have a scratch on him, the plot Armour is strong with this one. And of course Chewbacca gets stolen by the First Order and when Rey tries to save him, she fucking shoots lightening out of her hands! I’m sorry but whatever happened to Force Lightening being one of the harded Jedi practice, which is why Palpatine is the only character who has it! You can’t just shoot out Force Lightening and especially a character who, compared to any other character barely had any practice!
#6. Babu Frick, a mechanic doesn’t have anything to store C3PO memory, and anyways, they find DO, so just have him read the Sith language and you don’t have to do this stupid scene, but Fuck it, let’s have C3PO death scene with literally no one’s he should give two fucks about! Because that’ll really pull on the hearstring
#7 Rey finds out she’s a Palpatine… and then nothing really changed. She doesn’t change and I have no fear that’ll she’d turn bad, she’s too good, too perfect and not in a positive way. She has a small hissey fit, but as soon as Luke tells her she’s not evil,she decides to defeat Palps.
#8. Leia is dead, and we have no reason for how it happens, let’s not forget about her stupid prophecy, her son[Kylo] will die at the end of her Jedi training, so she decided to give up her lightsaber to someone who will finish her training, killing her son, it’s so stupid and honestly as much as I love Leia, she shouldn’t have become a Jedi. But then again she does, so I guess it doesn’t fucking matters anymore.
#9. Force Ghosts can use the force! So why in the world wouldn’t they decide to come to Exegul to fucking destroy Palps, they can’t die! And don’t you dare tell me it’s because that specific planet has alot of force, because then why in the world would Luke go there! Since he wants to get away from the force! And even still, State that! Or make it fucking clear.
#10. Kylo turns good, so I guess, that’s okay, but how the hell did he find Rey on the Death Star, when A, you can only find it using the Wayfinder, B, It’s placed in an area where you have to be standing in a specific place and hope that the place did not erode or was scavenged. And don’t give me the stupid excuse was that the Wayfinder gives special coordination to the area, but, it you know how any map works, it doesn’t give you the exact place to stand, it gives you the general fucking location, and even still, if Rey, was an inch to the left, they would be shit out of luck.
The fucking End! Rey is told to kill Palps so he could inhabit her body, so she kills him….with two Lightsabers, do you remember the Prequels, Mace Window was a skilled opponent and was at his best form and his lightsaber just made Palps bald! But apparently all he needed was an extra lightsaber. Oh and the whole, be with me! Solely there for the director to say that’s the reason Rey won, not because she a Mary Sue, and can never lose, like seriously during the entire trilogy, she never fails or changes as a character. So apparently a force Diad can restore a force user to it’s full ability, I guess that gives us enough info on force Diads, it not like we not need anymore information, Ashoka is apparently dead! And don’t give me the crap about how the director said how she’s not, he’s just making up for his fuck ups. Kylo Ren heals Rey, and dies, not only can he heals someone with no experience, but even though when Rey heals Kylo of a fatal wound! She’s perfectly fine when Kylo heals Rey, he dies! Oh and don’t get me started on their kiss, honestly, that is not a kiss siblings have, and if your wondering, yes! Jar Jar Abrams told everyone that this kiss was meant to be a brother and Sister kiss! Honestly I can fix this, Rey dies due to Palps absorbing her powers, and only Kylo survives, and then Kylo kills Palpatine, it both a homage, to the original trilogy with a Skywalker defeating a Palpatine but it wouldn’t bring into question of Palpatine inhabiting Rey’s body. It would also be a great story arc for Ben[Kylo] as he like his grandfather, decides to become good because of someone they care for. And then if you want he could not die and save Rey, but personally I think these two infections should die together. It might be a somber tale but it would be a change from the original, and you could even show a new force user and then bang you have a new character to create a movie about. Honestly I just never really enjoyed this ending or movie, and the fact that the lat word a Skywalker utters is Ow, is just insulting to their legacy.
Dishonorary mentions: Rey took the Skywalker last name as her own, like Bitch, you did not deserves this, after you take all of their accomplishments and claim them as your own. It also makes no sense in universe as the only Skywalker, she was ever close to was Leia, and she continuously goes by in movies and books as Leia Organa, because you know, even if Vader was her father, she not going to take the name of the man who killed her only parents but also her people. So why not Organa or even Solo, Rey doesn’t have a great connection with Luke during The Last Jedi, so why the hell, would she go by that name, also, What about your parents Rey, the people who literally sacrificed themselves for you, I guess fuck them. BTW, I love the fact that Rey’s mother convinced Ochi, Ouchi? Doesn’t matter, she tells the a Sith assassin, that Rey is not on Jaku, literally word for word, very convincing.
Finn, has some force abilities and while I would love to see how he would react to this ability all he ever does is yell Rey, literally, take a drink everytime he does it and you’ll be blackout drunk by the halfway mark, it’s so annoying.
Jada is fine, but I hate that’s she just a Finn as woman, and their connection only goes as far as the fact that their both were once stormtroopers.
Honestly I enjoyed Zori Bliss’ character but she was so useless and was only there to shout encouraging words to Poe, and gives him the medallion, which, if we think about, shouldn’t work but I digress.
I’m totally done now, because I’ll fully admit, that any other complaints are caused by the Last Jedi,
Barry Allen and the rest of the fandom: Stop! What the hell are you talking about.
Can I also please note that I didn’t it find it brave when Iris decided to jump off a building in season 5, like Ralph can literally stretch his arm around the world, it was just plain stupid and was only meant to cheer Iris on and make Nora West Allen to forgive her
[PS. I lowkey love the actress Candice Patton, but I just can’t stand the character after season 1]
Did anyone else but me realized that Callum Turner is Eight years younger than Eddie Redmayne, yet he plays the older the brother.
Like? Cause I feel like it’s a compliment to Eddie’s youthful looking face, but like at the same time, I feel like Callum could feel a little bit offended that everyone probably think he looks older than his actual age.
I don’t dislike Seaver, but I don’t love her like I did for JJ,Emily, Tara,Blake, Callahan, Garcia, and Elle.
It’s not because the acting was bad, it’s just that the character was so bland and clearly a substitute for JJ. And because of that glaring issue, she was what I consider unremarkable, and I couldn’t help but struggle through Season 6 after Emily was presumably dead.