tw: dysphoria talk in these here walls
i’ve been having ~spicy gender questioning~ recently and one of my friends who’s non binary immediately just referred to me with they/them pronouns…
…and i wasn’t prepared for how i’d react and i swear something guttural in my soul just LEAPT OUT OF MY CHEST AND I FELT SO HAPPY. and in a youtube video about non binary questioning the person said “if you’re watching this video you probably ARE non binary” and i did a little happy stim in my chair.
like i’ve never felt emotionally connected to my gender but i’ve never really thought about questioning it or cared when people called me by she/her pronouns, but at the same time i feel very dysphoric about my chest and have no emotional connection to my reproductive organs. like if my doctor was to tell me tomorrow that i was infertile i’d be like *shrugs* okay, cool. didn’t want kids anyway.
i’ve genuinely hated my chest since they started growing. i was a dancer up until i was 15, so i was in the Itty Bitty Titty Committee when I danced. Then when I stopped they just EXPLODED and now i’m an F cup. F stands for FUUUUCking miserable. they cause me nothing but pain and i hate how i look in clothes with them, i swear i look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame in reflections. if i had all the money in the world i’d just yeet these sons of bitches off now.
i’ve told some people i want a breast reduction or SOME form of top surgery and some people (specifically older people) are like BuT wHaT iF yOu WaNt KidS or BuT WhAt iF yOuR pArTnEr LiKeS tHeM? first of all BRENDA, i don’t want crotch gremlins thank you, my cats and my friend’s kid get any semblance of maternal energy I have. I’ve already assumed my role as the cool aunt. SECOND OF ALL funny story my partner is also non binary and they would love my bazoingos at any size. they were the one who planted the idea in my head in the first place. so fuck you.